Faithfully Yours

deal with theunexpected and the unusual. The expression--"Steady as a spaceman'snerves"--had a very real origin.

  A closer look at Tee would have revealed the error of a quickclassification. He gripped his drink too tightly, and his eyes dartedrestlessly from side to side, as though searching, searching; yetdreading to find the object of their search. His expressive facecontorted in a nervous tic each time his eyes swept by the clock hangingbehind the bar. He glanced dispiritedly out the window at theperpetually cloudy sky and idly watched a rivulet of water race down thedirty pane. He loosened his collar and futilely mopped at his neck withthe soggy handkerchief, then irritably flung it to the floor.

  "Hey, Jo," he yelled to the bartender. "What's the matter with theair-conditioning? I'm burning up."

  "Take it easy," soothed the bartender, consulting a thermometer on thewall behind him, "it's eighty-five in here. That's as low as the lawallows. Can't have too much difference in the temperature or all mycustomers'd pass out when they go outside. Why don't you go into town?They keep it comfortable under the dome."

  "Don't this planet _ever_ cool off?" asked Tee.

  The bartender chuckled. "I see you don't know too much about Thymis.Sometimes it drops to ninety at night, but not too often. You ought tobe here sometime when the clouds part for a minute. If you're caughtoutside then, it's third-degree burns for sure."

  He glanced down at the nearly empty glass. "How about another rainbow?If you get enough of them in you, you won't notice the heat--you won'tnotice anything." He laughed uproariously at the hoary joke.

  * * * * *

  Tee looked at him disgustedly and without answering bent to his drinkonce more. He felt someone jostle his elbow and turned sideways to allowthe newcomer access to the bar. After a moment he wiped his forehead onhis sleeve. The bartender placed another rainbow before him.

  "Hey, I didn't order that," he cried.

  The bartender nodded toward the next stool. "On him."

  Tee turned and saw a barrel-chested red-haired giant holding up a drinkin the immemorial bar toast. He raised his own glass gingerly, but histrembling hand caused the layers to mix and he stared ruefully at theresultant clayey-looking mess.

  The redhead laughed. "Mix another one, Jo."

  "But--" Tee's face got red.

  "I came in here to talk to you anyway," said the giant. "You own the_Starduster_, don't you?"

  "Yeah, what about it?"

  "Like to get her out of hock?"

  "Who says she's in hock?"

  "Look," said the redhead. "Let's not kid each other. Everybody aroundthis port knows you blew in from Lemmyt last month and can't raise themoney to pay the port charges, much less the refueling fee. And it's nosecret that you're anxious to leave our fair planet." He winkedconspiringly at Tee.

  "So?"

  The redhead glanced at the bartender who was busy at the other end ofthe bar. He leaned closer and whispered. "I know where the _Elen ofTroy_ is."

  "The _Elen of Troy_?"

  "Oh, that's right, you wouldn't know about her. Eight months ago shecrashed on an uninhabited planet somewhere in this sector. So farthey've been unable to find her." He leaned closer. "She was carryingfour million in Penryx crystals."

  "What's that to me?"

  The redhead looked around briefly to make sure no one was in hearingdistance, then whispered softly, without moving his lips. "I told you,they can't find her, but _I_ know where she is."

  "_You_ know? But how--"

  "Look," said the giant, frowning, "I didn't ask you why _you're_ soanxious to leave."

  "Well?"

  "I'll clear your ship and we can pick up the crystals for the salvagefee. A million each, and all nice and legal. We can leave by the end ofthe week and be back in probably six months."

  "_Six months!_" Tee stood up. "Sorry!"

  The redhead grabbed his arm in a hamlike palm. "A million each in sixmonths; what's wrong with that?"

  Tee jerked out of his grasp. "I ... I just can't do it."

  "I don't know what you're running from," persisted the redhead, "butwith a million credits you can fight extradition for the rest of yourlife. This is your big chance, can't you see that. Besides, this planethas some interesting customs." He winked at Tee. "I can introduce you--"

  "I can't stay here," interrupted Tee. "You just don't understand."

  "Look," cried the redhead exasperatedly, "I'm offering you a fullpartnership on a two million credit salvage deal and you want to backout because it'll take six months. On top of that you're broke andstranded and your hangar bill gets bigger every day. If you don't takeme up on this deal, you'll still be sitting here six months from nowwondering how to get your ship out of hock--if you don't get caughtfirst. What do you say? What've you got to lose?"

  What did he have to lose? Tee gripped the edge of the bar till hisknuckles showed white. "No! I just can't do it. Why don't you getsomeone else?"

  "The slow tubs around this port would take years for the trip. I can seethe _Starduster_ has class."

  "Fastest thing in the galaxy," said Tee, proudly. Then earnestly, "I'msorry, you'll just have to find some other ship."

  "Think it over," said the redhead. "I'll wait. When you change your mindlook me up. Name's Yule Larson." He slapped Tee heavily on the back andswaggered toward the door. He turned and looked back. "Better go alongwith me. After six months they can auction off your ship to pay for theport charges, you know." The door swung shut behind him.

  * * * * *

  Tee sat down again and bent his head, nursing his drink. His eyes dartednervously around the room and came to rest on the clock. A shudder ranthrough him and he lowered his eyes quickly. As he sipped his drink hiseyes returned to the clock continually, as though drawn there againsttheir will. As he watched, the minute hand jerked downward and aninvoluntary gasp escaped his lips.

  The bartender turned quickly. "Anything wrong?"

  "N ... no, nothing." As he spoke, the minute hand moved again and Teestarted nervously, upsetting his drink. He sat for a moment watching thebartender mop up the spreading liquid, then abruptly got up and tossed ahalf-credit piece on the bar. He hurried outside, steeling himself tokeep from running. He paused just outside the door.

  _Stand still_, he told himself. _Mustn't run! Mustn't run! No useanyway. If I only knew when. If I just could stop and rest. If I had thetime ... Time! Time! That's what I need. Light-years of time ... Butwhen? When? If only I could be sure._ He looked up slowly at the murkycanopy of clouds. _If I only knew when!_ He looked indecisively up anddown the field, then squaring his shoulders resolutely, set out for theadministration building.

  At this hour the office was deserted except for a wispy-haired littleman who sat at a desk fussing with some papers. He looked upquestioningly as Tee came in.

  "Is my ship re-charged and provisioned?" asked Tee.

  "Uh, what's the name please?"

  "Tee Ormond. I own the _Starduster_."

  The clerk pulled a card from a file on the desk and studied it. "Ah,yes, the _Starduster_."

  "I'd like to pay my bill and clear the _Starduster_ for immediatedeparture."

  "Uh, very good, Mr. Ormond." He consulted the card again. "That'll befourteen hundred and eleven credits." He beamed. "We included a case ofRuykeser's Concentrate, compliments of the management." He handed acircular to Tee. "This is a list of our ports and facilities on otherplanets. Our accommodations are the finest, and we carry a complete lineof parts." He smiled professionally.

  "What about my key?" asked Tee, pulling out his wallet.

  "Uh, let's see, number thirty-seven." The clerk started for a numberedboard hanging on the wall. He never got there.

  Tee whipped a stun-gun from inside his jacket and waved it at theclerk's back. It caught him in mid-stride, and unbalanced, he crashedheavily to the floor. Tee glanced briefly down as he stepped over theparalyzed form, avoiding the accusing eyes, and snatched the magnetickey off the hook.
He forced himself to walk calmly across the fieldtoward the hangar that housed the _Starduster_.

  A uniformed guard stopped him at the hangar door. "May I see yourclearance, sir?" he asked, politely.

  Tee hesitated for a moment. "Oh, I'm just going to get something out ofmy ship," he said, smoothly. "The clerk said it was roj."

  "The clerk said? But he can't--" The guard tensed. "Mind if I check,sir? Orders, you know." He bent his head slightly as he pressed a knobon his wrist radio. As his eyes turned downward, Tee swung the stun-gunin an arc that ended on the back of the guard's head. As he leaped intothe _Starduster_ he was sorry for a moment that he hadn't had time torecharge the gun, and hoped he hadn't struck too hard.

  * * * * *

  OCTOBER 11, 433rd Year GALACTIC ERA

  Tee stepped out of the hangar and surveyed the twin suns. The palebinaries sat stolidly on the horizon, forty degrees apart. Their mingledlight washed down dimly on the single continent of the planet, Aurora.

  He started, as a man walked around the corner of the hangar. The manlooked at Tee searchingly for a moment, then asked, "Anything troublingyou, Tee?"

  "Why ... why, no, Mr. Jenner. You just startled me, that's all."

  "Well, how's everything coming?"

  "Right on schedule. We'll be ready for the final test by the end of theweek."

  "By the way," asked Jenner, speculatively, "how come you ordered theship stocked and provisioned, for the test?"

  "Why ... why I think she should be tested under exactly the sameconditions as she'll encounter in actual use."

  "We could have done it a lot cheaper by just using ballast," saidJenner. "After this, I want to personally see any voucher for over ahundred credits before it's cleared."

  "Yes, sir, but I just didn't want to bother you with details."

  "An expenditure of over two thousand credits isn't just detail; but letit pass. It's already done. Anyway, on the drawing board she's thefastest thing in the galaxy." He smiled. "If she lives up toexpectations, she'll make your ship look like an old freighter. We'vegot four million sunk in her so far, so she'd better check out roj."

  He put his hand on Tee's shoulder. "You're not worried about testingher, are you? You've been jumpy lately."

  "Oh, no, nothing like that, Mr. Jenner. I'm just ... well, I've been upall night watching them install the gyroscopes. Think I'll get somesleep." He yawned.

  Jenner cupped his chin in his palm and stood staring after theretreating figure. As Tee turned and looked back nervously, Jennerentered the hangar office. He spoke softly into the visiphone and in amoment the screen lit up.

  "Is this the prison administrator?" asked Jenner.

  "What can I do for you?"

  "My name is Jenner; Consolidated Spacecraft."

  "Yes?"

  "Suppose an escaped prisoner from Hades landed on Aurora?"

  "_No one_ escapes from Hades Prison."

  "Well, just suppose one did?"

  "I never receive information about escapees."

  "But you're the administrator here."

  "My job, as the title implies, is purely administrative. I merelyarrange transportation for our annual shipment of prisoners to Hades,and see that the records are kept straight."

  "But whom _would_ they contact in the event of an escape?"

  The administrator pursed his lips in impatience. "Hades has six billionprisoners at any given time. If one did manage to escape, they couldn'tvery well alert a million planets."

  "You mean you wouldn't do anything?"

  "As I said before, my job is purely administrative. Out of myjurisdiction entirely. Each planet has its own police force and handlesits internal crime in its own way. What's legal on Aurora might verywell be illegal on ten thousand other planets, and vice versa."

  "I see. Thank you." Jenner cut the connection slowly. He flicked theswitch open again, hesitated, and then closed it.

  * * * * *

  He walked out to where his gyrocar was parked, and in a few minutes setit down on the roof of Tee's hotel. Tee was just entering the lobby asJenner came in and they went up to his room together.

  "I'll come right to the point, Tee," he said, as soon as the door hadclosed. "I just talked to the local prison administrator for Hades." Helooked closely at Tee.

  "What's that got to do with me?" asked Tee, belligerently.

  "Wait until I finish," said Jenner, curtly. "I hired you to test-hop ournew ship because you were the best pilot available. I'm not interestedin your past, but most of the company's resources are sunk in thatship. If something goes wrong because the test pilot is disturbed ornervous, the company will be bankrupt. I'm not saying you're an escapedprisoner, but if you were, you'd have nothing to worry about."

  "What do you mean?"

  "The administrator told me he has no jurisdiction over escapedprisoners, so you see, if you had escaped, you'd have nothing to fearhere. You're out of their jurisdiction."

  Tee began to laugh wildly. "_Out of their jurisdiction! Out of theirjurisdiction!_ So that's the way they put it. _Out of theirjurisdiction!_"

  "Stop it!" said Jenner, sharply. "Do you want to tell me now?"

  Tee drew in a gasping breath and sobered. "What would I have to tellyou? So I'm the nervous type. So you hired me to test-hop your new ship.So I'll test-hop it. That's all we agreed on. What more do you want?"

  Jenner sighed. "Roj, Tee, if that's the way you want it, but I wish--"

  The visiphone buzzed, and when Tee flipped the switch, the worried faceof the chief mechanic sprang into focus. "Oh, there you are, Mr. Jenner.Glad I caught you before you left. We've run into trouble."

  "Well, out with it," barked Jenner. "What is it?"

  The mechanic cleared his throat nervously. "We were testing the maingyroscope when it threw a blade."

  "How bad is it?" asked Jenner.

  "Pretty bad, I'm afraid. It tore up the subetherscope unit so bad we'llhave to replace it. We can't get any on Aurora either. We'll have tosend to Lennix, and that'll take close to a month."

  "Roj! Knock off until I get there," barked Jenner. He slammed over theswitch, viciously. "Of all the rotten luck!"

  "Can't you get some plant here on Aurora to hand tool one for you?"asked Tee.

  "No, that's just it," replied Jenner. "It's a special alloy. The ownersof the process wouldn't give us any details on the manufacture. Anyway,even if we knew how, we couldn't duplicate it without their specialmachine tools."

  "Does that mean--"

  "I'm afraid so. The ship won't be ready for a month, now."

  "_A month!_ I can't wait a month."

  "_You_ can't wait a month? We've got four million tied up in that shipand you tell me _you_ can't wait a month."

  "Look, Mr. Jenner, I'll test it without the unit."

  "That's impossible. The ship would vibrate into a billion pieces as soonas it went into subspace. No! We'll just have to wait."

  "I can't wait," cried Tee. "You'll have to get another pilot."

  "Just a minute! You can't walk out on your contract. If it's a matter ofcredits--"

  Tee shook his head. "That's not it at all. I just can't stay that long."

  Jenner looked at him angrily. "Well, your contract isn't up till theend of the week anyway. We'll see what we can do about a replacementthen."

  * * * * *

  After Jenner had left, Tee sat smoking in the darkness. He placed hiselbow on the couch arm and cupped his chin in his palm. Then restlessly,he snuffed out his cigarette and rubbed his hands together. They feltmoist and clammy. He jerked nervously as a click sounded out in thehall. Only a door opening across the way. He bit the fleshy part of hismiddle finger and then began to worry his ring with his teeth. He litanother cigarette and dropped it into the disposal almost immediately.

  He got up and began to pace the room. Six steps forward. Turn. Six stepsback. Turn. Six steps forward--or was it five this time
? The wallsseemed to be closing in, constricting. His head felt light and histongue and palate grew dry. He tried to swallow, and a feeling of nauseacame over him. His throat grew tight and he felt as though he werechoking. Rubbing his forehead with the back of his hand it came away wetwith perspiration. He rushed to the window and struggled futilely withit, forgetting it was sealed shut in the air-conditioned hotel. He flunghimself at the door, wrenching it open and took the escalator threesteps at a time falling to his knees at the ground floor. A surface cabwas sitting outside just beyond the entrance. He flung himself in,breathing heavily and fumbling to drop a coin in the slot, pulled thecontrol lever all the way over.

  Twenty minutes later, the _Starduster_ hovered for a moment over Aurora,then shimmered and vanished as it went into subspace.

  * * * * *

  OCTOBER 2, 435th Year GALACTIC ERA

  The _Starduster_ materialized just outside the atmosphere of the planetElysia, and fluttered erratically downward, like a wounded bird. Ahundred feet from the surface, the ship hesitated, shuddered throughouther length, then dropped like a plummet, crashing heavily into a groveof trees.

  For Tee there was a long period of blessed darkness, of peace, ofnon-remembering, then his mind clawed upward toward consciousness. Thefear and uncertainty were with him again--nagging, nibbling, gnawing athis reason.

  He fought to close his mind and drift back down into the darkness ofpeace and forgetting, but contrarily the past marched in review beforehis consciousness: The twin worlds of Thole revolving about each otheras he fled down the shallow ravine before the creeping wall of lava,while the ancient mountain grunted and belched, and coughed up itsinsides. The terrible pull of the uncharted black star as it tugged atthe feeble _Starduster_. The enervating heat and humidity of perpetuallycloudy Thymis. Pyramids of gleaming penryx crystals piled high asmountains, and Yule Larson towering above the landscape, draininggargantuan rainbows at a single gulp; striding like Paul Bunyan acrossthe land in mile-long strides and kicking over the pyramids of crystals,laughing uproariously at the sport. And Jenner, grinning idiotically,pointing a thick finger at him and repeating over and over: "Out oftheir jurisdiction! Nothing to fear! Nothing to fear! Nothing to fear!Noth--"

  "Stop it! Stop it!" cried Tee, and a brilliant burst of light like athousand sky-rockets seemed to go off in his head. He shrieked like ananimal in agony, then fell back sobbing, bathed in perspiration.

  Something cool touched his forehead and he pulled away violently, thenas his head cleared he opened his eyes slowly. A blur of shadows andlight shimmering indistinctly, then suddenly like the picture on avisiphone the blurs coalesced and formed a clear image, and everythingwas normal again, the fear still hovering close, but pushed back for thetime being.

  A girl stood before him smiling rather uncertainly. The sweetness andcleanness of that smile after his recent ordeal washed over his torturedmind like a cooling astringent, and he smiled gratefully up at her. Sheput a cool palm on his forehead and as she started to withdraw it heclutched it in an emaciated fist and mumbled indistinctly throughcracked dry lips.

  She smiled down at him and smoothed back his damp hair. She pulled up achair beside the bed and continued to stroke his hair until his eyesclosed in sleep.

  He awoke ravenous and thirsty, but lay quietly for a time, luxuriatingin the feel of the clean soft sheets. He was in a simply but tastefullydecorated room. Three of the walls were made of transparent glass andthe warm golden rays of a type G sun bathed the room. Outside he couldsee green rolling meadowland, broken here and there by sylvan groves. Abrilliantly colored bird swooped down and preened itself for a moment,then raised its head and flooded the silence with melody. Faintly from agrove of trees came an answering treble. The songbird cocked its head tothe side, listening, then swooped upward on wings of flashing color. Asmall squirrellike creature bounded nervously up to the transparent walland sat on its haunches, surveying the room with bright beady eyes. AsTee's ears attuned themselves he was suddenly aware of chirpings,trebles, clearpitched whistles, and from somewhere in the depths of thegrove, a deep-pitched ga-rooph, ga-roomph.

  * * * * *

  A chubby little man with a round face and alert twinkling eyes enteredthe room. He seemed to radiate happiness and contentment. "Well, I seethe patient's finally come around," he said, cheerfully.

  "What happened?" asked Tee.

  "Your ship crashed just beyond that grove."

  Tee clutched at him. "The ship! How bad is it?"

  "I think you were in worse shape than your ship. You must have had itunder control almost to the end, though how you stayed conscious withspace fever is beyond me."

  "Space fever? So that's it. I remember getting sick and light-headed andjust before I passed out I flipped out of subspace and the automaticfinder, of course, took the ship to the nearest planet. I must havelanded by reflex action. I sure don't remember anything about it."

  "Well," the man laughed, "I _have_ seen better landings, but not whenthe pilot had a temperature of one-o-five. Anyway, you're safe now.Welcome to Elysia."

  There it was again. Safe! Safe! Tee raised up, then fell back weakly.

  "Is anything wrong?" asked the little man, alarmed.

  "N ... nothing, I just ... nothing!"

  The man was looking at him questioningly.

  "Elysia," mused Tee. "I seem to remember an old old myth brought fromthe original Earth." He waved toward the sylvan setting, outside.

  The little man smiled. "Yes, the old settlers named our planet well." Hecaught himself. "Oh, I'm sorry; I'm Dr. Chensi. This is my home."

  Tee smiled. "Well at least you'll have to admit I showed good judgmentcrashing next to a doctor's house." Then more seriously, "Thanks, doc,thanks for everything."

  "My degrees aren't in medicine," replied Dr. Chensi. "I'm afraid I hadlittle to do with your recovery. My daughter's the one who nursed you.Oh, here she is now." He raised his voice. "Come in, Lara."

  Since Dr. Chensi was using the only chair she sat down on the edge ofthe bed.

  "Here," said the doctor, teasingly, "what kind of nurse are you, mussingup your patient's bed?"

  She pouted prettily. "He's _my_ patient." Then looking down at Tee witha smile, "You'll be up and around in no time now."

  "_Time!_" cried Tee, raising up. "_What's the date? I've got to know!_"

  "You've been delirious for two weeks," answered the doctor. "Another twoweeks of convalescence and you ought to be as good as new."

  "But two weeks, I can't--"

  "Can't leave before then anyway," replied the doctor calmly. "I knewyou'd want your ship repaired so I had it hauled to the port. Won't beready for two more weeks. So you might as well relax."

  Tee bit his lip, and clenched his fists to keep from trembling. It was amoment before he could trust himself to speak without a quaver in hisvoice. "Nothing else I can do, I guess. Thanks, anyway. And by the way,there's enough credits in the ship's safe to pay for the repairs, I'msure."

  "I think we should start the patient walking tomorrow," said Lara, in amock-professional voice. She punched the ends of Tee's pillow. "Nowyou'd better get some sleep. You're still very weak, you know."

  * * * * *

  The days that followed were like an idyll for Tee. With Lara he wanderedthrough the parklike wooded groves. They sat near shaded pools and atewild berries while she told him stories of the founding of Elysia. Theyheld hands and ran exuberantly across the grassy meadows, and waded likechildren in the clear brooks.

  A thousand times, a word, an endearing term, sprang to his lips, andeach time the fear clamped his tongue in a vise of steel. A thousandtimes he wanted to touch her, feel the silkiness of her hair, the warmthof her lips, but each time the fear and uncertainty stood between themlike twin specters of doom, pointing and saying, "Fool! Why tortureyourself?"

  In the daytime when Lara was with him it wasn't so bad, but at night thefear an
d uncertainty crowded to the fore and blanked out everythingelse. It was then he prayed for the courage to kill himself, anddespised the weakness that made him draw back from the thought. If onlyhe could stop thinking. Make his mind a blank. But that was death, anddeath was what he feared. How long ago was it when he'd first realizedthat hope was an illusion, a false god that smiled and lied, and heldout vain promises only to prolong the torture?

  Then one day the word came that his ship was repaired. As though theword were a catalyst the terrible fear overwhelmed him, drowning outevery other thought, and he knew he had to leave. When he had no meansof leaving the planet he could partially close off his dread and waitresignedly. But now that the ship was ready, every moment he remainedwas an agony.

  He led Lara to their favorite spot by a quiet pool. She looked radiant,and smiled to herself, as though at a secret. He steeled himself andfinally blurted out, "Lara, I'm leaving tomorrow." He hesitated and bithis lip. "And ... thanks for everything."

  "Thanks?" She choked on the words.

  "I'm sorry--" he trailed off, lamely.

  "But ... but I thought--" She looked down.

  He reached out and gently touched her cheek. "Can't you see I _want_ tostay?" he pleaded.

  "Then why? Why?" She was