Unconditional Love

  I shook my head, “The call. What call? They have no idea where this guy is. He was right there with us, Jason. Right there and I fucking let him get away.”

  He walked up to me and put his hand on my shoulder. “Dude, neither one of us knew it was a setup. Let’s just be glad we got out of there alive. We’re gonna get him next time. I promise you.”

  I nodded my head and said, “Yeah. I know we’ll get him. Doesn’t help that I’ve pushed the woman I love away to keep her safe and she is moving on without me.”

  Jason looked away and then looked back at me. “We’ll get him, Lark. If it helps any, I’m really sorry for running to Skip about Azurdee.”

  I smiled and said, “Yeah, I know you are and I know we will. I got to get going.”

  Jason smiled and said, “Club tonight?”

  “Nah, I can’t. Heading out to Mason. I’m going to be the godparent to my best friend’s little girl. I didn’t think we would be back in time to make it, so I’m going to head on out.”

  Jason laughed and said, “Are they sure you’re the best pick?”

  I chuckled and said, “I asked them the same thing.”

  I decided to take my bike to Mason. I needed to feel the wind and just let it go. There was nothing better than going down a country road on a fast-ass bike.

  I pulled into Scott and Jessie’s gate and hit the buzzer. “Hello?”

  I smiled when I heard Jessie’s voice. “Hey beautiful. Want to buzz me in?”

  “Lark?”

  My smile faded when she seemed surprised it was me. “Yeah. This is the right weekend, right? Lauren’s being baptized tomorrow, right?”

  “Umm, yes! Yes!” she said as she covered up the phone and said something to someone.

  As the gate opened, it hit me. Azurdee would probably be here. I sat there for a few seconds as I looked up and down the road to see if there were any cars. As fast as I was driving, if anyone was following me, I would have lost them miles ago.

  I started to make my way down the driveway. I let out the breath I was holding when I didn’t see Azurdee’s car. I parked my bike and turned to see Jessie and Scott walking out. Jessie looked pissed.

  “Hey y’all.”

  Scott shook his head slightly and gave me a warning look, but it was too late. Jessie walked up and slapped the shit out of me. I closed my eyes and then slowly opened them.

  “That was for what you did to my best friend, you asshole.” She turned and looked at Scott. “Do something about this, because Azurdee will be here later. I don’t want him here when she gets here.”

  “Hey, wait a minute. What’s going on between Azurdee and me has nothing to do with either one of our friendships with y’all. This has been planned for a few months now and I have every intention of being there for Lauren’s baptism.”

  Jessie closed her eyes and dropped her head back and then looked at me. “God, Lark, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what came over me. It’s just I saw you and that day came flooding back, and all I could see was Azurdee on the sofa crying and her world falling apart.”

  I swallowed hard and went to say something, but nothing would come out. Scott and Jessie both stood there and stared at me. I ran my hand through my hair and whispered, “Fuck.”

  “I’m still in the Marine Corps. I’m a sniper, but I’m working under the CIA right now. My job is to go and kill people and we don’t really make it known that’s what I do. I do what the military doesn’t want anyone to know. The CIA has been trying to recruit me ever since they found out I’m not re-enlisting with the corps. Azurdee found out I was still in the Marines when I came back from a mission and was still dressed in my uniform. She has no idea what I do, and if she ever found out I’m afraid she would hate me. I killed one of the most sought after drug lords a few months back. The only problem was it was a setup. They were after me. Now his brother is after me, and they had pictures of Azurdee, and I had to break up with her to protect her. I love her more than anything. She’s my life. No one fucks with my life.”

  When I finally took a breath and stopped talking, Scott and Jessie were just standing there staring at me. Jessie had her hand over her mouth and Scott looked confused as hell. I closed my eyes and realized what I had just done. I let a moment of weakness touch the lives of two people I cared about. I totally just put their lives and Lauren’s in danger.

  “Son of a bitch. I’m sorry y’all. I should never have told y’all that. It ‘s just…I’m just. Fuck, everything is just so messed up right now. You can’t repeat what I just spit out.”

  “I thought…you said you were discharged. What is Skip in all of this?” Scott asked.

  “Senior level CIA agent. Or as I like to call him, my boss.”

  Scott shook his head. “That house in Belize. How does he afford it, or does the CIA pay that well?”

  I made a face and said, “Well…that house is actually mine. Well, my family’s house anyway.”

  Scott and Jessie said at the same time, “Yours?”

  I nodded my head.

  “But…they knew who Skip was and…they let us go…and you said communications, you piece of shit,” Scott said as he turned and started pacing.

  “Scott, I paid them to let us get through and told them to act like it was because of my boss.”

  Jessie’s mouth dropped. “Are you selling drugs?”

  I laughed and said, “No. I already told you I’m not doing anything illegal and for the record, Skip has a degree in communications.”

  Jessie walked up to me and said, “Okay, I’m going to have to ask. How in the hell do you have a multi-million dollar condo in Austin, a house in Belize and God knows what else, when you’re just in the Marines?”

  I glanced over to Scott. He frowned. “I never told Jessie about your grandparents. Then again, I never really knew how rich you were, dude.”

  I looked back at Jessie. “My grandparents were very wealthy. Oil wells in Texas. When they passed away, they left everything to my brother and me. My parents are also pretty well off, not like my grandparents by any means, but the house in Belize was their house.”

  “Holy shit. This explains so much,” Jessie whispered.

  “It definitely explains some things, that’s for sure,” Scott said.

  My phone pinged and I pulled it out to see I had a text message from Jerry.

  Jerry: Sorry it took me so long. Dodge isn’t the guy’s real name. Sent you all the info in an email.

  Me: Thanks. Owe you.

  “I mean, now I know how you were able to look up all that information so fast and the connections you have.”

  I gave him a weak smile as I said, “I do have connections, but not all of them are military. Most are CIA.”

  Jessie looked at Scott and then me, “Wait. You said the CIA is trying to bring you on with them, so does that mean your time in the Marines is almost up?”

  I nodded my head.

  “Why didn’t you just tell Azurdee all of this?”

  “I can’t. You can’t either. Why I just spilled my guts out I have no idea, but you cannot repeat anything to anyone. The less Azurdee knows, the better. I need this crazy lunatic to think that Azurdee was just another girl and no one important to me. If they think she can be used to get to me they will take her, and God knows what they would do. You cannot tell her anything.”

  Scott walked backwards and when he hit the steps he sat down. “Holy shit. Lark. This is some…this is…”

  “Heavy shit?” I asked as I walked over and sat down next to him.

  I looked at Jessie and said, “I wasn’t even thinking about Azurdee being here because I kept thinking I was going to miss it.”

  She put her hands up to her mouth again and said, “She asked if you would be here. When Scott said you were out of town I told her no. She said…she said she was bringing someone.”

  I stood up quickly and tried to settle down my instantly beating heart. “Who? Dodge?”

  Jessie gave me a funny look. ??
?Dodge? Who is Dodge?”

  “You don’t know about Dodge? The guy she has gone out with a few times?”

  She shook her head. “No. She hasn’t mentioned him at all, but she also didn’t say who was coming with her. Oh Lark! I’m so sorry.”

  I grabbed onto the railing and slowly sat back down. I was so pissed off I wanted to hit something. I looked over at Scott and he jumped up.

  “Yeah. I’ve seen that look before. Come on, before you want to take your anger out on me. Let’s go shoot.”

  Jessie stood in front of Scott and said, “What? Azurdee is coming soon and possibly with a guy, and you want to give Lark, a trained killer, a gun? Are you insane, Scott?”

  I couldn’t help it. I started laughing. “She does have a point. You know what a good shot I am.”

  The door opened and Scott’s mom called out. “Azurdee is on her way down the drive!”

  I looked at Scott and Jessie and we all said “Oh shit” at the same time.

  Scott grabbed me to walk away but it was too late. She was already in sight and Jessie stood in front of me. “Whoever it is, you have to promise me, you will neither hurt nor kill anyone in the next 24 hours.”

  I gritted my teeth and nodded my head. Jessie turned and began waving as Azurdee parked the car. When an older woman began getting out of the passenger seat, Jessie said, “Thank you God. It’s Azurdee’s mom.”

  I leaned down and whispered, “I promise not to kill Azurdee’s mother.”

  Jessie snapped her head around and glared at me. “Not funny, Lark Williams.”

  Azurdee was smiling until she glanced up and saw me. Her smile faded and then was replaced by a fake smile.

  “Mrs. Emerson! What a surprise! Azurdee said she was bringing someone, but didn’t say it was her mom.”

  Azurdee smiled bigger and said, “Mom, this is Scott Reynolds.”

  Scott walked up and shook her hand and then kissed the back of it, making her blush.

  Azurdee looked at me and I smiled and mouthed hello.

  Mrs. Emerson turned and looked at me and I smiled. We both stood there waiting for Azurdee to introduce us. I finally took the lead.

  “Mrs. Emerson, it is a pleasure to finally meet you. I’m Lark Williams.”

  Her mother’s smile faded for one quick second before returning. “Mr. Williams. It’s nice to finally meet you.”

  “Lark is Lauren’s godfather,” Azurdee said. It was like she had to explain my reason for being there.

  “Oh. Very lovely. Jessie, I’m parched. Tea?”

  Jessie gave a nervous laugh and said, “Yes! My mother in law just made some. Let’s head on in.”

  Azurdee and I managed to avoid each other for the rest of Friday and most of Saturday. I walked around Scott and Jessie’s backyard carrying Lauren in my arms. I hadn’t seen Azurdee since she went inside with her mother and a few other ladies. Lauren laughed and I looked down at her and smiled. She was nine months old now and the cutest damn thing ever. She was so happy all the time, and when I was around her it just made me realize the life I wanted with Azurdee. As we walked up to each person, I said, “My goddaughter, Lauren. Isn’t she going to be a heartbreaker?”

  When Florida Georgia Line’s song “This is How We Roll” began playing, I walked to the dance floor and began dancing with Lauren. As I bounced her around, she began laughing out loud, which caused me to laugh out loud. It was the first time in two months I felt a moment of happiness. Scott walked up and tried to take my sweet angel out of my arms and I turned away from him. He walked around me and I spun away again. This time Lauren really started laughing so Scott and I made a game out of it.

  I finally gave up my girl and handed her to Scott. As he began walking to the house with her, I glanced over and saw Azurdee standing there watching me. My heart dropped just as fast as my smile did when I saw the look on her face. She looked…sad. I smiled, and she returned my smile, but it didn’t touch her eyes. She turned and walked away.

  “Lark, are you up for another dance with a pretty girl?”

  I turned to see one of Jessie’s friends standing there. I gave her a polite smile and said, “Maybe in a bit.” When I turned back around, Azurdee was gone. Shit.

  The party was beginning to wind down and I still hadn’t seen Azurdee. I walked over to Jessie and when she saw me she smiled. “Hey. Looks like you might have stolen another girl’s heart. You know what this means, don’t you?”

  I laughed and said, “No, what does it mean?”

  “You need to come visit your new girl more often,” she said with a wink.

  I nodded my head as I said, “That sounds like a plan.” I glanced around again and asked, “Have you seen Azurdee?”

  She looked around and said, “No. Come to think of it, I haven’t seen her in about thirty minutes. Right before Lauren went down for a nap.”

  Jessie’s friend Ari walked by and said, “She’s down at the main barn. Alone, so if you want to talk to her you better get your ass down there, cowboy.”

  I shook my head and laughed. There was something about that girl. Ari’s husband Jeff was a lucky son of a bitch, that was for sure.

  I looked back at Jessie, “Do you need help with anything?”

  She smiled softly and said, “No. Go talk to her. And Lark, think about telling her the truth. If anyone can keep her safe, it’s you.”

  I felt a sharp pain in my chest as I looked down and said, “I wish that was true.”

  I made my way down to the barn. When I walked in I saw her in a stall brushing a horse. She was humming and I instantly wanted to take her in my arms.

  When I walked closer, I cleared my throat and said, “Hey.” She looked up and the sadness in her eyes caused my heart to feel like a knife just pierced through it.

  She was never going to forgive me. In that very moment, I felt it hit me like a rock wall.

  I’d lost the only woman I’d ever loved.

  I found myself struggling to breathe as I watched Lark dancing with Lauren. The smile on his face was painful and I began dreaming that he was dancing with our daughter.

  Then reality hit me. He didn’t want me. He didn’t want the same things I wanted, which was a future with him. A family. A life together.

  When he looked at me and smiled, I tried so hard to smile back. My heart was breaking all over again.

  I need to get away from him. I can’t take this pain.

  I walked into the barn feeling so tired and so small. Everyone was happy and celebrating, and all I could do was think how I had finally started to feel human again when I had to see him. All the hurt and anger came flooding back.

  I didn’t see him walk into the barn, but I felt him. Any time he entered a room, I could feel his energy move through the air and straight to my body.

  “Hey.”

  I glanced up at him and it felt like I’d died a million deaths when I looked into his eyes. I turned away and went back to brushing the horse.

  When I didn’t answer him, he walked into the stall and picked up another brush and walked to the other side of the horse.

  “Did Scott get a new horse?” he asked.

  I shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t know when they got Biscuit.”

  Another minute or so went by and I couldn’t take it any longer. I took a step away from the horse and walked out of the stall. I felt him behind me. I quickly turned and looked at him.

  “Why did you come down here?” I asked.

  He stared at me and whispered, “I…I just wanted to be near you. I wanted to hear your voice.”

  I looked at him, confused. I shook my head. “I can’t do this.” I let a sob escape and I immediately saw the pain in his eyes.

  My voice cracked as I whispered, “If you don’t want me, you have to let me go.”

  Lark’s eyes narrowed as they searched my face before he looked into my eyes. “No. I never said I didn’t want you.”

  “You did when you let me walk away from you. When you pushed me awa
y from you. I never asked you for anything. I would have done anything for you, Lark. Gone anywhere for you. I’d have given up my dream to be with you.”

  If I hadn’t known better I would swear he was tearing up.

  “Just when I start feeling like I can breathe again, there you are. You show up just to remind me all over again of the pain. Then you have the nerve to tell me you just wanted to be near me.”

  He stood there and said nothing. I could see the pain in his eyes and I was so confused.

  “I love you, Michael. Please tell me how you feel about me. Please just tell me why you’re doing this to me.”

  He looked down and then outside the barn like he was waiting for someone to walk in. When he looked back at me, he went to talk but then stopped himself.

  “Say something to me! Tell me something! Anything!” I shouted as he jumped.

  “Azurdee, I can’t give you what you want. Not yet anyway.”

  I felt the tears begin to fall and my heart was completely shattered.

  “When? When do you think you’re going to be able to, Lark? I love you and if you don’t feel the same…”

  He began shaking his head. Then his cell phone went off and he pulled it out and looked at it. His eyes got big and he looked at me.

  “I am…I have to go. Azurdee, please. Let me talk to you when I get back. Please.”

  I shook my head. “Tell me right now. Do you love me or not?”

  He didn’t say a word, and in that moment his silence told me everything I needed to know.

  “I’m sorry that we don’t want the same things, but I have to say good-bye to you now. I’m officially giving up us, Lark.”

  I turned and walked away from the one man I loved more than life itself.

  Lark called out after me, “Azurdee! Wait! Please let me just talk to you when I get back. Please.”

  I picked up my pace and as soon as I rounded the corner of the barn, I took off running as fast as I could. I had no idea where I was going. I just needed to get as far away as possible.

  I walked into my house and immediately walked to my bedroom and changed into a pair of comfy sweats. I walked up to my drawer and pulled it open. Lark’s T-shirt was sitting right on top. I’d put it there two months ago and hadn’t touched it.