Four Summers

  “What time is the band supposed to be here?” Dad asks. There’s a huge open area in front of the lake, not far from our store. The trees crowd in behind the area and behind our house where the bash takes place. The party area goes partway down the little strip of “beach” that leads around the lake. People don’t travel too far from the main area for the bash. This is where everything “happens.”

  “Same as every year, Dad. Bash starts at four, they’ll be here at two to start setting up.”

  “Shit.” He runs a hand through his slightly graying hair. He’s not old. I’m not sure why he’s going gray suddenly. “We need to set up the stage.”

  I wait for it. Know it will come so I stand up, and as soon as I’m on my feet he says, “Charlie Rae? You think you and Alec could set up the stage?” It’s not hard. I mean, we can handle it. It’s not a big deal to just have Alec and I do it. Or…

  “What about Mom and Sadie? I thought you wanted me to fix the fire pits?”

  He shakes his head. “You know your mom or Sadie Ann can’t do the stage. I’ll finish the fire pits. Come on, Charlie. You’re the only one I can count on.”

  He means Mom and Sadie won’t, not can’t. I’m pretty sure they’re not helpless. They probably wouldn’t even break a nail. But when he says that, reminding me how much he needs me and gives me that kind smile, it’s hard to stay mad at him. “Let me go grab Alec.”

  Dad pulls me to him and kisses my forehead. “Thanks, kid. I love you.”

  “Love you too, Dad.” Then I’m off to find Alec to put up a stage and then end up finishing the pits and to do whatever else to have a huge bash that I want no part of. One I wish I could disappear from all together.

  The Bash is in full swing. I manage to hide out through the first couple hours, making excuses for reasons to go in the house or to the store. There’s live music, dancing, games, and food. People are laughing and talking and singing. Even Mom and Sadie Ann like The Bash. It’s their day to dress up and give people a reason to envy them. It’s the only time they seem to like having The Village.

  I see Sadie dancing on the small dance floor in the sand and watch people circle it, clapping for her. Her dress twirls around her hips and long legs, and I look down at my cut-off shorts and take a minute to thank God that I realize comfort is more important than showing off the assets I don’t have.

  Alec peeks his head through the door. “What are you doing in here, Charlie? Get’cha ass outside and dance with me!”

  “I don’t wanna.” I know protesting won’t work. Alec comes in and grabs my hand and he’s dragging me outside. God, he loves this. Not the showing off and stuff like Sadie, but he loves The Village. A part of me wishes I could love it again, like I used to. It would be so much easier that way.

  He smiles and it’s almost impossible for me not to do the same thing. I see his parents standing with Dad who has actually taken a small break to enjoy himself. Out here in the middle of it, I see how much busier it is than usual. I should be enjoying this. Why aren’t I enjoying this?

  There’s a family of redheads who are staying in one of the cabins a little farther from the lake. They have a two-year-old who’s running around, making everyone around them dance. An older couple that Dad says is on a celebration of life. I guess the husband has cancer and they want to spend a month together on the lake. It’s both sad and romantic and I find it hard to look at them as they hold hands.

  I know the other people filling our cabins are around too, so I try to focus on them.

  They’re all having a good time.

  “You’re going to dance,” Alec says.

  “I’m not,” I tell him. “Plus Sadie is drawing everyone’s attention. I’m not going up there to dance by her.” Her black hair is shinier than mine. Longer than mine, just like her legs are.

  “Then we’ll dance in the sand.” He’s still pulling and I’m still digging in my heels, but I soon give up because I know Alec won’t. He finds us a spot and we start to dance. I’m a tangle of arms and legs, but I don’t care and Alec doesn’t either. That’s part of the best friend code. Thou shall dance stupidly with friends.

  I see some of the girls watching us, and they must be wondering what Alec sees in me. He’s gorgeous and way more social than I am. I know he doesn’t really see anything in me. He’s a flirt, but he never dates any of the girls. He plays sports and has his sporty guy friends, but when he’s not with them, he’s always with me at The Village.

  The fast song changes to a slow one and Alec pulls me to him. I'm just as sweaty as he is, but I know he won’t say anything. I know he won’t care.

  “See? Having fun isn’t so bad.”

  “You really think this is fun?” I ask in his ear. I think maybe there’s something wrong with me. Something I don’t get or somehow lost in the past year. I always say Sadie thinks she’s too good, but can that be me, too? Do I think I’m too good for The Village, only in a different way than Mom or Sadie Ann?

  “Sure.” Alec shrugs. “It’s always been fun. What’s not to like?”

  I don’t know. I wish I did.

  We dance a couple more songs and then hang out with some friends from school. Dad calls me away to help once in a while or to grab something or fix something or whatever other “Charlie” job brings itself to his attention.

  After my errand to go get more ice, I come back outside. They’ve lit the tiki torches and the little twinkling lights that hang all around are lit as the sun starts to go down. It’s getting dark, my favorite time of the day. I love it at night. Love the darkness with those little specks of light decorating the sky. I like to pretend I can visit the stars. That I’ll ride one far away from here one day. It’s a kid’s dream. I know that, but I like it so I plan to keep on dreaming it.

  Alec is surrounded by a group of people from school. Girls are all around him and a couple of the guys from his football team. I know I’ll hear it later if I leave, but I have to get away. Dad might need me or Alec will come looking for me, but I want to chance the stars by myself. Heading back into the house, I go out the back door, which leads to the woods. I don’t go deep, but stay hidden enough that I can walk around the Bash and toward the far area of the lake without anyone seeing me.

  Once I clear the party, I head back toward the beach, staying close to the trees as I make my way down. I can’t go all the way to my favorite spot tonight. There isn’t time and I can’t stay long, but I just need a few minutes to…be. It has a good view here anyway.

  I find a place to sit down by the water. The sky is painted midnight now and I watch the little lights I love start to dot the sky. They’re like candles, and every time a new one is lit, I smile.

  “I’m pretty sure girls who sneak away to go exploring in the woods can be nothing but trouble.”

  I jerk my head to the right to find the face that matches the voice from beside me. But I know. Without looking, I know it’s the summer boy.

  “You’re not going to try to kill me or something, are you? You look like you want to kill me. Not that I would be scared. I just wouldn’t want to have to fight a girl.” He looks amused and I’m not sure how to feel about it.

  Don’t be an idiot, don’t be an idiot, don’t be an idiot. “What? Because I’m a girl I’m nothing to be afraid of? That’s a little sexist, don’t ya think?” I’m not super proud to admit this, but I kind of like it. Not that I don’t want to be a strong girl, because I do. But I like that he notices I am one. It lessens the chance he's going to ask me to put together a stage or lift something heavy.

  “I bet you even followed me in case I needed help,” I say. “Who knows, a girl alone at night? Something scary might happen to her.”

  I can’t see him real well, but I think he’s smiling.

  “Nope. Didn’t want to protect you. You look pretty badass. Just wanted to see what you were sneaking away from—or to.” He sits down next to me. I feel a little jolt of excitement zip through me when his arm brushes mine before he pul
ls away.

  “I’m not running from anyone.”

  “Then why did you sneak around through the woods? You went back in the house, out the back door and through the trees to get here.”

  “Holy stalker.” I scoot over a couple inches. “FYI, I am bad ass and I’m not afraid to use those bad ass skills if I need to.”

  My summer boy laughs. “I don’t doubt that. And I’m not a stalker. Just…curious.”

  Those words do something to me. Turn me inside out. They’re so simple, but there’s never been anyone in my life that’s been curious about me. Probably because everyone knows everything about me. I’m Charlie Rae Gates. My family has lived in Lakeland Village since it’s creation. Mom’s family opened The Village right after they got married. Dad was Mom’s high school boyfriend. He worked here. They got married and took over the place. One day it will be mine. Not Sadie Ann’s, but Charlie’s.

  It’s my destiny. I was born to take care of The Village.

  “I know. It sucks here. I don’t get why people come. You must be pretty bored if the only thing to do is be curious about me.”

  “Ouch,” Summer Boy says. “Is that your way of telling me to get lost?”

  “What?” I look at him and he’s looking at me and I wonder if this could be another one of my moments. No, I tell myself. That’s ridiculous. I don’t know this boy. I’ll probably never see him again after this summer. “I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant…” I shake my head. “Never mind.” It’s not like I’m going to tell him I don’t understand how someone could be curious about me. I may be lame, but I’m not real stoked on making that public knowledge.

  “How ya feeling?” he asks.

  “Huh?” Then I remember yesterday. I ignore the urge to puke, not out of sickness, but embarrassment, and say, “Oh. Much better.”

  “You live here?”

  “Yep.”

  “Like, all the time?”

  “Yep.”

  “Cool.”

  “I guess.” Gah! What’s wrong with me? I sound like an idiot. “Where do you live?”

  “Upstate New York.”

  I look up at the sky and pretend the stars are lights in New York. I wonder if they’d compare to the stars here. If you can see the stars in the city. “I bet this place sucks compared to there.”

  I feel him shrug. “It’s a whole hell of a lot smaller, I can tell you that.”

  I laugh and wonder if maybe he won’t be so bad after all.

  “So…is your boyfriend going to realize you’re gone, coming looking for you and then freak out when he sees us sitting here? My dad might freak out. He gets mad when I get caught fighting.”

  It takes me a minute to realize what he means by boyfriend. I know, I know. It should be obvious, but everyone knows Alec isn’t my boyfriend. They all know I’ve never had one. “Oh, God. He’s totally not my boyfriend.”

  “Looked like it to me.” I think there’s a laugh in his voice. I wonder if he’s laughing at me.

  “Well, he’s not, okay? He’s my best friend.”

  Summer boy stands. I do the same. Neither of us moves, we just stand there side by side.

  “I’m pretty sure that’s code for he wants you. He just hasn’t made a move yet.”

  I don’t reply because it’s so not Alec's style and this summer boy just doesn’t get it.

  “Well, now that I’ve figured out the mystery to where you were sneaking off to, I had better go. I don’t want my parents to freak out. No, that's a lie. I know they won’t freak out, but I’ll pretend they might. My brother might be bored and wonder where I am though.”

  “Oh…okay.” I’m bummed he’s leaving. I’m curious about him and liked the idea of him being curious about me. Waiting for him to go, I look out into the forever night at the stars I love.

  “You like stars?” he asks.

  “I love them. I sneak out a lot at night just to come look at them.” I don’t know why I said that last part, but I figure if I try to make up a reason, I’ll screw it up.

  “Cool,” he says. “Sneaking out is fun. Maybe I’ll see you sometime.”

  That quickly, summer boy turns and starts to walk off. He stops about ten feet away. “Do you want me to walk you back? I feel kind of wrong leaving you out here like this. Not trying to be sexist. Just…what’s that word? Oh, yeah, nice.”

  I giggle. I’m not sure if I’ve ever giggled in my whole life. He’s funny. I like that. “Thank you for asking, but I’ll be okay.”

  “Okay. Cat’cha later. Oh, what’s your name?” he asks.

  I stall a few seconds and he probably wonders what’s wrong with me. He only asked my name. Shouldn’t be that hard of a question.

  “Oh, yeah. It’s Charlie, right?”

  I shake my head and look at him. “Charlotte. My name is Charlotte.”

  “I’m Nathaniel. Cat’cha later, Charlotte.”

  This time when Nathaniel walks away from me, he doesn’t stop.

  Long after all the guests have gone back to their cabins, and everyone from town has gone home, Dad, Alec, Alec’s parents–Maggie and Randy–Sadie Ann and I are cleaning up the mess. It has to be ready for tomorrow, where we’ll be up bright and early for another day. That’s probably the only reason Dad made Sadie help.

  “It sucks he makes us do this. It’s not our job,” she whines for the millionth time, as she walks by me. Like all the other times, I ignore her.

  I’m thinking about Nathaniel. Still wondering what made him decide I was a mystery. Yeah, I know it was probably just because I went off from the group and hid out in the woods, but he had to have been watching me to know that, right? So why? What made him watch me?

  Suddenly looking less annoyed than before, Sadie whispers, “Oh my God. Did you see the boys in 3B? They’re freaking gorgeous!”

  No! No, no, no, no. I don’t want her to think that. Don’t want her to have anything to do with 3B and Nathaniel because he’s intrigued by me. He talked to me. She gets a part of everything, and I want this for myself. “No. I didn’t notice them.”

  “I swear, Charlie. When are you going to grow up? You wouldn’t notice a cute boy if he kissed you. That tomboy stuff might be okay when you’re younger, but you need to get out of it.”

  “I’m not a tomboy.” Kind of a lie. We both know I am, but who cares? Can’t I be both? Not like to wear dresses and notice cute boys?

  “Whatever. I think the younger one is your age. Not that you aren't practically married to Alec already, but still. The other one is my age. I can tell. I think I heard them say his name is Brandon.”

  “Cool.” I try to ignore her as I pull down keep filling the bag with trash.

  “He’s going to be the perfect way to spend the summer, Charlie. I’m finally excited about something. I can’t wait to have him.”

  She dances away. Sadness wraps its ugly, lonely hand around me. Brandon has nothing to do with Nathaniel, but I don’t want her to want him. Being around Brandon means being around Nathaniel and no one notices me when Sadie Ann is there. No one but Alec, who I know to the marrow of my bones doesn’t see me as more than his best friend. The one who doesn’t understand when I say I want more than the life I have right now. I think Alec looks at me and sees The Village he loves so much.

  The next day, Sadie Ann doesn’t stay in the store. She’s outside with the rest of us, working in the sun. And when there isn’t work to do, she’s still out here, which I guess isn’t as unusual as her breaking a sweat for The Village. She suntans by the water, and again, that isn’t anything new. She does it every summer, but it feels different right now because I know she’s hoping to see Brandon. It shouldn’t bother me, but no matter how hard I try I can’t stop the anger from glaring daggers every time I look at my sister.

  “What’d Sadie do? You’ve been giving her the evil eye all morning.” Alec says. Leave it to him to notice.

  “Nothing.” I walk over to the dock, which isn’t too far from Sadie, and sit down. Alec
sits beside me.

  “What do you wanna do today?” he asks.

  We spend a lot of time working, but it’s not like that’s all we do. Lots of the guests are pretty much on their own and don’t need us often. There are boat rentals and sometimes people want us to take them on a tour, but usually they’re good to go by themselves. It isn’t like I don’t have any free time here, even though it never really feels free. I’m still always inside the cage of this town. Of my life. “I don’t know. What do you want to do?”

  Alec shrugs, pushing his blond hair out of his eyes. As he does, I see something in his expression change. He’s looking over my shoulder. While I turn to see what it is, he says, “Looks like Sadie found a way to keep herself busy this summer.”

  My stomach sinks as I see her smiling up at Brandon. He’s standing beside her and she’s holding her hand over her eyes to block the sun, a huge smile on her face. Her red bikini looks perfect against her golden skin. Especially when you count the boobs she has holding them up. The bumps under my tank top aren’t even a quarter of hers and she’s only a year older than me. I dust off my shorts like it matters.

  A movement behind Brandon catches my eye and I notice Nathaniel standing there. He has a Yankees hat on, that I watch him turn around and wear backward, with cargo shorts and a white t-shirt. He gives me that nod that boys do, slightly lifting his head and sends a partial smile in my direction.

  “You know him?” Alec’s voice has a strange sound to it.

  “No,” I shake my head, but I’m still looking at Nathaniel. “I ran into him, but I don’t know him.” Which I guess is really what Alec is asking. Nathaniel hasn’t been here long. It’s not like I can really know him.

  Brandon sits down next to Sadie and Nathaniel nods his head again, this time calling me over. Well, me and Alec over, I mean.

  My heart darts through my chest like a shooting star. He steps closer to his brother and Sadie before sitting down, too. His feet are flat on the ground, his knees up with his arms resting on them. He looks so relaxed. So comfortable. I find it hard to breathe.