Reasons for Recovery

Chapter 15

  September 16

  It was my eighteenth birthday and it was lonely like usual. I could not stop thinking about what Karen was doing wherever she was. I never knew how much I needed her. I never knew how much she affected my life.

  No one thinks about that type of stuff until someone they know is dead. That is when people bring the flowers and write all the songs about the person. All that stuff should happen when the person was alive, not six-feet under. And then they wonder why they’re so damn depressed. I should take my own advice.

  As I got dressed, I spotted Raymond coming toward the pool house with something in his hands. I could not see him clearly due to the mini-storm outside, so I ran into my closet to find clothes.

  I hurried and threw on some leggings and a long one-shoulder shirt before he walked in. “Hey, Raymond!” I said as I heard him come inside—he never knocked.

  “Happy birthday,” Raymond handed me a cupcake with a candle on it. “I’m sorry I didn’t knock. You probably wouldn’t be able to hear it with all the rain and thunder outside.”

  “Oh, I could see you coming,” I said. “This is cute.”

  “Make a wish!”

  “But I’m too old,” I teased.

  “Pretty please,” he laughed. “Just make a wish.”

  “Fine.” I did not make a wish, although I acted as if I did.

  “What did you wish for?”

  “Nothing special.”

  “Hmm.” I watched Raymond turn from joy to confusion as he looked around the pool house and saw my things packed. “What are you doing?”

  “What do you mean?” I said.

  “Why are all your things packed?”

  “Um, I thought it was best if I moved out since Karen you know…”

  “That’s a bad idea.”

  I blanked out as I remembered Karen’s note. If this was anyone else telling me to leave, I probably would not have listened, but it was Karen. It was her father so she knew best, plus I didn’t want her stalking me within my head. I also did not want to do something regrettable by staying.

  “Cassidy, if you leave, what will I do without you?” Raymond said. “We are like best friends. I thought you were my friend. Please stay with me.”

  I stumbled to my bed and put my head down, not wanting to look at him. “That’s not a good idea,” I muttered. “That’s actually a horrible idea.”

  “Why is it so bad if you stay?” he said.

  “It’s a long story.”

  In tears, Raymond threw the cupcake into the trashcan. “Please, we should grieve together. No one should have to go through this alone.”

  I sighed and walked over to him. “Okay, I’ll stay, just for a few more days until I figure out where I’m going. And I’m only staying because I know it’s hard for you right now.”

  “That’s good then. You had me panicking for a minute,” he smiled.

  “Well, I’m going out tonight,” I said. “For my birthday.”

  “Really? But it’s all rainy outside.”

  “Yup,” I whispered as I fixed my hair. “It’s just like a movie and a dinner—nothing outside.”

  “With who?”

  “This person,” I said.

  “A new girlfriend?”

  “Uh, not exactly.”

  “I thought we were gonna crash tonight and watch a scary movie.”

  “We will do that later.”

  “But…”

  “Later…”

  “Oh, well…um have fun.”

  It had only been two weeks since Karen passed away and I understood why Raymond was so needy. Not only that, but Marla had not been back home since the funeral. She moved out to be with her lover. I do not know how it worked out since her apparent lover was married. And Betsy had a new boyfriend, so we rarely saw her anymore. We made sure he didn’t have a car—but I think he did anyway.

  “How about I call the person who I was gonna hang out with to come over here,” I said.

  “Oh, no that’s silly. Go have fun. You don’t want to hang out with an old dad,” he said.

  “But, you’re not a dad...” GRRRRR why did I say that? I watched Raymond’s throat swell up and I ran to hung him. “I swear I say the wrong things at the wrong time.”

  “It’s okay,” he sobbed. “I should be used to it by now.”

  “I’ll go call the person right now,” I said as I threw my boots off. “I’ll stay here.”

  I hurried and called Jordan on the phone. He didn’t answer so like the teens of today’s generation I sent him a text instead of leaving a voicemail. I was sort of afraid to invite Jordan over ever since reading that note Karen left me; I never thought of Raymond the same. I did not want him to flip out on me and shoot us.

  Also, little did Raymond know, Jordan had been over every night since September ninth. If Raymond had known that, man oh man would he have been pissed. I could not imagine what Raymond would have done to Jordan or me.

  An hour later, the doorbell rang and I could hear it from the pool house. I hurried and put on my rain boots, grabbed my umbrella, and ran to the front house. Jordan had text me back saying he would be over in two hours, but I learned he was always sixty minutes off for everything.

  “I’ll get the door!” I shouted as I ran through the kitchen. “It’s just…my friend.”

  As I opened the door, Jordan looked gorgeous as always as he smiled ear to ear. His leather jacket was all wet and his boots squeaked as he entered the house. I brushed off his hair that had leaves in it and he kissed me on the lips.

  “Did you walk here?” I joked as I gave him a big hug. “Or did you get stuck in a hurricane?”

  “Nah, I rode my motorcycle,” he said as he kissed my cheek. “Happy birthday!”

  I blushed as he handed me flowers. “Thank you,” I said as I pulled him to the living room.

  Both of their eyes got large from god knows what, as they looked at each other. Raymond looked furious as Jordan approached the den. A face I had never seen on him before. And Jordan looked lost and naive—he had no idea what he was getting into.

  “A boy?” was all Raymond could get out.

  “I think I am,” Jordan laughed.

  “Raymond this is Jordan. Jordan this is Raymond,” I greeted.

  “How do you do?” Jordan said politely. “Is he your cousin?”

  “Uh…” I should have explained to Jordan over the phone why we would stay home. That would have made sense. However, everything in my life was complicated.

  I put the flowers in the sink. “Nope this is—”

  “I’m Karen’s father,” he answered for me.

  “Really? You look so young,” Jordan said.

  “Thanks. You look pretty familiar,” Raymond said.

  “Yes, I’m terribly sorry for your loss,” he said.

  Raymond rolled his eyes and sat on the couch. Like a big baby, he stretched his body across the couch, taking all the space.

  I walked to the television stand and dug around the DVDs. “Which movie do you guys want to watch? The Hills Have Eyes…or—”

  “Why watch a movie? Let’s talk,” Raymond said, cutting me off.

  “But, you said you wanted to watch a movie,” I said. “That’s the reason why we decided to stay home—”

  “So how old are you?” Raymond asked Jordan, ignoring me.

  “I’m eighteen.”

  “Do you have both parents?” he asked.

  “Yeah, I do.”

  “What do they do? They must have steady hard working jobs if they let a boy like you ride a motorcycle. Let me guess you smoke too?”

  Jordan smiled. “If I wasn’t mistaken sir, I would think you’re Cassie’s father—”

  “Ha!” Raymond shouted. “So, what’s your dad’s job?”

  “My dad is a doctor—”

  “What’s your mom’s job?” Raymond said.

  “She’s a flight attendant.”

  “Oh my gosh!” I gasped as I realized who J
ordan’s family was. I tried to think back to everything and how I didn’t know—

  “Your papa doesn’t happen to be Dr. Summings?” Raymond questioned.

  “Um…yeah?” Jordan said.

  “Wait, how is your dad Dr. Summings if your last name is McNeal?” I snapped in shock.

  “Um, I have my mother’s last name,” he said. “I told you my dad was a doctor—”

  “You said he was a children doctor!” I said.

  “He is!”

  “But he has taken care of me several times…”

  “Um, yeah you just turned eighteen. I mean he works with children and teens. I didn’t know I had to be so specific.”

  “And you didn’t tell me your mother was a flight attendant.”

  “I did to!”

  “You said she works on planes.”

  “Well, yeah she does.”

  “I thought you meant like she builds them or something crazy!”

  “So, your father is Dr. Summings?” Raymond jumped off the couch and shoved Jordan. “Get out of my house!”

  “What, why?” Jordan asked confused. “What is your problem?”

  “Your daddy is with my wife!”

  “Shoot, that’s your wife?” Jordan laughed. “Who hasn’t been with her?”

  “Get out!”

  “Oh my gosh!” I cried. “Please, what did Jordan do to you?”

  “I hate you and your Summings/McNeal family!” Raymond shouted. “I hate you!”

  “I hate them too,” Jordan said. “I hate my dad as much as you do. I hate how he cheats on my mom. I hate that he is with your wife. And I’m sorry.”

  Raymond crossed his arms like a toddler. “Just leave!”

  I pulled Jordan next to me as he walked to the front door. “Go around to the pool house. I’ll meet you there,” I whispered.

  “Okay,” he snapped.

  “The gate is open and don’t fall into the pool,” I said as I shut the door. I turned slowly to face Raymond’s pissed off face.

  “Were you trying to be funny?” Raymond asked me. “Who is he, your boyfriend?”

  “No, he’s not my boyfriend,” I snapped. “Why would you care?”

  “You’re such a…something. I knew you were seeing someone when I had went to the shed and heard voices from the pool house—”

  “Voices? What kind of sounds.”

  “I don’t know, but you’re so annoying! You hate when people sugarcoat, but you do it all the time!” he shouted at me. “Oh, I have no friends. Karen isn’t my friend we just talk. Jordan isn’t my boyfriend, he’s a person,” he imitated my voice. “You’re the biggest sugar-coater there is!”

  “How dare you,” I paused, “don’t try to take your anger out on me!”

  “What anger?”

  “You’re jealous of Jordan. You’re jealous because I’m still young and I can do young things.”

  “I’m not jealous of Jordan. He looks like he could be my dad!” he laughed. “Jordan’s wishes he could be me. Watch, in a few years that bad boy persona he has going on will fail him and he’ll end up in jail.”

  “He isn’t a bad boy. He comes off that way, but he isn’t.”

  “That doesn’t even make sense,” Raymond shouted. “Why did you lie to me?”

  “When did I lie to you?”

  “You never told me about Jordan.”

  “We never brought him up. Did you want me to tell you about him at Karen’s deathbed or maybe at the funeral?”

  “Whatever!”

  “I swear you’re just so annoying and bipolar! No wonder Marla left you.”

  “Funny, me bipolar. I’m not the one who is in and out the hospital because I can’t decide if I want to live or not.”

  “You’re such a little bitch sometimes. I would leave you too!” I shouted. “Just stop trying to control me!”

  Raymond grabbed my face and tried to stick his tongue down my throat. I shoved him away and he collapsed to the hardwood floor. “Ew, what are you doing?” I screamed and began to spit.

  “Cassie, I…I…”

  I wiped my lips, and stared at Raymond. “You have issues.”

  Before he could speak, I ran off to the pool house without putting my raincoat on. I busted through the doors as everyone always does and sat on the couch in tears. I couldn’t understand why Raymond chose me to obsess over. Why couldn’t he pick Betsy, I’m sure she had mental issues too. That would be pretty sick since she was about fifteen—but better her than me.

  “Cassie?” Jordan said as he spun around in my chair.

  “Huh!” I jumped up as Jordan startled me. “What are you doing here?”

  “You told me to come here!” he snapped.

  “Oh yeah,” I said out of breath.

  Jordan sat next to me on the couch and ran his hands through my hair. I turned my face toward his and we began to kiss for the millionth time. This time I didn’t feel his connection, maybe because Raymond had just swapped spit with me.

  “I have to study,” I said, pushing him away.

  “Study?” he gasped and then laughed.

  “Yeah, I have a math thing.”

  “Oh yeah, a math thing. You never go to class.”

  “I have a test!” I said. “So, I need to study. This is very important. I don’t think you understand we are now seniors in high school and we treat it like a game.”

  “Okay, okay, you want me to help you study? I’m excellent at math,” he said as he kissed my neck.

  I pushed him away and sat on my bed. “Nope, I can do it myself.”

  “Okay, I should leave,” he said.

  “Yeah, you should. I’ll see you at school on Monday.”

  “If you want I can drive you on my motorcycle,” he winked.

  “Bummer, I have to take Betsy with me,” I said.

  “Let her boyfriend take her.”

  “He doesn’t have a car.”

  “Suuree.”

  “He has a car?”

  “Don’t be such a ...mom.”

  “Okay then, maybe but call me before hand,” I said.

  “What is wrong with you? We can still go catch the movie. Is it because of Karen’s dad?” he teased. “I’m seriously over it.”

  “His name is Raymond and no it’s not because of him. It’s just—”

  “What?”

  “I want to tell you everything and I feel like I do, but I still have things I want to tell you,” I muttered. “There is so much about me you probably don’t even know.”

  Jordan climbed onto my bed and stared at me. “Like what do you have to tell me?”

  “Do you remember when I worked at the bowling center?” I whispered. “In the summer?”

  “Of course, I spent my whole summer there with the guys.”

  “Well, I was pregnant back then with Mark’s baby,” I said. “And I thought you should know.”

  “Where is the baby then?”

  “I lost the baby.”

  “How come you didn't find him?”

  “No, I mean the baby died. I miscarried.”

  “Hmm…I didn’t know you dated skinny boy Mark.”

  “We didn’t…it’s a long drunk story…”

  “I wanna know,” he smiled. “In full detail.”

  “No! I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “Then, why did you bring it up?”

  “I just thought you should know.”

  “Thanks for telling me,” he said. “So, about that math.”

  “I was kidding about that math, but you can stay,” I said. “Do you have any secrets you want to tell me?”

  “Hmm, none I can think about.”

  “Seriously?”

  “Believe it or not, but I have a really boring life. Your life is more entertaining than mine.”

  “I don't believe it.”

  I hated the fact that Karen possibly knew the things I was doing. She would probably be more interested in Jordan and me. She would freak if she knew about
her dad and me. I could imagine her gagging that her father attacked me for a kiss.

  I’m sure she is waiting for me to talk about it—she built a locker with a personal mirror and makeup kit just for us.