Love is...Blind

  “I am haunted every day. My conscience does not let me live. Every time I see Vicky, I see my baby sister. It is awful not being able to talk to her. I would love to bounce her on my knee and tickle her belly. I would love to hear her laughter.”

  Jerome had no idea what to say. He wanted to punch Gaston, but he wanted to feel sorry for him all at the same time. Gaston had been living on a jail cell created by his own stupidity, but the one who held the key to his freedom was Josie. Somehow he knew that if he helped Gaston, he would be helping Josie get rid of some of her demons. 

  “You know that finding the prints is not going to help your case with Josie. You need to sit with her and talk.”

  “I know that, but I don't think she would ever give me a chance to apologize. Besides how do you apologize for something like that?”

  “I don't know, but you need to do it. Now I have to go.” 

  “Find the killer. I don't want anything to happen to Josie or to Vicky. That little girl is all I have left, even if I don't get to talk to her.”

  Jerome was frustrated with the time he had spent with Gaston. Even though it had only been a few minutes, it felt like a lifetime – one he could have used to find Josie, and now he still did not know where she could be. He tried calling her again, but there was no answer. He drove to her mother's house just in case. He walked around the house. Everything was dark. Where could she have gone? He tried calling once more. There was still no answer. If he found her alive, he would be the one to kill her.

  He called Jones, he had not answered the phone all day either and it surprised Jerome when he finally heard a human voice on the other line. 

  “What is it Parker?”

  “Where have you been?”

  “Here and there.”

  “That's not an answer. We have a serial killer on our hands and you've been ‘here or there.’ What kind of crap is that?”

  “Who the fu...”

  “Stop it right there. I am your senior officer and we have a case to solve. Have you heard from Josie?”

  “Do you mean to tell me that she is not attached to your hip?”

  “Never mind. Once I find her I am going to attach a GPS to her. I will know where she is every minute of the day.

  “Good luck with that.”

  Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.

  Romans 12:9

 

  Chapter 18

 

  Josie had wanted to go to her house. She knew she could probably find evidence the cops had missed, but as she was leaving the school, the after-school teacher who took care of her daughter stopped her. 

  There were two things a parent was terrified of hearing, the first one being something bad that might have happened to your child, as in health or safety. The second one being your child has lice. Susie, the after school teacher had seen Vicky scratching her head, and when she checked, she had found the little critters crawling all over Vicky's scalp. Josie had no choice, but to go and buy something that might be effective in the eradication of such critters. Poor Vicky. She knew her daughter had been going through a lot in the last couple of months and now this happened to her. Vicky who had been demanding attention by misbehaving, was going to get so much attention, she was going to demand solitude. The house was not going anywhere. Vicky came first.

  The two of them walked to the nearest grocery store and bought lice medicine, and enough poison to kill any lice that might have gone in the furniture or bedding, and to appease her so called protector or body guard she bought enough ingredients to make a salad, bread and pasta with marinara sauce. She hadn't cooked in a while and she knew a homemade meal would make for a wonderful surprise. Oh! Who was she kidding? He was going to kill her once he realized there were critters anywhere near his impeccable home.

  He was just going to have to get over it. Her daughter needed her right now, and it was not as if she had brought the lice to the apartment on purpose. 

  As the two of them walked to Jerome's house loaded down with packages, Josie started to doubt her wisdom. The bags were heavy and they were cutting into her fingers. Poor Vicky was being a trooper, not complaining one bit. When they stopped for a little bit to rest their hands, a car pulled up next to them. The driver got out of the car and opened the passenger door. “I'll drive you home.” He did not give her the time to decline, but grabbed the grocery bags and put them in the car. Vicky was not happy with the change of plans, as she was happy to spend time alone with her mother. She dropped her bag and attached herself to his arm and bit with all her might. He pushed the child away from him. Vicky fell on the ground and Josie immediately moved to help her up. Jones stood there, grabbing his arm. “I didn't mean to hurt her.”

  “I know. Vicky what’s the matter with you? We don't bite.”

  He opened the door and Josie and Vicky got in. Josie was not happy to get in his car, but the bags were already in his car, and she did not want to be disagreeable.

  Josie could not understand it, as his kindness was obvious, but she still felt his hatred. If she told this to anyone, they would think she was crazy. Her own feelings were confusing her and making her feel extremely uncomfortable with this man, but Jerome had told her that he was a good man. 

  Later on, she would have a talk with Jerome. If this was a good man, she needed to give him a chance, and so far he was driving them in the right direction. She was going to relax and trust that everything was as it should be.

 

  Once at the apartment she had to face a different problem. “Mommy, I have to pee.”

  “Okay, baby. Soon we'll be inside. Wait a minute, please.”

  “Do you have the keys?”

  “Not really!”

  “How are we going to get in? I gotta pee.”

  “Hold on baby. I need to borrow your Bobby pin.” Her short criminal life was paying off. 

  Three hours later she had already put the medicine on her daughter's head and the sheets in the washing machine. While she waited for the medicine, she had made the bread, then, when it was in the oven, she had rinsed her daughter's head. She had also sprayed the furniture and had started combing her daughter's hair. Now she was cooking and she still had not heard from Jerome. Where in the world was he? She went to her phone to text him one more time, and realized that she had ten missed calls, all from the same person. Jerome was going to kill her. 

  She looked around searching for an excuse and did not see anything to help her. The bread was baking, the sauce was ready, the noodles needed to be cooked, but she did not see anything that she could use to help appease his anger. Nobody called that many times just to say hello.

 

  Fifteen minutes later, she still had not called him, and as soon as she heard the keys rattle at the door, she moved forward. She hoped to calm his wrath before he lost his temper in front of Vicky. The last time she had angered one of her boyfriends; he had slapped her right in front of Vicky. That had also been the last man she had dated. 

  Jerome opened that door, tired and defeated. He had lost the girls and had no idea where to search. He had even put out a B.O.L.O. (Be On the Look Out) on them. As he came through the door, he noticed a couple of things. The first one was the smell of bread baking. It had permeated the whole apartment. The second was the most beautiful sight he had ever seen in all his life. Josie was standing in the middle of the room wringing her hands and Vicky was on the floor watching television. They were safe.

  “Where have you been?” He asked.

  “Have you checked your phone? I sent you a text message.”

  “Yeah! Like hours ago.”

  “I should have let you know that I came here instead.”

  “Yes, you should have, or you should have answered your phone. I lost count on how many times I tried calling you.” 

  “Sorry, I put the phone on silent when I went in to work and forgot to turn it back on.”

  “Josie…”

  “I
am sorry…” both said at the same time. 

  “I was so scared. After I read your first message my heart stopped. I broke the land speed record trying to get to you, and when I didn't find you...Oh, God! You had me so scared. I thought that I was going to be too late.”

  As he spoke, he moved closer to her. His hands touched her hair feeling each strand, then tentatively he touched her face, as if he could not believe she was there and alive. His hands moved to her arms before he crashed her into him. Then his mouth found her forehead and his hands were back on her hair, and on her face. His lips followed his hands kissing her forehead, her cheeks and then her mouth. 

  Jerome's hands were roaming her back, pulling the shirt up as he was kissing her. Then he felt her hands tugging at his shirt. He froze. What was wrong with him? This woman was making him lose his sanity. 

  “I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. Excuse me.” He walked away.

 

  Josie wanted to cry at the loss she felt. It had been so wonderful to feel cherished and loved. She knew that it could not be, they had just met. The kiss had been exhilarating, tender and desperate, but it had not been love. She still felt the tingling on her lips the kiss had caused. Then she looked down and saw her daughter playing on the floor oblivious to her surroundings. Josie wanted to cry, instead she moved to the kitchen to boil the noodles. 

  She could not let herself fall in love with him. She knew it would end in heartbreak, but it was so hard not to dream. He was the perfect man. He was making her want the things she had already given up on.

  Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.

  Ephesians 4:2

 

  Chapter 19

 

  “What is that smell?”

  She froze for a second, but then assumed he was referring to the bread. “Bread...do you want a slice?”

  “Yes... Hmm...This is wonderful. Did you make this?”

  “Yes, it’s my way of saying thank you, but don't think that you are going to get off the hook that easy.”

  “What did I do?” 

  “We'll talk later. Right now, sit until the noodles are ready.”

 

  Jerome laughed, as he had no idea what to say. He did not want to talk about the kiss and he did not want to apologize for kissing her. He decided to follow directions, perhaps she would forget about it. He sat on the sofa, dreading what would come next, and started paying attention to the television. It was on, but Vicky was not paying any attention to it, instead she was playing quietly with her dolls. Somehow, having Josie and Vicky here felt right. Somehow the idea of a family did not feel so outlandish anymore. Somehow, coming home to a homemade meal made him want this. Life with a child was not as chaotic as he had pictured it. Vicky was actually well behaved. Yeah! This wasn't half bad after all.

  His thoughts lasted until he heard Vicky say, “You can't sit there. Mama put poison there.” 

  Jerome froze. He definitely did not need crazy females poisoning his house, his bed, his food, … the bread. He set the bread down. “Vicky come here.” 

  Vicky looked at him for a second, then she put her dolls down and went to him. He was surprised when she did not stop until she was firmly sitting on his lap. Jerome had no idea what to do. Between mother and child, they were driving him crazy. Did they not know about personal space? He did not want to hurt her feelings, so he ignored his instincts and felt his defenses collapsing from one moment to the next.

  “Would you please tell me about this poison?”

  “I have lice, but I'm not supposed to tell anybody.”

  “Lice?”

  “Yes, but mama already killed them. You can put your head next to mine. They are dead.”

  “Hmm. JOSIE!!”

  “Yes.”

  “Would you mind explaining this poison Vicky is talking about, and the lice.”

  Josie froze. She was hoping to avoid the subject a little longer, but here goes nothing she thought. “I had to spray the furniture, but it should be dry by now. She is clean, so you won't get any.” She hoped.

  “I don't get lice.”

  “You don't?”

  “Nope. Is dinner almost ready? I'm famished and the smell is killing me.”

  Josie went back to the kitchen, feeling more confused than ever. ‘I don’t get lice.’ Were the lice afraid of him? Did he think he was Chuck Norris? Then she smiled at the absurdity of lice being afraid of anyone. If he was such an arrogant fool, why did she like him so much?

  Jerome, who was a loner, was trying to figure out the feelings this child was giving him, and decided he actually liked them. He felt humbled by the trust she had put in him. He felt like a superhero.

  Then Vicky turned to his ear and whispered, “we came home with a man. I tried to fight him, but he was very big and very strong.”

  Jerome froze again. Every time he had decided to accept things, there was another piece of information that was telling him to run in the opposite direction as fast as he could. Take a deep breath he told himself. He would be calm when he opened his mouth again. 

   “Tell me more about it,” he said.

  And Vicky told him every detail. Jerome was going to kill Josie once Vicky was asleep. Was she planning on telling him? He was so glad he was single, but then Vicky continued, “are you going to read me a bedtime story today?”

  Jerome looked at the child on his lap. He had never had anyone read him a bed time story. His poor mother worked and then went to school. At the end of the day she was too exhausted to read anything. “Yes, if that's what you want,” he said.

  “I do. Momma brought a fairy tale book from school you can read to me.”

 

  Jerome felt awkward reading to this child, but when she demanded a kiss, his heart finished melting. He was drowning and he did not know if he wanted to be rescued.

  After he was done with Vicky, he came and sat next to Josie on the sofa. 

  Josie noticed how upset and tense he looked, and decided that the best defense was a good offense. After all, it had been his fault for not listening to her. 

  “I am extremely upset with you.” She said.

  “You are upset with me? Please tell me what in the world did I do?”

  “I begged you not to involve your partner, and you sent him to get us.”

  “Excuse me? Say that again.”

  “Don't act coy with me. You know perfectly well what I'm talking about.”

  “Actually, I don't have a clue.”

  “He came to pick us up, and I would have loved to refuse, but you told me to be agreeable.” 

  “Who?” 

  “Who do you think? Your partner, of course.”

  “Jones? When did you see him?”

  “Today when he gave us a ride home.”

  “He gave you a ride home? From where?”

  “The grocery store.”

  “He said nothing. Wait a minute, I thought you didn't like him?”

  “I don't, and Vicky likes him even less. She latched onto his arm with her teeth.” 

  “She is like a Chihuahua, biting the heels of the Great Dane. Isn’t she?”

  She laughed at the image the comment gave her, but then Jerome continued. 

  “I'm surprised you went with him.”

  “He might not be as bad as I thought, but he still gives me the creeps.”

  “So you have said.” Jerome was quiet after that. He had spoken to Jones and he never mentioned Josie. He had specifically asked him about her, and he had not mentioned seeing her. 

  Josie took advantage of his absent-mindedness and leaned into him. Automatically, he put his arm over her shoulders and drew her closer to him. She immediately relaxed into him. They sat in companionable silence for a while, each with their own thoughts.

  But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice
in you. 

  Psalm 5:11

 

  Chapter 20

 

  Jerome, still on the sofa, knew he had blown it the night before, but it had felt so right to hold her and it had felt even better to kiss her. He still did not know who moved first. One moment he had his eyes closed as he was trying to figure out the anger he felt at Jones for lying to him, then the anger was replaced by peace when he felt Josie snuggle next to him. 

  He could not even justify the feelings to himself, as on one hand he felt calmness and a sense of belonging, and then on the other he felt desire as his brain stopped working and his hormones took over. 

  He could not explain the tenderness he felt for her. He was so overwhelmed by the combination of feelings, he had a hard time thinking. He just wanted to go to her and have a repeat performance. 

  Their kiss had been hot and desperate. Somehow, she had ended up straddling him, which would have been disastrous, if a little voice had not brought them back to reality. If it had gone any further, he did not think, he could have stopped. Thank God for Vicky. 

  His body reacted just at the thought of Josie in his arms, but he knew a relationship with her could not last and he was not looking for a one-night stand. He wanted a lifetime and Josie was not a woman he could make a life with.

  He wanted a calm future with a woman who would understand him and accept him with all of his imperfections and Josie was just not that person. Life with her would be a roller coaster at best. He knew that they would disagree about everything. Then there was society. He might be strong enough emotionally to handle society's narrow-minded views, but Josie was too idealistic to see the injustice of the world. 

  He knew his family's opinion on interracial relationships and it wasn't a positive view. He wasn't worried as he could handle his own family, but he did not want to hurt them. His mother and grandparents had experienced racism first hand. How could he go and tell them that he was dating a white woman after he knew their experiences. Would his family accept Josie? What about Josie's mother? They worked together, and she was respectful and kind to him, but would she accept him as a potential son-in-law?

  Knowing what he knew of life allowed him to make wise decisions and he needed to keep Josie at a distance. For now, though, he wanted to remain cautiously optimistic, and he would not make any decisions until the killer was caught. In the meantime, he needed much prayer and meditation.

  He walked to the kitchen and found her making breakfast. “Are you hungry? I'm famished.” She said as she leaned in to him and gave him a kiss that would make any sane man lose his wits. Oh! He definitely wanted this. He wanted to hold her and kiss her, and he wanted... Prayer, he reminded himself. He definitely needed prayer and much distance from this temptation, but he continued to kiss her.