Glass
Glass
By Jason Wallace Poetry
******
Published by:
Glass
Copyright © 2014 by Jason Wallace Poetry
That face
Staring back, through glass,
Counts away
Everything, everything I have made,
Have spent so much time to slip away
From the pain,
The anger and refrain
The name,
You shared so long ago
With someone else
In a way
That no one could ever know
Because it was more than they
Could be able to understand, to convince
Their imminent absolving of a lack of innocence
They would have seen in writing in a frame
But all of that was a life I no longer live
That was simply sin, they said,
So much more than they could condone
In me, you had a friend,
A hand to hold in all of your loss of heart and soul
But you let it go so long ago; you could not own
Up to what you
Knew was a mistake,
And you gave it up to walk away
I
Carefully contemplate my current state,
Watching you like I do
Behind a place of clear, reflective glaze
Why do I
Hold onto
Something so sinisterly haunting me,
Un-satiated memories of pain I hate
In gratitude, I almost thank
You for everything I never had the chance to be,
Unbridled, guiled, denied,
In that wasteful waiting
For something better than constantly debating
What went wrong and where you went
And what you did not say
When you left it all
To the sad, unspent
Days of time, gone by in the blink of my eye
Yet so long to hold on and to relive all that yesterday
I would have given you all of me,
But before I could realize what it was,
You were gone in a flash
Of no longer caring, and swearing that you’d
Always try to be there for me
A friend to the end,
Gone so long and never back,
Wrapped up in no longer living the lies
Because me, you forgot
Me, you despise
You turned so fast, I couldn’t see
You burned me bad; I couldn’t be
Any unhappier than I am,
But for us, I let it all go,
So you could find something that you could stand
That didn’t make you feel like
Some circumstance
I don’t know why it was, but it wasn’t enough
I don’t know how it became the lie you couldn’t love,
When I was the truth, and you were the you
That killed me a thousand times
In a single day, unable to say what you came to say,
Unable to take any more than the price you made me pay
I cannot help but want to pass the blame,
But I gave up when you gave up, and I didn’t fight,
I just silenced myself and didn’t even cry out, though
It would have been in vain
You’re still staring through that glass,
Painting me afraid,
Wasting me away
I don’t know where you are,
But to me, you’re in there somewhere,
In that frame,
Lurking, longing, not belonging, all the same,
Wanting to reappear, hoping to have me here
You’re many miles away,
Someone else’s problem, I know; I pray,
But I’m here, all the same,
The same as when you left me,
The same as how you hanged me,
The one inside the noose,
The beast of your abuse,
Created as a shame,
Hated like you played me like a game
You’re still there, in that glass,
Looking out into the past,
The seconds pass, almost frozen
I am the one that stayed, stayed so broken
I could break your glass,
But I can’t piece you back together;
You’re shattered, where you are, wherever
After so much, I’m still holding,
Reaching, retreating, the memories, the misery unfolding
Keep yourself inside that glass
Watch me like a soulless mass,
Moving to some beyond,
But emplaced where I am, so gone
I’m alive and reflecting
I can’t deny that all inside, I’m dissecting,
But stay there, in that glass;
Remain unchanged, your selfish same, refraining
Parting me like a knife, in a shallow life, my blood staining
You’ve lost your appeal
I don’t know how I feel,
But to me, you are forever
I almost miss when we were together
You’re in my mind; you’re in my dreams
Nothing I believe is what it seems,
And you’re there, in that glass,
Pretending you exist like some jealous reverse of fortune, fast
Returning to where you belong,
Haunting me all along,
Like you did back then
I cannot miss you now that much when
You are the wretchedness of my numbing redeeming,
The blessedness of my painful screaming
I cannot look at you
I cannot know that anyone else will ever do
I would walk into your tomb
Of molded, molten sand,
Made into a little, boxed encasement
Put on that little stand,
But you trapped me once
You won’t trap me like that again
Stay there in the glass
Look me in the eye as I pass
You are my indecision,
My agony of overly avoiding
Dealing with all intention
In the graven glass, carved, and craved,
Depraved, now being carelessly cast
Into the wall, falling to the floor
You will torment me nevermore
You lie there, so broken
Now, you know how it feels
You can be the one to spill open,
Though I know you’re not real
Bonus Material
Hang
I...
Don't want to hurt you
But I...
Don't know how much I can care
All I do
Is seem to curse you
And I...
Don't know if that's being fair
Pain, the stain of anger
Washing away
All that matters now
Bring...
Again the sound of silence
That made things alright before
Everything in this world
Got too fucking loud
If you hang
On every word I whisper
You will find
You've wasted all your time
I'm not the one to make it better
Because I'm
A fester, a boiling blister
Someone who long ago
Lost his fucking mind
I don't know what I want,
What I need...
Anything but to bite the hand that feeds
I die
Every night I'm sitting in this cold dark cell
r />
Of a bedroom,
Wishing away the life that has come to hide
The emptiness and anguish
That fills me up
And eats at my insides
If I could be
Some kind of the old me
I might have some bit of sanity
To hold
Misery, memories,
And nothingness
Are getting so damn fucking old
In name,
I'm at least to blame
For everything
That for so many
Ever turned from good
To shit and so wrong
I came
On the face
Of all the ones
That got sick and said so long
Nothin’ Like Me
One day soon
I may leave outta this place
Ain't nobody'll miss me
My life hasn't been what it used to
It keeps runnin me down...
And I don't think I can make it
I don't know how to choose
Anything, a thing at all
Can it all be somethin
Make somethin
Cuz it ain't nothin right now
Everything I had I traded
Not by my own choices
Every dream I had has faded
Not by my intention
Did I once ever mention...
What this world I know don't mean
I try to see...
But it all keeps me blinded
Can't take one more chance
Cuz every chance ain't worth takin
In fact, even one in a billion
Is as fake as
Every other one I ever knew
Someone new
Would only tear me down
And leave me down
It ain't even worth the thought of that
If I come back
It won't be for long, it
Won't be too soon
Won't be no welcome party
Won't be no room
Cuz I don't belong here
I don't belong there
I don't know there too well
But here, it's nothin but hell!
Oh well
Oh good
Cuz it all hurts like it should!
And I can't scream out nothin
Cuz who would hear it
Who would want it or want me or need me
Ain't a thing gonna change
No, not around here
Cuz it repeats itself, and
So... do I
If I try
I might as well be holdin out a sign
That says come kill me
Cuz I ain't willin to
Be nothin at all
I know it's how I feel
And it's right
Every day, is the same as night
I don't miss her
But I don't miss nothin else either
I only know I only hope
For somethin sweeter
Which is somewhere other
Than anything I could hold
Cuz anything better
Always lies and leaves me cold
So it ain't worth it
It ain't nothin
Just nothin like me
Nothin, no nothin like me
Make the Miles Disappear
So many miles
From you to me
When all I can do
Is dream of you
And what we could be
I never had someone
So perfect as you
So perfect for me
So beautiful
My eyes can't see
Blinded by you
Wishin that we
Had some way
To fastforward the days
Til we could have
What we know is right
What we feel in our hearts
So these miles
Don't keep us apart
One day we may
Work it all out
Leave out the doubt
Say face to face
All these things
We say
So constantly
Wishin that we
Could make the miles disappear
How can this be
That the one that I need
Is so far away
Yet everything
I never believed
Really could be
Really for me
So wonderful
So unbelievably
Everything of my dreams
Why is it she
Is not here with me
She's somewhere out there
Where I know I can't be
Because I'm right here
Wishin that we
Could make those miles disappear
One day we may
Work it all out
Leave out the doubt
Say face to face
All these things
We say
So constantly
Wishin that we
Could make the miles disappear
These miles
They are so unfair
They're killin me
So very slowly
One day we may
Work it all out
Leave out the doubt
Say face to face
All these things
We say
So constantly
Wishin that we
Could make the miles disappear
And forget what we both had
Before we met
The ones that weren't worth
The time to regret
Forget all our past
Only to see
What lies ahead
For someone like you
And for someone like me
I'll wait around
For all eternity
If that's what it takes
For me to be
Happy with you
And you happy with me
Nothing can keep us apart
Not time, not space, or the miles between
One day we may
Work it all out
Leave out the doubt
Say face to face
All these things
We say
So constantly
Wishin that we
Could make the miles disappear
Until you are here
Or I'm there with you
Whichever one works
Whatever it takes
Even if time breaks
And the world closes up
I'll still wait
I'll still be true
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