Reasons for Recovery

  Chapter 6

  August 12

  If you were a loser like me or had nothing better to do, my high school would let students come in two days before the first day to stock up their lockers and meet their up and coming teachers. I had the same bottom locker since ninth grade and since I hated changing, I never wanted a new one.

  “Cassidy White, you know the seniors can have any locker they choose, right?” Dr. Smith, the school principal said.

  I looked back at him and my eyes instantly went down to his huge shoes. I always thought he would buy big shoes and fill them with paper. However, one day I saw his bare feet at the bowling center. His shoes always caught my attention and I was not a foot freak.

  “Cassidy White?” he shouted.

  “Yes?” I said.

  “You know you can get a new lock—”

  “I like this locker,” I said. “I don’t want to change it.”

  As Dr. Smith walked away, all I could see was flying bright hair skipping toward me. I did not know if I should move out the way or just stand and stare at them.

  “Hi, Cassie!” Karen said, who had bright blue streaks in her hair. “What's up!”

  “Um, your Kasey right?” I said.

  “Don’t be silly, it’s Karen,” she said. “I told you she jokes a lot,” she whispered to a tiny girl who was standing next to her.

  “Is this your sister?” I said, trying to not act interested.

  “I’m Betsy,” she said and ran her fingers through her long blonde hair. “I’m going to be in ninth grade.”

  “Really,” I smirked as I stared at her frame, which was like the size of a five year old. Well, not literally but she was small for her age. “Well…it was nice to meet you.”

  “We were here for dance try outs,” Karen said. “You should join.”

  “Yeah, that would be cool. Like you could give us all the inside scoop of the seniors,” Betsy said.

  “No—”

  “Hi, Cassie,” Daniel, the head of the yearbook and anything else you can think of, said. “Well, we know Mandy passed away this past summer and it’s going to be a hard time for everyone here. We are going to do a memorial for her and we thought since she is your best friend, you—”

  “Can praise her and act like she was the best thing in the world?” I snapped. “Because she’s not. She isn’t as great as she seems. She was evil!”

  Daniel pushed his glasses back with his index finger and said, “Whoa, I’m sorry…I just thought it was a great idea.”

  I sighed and changed my thought. “It is a good idea. She would really love it.”

  Daniel ran his hands through his short black hair and smiled, “Okay then, we will rehearse tomorrow if you don’t mind. We like to have the ceremony on the first day back to school.”

  “Of course. It’s not like I have anything better to do than think about Mandy,” I said.

  “Okay, we’ll see you tomorrow,” he said and ran down the hall to catch up with his friends.

  Karen cleared her throat and waited for me to speak.

  “What?” I said as I arranged the notebooks in my locker.

  “You seem bitter,” Betsy said.

  “Well, you guys will soon learn that I was also known as 'Mandy’s shadow.’ And even when she is dead, somehow I still am and I’m sure she loves it.” I do love it!

  “Well, you guys were best friends—”

  I cut Karen off, “Yeah she is someone I want to forget about.”

  “Why?”

  “Long story; I have to go,” I muttered. “See you guys Monday.”

  “Bye!” they both said.

  I sat in my car thinking about how much senior year would suck. Without Mandy, I didn’t really have friends. She was always the person to get invited everywhere and I was always her plus one. It is not that I wanted friends either, it was just my life was so lonely especially since I didn’t have anyone to talk to about everything I was going through.

  Why don’t you tell everyone the truth? About how you ignore my calls!

  “Maybe I will,” I said. “And maybe I’ll tell them about how evil you are.”

  Just go ahead and cut yourself. You know you will! Just kill yourself!

  I dug into my handbag and pulled out you know what. I rolled up my windows and took a deep breath as I held the razor close to my skin.

  Don’t do it, honey. Please don’t. You’re breaking my heart.

  “Daddy?” I jumped and the razor slit deep into my skin. “First, you say you want me with you, now you're saying to stop it? You're confusing me!” I cried as I searched my back seat for a towel. As more blood dripped out, I grabbed the sleeve of my favorite purple jacket, and wrapped it tight around my arm.

  A sigh of relief.