4 Go to Dumdumland

Where has the chair gone, they all wonder? Somebody must have taken it. But everyone in Dumdumland is hiding. Except them. And the Giant, of course. But, so far so good. He hasn’t seen them and they haven’t seen him.

  “Maybe he’s taken Dad’s chair,” says Freddie, trying to be helpful.

  “Why would a Giant want with Dad’s chair?” says Mia. “His bum would be way too big.”

  “Ice cream,” says Sami.

  “Ice cream?” says Claudie. Key words like ice cream, lollies or cake always get her attention.

  “Maybe someone gave the chair some invisible ice cream and it disappeared,” says Sami.

  “Have you ever seen a chair eat ice cream?” says Mia.

  Sami isn’t going to give in easy. “It might. This is Dumdumland.”

  “No,” says Mia, “somebody must have taken it.” But who?

  “Goodbye, again.”

  It is the familiar voice of Dumdum Dog, greeting them. They all turn and say “Goodbye.”

  “Why aren’t you in your secret hide-away?” says Sami, “the Giant might see you.”

  “No he won’t,” says Dumdum Dog. “He’s gone back to his cave.”

  “How do you know?” says Mia.

  “Didn’t you hear the bell? They ring it when the Giant’s gone.”

  “No,” says Mia. “We doesn’t hear a thing.”

  “That’s probably because it hasn’t got a clapper,” says Dumdum Dog.

  “You mean the bell doesn’t make any noise?” says Mia. “What’s the use of a bell you can’t hear?”

  “We don’t want the Giant to know we know he’s gone.”

  “So how do you know when it’s safe to come out?” says Sami.

  “Simple,” says Dumdum Dog. “When you can’t hear the bell ringing.

  “But it could just mean the bell hasn’t been rung,” says Mia.

  “Correct!” says Dumdum Dog. “Fools him every time!”

  “That’s so stupid!” says Sami.

  “They don’t call it Dumdumland for nothing,” says the dog.

  And calling out “Hullo” he lollops away.

  People are beginning to appear on the street again, relieved that the Giant has left. Stalls are being set up and people starting to sell stuff.

  “Hot Dogs! Get your Hot Dogs here!”

  The kids, who – apart from a couple of licks of invisible ice cream – haven’t eaten since breakfast, rush over to a cheerful-looking man at a Hot Dog stand. Unlike most people in Dumdumland he seems totally normal.

  “Four Hot Dogs, please,” says Mia.

  “Only got two left”, says the Hot Dog Man.

  “But there’s four of us,” says Freddie.

  “Don’t worry,” says Sami. “We’ll share like Mum says.”

  “Good idea,” says Mia and turns to the Hot Dog man. “I’ll have one and they’ll share the other one.”

  “That’s not fair,” says Sami. “We should have half each.”

  “Half each!” says the Hot Dog Man. “What kind of monsters are you?”

  “We’re not monsters,” says Sami.

  “We’re hungry,” says Freddie.

  “How can you eat these?” says the Hot Dog Man, reaching under the counter and bringing out two cuddly Terriers.

  “They’re not Hot Dogs,” says Mia.

  “They are so,” says the Hot Dog Man. “I stole them myself this morning.”

  Sami is curious. “What if the owners see them and want them back?”

  “They can have them.” The Hot Dog man looked about to make sure no one is overhearing, “For a certain amount of money.”

  “How much?”

  “Depends on what I can afford.”

  “You pay the owners to take their stolen dogs back?”

  “Yeah. Am I a big crook or what?” He turns to people passing by. “Hot dogs. Get your Hot Dogs here.”

  “You haven’t seen anyone carrying an office chair, have you?” says Mia.

  No, he hasn’t. But anything to do with lost property they should try the Mayor’s Office.

  So that’s what they do. But the Mayor’s clerk – still with the underpants on his head – blocks the way into the Mayoral office.

  “You can’t see the Mayor,” he says, “he’s busy.”

  The kids can see the Mayor through his open door. He has his head on the desk, snoring like a happy pig, making his papers rustle.

  “He’s not busy,” says Freddy. “He’s asleep.

  “He’s busy sleeping,” says the clerk. “You can see it takes up all his time.”

  “Maybe you can help us,” says Mia. Secretly she doubted it. A man who wears his underpants on his head doesn’t seem a good bet. But she told him about the missing chair anyway.

  “If anything goes missing in Dumdumland,” the clerk says, “the Giant has taken it to his cave. Which means it’s lost for ever. And that’s that.”

  “But we can’t get home without the chair,” says Mia.

  “Maybe we can go and ask him for it back,” says Sami.

  The clerk gave a chilling laugh. “Don’t even think it!” he says. “Nobody who tried to reach the Giant’s cave has ever come back alive.”

  “What if we ask him nicely?” says Sami.

  “He doesn’t know the meaning of the word. And you’ve got to get there first!” He points to a map on the wall. “First you have to get past the Bubbling Bubbles, then the Fairies and then –

  “Fairies!” says Sami “Maybe they can teach me to fly.”

  “Not these Fairies,” says the clerk. “And talking of flying. Pigs can attack you from the air at any time.”

  “Why would that they do that?” says Mia.

  “They do what they are told!” says the Clerk. “I mean – they are nasty things. Who knows what they will get up to?”

  He returns to the map. “Then you have to face Pirates and Dinosaurs and—”

  “I love Dinosaurs,” says Freddy.

  “And they’ll love you. For Dinner.” He glares at the kids. “So whatever you do, don’t attempt to go to the Giant’s cave!”

  “But we have to,” begins Sami, “Or—”

  Mia cuts her short. “Of course we won’t,” says Mia, thinking that’s exactly what they are going to do. Sami catches on and shuts up. What choice do they have if they are ever to get home? They scurry out of the Mayor’s office to find Dumdum Dog waiting.

  “Like me to show you the way to the Giant’s cave?” he says.

  “Cool,” says Mia.

  They reach the spot where they first arrived. Dumdum Dog stops by the road sign and points out a track which leads towards a distant mountain. At the top of the mountain behind hovering black clouds is the Giant’s cave.

  “That’s the way,” he says. Mia, Sami, Freddie and Claudie set off up the track. Dumdum Dog doesn’t move.

  “I thought you were coming?” says Sami.

  “I’m not that dumb,” says Dumdum dog.

  “Well,” says Mia, “we have to.” And she skips off singing: “We’re so dumb, we’re so dumb, we’re so dumb, dumb, dumb. From the top of our head to our bum, bum, bum.”

  The others follow, tapping their bum when they say head and tapping their head when they say bum. Into the distance they go…on their journey to the Giant’s cave.

  CHAPTER SIX: Thinks Bubbles