The Beast Within

  I closed my side of the bathroom door once I was finished, then changed and got ready for bed. It was early, but I hadn’t been sleeping well recently, and I really wanted a decent amount of rest tonight. Maybe I’d feel better in the morning. Maybe I’d be able to hold onto this sliver of hope I’d found tonight. After changing into my pajamas, I stared at my dresser; just looking at it made a searing pain rip through my chest. Sitting atop the dresser were two items that were very morbid to have in a bedroom—urns. One was gray granite mixed with specks of rose quartz, and the other was pitch black; the black stone reminded me of a pool of deep red blood. Both had fangs engraved into the stone, so subtly that you wouldn’t realize what they were unless you firmly believed in my kind.

  An internal battle stirred my soul as I stared at the inanimate objects. These things were important to me, but they were also holding me down. If I was ever going to be free, I needed to be rid of them. I took a step toward my dresser, then stopped. Just the idea of removing them from my sight was difficult. I could see Hunter’s face with picture perfect clarity whenever I looked at his urn—the darkness of his hair, the intensity of his eyes, the course stubble along his jaw. His features were clear as day when my eyes traced the etching of his name upon the blackness. As was his voice.

  “I want you to keep it. Store it next to my sister’s. I don’t deserve her company.” And the last thing I’d ever heard him say to me. “I love you, too.”

  The memory was too much to bear, and I felt the edge of defeat crawl up my spine. Knowing what I had to do, I picked up each urn. They felt like they weighed a thousand pounds as I held them to my chest. Keeping my emotions as level as possible, I walked downstairs and into the garage. Some cardboard boxes were lying on my dad’s workbench. Finding one that was the right size, I placed the urns inside it. I packed them carefully so they wouldn’t break, then I taped up the box.

  Pulling out Dad’s ladder, I dragged it over to the access panel for the storage space. Popping open the hole that led to a small attic caused a light layer of plaster to fall around me. Feeling sniffly for a few different reasons, I grabbed the box and gently pushed it up into the hole. Once it was in the attic, I climbed up and stared down at it.

  With a loving hand, I traced the line of tape across the top. Tears pricked my eyes as I murmured, “Goodbye, Hunter.” Then, before I could lose my courage, I shoved the box to the far end of the space. It smashed up against some long-forgotten boxes that had been here prior to us moving in. That felt appropriate. Maybe one day, I’d forget they were there too.

  It was several minutes later before I returned to the main portion of the house. Mom was right there, her brown eyes searching my tear-streaked face. “Are you okay?”

  All I felt now was relief. I’d physically let Hunter go, and now I could begin to emotionally let him go. I could get past this…I could move on. I was sure of it. I smiled at Mom as I answered, feeling better than I had in a really long time. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

  “SO, NIKA, WHO are you going to go to Junior Prom with?”

  Sighing, I lifted my gaze from my lunch to stare at Arianna sitting across the table from me. Posters for the big event at the end of the month were everywhere I looked. It was Cinderella-themed, which I was trying to appreciate, since I had, at one point in my life, really enjoyed fairytales. I wasn’t going to prom though; I could appreciate the fantasy just fine from my living room couch.

  “For the twentieth time, I’m not going.” Amused at the bewildered expression on her face, I resumed eating my pita pocket.

  Arianna had the same surprised reaction every time I told her I wasn’t going. I really thought she’d be used to it by now. “But it’s Junior Prom, Nika. It only happens once in your life. I don’t want you to miss out…”

  Trey, sitting beside me, pointed his fork at Arianna. “It doesn’t necessarily only happen once. My cousin went to Junior Prom three times.” He looked over at me; the red tinge in his eyes implied that he’d imbibed in a little herbal refreshment today. His smell confirmed it. “Course, my cousin’s a skank. She only got invited to go every year because everybody knew she put out.”

  I smirked at him. “Nice.”

  With a shrug, Trey returned to his watery mac-and-cheese. Julian paused to laugh at his best friend. My brother was sitting as close to Arianna’s side as a person could get, so close that he had to eat with his left hand so he didn’t bump her with every bite. He ate that way every single day. Julian was quickly becoming ambidextrous.

  Crunching on a particularly loud piece of lettuce, I told Arianna, “I don’t want to go. And besides, nobody’s asked me.” I smiled around my food as I chewed. That had to end the conversation, since I couldn’t go without a date. I should have known better though. Arianna could be persistent when she was on a mission, and apparently getting me to prom was her newest mission.

  Smiling bright, she said, “You still have two weeks. That’s plenty of time to be asked. We just have to put the word out that you’re available.”

  She looked around the cafeteria, like she was scouting for potential suitors in the crowd. I suddenly felt like a sack of meat about to be auctioned to the highest bidder. Look guys, she’s got shapely hips and a decent face. And, as a bonus, she promises to not make you buy her a corsage or do the Electric Slide.

  Frowning, I reiterated, “I don’t want to go. Really, I don’t mind missing out on this one.”

  Ignoring me, Arianna muttered, “Clancy just broke up with Julia. He probably needs a date. Or Luke…he’s gay, but I’m sure he’d go with a girl if we asked real nice.” Her gaze shifted to the other end of the room. “Or Austin. He’s new. I’m sure he’s still single. He’d probably take you.”

  Now my face shifted into disbelief. Openmouthed, I twisted to glare at Julian. “Can you please stop her? The more she talks, the more pathetic I sound.”

  Julian smiled over at Arianna, then gave her a swift kiss on the cheek. His mood amused, he told her, “Nick doesn’t want to go…we shouldn’t force her.” He glanced at me. “She’d just pout the entire time anyway.”

  Giving him a dirty look, I chucked an apple slice at him. He easily caught it, shoving the entire thing in his mouth. While he noisily chewed, Arianna said, “But it just won’t be the same if we don’t all go together.” Getting an idea, she turned her attention to Trey. “Who are you going with?”

  My eyes widened as Trey shrugged. “I don’t know. Hadn’t thought about it yet.” Tucking his dirty blond hair behind his ears, he scrunched his eyes in confusion. “When the heck is that anyway?”

  Arianna’s face brightened as my heart sank. Oh no, no, no. I was not going with Trey. “Perfect! You two can go together.” Clapping her hands, she gave Julian a satisfied smile. “That solves everything.”

  No. No. No.

  Trey gave me a languid smile as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders. I felt lightheaded just by the smell imbedded in his clothing. “Awesome. Me and Little A, dancing the night away.” He pressed his body against mine. “Sounds heavenly.”

  As politely as I could, I shoved him away from me. “No, I don’t think so.”

  Arianna’s expression turned sympathetic. “Please, Nika. I hate the idea of you staying home, hurt and sulking. If you’re truly going to move on…let go…then you need to get back out there. And we’ve been planning prom since freshman year. I know deep-down you want to go. I don’t want you to leave high school with regrets.”

  Remembering our past excitement, our many conversations about who we’d take and what we’d wear, made my resolve weaken. Prom had always meant more to Arianna than it had to me, but I’d loved the idea of experiencing it together. And she made a good point: I didn’t want to leave school and regret not sharing the night with my best friends…because of a boy. And if I went with Trey, at least my date would know for certain that there wasn’t any possibility of a romantic hookup. I was already used to Trey’s outlandish flirting, and I rejected him on an almos
t daily basis. He wouldn’t be shocked if I told him I’d rather paint my nails than go out with him. And dancing with Trey might be fun. Maybe. “Okay, Arianna…you win.”

  She squealed in delight, then reached over the table to hug me. “This will be fun, Nick, I promise!” Repressing a weary exhale, I hoped that she was right.

  When lunch was over, Arianna gave Julian a goodbye hug that lasted for several eternities. I could almost feel myself aging while I waited for my friend so we could walk to class together. You’d think Julian was going off to war by the way they clung to each other, but instead of interrupting, I let them have their moment.

  My eyes unintentionally swung to my prom date. Trey was sitting on the edge of the table, kicking his legs as he stared off into space. He seemed oblivious to the world as he waited for Julian, but I wondered if he really was. Trey had shown a lot of insight when the ordeal with Hunter and his father had blown up in our faces a few months ago. He was a lot smarter than he let on. If only he’d stop baking his mind nearly every day, he’d probably be a lot quicker.

  Just as I was wondering if Trey was even using his brain at the moment, he glanced up at me and indicated across the room with his head. “Looks like Julian’s got an admirer.”

  My eyes instantly flashed to where Trey had been staring. Sure enough, someone across the room was openly watching my brother and Arianna. I frowned when I recognized the dark-haired girl. Raquel. She was with a group of kids who were slowly filing out of the room as they meandered to class. Her boyfriend, the obtuse Russell Morrison, was nowhere in sight. That was probably why Raquel was taking the opportunity to blatantly stare at my brother. Russell was the jealous type, especially when it came to Julian. Raquel had actually broken up with Russell a while ago, finally choosing my brother over the brute. But unfortunately, she’d been too late, and Julian had already started dating Arianna. Surprising, and pleasing, the hell out of me, Julian had turned down Raquel when she’d hit on him. But instead of remaining strong and tough on her own, Raquel had gone right back to Russell when it had become clear that Julian wasn’t going to leave Arianna for her. Made no sense to me. She would have been happier alone.

  Raquel’s dark eyes were glued on Julian, so she didn’t see me watching her. To get her attention, I stepped between her and my brother. Her cheeks flushed with color, and her eyes refocused on me. She immediately turned away, tucking her hair behind her ears and laughing at a friend…who wasn’t even looking at her. It was a sad attempt to make it seem like she hadn’t been ogling Julian. It instantly irritated me. She shouldn’t be longingly staring at Julian, not with how long she’d toyed with him. Julian was happy now, dating my best friend, and Raquel needed to accept that.

  Feeling my surge of aggravated protectiveness, Julian pulled away from Arianna to look my way. “What’s wrong?”

  His eyes looked beyond mine to Raquel gathering her things and preparing to leave. A frown formed on his lips, as Arianna asked, “What is it?”

  Curling her arms around Julian’s bicep, she stared up at him like he held all the answers to life’s many mysteries. Smoothing his expression, Julian smiled down at her. “Nothing that matters anymore.”

  Arianna glanced past me, to see Raquel leaving the room with her friends. Arianna’s expression grew guarded, and her brows furrowed as she nibbled on her bottom lip. As happy as Arianna was with Julian, a part of her still worried that he’d dump her any second for Raquel; that was why they weren’t officially boyfriend and girlfriend yet.

  Stepping in front of Arianna, blocking her view of Raquel’s retreating form, Julian said, “I’m yours, same as I was yesterday, same as I’ll be tomorrow. You’re the one I want to be with, Arianna.”

  Right in front of my eyes, my friend melted into a puddle of romantic, sappy goo. I was a little surprised her knees didn’t buckle. Julian was getting good at this kind of stuff. He must have picked up a thing or two from Dad. Or Halina, although her form of romanticism was usually a little more X-rated. Giggling, Arianna laced her arms around Julian’s neck and pulled him in for another kiss.

  Groaning, I turned away again. “We should go, Arianna. We need to get to class. You can maul my brother later.”

  Arianna giggled in a way that made a flash of desire wash through Julian. I shot him a glance, and he grimaced in embarrassment. Damn bond. Studiously ignoring me, he told Arianna, “I’ll see you after school.” The lovebirds didn’t have another class together today, hence the epically long goodbyes.

  “See ya,” she sighed as I dragged her away.

  When we were free of the cafeteria, I rolled my eyes at her. “Jeez, Arianna. You could at least try to play hard to get.”

  She cuddled into my side just like she’d cuddled into Julian’s. “Why would I want to do that? Your brother’s dreamy.” Laying her head on my shoulder, she sighed again.

  Looking back, I saw Julian and Trey heading off in the opposite direction. Julian was laughing, his mood light and happy. It was a far cry from his disposition earlier in the school year when he’d been the dour one. Twisting around to Arianna, I laid my head on hers. “I’m glad you guys are happy.”

  Arianna broke our contact and looked up at me. “Are you happy?” she asked, her lips curling into a frown.

  Watching the cracked concrete at my feet, I debated what to tell her. I felt something sort of like happiness at times, but I certainly wasn’t Julian’s level of giddy. I was mainly…resigned. This was my life, and I had to deal with it the best I could. Not sure how else to answer her, I simply said, “I’m not miserable. And that’s enough for now.”

  Arianna sighed and stared at the ground. “Have you heard from…him?”

  I knew exactly which him she meant and woefully shook my head. “No, not since the night he told me goodbye in my bedroom.”

  The memory started bubbling to the surface, but I pushed it down. I didn’t want to relive the moment when Hunter had left my life for good. I was trying to move past him. I’d even tried to stop cataloging his location, which was still miles from the ranch.

  Arianna rubbed my arm, while I forced myself not to wonder why Hunter was so far south. “I’m sure it’s for the best, Nick. I mean, what future could you really have with a vampire?”

  So only my ears would hear her, she’d barely breathed the word vampire. I gave her a smirk in response. “That’s an interesting question, considering who you’re dating.”

  Scoffing, she shoved my shoulder away from her. “Julian’s barely a VP, and you know it. He’s pretty much just got the sexy teeth.” Biting her lip, she giggled, “And, oh my God, they’re so freaking hot.”

  Cringing, I tried to scrub the image of my brother dropping his fangs and playfully growling at Arianna. Unfortunately, I’d heard him do it on more than one occasion. “Ugh, Arianna, I don’t want to hear about how hot my brother is to you. It’s disturbing.”

  Arianna continued laughing for a moment, then she sighed. “I’m serious about you and Hunter though. Maybe it’s for the best that the two of you…aren’t together. You’re so different now.” She pointed up at the sky. “He’s up all night, you’re up all day. He’s got an entirely different…appetite than you, and kids…kids are definitely out.” I frowned at all the truths she was spouting at me. Face sympathetic, she gently added, “And don’t forget that his entire family wants to kill yours.”

  I was about to tell her that her concerns weren’t all warranted—the blood one was fine, since that would eventually be my diet too—when a thought struck Arianna, and she stopped walking. “Oh, my God…will Hunter still try to kill you? Even though he’s kind of…one of you?”

  Adjusting my backpack, I stopped with her. “I don’t…think so.”

  She narrowed her eyes. “But you don’t know for sure?”

  I lifted my chin, exuding more confidence than I actually felt. “He won’t hurt me. He won’t hurt my family. That’s not who he is anymore.”

  Arianna smiled in support, but I could se
e the doubt in her eyes. “That’s what you hope, and I hope for everyone’s sake that you’re right…but you haven’t spoken to him in a long time, Nika. His head might be in an entirely different place than you think it is…”

  A part of me wanted to disagree with her…but I couldn’t. She was right. I didn’t know for sure where his head was, and I didn’t know how much he was hurting. All I knew was that Hunter was now something he’d never wanted to be, and he was struggling with that fact. And truly, it wasn’t completely beyond the realm of possibility that he might take his grief out on my family. I think he would hate himself even more if he did, but I couldn’t just blindly pretend that it was an unthinkable scenario. Hunter could still want to kill us.

  Resuming our walk to class, I morosely told Arianna, “You’re right…I don’t know. But Grandma is watching him closely, and I do know that she would never let him hurt us. She’d kill him first.”

  I stopped talking after that. I had to. My throat had cinched tight, and no amount of swallowing could loosen the knot.

  The rest of school went by mundanely enough. Arianna told me all about her master plan for prom; she’d already spotted the perfect dress. She was so excited that we were all going together. I wasn’t as excited yet, but I liked the normalcy of the idea. I could use a little normalcy in my life right now.

  After school let out, Julian and Arianna rekindled in the parking lot. Even though Arianna lived within walking distance of the school, and getting out of the parking lot took longer than driving to her house, Julian insisted on taking her home each day. It was a nice gesture, but it meant I had to watch them be all sweet and lovey-dovey for even longer.