Unintended Heroes

Chapter Twenty Six

  A daffodil sat atop Noel hill, surveying the land it sat within as its unchallenged leader, pleased nobody dared to try and steal its patch. Had it any concept of life beyond its largest petal it would know that it had simply sprouted before anything else, as it did every year. The other flowers lay beneath the surface of the Earth. Seedlings waiting for the sacrificial daffodil to ensure they didn’t emerge in the midst of a warm snap before spring fully got going, and thus die within a week of being born.

  The sudden intrusion of five large, moving objects on to the hill threw the flower in to a panic. It had no idea what to do in response. It considered defending its place to the death, a flawed plan when even the slightest movement takes a week; a restriction that ruled out the second idea of ducking. It settled on trying to look so pretty nobody would wish to harm it, but not pretty enough to be picked and placed in a vase. Of the five creatures that strolled past only one even acknowledged its existence. That creature was named Brick and he was returning to his ship.

  “The eager daffodil. When will it learn that the patient man always wins?”

  “Not if he waits too long. Then nothing gets done.” Dandara fancied a verbal knockabout after the walk.

  “Patience is a severely misunderstood skill. It’s not all about the waiting. It’s about knowing when to be patient and when to act. It takes expert timing.”

  “It’s being lazy.” Dandara thumped her opinion down.

  “See the prejudice we patient men face? If we weren’t so patient we’d react en masse, then where would the world be?”

  “All the better for a few more productive members of society……” The pair continued to bicker as Spiritwind sensed Bettina closing in for a chat. Fearing the awkwardness he’d inevitably create he hid in conversation with Jam.

  “Good plan Jam.”

  “Plan?” It was clear Jam had no idea what the bald man was talking about. “Back there in the inescapable building we got out of.”

  “Building?”

  “Well it was appreciated. Not sure any of us would have thought of that.”

  “Have we met?” Spiritwind gave up and focused back on Brick and Dandara. They hadn’t moved beyond bickering.

  “Next you’ll be telling me it’s just a coincidence you landed on the same hill as us. You can admit you read about us and have been following us. I’ll even sign your foot if you so desire.” Brick spoke to the air around him as Dandara crossed her arms and replied.

  “You’re right. Where we landed has nothing to do with coincidence.”

  “Aha. I can’t believe I was right, and you’re admitting it. This hero code is joy untold.” Dandara walked away and towards her ship while explaining.

  “It’s no coincidence because all hero ships are programmed to search out the same type of landing spot. This is clearly the most suitable hero landing spot on the planet. Speaking of computers we’d better check what ours has been up to.” She motioned to Bettina to join her. “Probably thrown a teenage party and trashed all our ornaments.”

  “We don’t have any ornaments.” Bettina pointed out the flaw as she followed. She turned to wave to Spiritwind. He waved back clueless.

  “That’s because if we did have any ornaments the computer would throw a party and break them all.” It was an unarguable point.

  As the ladies disappeared up their invisible ramp and into their invisibility cloaked craft, Brick and Spiritwind stood aside each other. Brick proclaimed his observation.

  “That woman loves me so much it hurts her to say.”

  “I think if you try to claim she loves you to her face she’ll hurt you so badly you won’t be able to say anything ever again.” Spiritwind offered a cheeky riposte before jogging after Bettina. Calling her name she came back down the ramp.

  “What is it Spiritwind?” She feared her flirting bluff was about to be called. She hadn’t expected it to happen so soon, and as much as she was prepared for a cheeky snog she feared this may be a full on declaration of love.

  “We seem to be getting along quite well….” Bettina anticipated a date request at the very least. “….and I was just thinking, if you wanted, I mean I’ll understand if you say no….”

  “Spiritwind, just ask.” The cuteness of such nervousness was unbearable.

  “As you and Dandara have no information on where you’re going next, I wondered if you’d like to join us on our next planet? It’s always good to have some company, and we seem to be doing well as a team. All of us that is. Not just you and me or anything. I’ll stop talking now.” Every pore in Spiritwind’s body let out a bead of sweat, and a sigh.

  “The next planet? Of course.” A sense of both relief and disappointment flashed through Bettina’s mind. Perhaps she was beginning to like Spiritwind a little. “I’ll have a word with Dandara, but I don’t really see an alternative. Not that you’re our last resort, far from it.” Bettina wondered why she was feeling flustered. “Let me know where you’re heading next and I’ll sort the rest out.” She turned and headed back up the ramp, her hero suit feeling slightly tighter through confusion at her own emotions. Spiritwind called after her.

  “I’ll go and get directions off Jam.” Spiritwind walked away, flustered but elated. Passing Brick he noticed his friend's eye had grown red. Brick was rubbing it in an effort at a cure. “You’ll only make it worse rubbing it.”

  “I’m trying to generate tears to swill whatever’s in there out.”

  “Why don’t you just think of something sad?”

  Brick stopped rubbing and looked at his friend, blinking continually. “I am a man and a hero of the universe. Emotion alone could never reduce my granite heart to tears.”

  “You could think about the saddest thing in the world while punching yourself in the face. Combine emotion and pain.” Spiritwind was nothing if persistent.

  “Or I could just rub my eye.” Brick resumed the finger in the eye motion.

  “If you want the girl's way out.”

  “Aha you see. It’s gone.” Brick looked up with one eye wide open, the other’s blink frequency slowly reducing. “Or not.” The blinking doubled in pace as his hand shot back to the socket.

  “Honestly, sadness and punching. I’ll do the hitting if you want?” Spiritwind readied his hand.

  “If I could see you I’d give you the dirtiest look.”

  “How about you get on one knee and look up to the sky. I’ll flick it straight off your eyeball?” Jam stumbled over to the pair as Spiritwind steadied his balance in preparation to flick.

  “Eyelash in your eye? Always getting beard hairs stuck in mine.”

  “How?” Brick peered through one eye to query his captain.

  “I don’t know. Ask the beard.” Jam swigged at his flask.

  “I was asking the beard.” Brick maintained his ability for sarcasm.

  “Where are we heading next Jam? The ladies said if I give them the co-ordinates they’ll come with us.” Spiritwind remembered what he was meant to be doing.

  “They’re coming with us?” Brick decided to hold his hand over the problem eye and to let it blink until it got bored. “You see. You can’t fight destiny. Dandara Wall will bear my child, and it will be lovely.”

  “I believe you have some directions for me?” Dandara crept up behind them. She didn’t acknowledge Brick’s comment, choosing to wring every ounce of embarrassment from it rather than respond.

  “Dandara, what a surprise. Didn’t see you coming there, what with only one half of my peripheral vision working.” The tightening of her eyes confirmed to Brick she’d heard everything. He put it on his list of things to get over.

  “I’ve a copy somewhere.” Jam reached into his back pocket and pulled out a handful of paper and two squashed straws. “It’s on one of these. Not that one though, what even is that? When did I go there?.....”

  “You wrote them down?” Dandara scoffed at the nostalgic approach.

  “As much as I trust my Little Tub of F
un with my life and drinks cabinets she is only a power cut away from losing everything. I like to back up my files.” Jam continued sifting. “Shopping list, note to the wife, I’ve got a wife? Here it is: Earth franchise planet number two, early twenty first century, co-ordinates…Here you go.” Jam handed over the paper, with a straw. Dandara thanked him for both.

  “I guess we’ll see you there.” Dandara turned in a manner suggesting she would be setting off straight away. It was a novel approach for Brick and Spiritwind. They'd been planning a few hours faffing around first. Inspired by her method the trio clambered back on board The Fun Tub. Spiritwind had a thought as they did.

  “If we’re heading to the early twenty first century on an Earth franchise planet, is there a chance they’ll be another version of us?”

  “Anything’s possible.” Jam had never meant a sentence more.

  “Imagine a world with two of me. It would be like heaven only better.” Brick followed up his thought by tripping and falling up the spiral staircase in Jam’s foyer.

  “Let’s hope heaven has an A & E department.” Spiritwind stepped over his friend as Bobby welcomed them back. Success comes in many forms, but rarely does it lie in a heap with a weepy eye.

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