Take it Deep (Take 2)

  “What’s up, Missy? You don’t look too good.” Jessie said.

  “I can’t do this anymore, Jessie. I’m going to have to tell him and be damned of the consequences.”

  Her face beaming, she replied, “Oh, thank fuck for that. When are you going to do it?”

  “He wants to see me after work so we can visit Matthew together, I’ll tell him after that.”

  “Great, because quite frankly this has been killing me, so I dread to think what it’s been doing to you hiding it away from him all these weeks. Are you still worried that he’ll be mad at you?”

  I nod my head, “Yes, I don’t want him to push me away again. The thought frightens me to death, Jessie. I really don’t think I could take another rejection from him. He’s my Barn Owl.”

  Jessie looks at me like I’ve gone insane.

  “Excuse me, what?”

  “Barn Owl. They mate for life. Apparently the male is very aggressive when it comes to sex, that’s why they remind me of Jake.”

  She twists her face up. “Okay, maybe that was too much information there, I’ll have to take your word on that, but I’m glad you’re doing this. I personally think you have nothing to worry about. I just wish you would have told him sooner. He could have gone with you today. It’s wrong that he’s not there on all kinds of levels, Ana. He’s the father and he has a right.”

  “I know, I know. I’ll tell him tonight, and then he can decide where we go from there. At least the ball will be in his court and I will know where we stand with each other. I just don’t think you realize how terrified I am.”

  “Ana, this is not good for the baby. You need to focus on that, okay? No matter what happens, Jake will not abandon you. Just remember that for me.”

  I nod my head as she is right. I’m getting myself too stressed out and it can’t be good for the baby. I can’t just think about myself anymore. There is a very important person on the way that needs my devotion, and I’m going to make damn sure he or she gets it.

  When it gets around half past three, I decide it’s now or never. I was so nervous about whether everything was going to be okay with the scan that my head was swimming. I wanted everything to be perfect.

  I said goodbye to Jessie and headed for my car. I don’t even remember making the journey as my head was just everywhere but the road. I parked in a space near to the Reston clinic. It was kind of strange as it was surrounded by shops. There was a Walmart next to it and other shops beside it. It’s quite possible the clinic thought it was a good idea to put it there so the mother’s and father’s to be could go baby shopping after. I smiled thinking maybe that’s what I will do once I’m finished here. As long as everything is okay of course. The thought had my stomach twisting in knots.

  I walk through the door, depression hitting me as I see all the happy parents sitting waiting for their scan—and there was me, all alone. I gave my name to the Receptionist and she told me to take a seat as my OB/GYN was running a little late. Great, that was all I needed.

  I sat trying to bury my face in a magazine, but it was no use. I fidgeted and played with my phone wondering whether I was doing the right thing being here. Just like Jessie said, it was kind of selfish of me to keep this from Jake. He was the father and deserved to be here. I was starting to think that maybe today was a bad idea and that I should reschedule to give myself some time to tell Jake and see what he wanted to do.

  I buried my head in my hands trying to come up with a suitable conclusion and every one of them terrified me. In the end I thought it best to tell the Receptionist that I had to be back at work, so could I reschedule. That would be a good enough excuse. At least then I could blame some of it on them.

  My mind satisfied with its conclusion, I pulled my hands away from my face and looked up. That’s when I saw a figure in front of me. I gasped and tightened my hand to my chest. It was Jake.

  “Jake, how did you—?”

  “I followed you. I knew something was going on. I had my suspicions, but I had to check them out for myself.”

  “You knew?” was all I could muster. It was painful to think that I had put us through all of this when he probably knew all along.

  “I guessed by the way you’ve been acting lately, and then there was the police function and you didn’t drink. I’ve noticed you seem to have an ice cream fetish lately among other things, but it was the no drinking that kind of confirmed it for me. Why didn’t you tell me, Ana?”

  He places his hands on my arms and the comfort made it hard for me to look at him. I wanted to bawl my eyes out, but we were in public, so I forced the tears away. I didn’t want to do this here. He can see I’m upset, so asks me to hold on for a minute.

  “Excuse me, ma’am, is there somewhere a little more private we could go to? I need to speak with my beautiful mom-to-be here.”

  My heart instantly melted. He didn’t seem mad at all, he seemed calm, which was a great deal more than what I felt right now.

  The Receptionist smiled at Jake, obviously taken in by his charm. He can be intimidating, but at the same time, turn the charm on better than an expert with a snake. He’s so beautiful, my caveman.

  “Of course dear. Miss Sinclair’s OB/GYN should be here in about five minutes anyway. Why don’t you pop into Dr Foster’s room and you can wait in there? I apologize for the delay.”

  She moves toward the corridor, leading the way to Dr Foster’s room and leaves us in peace to wait.

  “Are you angry with me?”

  He shakes his head, “Angry with you. Ana I’m so mad.”

  I dip my head down, looking at the floor ashamed.

  “Madly in love with you, Ana-Lucia Sinclair.”

  I look up hopeful; his face is beaming back at me. I quickly match his smile as he races to find my lips.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked, breaking away.

  “I was scared, Jake. More than scared, I was petrified. I thought, you know, with what happened to you with Matthew and then Stella trying the same thing on you. I was thinking you would assume I was trying to trap you. You put your faith in me that I was using contraception, and I felt I had betrayed you. I was frightened that you were going to reject me.”

  He takes my face in his hands and looks deeply into my eyes, with those beautiful greens of his. The tears start and this time I don’t care. I held onto this for far too long and it was such a relief to get it all out. I felt so elated that he was here with me—that he still wanted me.

  “Ana, those other times were different. I was seventeen with Matthew, young and stupid. I wasn’t in love with her, or Stella. I was spending my whole life waiting for you. I knew that the very first day I laid eyes on you in La Bistro. You were, and always will be my happily ever after.”

  “Oh, Jake,” I sobbed. I took his lips to mine willing him to stop the tears. I was all too consumed by him that it was startling. I didn’t even realize Dr Foster was in the room until she cleared her throat.

  Jake turns toward her, “Oops, sorry,” he said a little embarrassed.

  She spots me crying and I smile at her. “Hormones,” I say as a way of explanation. She chuckles at that one, striding over to take her seat next to me.

  “I totally understand, not to worry. It’s only natural that you will sometimes feel the way you are. Talking of which, how are you feeling? Have you gotten over the sickness yet? I know you were having a hard time with it.”

  Jake looked frustrated and I could tell he wanted to tell me off again for not telling him. He refrained though, biting his tongue.

  “I’m fine now. I think I’m more than fine. I feel sort of alive, if that makes sense. It’s strange; I don’t know how to explain it.”

  She smiled, “Having children will do that to you, especially your first child. I’m sure you will be a fantastic mother.” She turned to Jake, “I take it that you are—”

  “The father, yes,” he said proudly.

  She motioned for me to lie down and hitched up my t
op. I looked across at the screen where our baby would be seen soon, and my heart raced. Jake grabbed my hand and squeezed it gently. He looked just as excited as I did.

  “This is going to be a little cold, so I apologize in advance,” she warned.

  Dr Foster was right, it was bloody cold, but I took it without a flinch. I was running too much on adrenaline to care.

  The image that came up made Jake and I gasp. I couldn’t believe that at only twelve weeks, you could see the image of a baby so clearly. She let us take it in for a few moments before starting on the measurements. I could only see black and white, but the baby looked perfect. I glanced at Jake, a tear in my eye and I could see water forming in his own. They made the color of his eyes stand out even more—if that were possible. He smiled at me and mouthed, ‘Our baby.’ I nearly choked on the tears I was so happy.

  We stared transfixed on this tiny miracle we had produced together in an agonizing night at a hotel in Fredericksburg. It seemed such a long time ago now.

  Dr Foster printed some pictures and told us that everything was looking about perfect.

  “It seems we are all set for the 2nd July. Congratulations to you both.”

  She put the machine away wiping the jelly off my stomach, before handing us the prints. They looked beautiful. Jake and I both stared at the pictures of our baby. In fact, we couldn’t keep our eyes off them.

  “I think we’re about done here, but I want you to know that I am here if you need anything, okay? If there is anything you’re unsure of, or you’re worried about anything in any way, please call me.”

  We both nodded our heads still in shock from seeing our baby for the very first time. Dr Foster smiled knowingly and we make our way to the car park, somewhat dazed by the whole experience.

  Jake turned to face me getting on his knees. “Jake, what are you doing? People are watching.”

  I looked around and could see we were starting to build an audience. He stared up at me and placed his head on my stomach.

  “I don’t care,” he said sternly.

  I place my hand on his hair, stroking him gently. He looks up at me again, tears in his eyes, as he places a hand on my belly.

  “Our baby,” he said lovingly.

  I pull my hand up to my mouth willing it to capture the sob escaping me. I could tell through my peripheral vision that the crowd was gathering. I even heard a couple of women go “Aww,” as he placed his hand on my stomach.

  “I didn’t want to do this here, not like this. I had it all planned. I was going to take you to the Planetarium in DC and ask you there. I don’t think I can wait any longer and I’m sorry for that.” He placed his hand in his pocket, trying to pull something out.

  “I’ve been carrying this around with me every single day for the last four months, waiting and hoping for the right moment to ask you.”

  I see the red velvet box and I nearly pass out. I can’t believe he is finally going to ask me the one question I’ve been longing to hear. I’m finally going to be his forever. I wanted that more than anything, needed it more than fresh air.

  He opens the box in front of me and I gasp again trying not to let the tears flow. I wanted to see the beautiful star diamond ring he had bought me. It was a single diamond, not too big, but not small either. It was perfect. Jake knew I didn’t like it too extreme and he certainly compensated for that. He couldn’t have picked a better ring.

  “Ana ‘insubordinate’ Sinclair, the love of my life, my reason to be. You are my swan—”

  “Barn Owl,” I interrupted.

  He raised that incredibly cute, but sexy eyebrow. “Whatever,” he said, smiling cheekily. “Will you make me the happiest man in the world and agree to be my wife, to have and to hold forever and ever? I’ll promise to never let you go again, Ana and I mean it. I want to give you the stars.”

  I think I just about lost it, especially when the crowd was shouting, “Say yes, say yes.”

  I looked deep into my man’s eyes. The man whose eyes I wanted to be the last eyes I saw when I went to sleep, and the first I saw when I woke up. There couldn’t possibly be any other answer than, “Yes.”

  Jake beamed and the crowd cheered as he placed that beautiful ring on my finger. It was the corniest and most beautiful proposal I had ever seen, and I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

  Jake finally rises and I jump into his arms savoring the sweet scent of his neck. I felt delirious knowing I would get to smell that every day for the rest of my life.

  We stood there for an age just holding each other in our arms, Jake carrying me like he always loves to. He stared intently and I was mesmerized by his beauty. Life couldn’t get much better than this.

  “So what do you say, soon to be wife of mine, don’t you think it’s finally time I took you home now?”

  I chuckled thinking of all the times he probably wished he could have said that to me. Again, there was only one answer to that question. “Yes please, soon to be husband of mine. I can’t think of anything else I would want more right now.”

  He looked at me questioningly. “Are you sure about that,” he asked with a grin.

  “Well, I’m sure there are some other things you could help me with, but we’ll need to pick some ice cream up first,” I say cheekily.

  “Oh baby, whatever you want. It would be my pleasure.”

  He wraps his arm around me so he could carry me better. I’m lying perfectly safe and cradled against his chest, as we head for the car.

  I started thinking about how different the situation was from just an hour ago until now. I was in the depths of despair, thinking of how I’m going to live my life without Jake permanently in it, and now I’m being cradled in his arms about to be his wife soon.

  The journey between us was hard and at times people would have given up under normal circumstances, but Jake and I always held firm. No matter whether we were apart or not, we still had each other, as there couldn’t possibly be anyone else. He was going to be my happily ever after. My reason to take a breath, to take it deep.

  My beautiful caveman, Jake.

  Jake Bennett

  Ana has just left the office and I’ll be damned if I’m going to find out what the hell’s been going on. I make arrangements to leave early so I can follow her. If she’s not going to tell me then drastic action has to be taken.

  It makes me feel sick to think that she may be carrying my child and going alone to an appointment without me. Why couldn’t she tell me? I couldn’t wrap my head around it. She’s been so up and down with her behavior lately and I could tell her body was changing. It made my cock twitch just thinking about it. She’s also been trying to dominate sex, which was as sexy as hell, but at the same time, I always want to be in control. Of course, I always manage to take over in the end. It just turns me on so much that I can make her feel the way she does. The noises Ana makes when I’m inside her are like sweet heavenly bliss to my ears. She always makes me come so hard. Every time it’s like a bomb has gone off inside me and I can never seem to think straight after. Ana could ask me anything and I’d give it to her. I’d give it to her anyway.

  I think about her having my baby and I smile. It is sooner than I would have wanted. I was going to marry her first, do things properly. But at the same time, I know I would be disappointed if I’m wrong about all of this. She must be so scared and it tears me up to think about it.

  The hours seem to pass by slower than a snail. At one point I thought time was going backwards. I couldn’t think about anything else apart from my precious Ana. I was starting to think maybe I should just call her in the office and ask her, but it wasn’t the right time or place to discuss whether she’s pregnant or not.

  At around three I kept a close eye on Ana. I was watching her every move just in case she seemed to be getting ready to leave. She looked like a frail child and the pain in my heart was all too much to take. I wanted so much to go to her and tell her that I love her, take care of her. If she’d let me of cours
e.

  Finally at three-thirty she rose from her chair to leave. I quickly ran back to my desk to grab my keys and set about following her. I was so scared she would notice me, but she looked to be in another world. Fuck, this was torture.

  I follow a couple of cars behind on a short drive to Reston and sure enough she pulls into a parking lot a few yards away from a clinic. My heart started racing as I watched her get out and walk the few steps up to the doors. I tried to calm my breathing, which by now was getting way out of control. I gripped the steering wheel, wanting to shout at the rooftops that my Ana was carrying my child. I was so happy, but also felt so sad that she couldn’t tell me.

  I didn’t realize my car was still stationary until a lady blasted her horn at me. I waved my hand at her apologizing and she smiled. Thankfully she wasn’t too mad at me for holding her up.

  I find a space shortly after and switch the engine off. I take a few moments wondering how I’m going to do this. What if she doesn’t want me there? It will hurt like hell if that’s the case, but I can’t leave her there alone to get on with all this by herself. I can tell her that I have a right to be there if that is what it takes. I’m the father and should be there to hold her hand, comfort her and tell her everything will be okay. At the same time I don’t want to come all caveman on her. I’m not sure whether she really likes that side of me. I just can’t help it at times.

  The last few months have been agony, especially since that night at the hotel. I thought I had won her back. I thought that she had forgiven me. When I woke early in the morning to find she wasn’t there I nearly tore the room apart. Instead I stayed and got hammered. I wanted the drink to erase her from my head, but it only brought visions of her scrambling through my brain. I ended up drinking so much I passed out. I wanted to be numb, wanted the pain to go away. I had never felt torture like that in my life.

  The memory of it all made me wonder if that was the night our baby was conceived. If that’s the case I have a huge order of flowers to ring in for Jessie when I get home later. She was the one who made it all happen. She was a good friend to Ana and I loved her for that.