Take it Deep (Take 2)

  “See boys, that’s where you two are going wrong. You need to treat a lady the way that they deserve to be treated. Maybe you could learn a lesson or two.”

  Tom quickly retorts with the ever big mouth that he’s got. “Yeah, I’m all for that, if the woman in question is a lady.”

  Jessie and I gasp and David gives Tom a high five.

  “Little assholes,” Jessie mutters as she storms off.

  “Oh dear, I think she maybe a little pissed at you Tom,” David says smiling at me.

  “Well, I think I had better leave before I end up catching a disease from you two. Excuse me, fellas.”

  I make my way past knowing that they’re watching me, smiling with my head held high. I know full well Mike is about the pull their ears off. Go Mike.

  I sit at my desk and stare at Jake’s door. The pain in my stomach comes back at me with full force. I have to will myself to hold it together, as I can’t back down now.

  A hand is placed on mine and I look across at Jessie.

  “You’ll be fine. You can do this.” Her face looks determined.

  I nod, thanking her, also counting my lucky stars that for a couple of hours into work, I never had to look at Jake’s face. He obviously doesn’t want to see me as much as I don’t want to see him. Things are thankfully quieter now since Tony and those burglars were caught, so luckily my workload is not overflowing. Not sure how long that will last. I’m grateful for the distraction though, and I’m glad I chose to come back to work.

  I think of everything that has happened throughout the last few days and remember about the forthcoming trip planned. I spare a few minutes to look on the internet and I find a government website where you can order your Birth Certificate. I punch in my name and my mother’s name and nothing comes up. I think for a little while and then decide to try it under my father’s name of Terence Jacobs. It thinks for a few seconds, but soon I have a hit.

  I look at the details listed and everything looks right. My name, date of birth, my father’s name and place of birth, but the mother’s name is wrong. It says Anabelle Lucia Jacobs, nee Thompson. I scroll down to find out more details and my heart stops at what I find. The words jump out at me like a Jack in a box.

  ‘Died in childbirth.’

  I fling myself up out of my seat causing Jessie to jump.

  “Ana, what the hell?”

  I stare into space for while unsure of myself, but then I realize what I must do.

  “I have to go out for a little while.”

  I storm over to Jake’s office door and barge my way in. Jake looks on surprised, but he seems pleased to see me.

  “Ana, are you okay?”

  I walk over to the chair opposite his desk and grip it tightly. “I want the address of my mother, Jake, where is she?” He looks at me confused.

  “Ana, I—”

  I stop him before he can say anymore. “Jake, just give me the address I need to see her. Right now.”

  He grabs a pen and writes the address on a sticky note, and hands it to me. It’s an address in Reston, so thankfully not too far.

  “Can I be excused for an hour, please?” He nods his head, but seems a little apprehensive by my sudden interest in my mother.

  I quickly fly out the door and run towards my car. People are looking at me wondering what on earth is going on, but I don’t stop to explain.

  I race to my mother’s address breaking all sorts of speed limits, but thankful not to get caught by the police.

  When I find the street I’m looking for, I drive down carefully to look for number 4113. I stop outside and see a little detached house with a row of pretty flowers along the front. I kill the engine, make my way to the house and knock frantically.

  There’s no answer and I curse the fact that it looks like she isn’t in, but then I spot that same car that was parked outside Jake’s house on Friday. I look around and see a side entrance to the house and wonder if she may be in the garden. I take a deep breath and make my way around toward the back, hoping and praying she’ll be there.

  I let out my breath as I find her sat on a chair admiring her garden. She looks content, but I’m not sure how long that will last with me here to spoil it all. She jumps up when she sees me.

  “Ana, I’m so glad you decided to come and visit. I felt terrible about yesterday and hope that you can forgive me. I didn’t mean—”

  I stop her feeling the anger rise, and the bile I want to spill burning my throat. “Who’s Anabelle Thompson?”

  Her eyes widen and she places her hand on her forehead. The name has definitely sparked a reaction.

  “Ana, please—”

  I put my hand up to stop her again, “Please just tell me the truth for once in your life. You owe me that much, don’t you think?” She sighs heavily and looks to the floor ashamed.

  “She was my half sister from our father’s side and I loved her dearly. Unfortunately I also loved your father in a way that I shouldn’t have. He never returned my love of course. He loved your mother too much, but I still would have done anything for him. He was the only man I ever truly loved with all my heart. When he went away, I promised that I would look after you until his return, but then he died. I was heartbroken and I didn’t know what to do. I knew I couldn’t give you away; you were my niece and a part of me no matter what; and of course, a part of him.

  “Before he went away he made me promise him that I would care for you and bring you up as my own if anything was ever to happen to him. I couldn’t break that no matter what. I did try to give you a good life. I don’t know, maybe you would have been better off being adopted by someone else who could have taken care of you and given you a better life than the one I gave you. I’m sorry, Ana, I really am.”

  Unsteady on my feet, I go and sit down so I can process everything that she has just divulged. Stunned into silence, I stare off into space, unable to force my brain into gear and speak. It is only when she tries to touch my hand that I flinch, pulling my hand back as I glare at her.

  “Don’t touch me. You don’t understand what you put me through. You have no idea of the shit I had to go through with Alan, do you? He was a monster. Why didn’t you ever see that? Did you know he visited my room and the vile things he did? Do you? He hurt me and you weren’t there for me.”

  Right then all the rage, sorrow, despair was pouring out of me in that one moment. For so many years I have kept it bottled up inside, not telling a soul of the pain I had to endure at the innocent age of twelve and thirteen. Sometimes I feel so rotten to the core about not telling anyone sooner. He could have been locked away from any other poor victims he may decide to unleash his evil on.

  The tears were starting now and my mum—if I can ever call her that—now looked on in shock.

  “I’m so sorry, Ana, I really am. I know your mum and dad would be ashamed of me for what I did. I want so much to take that away from you. You must believe me.”

  I wipe my eyes trying to compose myself. “Why do you do it? Why can’t you just settle down?”

  The tears were starting down her face now, as she tries hard to answer the questions that have been forever on my lips.

  “I’ve never gotten over your dad, Ana. He was the love of my life. When he died my mind went into a pit of despair that I’ve never been able to crawl back out of. After all the heartache of losing him, I held onto rage. I blamed him for leaving me and the anger from that was easier to hold on to than the despair I felt. Every man was the embodiment of evil as far as I was concerned and deserved to be treated as such. I know I hurt some of them, but others like Alan, deserved it. I thought I could treat Jake in the same way, but I saw the way he took care of Matthew, the way he wanted to take care of you. I couldn’t do that to him. It is why I left in the end. I knew I wasn’t making him happy, so it was silly of me to stick around. I did try to stay away and get on with my life. I thought I was doing the best thing for you. And for Jake.”

  She pulls a tissue out from her p
ocket and hands it to me as I look at her in horror. “I want to ask you something, and I want you to please answer me honestly. Can you do that for me?”

  I look at her pleadingly and she holds my stare for a while before she nods. “This baby you’re carrying. Is it really Jake’s?”

  Her eyes downcast, she bites her lip. She thinks long and hard before her reply, but I already know from her reaction exactly what the answer will be.

  “Before I left I was a mess. I went out drinking a lot because of the guilt I have always carried around with me. One night at a bar, I met a man. He was the image of your father. At first I thought I was hallucinating. He offered me a drink and one thing led to another. I woke up the next day in his bed feeling terrible about what I had done.

  I couldn’t remember anything, and felt I had to leave before he woke up and kicked me out. I didn’t want to feel any rejection, so I left. I felt bad about what I did to Jake, but he didn’t seem to care that much about where I was. I lied and told him that I went drinking with a friend and stayed at her house. Jake just accepted it and all was forgotten after that.

  “The problem being is, when I slept with this stranger we obviously hadn’t taken any precautions, as a couple of weeks later, I find out I’m pregnant. I needed time to think about what I was going to do, so I left.”

  I took my time processing everything that she says before I speak. Somehow through all of this, I feel giddy in the laughable sense. My whole life has been a comedy of errors. No matter of my betrayal from Jake, he has always been a good man at heart and does take care of what is close to him. It makes me angry that she has taken advantage of that kindness.

  “You thought that if you said it was Jake’s, that he would accept you with open arms? What were you thinking? You were going to get a paternity test. That little secret of yours would have been revealed anyway in a couple of week’s time. Why are you prolonging the agony for him? It’s completely unfair, Stella. He has only ever been kind to us.”

  The hurt in her eyes when I call her by her name is abundantly clear, but she’s not my mum, and never has been.

  “I needed time to figure out what I was going to do first. I know I was doing wrong, but I knew Jake would look after me. He loves and cares very deeply for Matthew and knew he would do the same for me. That time we went out for a meal a few months ago I threatened to leave and take you with me unless I had more. I made him propose even though I knew he didn’t want me. It sounds terrible, but he has money. He could have supported us both financially and I would never have to worry about money ever again. I don’t know why he looked so scared about me leaving, but I didn’t care. I took advantage. I know that, and I feel bad about it all the time.”

  She looks sheepishly at me and so she should do. Her life has been one big lie.

  “That’s called entrapment and Jake doesn’t deserve that. You need to go and find whoever it was you slept with and speak to him about this. It’s his responsibility, not Jake’s.”

  She nods her head, “I know, I know. I’m just so scared. I’ve never been pregnant and alone before. I don’t know what else to do.”

  I see the despair in her eyes and my heart softens for her at that moment. Whatever it is I feel for her, the baby growing inside her doesn’t deserve the same treatment.

  “Listen, I have some money I’ve been saving to buy my own place. It’s not a great deal, but it will be enough to get you started. You can’t expect Jake to take care of you and a baby that’s not his. It’s unfair.”

  “No, Ana, I can’t do that. I know how hard you have been saving and I could never do that to you. I can find a way. I always do. I promise I will speak to the father and take it from there. I swear. I’m not taking your money, Ana, no way. I’ve done enough damage to you as it is and I regret that. What I said to you on your birthday was shameful and I’m sorry, I truly mean that.”

  As much as I hate her for everything she has done, I’m glad I came here and told her how I have been feeling all these years. I’m pleased that she has finally seen sense and told me the truth. I feel I have some closure now and it’s time I moved on from this and stopped dwelling in the past.

  “I have to get back to work. You have my number so I want you to be able to let me know how you get on please.” I look on imploring her to make the right decisions. Not just for her, but for the innocent life she now carries. She nods her head.

  “I want you to promise me something. Something really important.” She takes my hand and this time I let her.

  “What is it?”

  I take a deep breath. “I want you to promise to give this baby the best mother it could possibly have. I want you to love and cherish him or her and put them first no matter what.” The tears flow from her now and she quickly nods again.

  “When did you grow up and become such a wise, beautiful young woman, Ana? I know I did wrong with you but I’m proud of the way you turned out, I really am. I promise I will try my hardest to be the best mum I can be. I’ve grown quite a bit in the last few years. I hope I can do right by this child and remedy all the bad things I have done in the past. I do so want to be a good mum.”

  Satisfied that she’s telling the truth I get up, and she rises with me. She takes me in for a hug and I accept it.

  I feel at peace with what has been said and I’m glad it is all out in the open. I don’t know whether I will see Stella again, but I certainly won’t abandon her when she needs it the most. At the end of the day she is my aunt and she now carries my cousin.

  I pull out of her embrace and we look at each other for a few moments. She squeezes my hand, before I let go and walk away.

  Chapter 9

  My head is spinning by the time I get back to work. I check my phone as I left it in the car in my haste to speak with my mum. It suddenly feels weird calling her that now after everything, but it is all I’ve ever known up until an hour ago.

  There seems to have been a panic as both Jessie and Jake have been calling me on a regular basis. My stomach is in knots at the thought of seeing Jake now after the news I have been faced with.

  I take a few calming breaths and I head back to the office.

  It is coming towards the end of lunchtime now, so it’s relatively quiet. Jessie spots me straight away and drags me to the coffee room.

  “Ana, shit where have you been? I’ve been worried sick about you. Are you okay? I know what’s going on.”

  I look at her in shock. How could she possibly know what’s happening? She sees the questioning in my eyes so continues.

  “When you just ran off like that, Jake came over to see if I knew anything, which of course I didn’t. He saw your computer screen and had a look at what it said. It was only when I saw the look of horror on his face that I turned to see what he was looking at. He stormed off at that point and I suspect you have a million missed calls both from him and from me.”

  Well, thinking about it now that’s one less thing I need to tell Jake.

  “It’s true, what you saw. Listen, I’ll tell you everything, but right now I need to see Jake. I must speak with him about this.” I take her arm and she nods letting me pass.

  I walk towards his office and timidly knock on the door.

  “Come in,” I hear as I turn the doorknob.

  I walk through and close the door behind me. Jake looks up with his piercing green eyes that always somehow manages to burrow deep into my soul. He looks so beautiful, so sexy, but he’s not mine anymore. The thought tears through me stabbing at my chest. I must be strong and get through this. I can do it.

  “Ana, are you okay? What the fuck happened? I’ve been going out of my mind with worry. I saw what you were looking at on your computer and have been trying to call you ever since. Did you go see your mom?”

  He gets up to walk around to me, but I back away. “Please, Jake, you need to hear something.” He stands still for a moment and studies me.

  “Okay, what do you need to say?”

  He look
s at me silently, patiently waiting for my response. “Stella is not my mother, she’s my half aunt. Also, the baby she’s carrying; it’s not yours.” He looks slightly shocked, but there was also definite evidence that this was a huge weight off his shoulders. He was obviously happy about the news, but tried to gain some sort of composure.

  I proceeded to tell him bits of what was said and he listened, not once attempting to interrupt. When I finished he took a deep breath and I could see he looked like he was having a debate in his head about what to say next. After a few uncomfortable silences he spoke.

  “I’m not going to see Stella out in the cold, no matter what. She is still your family, Ana and despite the fact the baby’s not mine, I still want to make sure she’s okay.”

  He moves a little closer and my breath hitches up a little. He notices my body’s blunder and smiles. He moves in that little bit more and I can’t feel my legs. Why does he have this effect on me? He grabs both my arms and holds me. I’m rooted, unable to react apart from my heart beating loudly in my ears.

  “Ana, you know what this means now don’t you? We can be together. Nobody can hold us back anymore.”

  His words suddenly force me to remember what he did, so I pull away. “How can you say that this changes anything? You ignored me, Jake. I was pleading with you to look at me and you just ignored me.”

  He flinches at my words and backs off. I see the pain in his eyes, and it makes me realize just how easy things could be if I just accepted what he had done and moved on. Let him touch me, caress me and hold me like he used to. I want so much to forgive him for what he did, and in time I will, but how can I ever forget? It was the most painful day of my life and it was all caused by Jake. I turn to leave and put my hand on the door.

  “I’m so sorry I hurt you, Ana. I really am. If I could take that day back and do things differently I would, but it’s done now, so I can’t. I just hope in time you will forgive me because I love you so much. That has never changed for me.”