The Beast Within

  I froze. I didn’t even blink. Hunter tried coercing her again, but Nika wasn’t listening to him; she was listening to my heart. Rising to her feet, she started walking toward me again. Her steps were erratic, like she was drunk. She seemed weaker than before, like staying upright was a struggle. Blood-red tears coursed down her cheeks as her face contorted in pain. I could only imagine how much she was hurting right now. And I was making it worse for her, and dangerous for the both of us. “I’m sorry,” I whispered.

  She halted at my words, tilting her head like she was trying to understand me. Dad blurred from my side, but I was too focused on my sister to really care what he was doing. Hunter put a hand on Nika’s shoulder, trying to redirect her, but she resisted, taking a step toward me instead.

  A pained cry filled the air, followed by the thud of a heavy body landing. The aroma of fresh blood blossomed around us—strong, sweet, intoxicating. It smelled good to me, but to Nika, it was an undeniable attraction. Turning from me, she groaned in pain, clutching her stomach. Hunter caught her, sweeping her into his arms. He blurred her to the cow Dad had just ripped open, and dropped her beside the beast. Mouth open wide, like a man dying of thirst, Nika dove for the cow’s neck. Her grunts of pain shifted to light purrs of satisfaction. I exhaled in relief. She was eating, and she wasn’t eating me. We would both be fine now.

  Dad wiped the blood off his mouth with his sleeve. Beaming with pride, he watched his daughter. Hunter closed his eyes, then looked over at Dad. “Thank you,” he told him, his voice earnest.

  Dad smiled and clapped his back. “I wasn’t about to lose my daughter, or my son.”

  Seeing Nika gorge herself was a distressing sight—before today, she wouldn’t even watch Dad drain the small chickens he bought for dinner. I made myself step closer, though. I wanted to be there for her, now that she was more herself. When she finally lifted her head from the beast, her breath was heavy and her jaw was stained dark red; the slash Dad had made hadn’t been subtle.

  “Nika,” I gently said. “Are you okay?”

  Her face distorted in discomfort as she sleepily looked my way. “Julie? I feel…funny. What happened?” Sympathy coursed through me. She didn’t know. She didn’t know she died, and Hunter converted her. I had no idea how she’d react once we told her. I was about to start in on the explanation when she blinked, then did a double-take. “Did I almost…eat you?”

  Her face looked so disgusted by the prospect that I laughed. “Yeah, you did. Bitch,” I teased.

  She laughed once, then her face contorted. “I’m so hungry. Why am I so hungry?” Her weary eyes searched out her maker. Hunter took her hand. “We’ll explain everything soon, but you need to eat first.” He indicated the string of cattle waiting. “These are for you. Drink.”

  Nika pursed her lips, an odd move around fangs, but she was too hungry to resist the shackled meals. Hunter helped her to the next one, and she almost timidly bit into it. Her movements became much more aggressive when the hot blood poured into her, though, and she easily subdued the whining animal. I turned away, not wanting to watch.

  Sitting on the damp grass nearby, I listened to my sister fell two more cows. It was disorienting, to hear her, to see her movements from the corner of my eye, sense her location in my head, but not feel her emotions. I could only guess how she was doing, and I’d never had to do that before. It made me sad, made me feel alone, even though I wasn’t.

  I was contemplating if I would always feel this alone without her when she sat down on the grass beside me. Smiling, I looked up at her. She had blood all down the front of her shirt. Shaking my head, I pointed at it. “You, uh, got a little on you.”

  She glanced down at her top, then grimaced. “God, what a mess. I don’t know what came over me. That was…weird.” I sighed, and Nika sighed with me. “I died, didn’t I? I died, and Hunter turned me.”

  My eyes misted as I nodded. “Something like that. Hunter’s father got you with a knife to the stomach.” I looked down at my hands. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t there, Nick.”

  She rested her head on my shoulder, and I rested my head against hers. I made myself ignore the fact that no heartbeat thudded in my ears, but the absence of it was too great to block out. As our family gave us a moment of privacy, Nika murmured, “I can’t feel you anymore. It’s like there’s a hole in me where you used to be.”

  A stubborn tear ran down my cheek. “I know. It’s like that for me too.”

  I sniffed, holding in my pain. Lifting her head, Nika grabbed my cheek, drying my tears with her ice-cold fingers. “Don’t be sad. I’m okay. I’m still here. I’m still alive…in a way. And maybe this is a good thing. Maybe this was the only way to shut off the bond. And it was time to shut it off. You deserve your privacy with Arianna. And I…” She twisted around to look at Hunter watching her with hungry eyes. She inhaled a quick breath and held it. If the bond she shared with him was even remotely as strong as the bond between my parents, then their relationship was about to get very intense.

  I forced a smile, even though my heart was cracking. She didn’t know about Arianna yet either. That one was going to hurt her, too, although, not nearly as much as it hurt me. “Yeah…maybe you’re right.”

  Pulling her fingers from my face, I held her hand. It was clearly hard for her to do so, but she finally managed to stop ogling Hunter and turned her attention back to me. “Are you happy?” I asked. It might be too early for her to really know that answer yet, the news was still sinking in, but I needed to hear her say she was, even if it was just to appease me.

  Her smile breezy, she nodded. “I’m completely content.”

  I smirked and bumped her shoulder. “That’s probably because you just ate half the herd.” She stuck her tongue out at me; it was still bright red. I laughed, the pain squeezing my heart easing. Glancing back at the two cows left standing, I more seriously asked her, “Did you get enough to eat?”

  Nika patted her tummy with her free hand. “I will burst if I eat anymore. I don’t know why they thought I needed that many.”

  Extending my aching leg, I gently massaged as close to the wound as I could get. It already itched. “Better safe than sorry, I guess.”

  Nika put her hand on my injury. The chill from her touch soothed my pain, even through my jeans. “I’m sorry I stalked you,” she whispered.

  I wrapped my arm around her shoulder, and she nuzzled into my warmth. “No harm done, Nick.”

  I thought to tell her about Arianna then, but Hunter starting walking toward us. Nika stiffened in my arms like he’d pressed a block of ice against her back. She snapped her head around to look at him, and a low growl burrowed out of her chest. His eyes danced with interest as a similar growl escaped him. It was obvious from the stiff way he moved that he was trying to control his actions as much as he possibly could. Nika didn’t have his level of control yet. She zipped to her feet and blurred into his arms. They were all over each other after that. Hands and tongues, groaning and moaning, and, ugh, grinding. I started to look away, but Dad busted up the party before I could. He grabbed Nika by the elbows, and yanked her off Hunter. Hunter lunged for her, but Mom and Imogen grabbed him before he could take Nika back. Being held a few feet apart, the pair of newly bonded vampires were breathless, squirming, and fighting against their restraints to attack each other again. I was positive they’d have sex right here in this bloody field—regardless of who was watching—if either one of them was released.

  I shot to my feet, eager to get away from them before I saw something that I wouldn’t be able to un-see. Halina started belly laughing. Wiping tears from her eyes, she laughed out, “This is going to be so much fun!” By the annoyed look on Dad’s face, I could tell he didn’t agree.

  MY LIFE WAS completely different, and yet, it was completely the same. I was still the hopeful, romantic girl who loved her family more than anything. I was just also undead and completely reliant upon blood to survive. But I was happy. I’d saved Hunter, and
he’d saved me. And we now shared something so deep and meaningful, it nearly brought me to tears just thinking about it. I loved him, with every section of my unbeating heart, and I knew he loved me, too, just as much. That kind of unshakable devotion was comforting. It brightened all the potential dark spots. Like the downside to becoming a full vampire. And there were quite a few of those.

  I wasn’t thrilled that the sun was now off-limits to me. I’d enjoyed sunbathing, watching the rays sparkle off the water wall at the library, going to school with my friends. But all those things were impossible for me now. I was confined to darkness, just like Halina, just like Hunter. At least I wasn’t alone.

  The loss of the sun, along with the loss of food, being able to touch silver, ever physically aging past sixteen, and the chance of having children one day weren’t what I missed the most, though. Not yet. No, what bothered me more than anything was no longer being able to feel what Julian felt. I hadn’t been prepared for how much I’d miss that connection. There was a part of me that was empty inside, like it had been plucked out. I knew Julian felt the same hollowness inside him, but only because he’d told me. He hadn’t told me everything he was going through, though. For the first time ever, Julian could keep things from me, and I didn’t like it.

  I saw his sullenness, the physical effect of some inner turmoil, but I didn’t know the cause, didn’t know the level of his pain. It was unnerving not to know. It put me on edge. All I could do was surmise what was wrong with him, and I hated having to rely on guessing. But he wouldn’t talk to me about it, so what else could I do?

  Sitting beside me, as he often was, Hunter rubbed my thigh. His hand was pleasantly comfortable, now that we were the same temperature. “You okay?”

  He asked me that constantly, like he was sure that any minute now I was going to go into hysterics over what he’d done to me. But what he’d done was save my life, and I wasn’t about to complain about being alive. “I’m fine. Just worried about Julian.”

  Hunter nodded, his nearly black eyes pensive but unsurprised. Me being concerned over my brother was nothing new. I’d only been a full vampire for a few days, but in those days, Julian had been my main focal point of distress. He was asleep at the moment, only separated from me by our mutual bathroom. It might as well have been an entire country, though, with how distant I felt from him.

  “He’s fine,” Hunter told me. This also wasn’t new. He often told me I had nothing to worry about concerning Julian, that we had much more pressing problems. And I supposed we did. Where we were going to live for one thing.

  Ever since my conversion, Hunter had become my world. I was drawn to him as surely as a flower turned its petals toward the sun. If we were separated, even by just a few hundred feet, it felt like someone was pulling on a piece of me. It made my entire body ache. When he started to approach me, it had the opposite effect. I felt warmth in every cell, every muscle. Desire rushed through me like a tidal wave, nearly knocking me senseless. Hunter felt the same energy pulsing through him, and our unions were usually very explosive. It was more than a little embarrassing.

  My father was being put through the wringer. He watched me close when Hunter was away, waiting for signs that the erotic bond was kicking in. He also watched me close when Hunter was nearby. It was a lose-lose for him. Hunter and I were going to be together, and there wasn’t much Dad could do about it. He still tried, though. Every time the bond rushed Hunter and I together, Dad was there to pull our writhing bodies apart. We hadn’t had a chance to consummate our vampiric bond yet, but we’d come very close.

  Dad wouldn’t let Hunter stay here in the city with us during the day, which meant Hunter had to run back to the ranch before every sunrise. He didn’t like to part with me—our goodbyes usually took hours—and I was a little afraid that one day Hunter wouldn’t make it back to the ranch before the sun rose. I wanted him to stay here at the house because of that. And to keep the fiery part of our bond under control. We were naturally attracted to each other, but the intenseness leapt a hundred notches higher when we were forced to separate and reunite. Dad groaned after every sunset, when he watched me nearly panting with desire because Hunter was running to me. Like I said, embarrassing.

  Dad refused to let him stay here, though. He just kept saying that I was sixteen, and too young to live with a boy. He wouldn’t let me stay at the ranch either. He seemed to think Halina and the others wouldn’t mind Hunter and I together as a couple as much as he did, and he was right about that. None of them had Dad’s level of aversion to the two of us having sex. They knew we were both head over heels in love, and that was enough for them. Dad just wasn’t ready to give up his little girl yet. Even if her heart had stopped beating.

  It was easiest on our bond if Hunter and I remained together. It kept our desires in check, although, every part of me still burned to kiss him. He was very attractive, after all. And sweet, strong, sensitive, and recently, determined. He was going to make the world a safer place for vampires, and in a way, for humans, too. By changing the way vampire hunters felt about our species, he was slowly turning the tides. He was bringing order to the chaos, laws to the lawless, peace to the violence. I was sure there were a ton of people who wouldn’t like that fact, but I believed in him, and in what he was doing.

  That was why I went with him every night when he went to convert a new group of hunters. It was dangerous, and Dad didn’t like me going, but I was stronger now. I was also blessed with the power to compel humans, too, so I could help Hunter in his mission. It gave me purpose, and helped take my mind off Julian, and all the things I had lost.

  Standing, Hunter extended his hand to me. “We should go. There will probably be a few hunters waiting for us, if we’re lucky.” Each group of tranced hunters was asked to contact other hunters and have them wait at Hunter and Connor’s old home for “special instructions.”

  Rising from the bed I didn’t sleep in anymore, I took his offered palm. “Okay, let’s go change some minds.”

  From down the hall, I heard a sleepy voice mutter, “Nika…I want you to stay in tonight.”

  I rolled my eyes and walked out to the hallway, pulling Hunter with me. Dad was at the end of the hall, leaning against his bedroom door. He looked exhausted, like any second he would topple over. He usually tagged along when Hunter and I went to meet with the hunters, then he stayed up afterward with his door open, listening for any sound of inappropriate behavior. Dad was burning himself at both ends, trying to watch over me all night long. Guilt washed through me as his haggard appearance cracked my heart.

  Releasing Hunter, I walked toward Dad. He straightened, doing his best to look authoritative, even though he was dressed in his pajamas. Ignoring the stubborn stance he was giving me, I wrapped my arms around his neck. For the first time in my life, my father was no longer ice-cold to the touch; we were the same. “I love you, Daddy,” I whispered in his ear. “But you need to let me go.”

  He buckled under my words. Arms tight around my waist, he murmured, “How am I supposed to do that? You’re my baby…”

  Pulling back, I locked gazes with the pale blue eyes I had loved all my life. “And I always will be. Letting me go doesn’t mean you have to give me up.”

  A corner of Dad’s mouth twitched into the smile that made Mom giggle like a schoolgirl. Widening it, he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “You’re so much like your mother. I think that’s another reason why this is so hard for me.” He looked behind me at Hunter. I itched to look with him. The bond buzzed in me, goading me to return to Hunter, but I shoved the feeling aside so I could focus on my father. He needed me more at the moment. Eyes intently focused on my sire, Dad said, “You’re in possession of one of the most important things in my life. Treat her accordingly.”

  Hunter’s smooth voice as he answered was like an electric current down my spine. “She is the most important thing in my life, and I won’t let anything happen to her.”

  Dad returned his eyes to me, sigh
ed, then kissed me on the forehead. “Be careful. You’re a pureblood vampire now, but you’re not invincible.”

  I kissed his cheek. “We’ll be safe. Get some sleep.” Dad gave me a face that clearly told me he wouldn’t be sleeping so long as I was gone. I gave him one of my mother’s famous do-not-argue-with-me expressions. “You need rest, you’re about to keel over. I’ll be fine with Hunter, and besides, Halina’s in the city. You know she’ll show up at the meeting spot. The tranced hunters will be there, too. We’ve done this all week, Dad. There’s nothing for you to worry about.”

  Dad relaxed a little but then his eyes shifted back to Hunter. I could see the distrust there, and I knew it was more over my body than my safety this time. I moved into Dad’s line of sight so he would look at me again. “We’ll be good. I promise.”

  Even though he nodded at me, by the tight way Dad pressed his lips together, I knew he probably wouldn’t sleep well tonight, if at all. Poor guy. We separated, and I returned to Hunter. The buzz from my body amplified as we approached each other. Even only being a few feet apart caused a reaction, albeit a much smaller one. Hunter had a euphoric smile when he wrapped me in his arms. I felt it, too, as I leaned up to kiss him. Dad cleared his throat, and I forced my lips to detach from Hunter’s. It was difficult.

  Looking back at him, I cringed. Wanting to change the focus, and maybe suffering from a little wishful thinking, I brightened my expression and asked, “So, since you’re more comfortable with all of this, can Hunter stay with us now?”

  Dad switched the scowl on his face to a smirk. “I never said I was comfortable, and no. No, he can’t.” He grinned at me as he added, “Nice try.”

  Hunter and I stepped outside, and I paused to take in the vibrant air. There was an energy to the darkness that I’d never noticed before. It pulsed around me, beckoning me into shadowy corners and moonlit pathways. Being nocturnal appealed to the vampiric blood pumping through my veins, and while I missed the sun, there was an abundant amount of beauty to be found at night, away from the could-be garish light of day.