Dandelion Wishes

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n Wishes

By Marissa Steidl

Copyright 2014 by Marissa Steidl

To a mother who always been there for me    and never gave    up on me.    To my brothers who never told me my dream was impossible. Your support means the world to me. For anyone that's supported and encouraged me, thank you.

-Marissa

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False Promises

You promised me

One day we

Would

Run away

Together.



And I

Believed

Every word

You said.



Because I

Didn't know

You were

Sick.



But you

Did.



You left

Me behind

With my

Demons.



And a pocketful

Of false

Promises.

Broken

I remember when

You first told me

Something was

Wrong.



It was 2 am

And you called me

Saying you

Could just barely

Breathe.



By then you knew

You were

Sick.



You sounded

Scared and

Alone.



So I got up

And drove to

Your apartment.



I took you

To the

Hospital.



Never left your

Side.



Not when the doctor

Told you the

Lung cancer

Was getting

Worse.



When he left

You asked me

If I was mad

At you for not

Telling me.



I was furious

But I shook my head

And said

Never.



Because you looked

Like I did before you

Found me.



Broken.

Shining Star

You got worse

As time

Went on.



Not even

The chemo

Helped.



I remember

Crying while you

Were asleep

One night.



Begging god

Not to take

You away

From me.



Because you

Will always

Be the shining

Star that

Pulled me

Back from the

Abyss.



Drowning

You were admitted

To the hospital

When you stopped

Breathing one

Night.



I sat by your

Bed every day

Refusing to leave

You.



Each morning

When I woke

You watched me

and said

"You look terrible."

Smiling but

I could tell

You were

Worried.



When you finally

Left me behind

And traveled

To the Heavens

I begged

"Please stay!"

But you were

Already gone.



At your funeral

There were only

Two people

Me and the pastor

No one knew

You died.



As they lowered you

Into the ground

My whole body

Shook like

It was

December.



And when I

Went back

To your place

I collapsed

On your bed

Sobbing and

I felt like

I was finally

Drowning.

The Abyss

When we first met

I was ready

To end it

All.



I was all

Alone cast

Out by a

Father who

Drank himself

Into an early

Grave.



Left by a

Mother who

Tried to pretend

I didn't

Exist.



Nobody would

Have stopped

Me.



Except for you.



You grabbed my

Arm and pulled

Me back.



Asked me what

My name was

While the rain roared

Down upon

Us.



"Which one?"

But you didn't

Understand what

I meant.



"Do you have different names?"

Yes all the different

Ones my father

Called me.



When I nodded

You just shook

Your head

"What do you call yourself?"

Hopeless.

"Joy."

An emotion

I can't

Remember feeling

Before.



"Darcy."

Said so softly

I almost missed

It.



We left for

Somewhere warm

And I never went

Back to the

Abyss.

Roots

We never talked

About our

Families.



One day a

Month after we met

My father

Found me

Again.



Or should I say

I found

Him.



His death was

In the

Newspaper.



He drank until

He couldn't feel.



To forget about

His no good

Daughter.



And the wife

Who left

Him.



You didn't ask

Me if I would

Attend his

Funeral.



Instead you

Came with

Me as I

Said good riddance

To the

Monster from my

Past.



Leaving behind my roots.



Darkness

You were the

First person

Not to give

Up on me.



Not when

I was ready

To give up

On myself.



Before I took

Care of you

You cared

For me.



Keeping the

Darkness at

Bay.

Forgetting

The other day

I went

To call

You.



Then I

Remembered

You were

Gone.



And I broke

Down crying

Again.



I keep

Forgetting you

Are gone

And never coming

Back.

Echos

I can hear

You in every

Room.



Your laugh

Echos through

My thoughts.



It's getting

Harder and

Harder not

To think

Your home.



When I close

My eyes I

See your face

Smiling.



When I lie

Down in

Bed I

Can feel

You next to

Me.



Why did you leave?

Empty Boxes

I can't bring

Myself to

Pack up your

Apartment.



Only to put

Your things

In boxes.



To be set

In the back

Of my

Closet.



It hurts

Too much

To see all

Of the photos

We took

Together.



So instead

I have a

Pile of

Empty boxes

In the

Corner of my

Bedroom.



Waiting to

Be

Used.

Worry Lines

I know you

Worried while

You were

Sick.

You thought

I might go

Back to my

Bad place.

And even though

I promised you

That wouldn't

Happen I

Lied.

Because I was

Scared I would

Go back

To the

Abyss.

You could always

See right through

Me.

There were always

Worry lines

On your face

When you were

Sick.

I think you

Gave me them

Because I still

Worry something

Bad will happen

To me.

First Kiss

I remember

Our first kiss

Like it was

Yesterday.



We had a

Picnic in

The park.



You wore a

Pretty blue

Dress.



Compared to me

You looked

Like a goddess.



I wore a

Sweater and jeans

Even though

It was

April.



I was still

Afraid you

Were just a

Dream.



And I wouldn't

Wake up at

All.



We stayed there

Until the sun set

Then you

Walked me

Home.



I was nervous

About what

Would happen

Next.



But those

Nerves disappeared

With our first

Kiss.

Secrets

Most of the

Doors to

Your past

Were kept

Closed.



All I knew

Was you

Left something

Behind.



Last week

The something

You kept locked

In your

Past found

Me.



You were going

To marry

The boy

Next door.



But in the

End you

Couldn't.



There was

No love

In the

Relationship.



I was surprised

When he showed

Up at

Your apartment

When I finally

Began to pack

Stuff up.



He was confused

When you

Didn't answer

The door.



"Is Darcy here?"

He did not

Hear the

News.



"My name's Paul."

I still couldn't

Wrap my head

Around the

Idea of him.



"I-I'm Joy."

When he asked

Where you

Were it

Took everything

In me

Not to

Cry.



Paul was not

As able

To keep from

Crying.



Because you

Were sick

Long

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