The Beast Within

  After breakfast, I blurred out of my pajamas and slipped on my prom dress. A deep red color, it had a plunging neckline, a wrapped waist, and a flowing hemline that needed a couple of inches taken off. Alanna wanted to see how the silky fabric moved in the sunlight, so she was going to hem it in the living room. Floor-to-ceiling windows in there flooded the room with light, and it was filled to the brim with plush couches and lounge chairs—the perfect spot to grab my tablet and settle down with a good book; the peaceful room was one of my favorite places here at the ranch.

  While Alanna zipped away to get her sewing supplies, I pulled my hair into an updo. Securing it with a pencil lying on the kitchen counter, I debated if that was how I should wear it at the dance. Then I wondered if I should even still go. It seemed like a waste of time with everything else going on. Maybe I’d cancel and come out to the ranch that night. I’d be safe here while my parents looked out for Julian. And I’d be near Hunter, assuming he stayed.

  Just when I was about to head to the living room, I felt something that pierced my heart. Hunter was awake, and he was coming upstairs. I froze in shock and surprise. Why was he still up? Why was he coming up here? When the sun was out? He’d burn to a crisp. As the shock of his moving presence wore off, I remembered that Gabriel had recently vampire-proofed the windows in the living room. They’d give a pureblood a few minutes of sun tolerance, and Hunter must know that.

  I placed my hand over my heart to try and calm the wildly beating organ, while I felt Hunter emerge from downstairs and head to the windows. He hadn’t said anything yet, hadn’t acknowledged my presence or my rapid heartbeat; he must be so caught up in what he was seeing. He probably would when I moved. Taking a deep breath, I quietly walked into the living room. Seeing him standing there broke my heart. He had his back to me, his hand on the glass, as he stared at one of the things that had been ripped away from him the moment he’d converted—the sun.

  As I’d predicted, moving toward him had broken the spell of the sun, and alerted him to my presence. Hunter tilted his head, listening to my heartbeat, but he didn’t run away, and he didn’t look at me. It seemed like he couldn’t tear his eyes away from the view. Voice pained, he whispered, “Gabriel told me about this. I didn’t think I’d ever get to see sunlight again, and I’ve missed it…so much. This is incredible….”

  Moved by him, worried for him, I cautiously approached the windows. “Did he also tell you it was temporary?”

  As I stepped to his side, Hunter let out a sigh full of resignation. He glanced my way without really looking at me. A long, blood-red tear rolled down his cheek, staining his shirt when it fell from his skin. “Yes.” His mournful eyes returned to the sun. “I know my time is short.”

  I wasn’t entirely sure what he meant by “time,” and it terrified me. Needing to comfort him, needing to touch him, I reached down for his free hand. He was freezing cold, but I curled my fingers around his anyway. I thought he’d pull back, yank his hand from mine, but he didn’t. Instead, he hummed, “You’re so warm,” and clenched me tight.

  Hunter’s eyes rimmed with more bloody tears waiting to fall as his gaze drifted back and forth over the sunlit countryside. He didn’t look any more fed or rested than he had last night. If anything, the light of day upon his gaunt face made him look even sicklier than before. Stroking his hand with my thumb, I gently asked, “Why are you awake?”

  His mouth fell open before he spoke. “I couldn’t sleep.”

  He turned his head to me. “I still can’t get used to sleeping during the day. You’d think I would have by now, but I just…can’t…and I’m so tired.”

  His eyes locked onto mine, and for a moment, he seemed mesmerized, like I was more absorbing than the sun. My heart picked up intensity under his gaze, and my nerves spiked. I longed for him to make some move toward me—brush a strand of hair away from my forehead, touch my cheek, put his arm around me…anything. I’d take any moment of connection I could. The redness in his eyes dissipating, his gaze shifted to my dress…my prom dress. “You look beautiful,” he murmured.

  With every place his eyes flashed over, I became increasingly more aware of the cut of my dress—how low the front plunged, the fact that it was sleeveless, the fact that my hair was still up and my neck was exposed. I was showing him a lot of skin, and he liked it. It warmed me; I wanted him to see me as attractive for more than just my heat and heartbeat.

  “Thank you,” I told him. Feeling courageous, I took a step into his side and moved our joined hands behind me, so his fingers were resting near my backside. It was the closet I could get to him embracing me. My heart was thudding in my chest, which only made Hunter pay even more attention to me. And I loved it.

  Hunter’s thumb brushed against the silky fabric of my dress, and a trickle of desire seeped into me. I wanted to kiss him…so much. Would he let me? Or would he run away? Hunter’s gaze slid up my body to focus on my neck. “You’re gorgeous in the sun. You…glow, like an angel.” His eyes lifted to mine. “Why are you wearing a dress?”

  I took another step into him, so that our sides were pressed together. Even through our clothes, I could feel his chill. “Prom…” I whispered, silently begging him to kiss me, to tell me he still loved me, and we could still be together.

  His hand released mine, but instead of pushing me away, his palm ran up my back. I shivered under his touch as he pulled me closer. “You’re going to prom?” His lips parted as he stared at my mouth. “Who’s taking you?”

  “A friend.” I chewed on my lip to control the pleased noise I wanted to make. His fingers on my skin were driving me crazy, in a really good way. I was so incredibly grateful that Julian was still sleeping.

  “Just a friend?” he asked, his face inching closer to mine.

  “Just a friend…” I repeated. Excited, eager, but still being careful, I reached up and wiped the bloody remnants of his tear from his cheek. Or tried to. Blood wasn’t easy to wipe away. Eventually I gave up and cupped his cool, course skin, since that was what I’d really wanted to do anyway. Half closing his eyes, Hunter nuzzled against my hand like a cat. He even made a deep rumbling noise in his throat.

  “Your heat… God, it feels so good. You feel so good…you sound so good…you smell so good.” His eyes burned with desire and need when he fully opened them. “Your dress…that color…it does something to me.” His fangs crashing down, he breathed, “I’ve never wanted you more than I do right now.”

  I had no idea which way he wanted me, and I really didn’t care, I wanted him, too. The longing in my body extinguished any amount of caution left in me, and I pulled his mouth to mine. We collided in a blending of warmth and coolness that was absolute bliss. As my fingers ran back to thread through his hair, Hunter pushed me into the windows. His body pressed against mine, and I trembled with the freezing heat. As our mouths voraciously worked together, I was aware of his teeth nicking me. I didn’t care though. His hard body against me, his soft lips, his searching tongue lightly touching mine…I just couldn’t find it in me to care about his teeth. When I tasted blood in my mouth, my own fangs crashed down, but I didn’t care about that either.

  Hunter cared.

  He groaned in a whimpering way that had little to do with desire. I gasped for breath when his mouth left mine. His lips worked their way down my neck, and all I could think through my haze of desire was—Yes, please…bite me. His cold mouth latched onto my neck and his jaw tightened. I tensed, waiting for the pain that I knew was coming, waiting for him to puncture my skin. It didn’t happen though. Panting, Hunter turned away from me. “No, I can’t do this. You should get away from me, Nika. Right now, before I do something we both regret.”

  Grabbing his face, I turned him back to me. “No, I want to stay with you.” His fangs were down, his eyes hooded. A trace amount of blood was on his lips. My blood. Realizing my fangs were down too, I quickly pulled them back up. In as soothing of a voice as I could muster, I whispered, “It’s okay. Whatever you??
?re feeling right now is okay.”

  Narrowing his eyes, he shook his head. “What I’m feeling? I want to tear into your skin. I want your blood in my mouth. How is that okay?” He looked ill, just from admitting that to me.

  He immediately started to pull away, and I could tell he was about to blur from the room, from whatever it was that he was feeling—guilt, disgust…desire. “Don’t. Don’t leave…don’t run away again.” Just wanting him to feel okay being close to me, I laced my arms around his neck, and held him tight against me. “Stay…talk to me. Tell me everything you’re going through. I know you’re hurting.”

  His hands came up to remove my arms, but I wouldn’t let him go. “What more is there to say, Nika? I want you in all these ways I shouldn’t. You’re not safe with me.”

  Holding his face right in front of mine, I made him look at me. “Yes, I am safe with you. Wanting my blood doesn’t mean you’ll take it. You’ve already proven that. Trust yourself…I trust you.”

  “Nika…I…”

  His eyes lowered to my lips. Feeling that spark rekindling, I started to pull his mouth back to mine. A voice interrupted our connection. “Everything all right in here?”

  Hunter turned from me as Alanna stepped into the room with her sewing kit firmly in her hand. She was tense, sizing up Hunter like he might lunge for my jugular at any moment. Feeling her unease, I dropped my arms from around him, and finally let him leave my side. I thought he would vanish in an instant, but surprisingly, he stayed. It gave me hope.

  Her wizened eyes focusing on me, Alanna murmured, “You’ve got a little blood there, dear.” Reaching in her pocket, she pulled out a tissue and blotted the corner of my mouth; I could feel the sting from where my lip was cut. Her gaze flashed back to Hunter as she said, “Wouldn’t want a drop to stain that beautiful dress.”

  Swallowing, Hunter looked away, back toward the sunshine that had drawn him to this room in the first place. He discretely wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and shoved it into his pocket, out of my grandmother’s sight. I was sure she already knew though. She knew everything that had just happened.

  As Alanna knelt and began pinning up my dress, silence fell over the room. Just as I was wondering how much longer Hunter had before the sunlight eventually bothered him, he spoke. Still staring out the windows, he said in a quiet voice, “I didn’t mean what I said earlier.”

  My heart sank as I wondered what he was referring to. Wanting me? Thinking I was beautiful? My lips still burned from where his had been pressed against me. Was that scorching kiss what he was now regretting?

  I turned my head to look at him, to question him with my eyes. He turned to me at the same time, then glanced down at my grandmother adjusting my dress. “When I said I wanted to tear into her skin…I didn’t mean it. I wouldn’t ever hurt her.”

  I felt a flush of heat run up my chest as I remembered that part of our encounter. Alanna had most definitely heard him. Thank God it was early and Dad was still asleep. He probably would have thrown Hunter across the room if he’d walked in on us. He possibly would have thrown him out the window if he’d heard him say that.

  Alanna paused in her pinning and looked up at him. Her expression was one of patience and firmness. It was a look I’d seen on Dad countless times when he was about to tell us something he knew we wouldn’t want to hear. “Yes, Hunter, you did mean it.” Hunter turned from the windows to face her, his mouth opening in protest. Alanna anticipated his remark and beat him to the punch. “No, you’re wrong. As much as it disgusts you, blood is what you really want. It’s a simple truth, one you’re trying desperately to deny.”

  Alanna stood up and pricked her finger with a pin. A red bead formed on the top of her finger—a perfect ball of blood. With just that small exposure, a burst of fresh, blood-scented fragrance filled the air. A low growl escaped Hunter’s chest for a second before he shook his head and looked away. Alanna sucked the blood off her finger, then pointed at him. “The ironic thing here is that you don’t want to hurt anyone. I can see that, clear as day, but by doing what you’re doing, denying your body what it needs, you’re actually making yourself more dangerous to others. Dangerous to Nika. And that is why my son doesn’t trust you with her.”

  Hunter hung his head, then peeked up at Alanna. Face forlorn, he sounded like he was defending a losing argument when he answered her. “I stopped myself from biting her. I would never bite her.” His eyes, soulful and apologetic, shifted to me. I wanted to hug him, but I knew he wouldn’t let me get that close, not with Alanna watching us.

  As if sensing what I wanted to do, Alanna approached him and gently placed her hand on his arm. “You stopped yourself this time, but as long as you keep starving your body, you’re a threat to her. To Julian. To Linda. To my husband. To all humans. You’re making yourself into the very monster you fear.”

  Hunter shook as he stood in a bright patch of sunlight, then he cringed like he had a white-hot spotlight shining in his eyes. He looked over at me while Alanna whispered, “You’re holding on by a very thin thread, Hunter. How long before it snaps?”

  Hunter immediately returned his eyes to hers. “I don’t want to be like this…but…I don’t want to be the alternative either. I don’t know what to do.” Flinching, he took a step away from the windows, and rubbed the arm that was getting the full force of the sun upon it.

  Alanna shrugged. “You’re either going to be one or the other, Hunter—a starved vampire who’s a threat to everyone, or a full vampire who has better things to do than dream about blood all day. You have to choose which ‘evil’ you can live with.” She said evil with a small twist to her lip. None of us truly felt we were evil. We were just…us.

  Seemingly deep in thought, Hunter stared at Alanna without even blinking. Then his face cracked in pain, and he hissed in a sharp breath. Backing away, he glared at the sunlight that was now starting to cause him pain.

  “It’s time for you to go,” I told him, taking a small step forward. When he looked at me, I indicated the windows. “The light is getting to you.”

  Keeping his arm up as a shield, Hunter peeked out at the countryside, then back to me. “I hate to go…it’s so beautiful.” His eyes slid down my dress as he spoke, and I wasn’t entirely sure if he meant the sunshine, or me.

  Watching my grandmother warily, hoping she didn’t stop me, I stepped in front of Hunter. “Please go downstairs. I don’t like to see you in pain.” I maintained my distance from him, but extended my hand—in support, in friendship, and in love.

  Face contorted in discomfort, Hunter hesitated a moment, then grabbed my hand. It made my pulse quicken to feel his icy touch again, but knowing I was being watched, I shoved aside the feeling as best I could. “Come on,” I whispered, leading him forward.

  Together, we approached the secret entrance to the light-proof underground layers where the purebloods waited out the day. The bookcase that hid the entrance was already swung inward, open and waiting for Hunter’s return. Hunter darted through the opening and sank back into the darkness of the hallway with a relieved sigh. As I hovered at the edge of daylight and darkness, Hunter clenched my hand tight, not pulling me with him, but not letting me go either. The peaceful glow of his eyes radiated warmth back to me as he leaned against the wall, recovering. Hypnotic or not, I could have stared into those eyes all day.

  Even surrounded in darkness, I could tell he was still in pain. Giving his hand one last squeeze, I told him, “You need to go…get some sleep. I’ll see you when you wake up.”

  Exhausted, he nodded. “Thank you, Nika,” he whispered. “For caring about me, even when you shouldn’t.”

  Conscious of my grandmother approaching, I shook my head and tenderly said, “No matter what happens, I’ll always care about you.” Wishing he could stay, wishing I could go, I darted into the tunnel and did something reckless—I quickly tossed my arms around his neck and pulled his lips to mine. As before, he didn’t pull away. He kissed me with as much passi
on as I kissed him. With his fangs safely pulled up, the kiss was better, sweeter, softer. I wanted to kiss him forever, but I heard him whimper in pain, felt him cringing beneath my fingertips as I caressed his cheek. The scant amount of sunlight still reaching him in here was hurting him. I needed to let him hide.

  Breathless, I stepped out of the tunnel, pulling the hidden door closed behind me. As I leaned against the bookcase, catching my breath, I heard Hunter let out a long, smooth exhale. “Goodnight, Nika,” his voice rumbled out to me.

  Smiling to myself, I whispered back, “Goodnight.”

  When I turned around to face my grandmother, she was eyeing me with a sad, compassionate expression. “I hope…” She started to say something, then she shook her head and gave me a soft smile. “Things will get better. He just needs time.”

  I nodded as I longingly looked back at the bookcase separating Hunter and me. I supposed, if anything else, that was one bright spot for the two of us…we had an endless amount of time. Indicating the wide windows streaming with sunlight, Alanna soothingly said, “Let’s finish fixing your dress before everyone wakes up.”

  I thought that was probably a good idea, and walked back into the natural lighting so she could finish her work. Staring at the windows kept Hunter forefront in my mind, not that he usually wasn’t there anyway. I could still feel his body against mine, still see the hollowness of his cheeks, the colorlessness of his skin. I wondered if our meeting had brought him any sort of peace, wondered if he was sleeping now, or still wide awake.

  Hearing the rest of my family start to stir, I looked up at the ceiling, then back down to Alanna. “Grandma…” Her pale eyes lifted to mine. Pointing up, I shook my head, pointed to where Hunter had disappeared, then brought my finger to my lips. Alanna tilted her head, but I knew she understood—Please don’t tell my parents what happened with Hunter. I wasn’t sure what she would say, if she would keep my secret or spill the beans. I wasn’t sure if it really mattered either, but I didn’t want my dad to freak out and make us go home. I didn’t want him to forbid me from ever coming back here. And he might, if he knew just how close Hunter had come to drinking from me.