Sins of the Innocent

"I'm staying at the Rose Island Lighthouse. Are you okay with going there?"

  "At the bed-and-breakfast? Isn't the island closed until July?"

  He shrugged. "I rented out the whole place."

  "That's where you've been the last year?"

  "Since April. I'm used to hopping around. Necessary once they found me."

  "Has it been difficult?"

  He smiled. "Don't worry about me. Are you familiar with the Ann Street Pier?"

  I nodded, turning toward Newport, where we would take the ferry to Rose Island. Outwardly, Levi seemed relaxed, tilting his seat and holding his cheek to the leather of the headrest as he watched me drive, but I could see turmoil behind his eyes. He was conflicted with something, much like my dad had been at the warehouse.

  "You want to say something."

  "It's just that I ... I'm desperate for you to remember."

  I chuckled. "What are you going to do? Hypnotize me?"

  He laughed and looked down. "No."

  "How does it work?"

  "It comes in bits and pieces."

  "How? Who told you?"

  "A friend."

  "A demon disobeyed your father? I thought that was impossible."

  "Not a demon."

  "An Arch," I said, sucking in a sharp breath. "But ... why?"

  "Zadkiel felt it was just. How can we learn from our mistakes if we don't remember them?"

  It was surprising but made sense. Zadkiel was the angel of mercy and benevolence.

  "Remind me to thank him."

  "You can't. His revelation disturbed the Balance."

  I shook my head. "I'm not killing him. I can't."

  "You won't have to."

  "He's dead?"

  "Last year, just after we arrived in Providence."

  "The Creator?"

  "No. Zadkiel asked that I be the one."

  My blood ran cold. "You killed an Archangel?"

  "At his request. It was one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do. Zadkiel was my friend, more than a friend. He was a brother, but he knew the consequences and had no intention of thwarting his own justice."

  I kept my hands on the wheel, unconvinced. "Does my father know?"

  "Yes."

  "So, you came to Providence?" I said, shifting into low gear as we came into Newport.

  "Zadkiel brought me here ..." He trailed off, the memory painful. "I came here for you."

  After a quick glance at my passenger, I kept my eyes forward, blinking a few times. He hadn't taken his eyes off of me.

  "Please stop looking at me like that."

  "Does it make you uncomfortable?"

  I squirmed. "It's hard for me to imagine, and I'm a little nervous that I won't remember."

  "You will."

  "Do I look the same?"

  He thought about that. "I remember more of your essence, like a light."

  "Like my soul."

  He breathed out a laugh. "Yes, like your soul."

  "Do you remember how it happened?"

  "You mean, how we fell in love? Yes."

  "Tell me."

  "I will," Levi said, reaching over to cover my hand with his.

  I slipped away from his grasp. "I'm sorry, I ... I've had this general feeling that we knew each other. But I don't remember you yet."

  "I understand."

  I drove the last five minutes to the pier without asking more questions I wasn't prepared to be answered. After I shut off the engine, Levi looked at his watch.

  "We've still got about fifteen minutes before the ferry arrives."

  I nodded.

  "Eden?"

  "Yeah?" I said, lost in my thoughts.

  "I believe your father is right."

  "I believe our lives are rarely that simple."

  One side of his mouth curled up. "I wasn't trying to hurt you, that day we met."

  "You attacked me. That took at least some calculation."

  "I was just trying to get your attention."

  "What are you? A five-year-old?"

  "Yes." He chuckled, looking down. "I guess so." He met my eyes again. "I'm sorry if I hurt you."

  "You didn't."

  "I meant, from before." He looked ashamed.

  I frowned. "I don't understand how it's possible I've kept the Balance since the dawn of time. Isn't it for the benefit of humans? What was there to protect if there were no humans to influence?"

  "You were influenced," he said.

  "Celestial beings are susceptible as well?"

  "Consider your grandfather. Archs are not above falling in love."

  "So, I fell in love with you, the son of Lucifer. Makes sense."

  "When you're neutral, there are no bad guys."

  "You're not bad," I said.

  He grinned again--this time, with his whole beautiful mouth. "You've said that before."

  "I have?" I leaned forward, resting my head on the steering wheel. "Does my father know that part?"

  "I told him everything."

  I looked over at him. "Will you tell me everything?"

  "Everything you want to know." He looked down. "I owe you an apology. I shouldn't have kissed you like that. You just admitted to never being kissed, and it made me think of ours. I wanted to be your first kiss in this life, too. But I shouldn't have. I'm sorry."

  I picked at my nails. "It's okay. It wasn't ... awful."

  He smiled and then looked down again, nodding.

  A few minutes before the ferry was due to arrive, we left the Audi in the parking lot and walked to the tiny Ann Street Pier.

  The Katherine docked, appearing much like a typical boat but with a canvas enclosure with roll-down, see-through sides for use in times of rough water. After boarding, I sat down on the starboard side and gripped my seat, as if I were trying to hold on to reality. Levi sat next to me, and one by one, the seats were filled.

  After everyone was settled, the boat pulled away from the dock, and we set off. The two inches of his hair sticking out from his knit cap mashed against his neck, ears, and forehead, being blown by the wind, as we set sail out of Newport Harbor and into the Narragansett.

  Levi leaned in even though we both knew I could hear him over the noise of the engine and water. "How is Morgan?"

  "I haven't spoken to him in a few days. We're supposed to have lunch tomorrow."

  He nodded, hesitating to ask his next questions. "You spend a lot of time with him."

  "He's my best friend."

  "Just friends?"

  "Yes," I said, a little disgusted he'd asked.

  "Sorry."

  "It's fine. A lot of people think we ... he's nice to me."

  "And you're nice to him."

  "Hence, the friendship. Thank you for standing up for him against those guys."

  "I wasn't. Once that Craig guy pushed you, I was going to mangle his face if you'd retaliated or not." He looked away. "He's lucky I didn't kill him, and it had nothing to do with Morgan."

  "Oh."

  My world was spinning. I had lived before, and I had been in love. No one could have fallen as far as I had. My life had been forged in service to Heaven, being the ultimate protector of the human race. All this time, my position wasn't one of nobility but a demotion. I was the girlfriend of Satan Junior. It was like I had woken up as a different person.

  Bile rose in my throat, but it wasn't the rocking of the boat that had me fighting to keep down my breakfast.

  "Eden, are you all right?" When I didn't answer, he opened his hand. "I know you don't know me that well here. But if you need to ... give me your hand, and I'll hold it."

  "Please don't look at me," I said, keeping my eyes on the sea.

  I couldn't see his expression, but Levi said nothing else until we docked at Rose Island. Levi stepped off the boat, and although I could tell he wanted to help, he knew better than to offer. In a lithe leap, I was back on solid ground. The captain waved to us, and we began the three-hundred-yard hike from the Katherine to the lightho
use, the last third being uphill. I noticed that a cliff dropped to the water just beyond the building and the seagulls swooping and soaring overhead.

  The Rose Island Lighthouse was even more beautiful than I'd imagined, a two-hundred-year-old building pristinely white with curved dormer windows and the octagonal lighthouse looming above, not separate, as part of the living quarters. The Newport Bridge served as a backdrop, a stretch of road I'd traveled on many times, and I wondered why I hadn't visited this place before.

  The stormy clouds I'd seen in Providence were making their way to Rose Island and the Bay was reacting, pushing white caps toward the rocks at the bottom of the cliff and the beaches on each side. The storm added to the ambience. As postcard-worthy as the lighthouse was, I could feel the flutter of Others in the air.

  "Sorry," Levi said, noticing my expression. "I attract them. I always have."

  "So do I."

  "Not for the same reasons, I'm sure. They watch me, especially those still loyal to me."

  "The drudens?"

  "Mostly."

  "That's how you've been hiding from me all this time?"

  "Just until I was ready. I wanted to wait until I had all the information before I approached you. And I knew you wouldn't exactly trust my word."

  I stopped at the door, looking up. "So ... you planned for a year, and the best you could come up with was to knock me down?" I said, looking back at Levi.

  His cheeks flushed, a sheepish grin spreading across his face. "Yeah."

  He opened the door and gestured for me to lead the way. I walked in and noted the vintage lamps and decor, like the embroidered doilies and antique furniture. Old photos of the lighthouse and its inhabitants throughout its life hung on the white walls.

  "So, it'll just be us here?" I asked.

  "There's a lighthouse keeper, Paulo. He just happened to be staying here when I arrived, volunteering. I hired him for the duration of my stay. There's also Adelaide. She keeps the house, and she also happens to be a really good cook."

  I lifted my hands and let them fall to my thighs. "Now what?"

  "Quick tour. Then we talk," Levi said.

  He led me into the living area, kitchen, bedroom, and library on the first floor and the keeper's suite upstairs.

  "This is Paulo," Levi said.

  A lanky, tall man with a salt-and-pepper beard and rusty skin shook my hand. He greeted me with a thick accent and kind eyes. He seemed mildly aware that something was different about me, similar to what he'd noticed about Levi.

  "Good to see you," Levi said, leaving Paulo for the stairs.

  I glanced behind me, seeing that Paulo was watching us closely as we left his living quarters.

  Levi offered the worn cushions of the sofa in the living room. He opened a window, letting the sheer curtains wave in the salty breeze. I could hear the waves gaining intensity as the wind picked up.

  Levi frowned. "If it gets much worse, you might be stuck here for the night. Do you want to try to catch the next ferry?"

  I shook my head. "I have a lot of questions."

  "Are you sure?" he asked.

  "I'm sure."

  Adelaide brought in tea, and I pulled a throw from the armrest and settled back against the sofa just as the rain began to fall.

  Levi propped his elbow on the top of a cushion and rested his temple on his fist.

  "Why are you smiling?" I asked.

  "You're here. You're three feet away from me. It makes me very happy."

  "How soon could the memories return?" I asked.

  "I'm not sure it's the same for everyone. Are you in a hurry?"

  I wanted to sink back from his intense stare, but I denied myself the luxury of embarrassment. "Aren't you?"

  "You have no idea."

  "So, tell me. Maybe once I know everything, I'll start to remember."

  Levi sat forward, clasping his hands together. "Okay, we'll start from the beginning."

  The waves against the rock lulled me to sleep, something I didn't often need. The moment my eyes closed, I was surrounded in the bright white light Levi had described to me. We were bathed in energy unlike anything I'd felt on Earth. My hands shimmered as they reflected the glisten of Heaven.

  A large arched doorway loomed in front of me, so different from my surroundings. Thick smokelike tendrils swirled and danced from the opening, and although I was unafraid, I knew that doorway led to nightmarish things.

  Standing just beyond the light was Levi, leaned against the side, relaxed and smiling. We were engaged in conversation, beyond terms of trust or suspicion. I knew him, and he knew me. We were friends--more than friends. The pull between us was intoxicating, addictive, but Levi stayed in the doorway, hidden from anyone who might oppose our talks.

  "It's time we go to them," he said. "We must demand peace."

  "It's impossible. They won't listen," I said.

  Levi was opposed to the ways of his father's dominion, much like he was on Earth. Forgiveness and peace had monopolized our talks for decades until he'd confessed that he loved me.

  "What is impossible?" he said with that smile I couldn't turn away from.

  "Our request has an agenda. They'll know."

  "It's as good a reason as any." He sighed. "No more pretending for us. No more hiding in the shadows."

  "I want that. I'm afraid that's exactly why it won't happen."

  "Love," he said, reaching out to caress my face.

  I leaned into his hand, relishing every second he touched me.

  "If it's what you want, you'll have it. We will find a way to be together."

  I held his hand to my cheek, breathing in the sharp musk that I had come to love.

  "I can't stay," he said, looking over his shoulder. "It's going to be okay. I promise."

  I looked over my shoulder, knowing the consequences and knowing that I needed him anyway. "I'm afraid," I said.

  "Fear isn't real." Levi reached for my hand. He looked upon me with such love and understanding even though he knew I had ruined everything. "They're not feelings. They're only things that happen to us. It's not time for fear. It's time for courage. Do you trust me?"

  "Yes."

  The look in his eyes gave me no choice but to reach out to him. I lusted his mouth and his touch, but once I had finally felt his arms around me, I also realized we'd been discovered, as if a spotlight were shining on the two of us.

  He tensed. "I love you," he whispered into my ear. "Remember that."

  He was pulled through the doorway, and I screamed, reaching out into the darkness.

  Michael stood behind me, his eyes full of regret. "Come with me."

  I nodded, knowing a struggle was pointless.

  In Heaven, there was no trial, no sides. Only one sovereign meant only one ruling, and justice was carried out with love. I would be sent away for a time, alone, to center and focus on my true purpose.

  My sentence was carried out as soon as it had been given. In one moment, I was basking in the love and light of the Creator, and as if I covered my eyes from the sun, it was gone.

  I found myself on all fours in a dark room, alone. I called out for Levi, then the Archangels--Gabriel, Michael, Eli--and then even the Creator. I pushed myself off the ground, holding my hands out in front of me. After several minutes of walking, I realized there were no walls, only floors that went on forever. My eyes widened, trying to pull in any light available to see, but the place I had been sent to was devoid of everything.

  "Levi?" I called out. My voice didn't carry or bounce back to me. It was simply swallowed whole by the darkness, as I had been.

  I had no knowledge of this place. Without any idea where I was or how long I would be there, I knelt and held my own hands, praying with my eyes tightly closed until I could no longer speak. Then I prayed in my mind until I could no longer think. When it seemed the whole universe had gone dark, I lay on my side, curled up in a ball on the cold hard floor and fell out of consciousness once again.

  "Eden
," a familiar voice called.

  I climbed to my feet, shielding my sensitive eyes from the red glow coming from the open doorway a hundred yards away. A dark form stood before it, shoulders lifting and falling in quick succession, as if it had been a long battle to reach me.

  "Levi?"

  My eyes opened, my cheeks wet from crying in my sleep. The darkness transformed into a small room with white walls and aging portraits. The clean air and abundance of flowery aroma had been replaced by the smell of rain, sea spray, and Levi's familiar sharp scent of a campfire.

  Levi was watching me with obvious concern. His eyes were full of cautious hope as he waited for a sign of my recollection. "Say you remember."

  Touching my fingers to my lips as I watched large drops dive-bombing the ground, I mulled over the fractured memories--including when we had been exiled--coming and going like quickly changing channels on a television.

  "Was it just a dream?"

  "Was I there?"

  I slowly nodded. "You were taken away."

  He sighed, relieved. "You remember."

  I scrambled from my spot on the sofa onto his lap, curling up and burying my face in the crook of his neck.

  Without hesitation, Levi wrapped his arms around me and pressed his cheek against my hair, holding me tight. "Everything?"

  "Fragments. A million bits to piece together." I hugged him back. "You feel like you."

  He exhaled, pure contentment radiating from his body. The feeling was so strange. I had never been in love before, but I always loved Levi, this total stranger who encompassed me in his arms as if I were precious to him. We had spent a hundred thousand lifetimes together, and this would be our last. The desperation of my former self to be near him conflicted with the inexperienced young woman I was now.

  His eyebrows pulled in. "You said there would come a time when it wouldn't hurt so much, that I wouldn't miss the way your hand felt in mine, or your smell, the sound of your laugh, or the color of your eyes. That time came just now."

  A lump formed in my throat.

  "But I always knew you were the one," he said softly. "One way or another, you were my beginning and the end."

  "Always? As in the dawn of time."

  "Literally. Who knew curiosity could lead to all of this? I saw you, in Eden, dealing with the mess my father had created after he tempted Eve. I watched you all day and then days turned to months. I couldn't stop," Levi said against my hair.

  "I'm sorry," I whispered.

  "I'm not. I would rather miss you than never loved you. There hasn't been a day when I didn't feel that way."

  The white walls reflected green hues from the setting sun shining through the storm. My cell phone hadn't rang, so that meant my parents knew exactly where I was and why. At least they trusted me for once.