Shadowed

  “Um…Okay. Everything is going to be okay…” Maggie put an arm around her tentatively. “I’m sorry,” she said in a low voice. “I never know what to say in this kind of situation, and I don’t understand hardly any of what you just told me, but it’s clear somebody really hurt you.”

  “That’s an…an underst-statement,” Nina said through her tears. “I feel like he ripped my heart out and used it to wipe his boots on.”

  “Oh, honey…” Maggie patted her back awkwardly. “I’m so sorry,” she murmured, looking at Nina anxiously. “I, uh, wish I knew what to say.”

  “You’re doing just fine.” Nina sniffed and wiped at her eyes. “I’m sorry. I just…when you said about the Hurkon collar, I couldn’t help it.”

  “It’s okay.” Maggie gave her a quick hug. “Whatever it is, you can get through it. But it’s okay to cry—sometimes you can’t help it. Believe me—I know.”

  Nina sniffed again and blotted her eyes on a napkin.

  “Thanks, Maggie.” She tried to smile at the other girl. “You know, you don’t seem like the cold scientific type.”

  “Oh, well…” Maggie smiled and shrugged uneasily. “I told you—that’s my fiancé’s department. I’m not usually the huggy-touchy-feely type either, but well, you seemed like you needed a hug.”

  “You’re a sweetheart.” Nina blotted her eyes some more and sniffed again. She still felt sad, but at least she was more like herself now that she’d cried a little. She straightened up and took a deep breath. “Okay—better now. And look—here comes Lissa and she’s got Lauren with her.” Lissa had introduced her to all her friends, and Nina liked Lauren very much.

  “Oh.” Maggie brightened. “I haven’t met her yet, but I’ve heard all about her from Sophia and Olivia.”

  “She’s really easy going and laid back—not to mention she makes the most fabulous cupcakes you’ll ever taste,” Nina said.

  “Hi, girls.” Lauren smiled at both of them as she came up and put a hand to her back. “How’s everyone doing? Ugh, better than me, I hope.” She rubbed her swollen belly. “My little girl is kicking me like crazy right now.”

  Maggie frowned. “Is everyone on the Mother Ship pregnant? So far almost everyone I’ve met has either just had a baby or is about to have one. Olivia, Sophia, Kat, you…”

  “Yeah, well, we all boarded the baby train around the same time,” Lauren said, laughing. “Or that’s how Kat puts it anyway. Speaking of the lady of the hour, she told me that you have some beautiful handwriting.” She nodded at Nina.

  “Well, yes, I guess,” Nina said. “Um, why?”

  “Well, I have these signs I need made for the different layers of the cake.” Lauren held out several large rectangles of thick, creamy cardstock with gold edges and a black felt marker. “And my own handwriting is just complete chicken scratch. So I was hoping…”

  “Sure.” Nina took the cards and marker from her and sat down at the table. “What do you need them to say?”

  “Here’s a list.” Lauren unfolded a piece of paper and handed it over to Nina who scanned it rapidly.

  “Hmm… Chocolate with raspberry filling, white chocolate with apricot, Lemon with strawberry. And vanilla with…” She squinted at the paper—Lauren really did have bad handwriting. “Uh, bonding fruit? What’s that?”

  “That is a bad idea, but Kat insisted.” Lauren sighed. “Be sure you put the warning on the bottom of the bonding fruit one.”

  “Okay…” Nina read on with a frown. “Warning—bonded couples only.” She looked up at Lauren. “So only married couples can eat that layer? Why?”

  “Because it’s extremely potent. I cooked about three bushels of bonding fruit down to make the puree for the filling and let me tell you—that stuff is concentrated. Just one bite is enough to make you climb your man like a tree—so you better have a man to climb if you taste it.”

  “Excuse me,” Maggie said, her brown eyes interested behind her thick lenses. “But are you saying that this bonding fruit is actually an aphrodisiac? How fascinating.”

  “It’s a lot more than fascinating if you eat too much of it,” Lauren said grimly. “I’m still not sure if it might not be too strong…”

  “Well, I’ll be happy to write these out for you,” Nina said, smiling. “And I can’t wait to taste the cake—if it’s anything like your cupcakes it’s bound to be delicious.”

  Lauren smiled. “It’s been so much fun to make. I enjoyed it so much I may start specializing in wedding cakes instead of cupcakes. But right now, I have to get back to it. Could you bring those to the reception area beside the sacred grove when you get done? You know the way, right?”

  “I do,” Maggie said at once. “I’ll be happy to bring them as soon as Nina finishes.”

  “Thanks, Maggie.” Lauren smiled. “I’ll see you in a bit. I have to make sure every little thing is perfect with the cake topper. You have no idea how hard it was to find one with one bride and two grooms.”

  Nina smiled. “I can just imagine.” She waved as Lauren walked off and then got back to work on the signs.

  “Well…” Lissa had just finished sweeping up the last of the glass from Maggie’s earlier accident. “It looks like everything is online for the joining ceremony. I hope Saber will get here on time—he promised to try and make it.”

  Nina felt her heart twist. If only Reddix would come too! No, she scolded herself. He’s not coming, and you’re better off without him.

  “I hope he makes it too,” she said, smiling at her friend. “I’m sure it’s going to be a beautiful ceremony.”

  * * * * *

  “It’s going to be a beautiful ceremony,” Saber said, pulling on his flight jacket. “And you’re coming with me.”

  “What in the Seven Hells are you talking about?” Reddix growled. “You know I can’t come with you—Nina’s probably going to be there.”

  “Which is exactly why you’re coming.” Saber put a hand on his arm and tugged him toward the waiting shuttle. “Come on.”

  “No.” Reddix held back stubbornly. “I can’t.”

  “Why not? I know you want to.” Saber turned to face him. “Look, Brother, you’re miserable without her—anyone who looks at you can see it. Even Minda mentioned it to me the other night when we were visiting her. So what’s holding you back?”

  Reddix sighed and looked away. “Let’s just say she’s better off without me.”

  “You really believe that?” Saber demanded. “Why? Because you kidnapped her? I thought she’d forgiven you for that.”

  “No, it has nothing to do with that…”

  “Well, what does it have to do with?” Saber asked. “You might as well know, Lissa told me about what happened the night she and Nina left for the Mother Ship. She said Nina was devastated and that you looked pretty awful yourself. Why did you let her go when we all know you care about her so much?”

  “I let her go because I couldn’t hold her, all right?” Reddix growled. “Because I couldn’t give her what a normal male could.”

  “What do you mean a ‘normal male'?” Saber frowned. “I thought you were cured of your RTS now.”

  “I am…mostly.” Actually, Reddix could still “hear” the emotions of others—for instance, he could tell that his friend was worried and upset for him right now. But it was a distant sensation he could ignore—muffled—like someone shouting from another room. It was irritating but no longer debilitating which was good, he supposed. In the past, such a huge reduction in the disease which had claimed that last ten years of his life would have made him ecstatic. Instead, he just felt miserable.

  Saber frowned. “What do you mean ‘mostly'?”

  “I mean I can still tell what people are feeling, it just doesn’t affect me as much,” Reddix said. “Which is about what Xandra promised me so I guess I can’t complain.”

  “So she did keep her promise.” Saber shook his head. Reddix had given him a very abbreviated version of what had happened without going int
o details, but he was clearly still curious.

  “She did a hell of a lot more than keep her promise.” Reddix scowled. “She gave me a fucking bonus—showed me what my future would be like with Nina if I tried to join with her.”

  “So that’s what this is all about.” Saber frowned. “All right—tell me all about it. What exactly did she show you?”

  “The truth—that even though the RTS is under control, I’m still crippled.”

  “Crippled? Come on, Reddix…”

  “I have no Touch Sense!” Reddix roared, losing his patience. “Don’t you see? Or do you take what you have so for granted that you don’t even think about it anymore?”

  “You do have a Touch Sense,” Saber countered. “It’s just inverted—that’s what RTS is, isn’t it?”

  “That’s not the point,” Reddix insisted. “The point is, I can’t ask Nina to stay with someone who lacks the basic ability to bond with her. Can’t ask her to share her life with me when we’ll never really connect. She’ll hate me after a while, Saber! I’ll make her life miserable.” He sighed and ran a hand over his face. “I can’t do that to her. I care for her too much…love her too much to do that to her.”

  “Then come tell her that,” Saber said quietly.

  “What?” Reddix looked at his friend in irritation. “Now why in the Seven Hells would I do that?”

  “Because you’re a decent person inside, even though you act like a total ass at times,” Saber said grimly. “Lissa told me how you left things with Nina—you let her think you didn’t care, that you only used her to cure your RTS. That’s wrong, Reddix. You owe her more than that.”

  “Goddess damn it…” Reddix rubbed a hand over his face. “Don’t you think I know that? But I was afraid if I tried to explain she’d insist on staying together. And the witch showed me how that would end.”

  “What exactly did she show you?” Saber demanded. “And what makes you so sure you can trust her?”

  “Because she told me the truth about everything else,” Reddix growled. “She never pretended she could cure my RTS completely—she said she could mute it, which is exactly what she did. It’s livable now—bearable. So why would she lie about this?”

  “Because she’s a witch,” Saber said patiently. “Because she hates us—all of us but especially your father.”

  “What?” Reddix looked at him, startled. “What do you mean? Why?”

  Saber shook his head. “I don’t know why exactly. I only know what my father told me—that apparently before your mother came along, Redan was supposed to join with Xandra.”

  “He never told me that.”

  “Probably because he never thought you’d go seek her out. According to my father, they had a falling out years ago. Then Xandra went to live in the swamp, and they never saw each other again. Think about it…” Saber tapped his forehead. “She might be carrying a grudge. She might have shown you something completely false just to make you miserable.”

  Reddix frowned. “I wish I could believe that’s true but…no. I don’t think so. What she showed me…it had the ring of truth to it. It makes sense. What ties a Kindred and his bride together? Their bond. We’re genetic traders, Saber. We travel the stars looking for new blood to join with ours. What makes us able to form a life with such different beings, to overcome the challenges of new cultures and religions and attitudes? Our bond. If I can’t give that to Nina, she’ll leave me.”

  “And that’s the heart of the matter, isn’t it?” Saber raised an eyebrow at him. “You’re afraid she’ll leave you—so you left first.”

  “I…” Reluctantly, Reddix nodded. “I suppose you’re right. I told myself I was trying to spare her pain, but when you put it that way, what I did sounds cowardly and weak.”

  “There’s no shame in being afraid, Brother.” Saber squeezed his shoulder gently, and Reddix “heard” the care and worry the other male felt for him like a distant murmur of waves crashing on a beach. “I was frightened damn near to death when Lissa and I were on Yonnie Six together,” Saber continued. “Frightened I would seem less than a male in her eyes, that she would lose respect for me and leave me. So I did the same thing you did—I left first.”

  “You did?” Reddix frowned. “Why did you never tell me about this?”

  “I was ashamed,” Saber admitted. “I loved her so much, but I treated her so badly.” He smiled. “But somehow, she found it in herself to forgive me, though I truly didn’t deserve it.” He squeezed Reddix’s shoulder again. “I saw the way Nina looked at you, Brother. I would bet my life she’ll find a way to forgive you, too.”

  Reddix sighed. “But won’t I just make things harder for her? Explaining how I truly feel but that we still can’t be together?”

  Saber looked thoughtful. “I think it will be easier for her than thinking you used her and tossed her aside. A female likes to know that you think of her and care for her—even if you can’t show it or do anything about it. Truly, I think you should come with me. You owe Nina an explanation.”

  Reddix knew he was right.

  “All right,” he said with a sigh. “I’ll come. Even if she spits in my face, at least I’ll get to see her one last time.”

  Saber smiled. “She won’t spit in your face. Come, Brother—let’s go. We have a joining ceremony to get to.”

  Chapter Thirty-four

  “That was a gorgeous ceremony.” Olivia sighed happily as she plopped down next to Nina and Lissa at the round table in the reception area. It was a large white tent with open sides set up right next to the sacred grove where the wedding had been held. Nina was glad to see that every table looked perfect with a centerpiece of exotic alien flowers surrounded by the miniature picture frame place settings and the tiny bags of almonds.

  “It really was,” she agreed. In fact, it had been one of the most moving weddings she’d ever been to. Kat had been walked up the aisle by Olivia and Sophia who had handed her off to her two grooms, Lock and Deep, who were waiting by the altar. The vows had been a little complicated—there being three ‘I dos’ instead of two, but Lissa had handed it beautifully. In the end, when Kat had kissed both her men at once, everyone had risen from their seats, cheering—even Kat’s straight-laced grandmother.

  The grandmother in question was currently getting tipsy on punch up near the front of the tent where the cake and refreshments had been set. The three-way cake cutting ceremony had been both amusing and memorable. Kat and Deep had shoved cake in each other’s mouths, and then both of them had attacked poor Lock, filling his mouth so full of cake he nearly choked with laughter. Frosting, of course, got everywhere—Deep had even had some in his bushy black eyebrows. Now the three of them were standing together and talking happily while sharing another piece of cake.

  Nina was sure that Kat and her two husbands were going to be extremely happy together—she just wished she could be a little more joyful on their behalf. But ever since her mini breakdown when she was talking with Maggie before the ceremony, she couldn’t seem to perk up again.

  “Hey,” Lissa said, putting a hand on her arm. “Are you all right, Nina?”

  “I’m fine.” She tried to smile at her friend. “Just a little tired, that’s all.”

  “Well then, eat your cake.” Olivia gestured to the large slice of wedding cake Nina had in front of her. “Sugar rush—it’ll give you energy for sure.”

  Nina smiled. “I’m sure it will—it looks delicious.”

  “Sure does.” Liv looked at her own cake with obvious anticipation. “What kind did you get?”

  “The same as you and Lissa—white chocolate with apricot,” Nina said.

  “Yes, I thought about trying some of the bonding fruit layer, but I know how that would end up, and I’m not ready to get little Daniel a brother or sister yet.” Liv grinned. “Although I’m sure Baird would certainly enjoy trying.”

  “I’m staying away from that layer too since I’m, uh single.” Nina sighed. “I’m just going to take a bite o
f this cake though, I swear. I really need to start watching my carbs again now that I’m going back home.”

  “Who are you kidding, girly?” Olivia grinned. “This cake is made by Lauren—you can’t just eat one bite. Come on, try it—you too, Lissa. Let’s all dig in at once.”

  Nina and Lissa smiled at each other and picked up their forks.

  “All right,” Nina said. “You twisted my arm.”

  “On three,” Liv instructed. “One…two…”

  “Three,” Nina finished for her. Pulling her plate toward her, she dug into the mound of rich buttercream icing, moist, fluffy cake and sticky sweet filling. “Mmmm,” she murmured, letting the delicious mixture melt on her tongue. It was so good she rolled her eyes up in ecstasy. “You’re right, Liv—I’m eating all of this.” She dug in again, taking an even bigger bite. It might be wrong to drown her sorrows in cake, but damn it, she’d had a hard couple of weeks lately. She needed something sweet to brighten her life. Feeling justified, she ate some more.

  “Eating it all and going back for a second piece afterward, right?” Liv grinned and dug into her own cake. “So good…and such an unusual taste for apricot.” She took another bite, frowning. “In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever tasted an apricot like this.”

  “That’s because it’s not apricot.” Lauren rushed up to the table with a worried look on her face, Maggie in tow. “Stop everyone! Forks down!” she exclaimed.