What Hurts The Most

  Chapter Five

  The next day, Logan arrived at exactly six AM. I did some more laundry and by mid-morning, I had finished all my housework. “I need to go to the store, will you be tagging along?” I ask and grab my keys.

  Before he can answer, the doorbell rang. “Are you expecting someone?” He asks.

  I shake my head. “No…” I walk through the foyer and open the door.

  “Caroline… Good old, depressing, controlling, Caroline.” She whispers, holding a bottle of vodka in one hand.

  “Louise?” I ask as she pushes past me and enters the living room. She walks up to the fireplace and stares at Nick’s picture.

  Logan comes up behind me. “Is she drunk?” He asks.

  “I think so…”

  “My baby boy… He left me so young...” She whispers and walks down to the flag. “This! This belongs to me!” She points and turns to me. “God save your soul, you demon! My baby’s been gone for two days and you’ve already moved on to another army man! You-you she-devil!” She screams.

  I froze, not knowing how to respond. “Now, Mrs. Vaughn, you don’t understand. I was your son’s best friend. My name’s Lieutenant Logan Cook. I am also Caroline’s assigned grieving officer…” He says as he extends his hand.

  She refuses. “I don’t care who you are! I’m sorry, Lieutenant, that you got assigned to a she-devil! That’s all she is! A little demon who took my son away from me! And now it’s my turn…” She cries as she pulls a knife out of her pocket.

  Oh my God… Is this woman really going to try to kill me?

  “Now, now, Mrs. Vaughn, we don’t want to do such a thing… Imagine what your son would want.” He says, reaching for his handgun.

  I touch his shoulder as he glances at me. I shake my head. He sighs and watches Louise. “He doesn’t want anything anymore! You know why? Because he’s dead! All because of her!” She screams pointing the knife at me.

  “Me, huh? All because of me?” I ask, my anger rising in my chest. “Do you know what he said about you? You just wanted to control him! You wanted him to follow in his father’s footsteps even though you knew he was nothing like your husband!” I yell, walking toward her.

  “He wouldn’t have been happy but he would still be alive, now wouldn’t he?” She cries, falling to her knees. I slowly proceed toward her as Logan follows. Before I can grab the knife, she lunges toward me. Logan intervenes as I dodge her blow. He takes her down from behind in a sleeper hold.

  “I’m sorry, Louise. But you’re not yourself…” I whisper as she passes out. Logan lets her go as I grab my phone and call Nick’s father.

  “Caroline?” He answers.

  “Yes. I need you to come by the house and pick up your wife.”

  “What? Why? She’s supposed to be visiting her sister, she left this morning.”

  “She lied. She showed up here drunk, and tried to kill me.”

  “What? I-I’m coming.” Within an hour, he arrived and picked her up. As he walked in, she began to wake up. I’m sure she had quite a bit of explaining to do on the way home… After they left, I went into the kitchen and grabbed a cup of coffee. Logan was standing by the door with his arms crossed.

  “What?” I ask.

  “Someone just tried to kill you and you just blow it off like it’s nothing.”

  “It was nothing. She was drunk.” I shrug.

  He smiles and shakes his head. “Okay, I have to know how you do this… Tell me how you just turn all your emotions off.”

  “What?”

  “No matter what happens to you, it’s like it doesn’t get any further than your senses. You see it, you hear it, but you block it. It’s like it never happened.”

  I look down to the ground.

  “Seriously? In the past two days, all your wedding plans went to waste, you lost your fiancé, and his mother tried to kill you? You have to feel something somewhere!”

  “Is that what you think?” He nods. “You think I just ignore everything? Well, I don’t, Logan. I feel everything but I’m just not one to show my feelings. I was raised that way! Emotions were a sign of weakness and I had to suck it up and move on… I didn’t have the best childhood, Nick was the only boyfriend I ever had because no one else would even bother to talk to me. They were so afraid of what their friends would think, they ignored my very existence. That’s why I turned it all off! And then he went off and got himself killed and here I am again! I mean look at me! You said it yourself! I have no feelings! His mother just tried to kill me for God’s sake and all I do is blow it off and drink a cup of coffee, but you know what? I agree with Louise… I feel sorry for you… Because you were assigned to someone who doesn’t know how to grieve. I can’t be fixed, Logan. I’m broken and I always will be. You’re just as well to call the General and tell him it’s time for you to go because there is absolutely no hope for me.” I add and run off to my room.

  I locked the door and threw myself on the bed. I was going crazy… I couldn’t handle all of this by myself. I wouldn’t make it alive.