For Now

  “Well, it was going well.”

  He laughs.

  “You love driving me crazy, don’t you?” I say. Way to state the obvious, Hazel. Javi has enjoyed pushing my buttons since the day we met.

  “If I said no, you’d know I was lying. It’s fun riling you up.” And now he’s not just talking about making me irritated.

  I sip my coffee and pretend I didn’t hear him.

  “Any exciting plans tonight?” he asks, completely ignoring the girl who walks by our table and gives him the once over. Interesting. I’m used to Javi openly ogling other girls. He’s normally shameless about it.

  “Just me hanging out with some sexy law books and taking notes,” I say, wishing he would go away and let me enjoy my coffee in peace.

  “Sounds like a party. I’ll be by with dinner again. What would you like?” Wait, what?

  “You don’t have to make me dinner. I can make my own dinner.” Well, I can order my own dinner and hand the takeout guy money, which is almost the same thing.

  He waves off my protests.

  “It’s no big deal. I’m going to be making dinner for myself, so I might as well make a little extra and feed someone in need. You know, pay it forward.” I almost toss my coffee in his face.

  “You really know how to sweep a girl off her feet, you know that?” As always, my irritation only amuses him even more.

  “I’ll see you at six, Haze.” He gets to his feet and saunters off. Because Javier can’t just walk. He stalks, or saunters or marches.

  And I’m left watching him and wishing I could have a smoke.

  Javi comes over and makes dinner for the rest of the week. Jett and Shannon join us on alternate nights and it’s actually pretty fun having the three of them, even though it has sort of a double-date feel. Javi also enjoys making me squirm in front of an audience, so there’s that to contend with. By the time Friday night rolls around, I would commit murder to go outside and smoke one cigarette. Just one.

  “You okay over there, twitchy?” Javi says as Jett and Shannon clean up the plates. We’re all going out later. The girls are coming over so we can all cram into two cars and I pulled the short straw so I have to be one the designated drivers. It’s going to be interesting.

  “What?” I say and realize my knee is jiggling up and down and I’ve been tapping my hand on the table. “I’m fine,” I say with a huge smile. “I’m going to get ready.”

  “Need any help?” Javi calls after me and I slam my door in response.

  As a result of working at a bar, I have a lot of clothes that work for going out. But tonight nothing looks right. Shannon knocks before she comes in.

  “Whoa. What’s happening in here?”

  “Wardrobe crisis,” I say, gesturing toward the clothes strewn everywhere.

  “Wardrobe crisis? You? What happened to your usual attire? Cute top, leggings and BBs?” she says, referring to my usual outfit. My “bitch boots” are all lined up on the floor in my closet, just waiting to be stomped around in. But tonight I feel like… doing something different. I want to look sexy, but in a different way.

  “I don’t know. Could I maybe borrow something of yours?” Shannon’s wardrobe is softer than mine. I tend to go for more bold colors and black than she does.

  “Sure. If you can find something that will fit you.” My waist is just a tiny bit slimmer than Shannon’s and my torso is longer. But we both have plenty in the chestal region, so I might find something.

  She leads me to her room and starts pawing through her drawers.

  “What look are we going for?” she says.

  “Sweet? Nice? Not a bitch?” Shannon gives me a look.

  “Um, why? What’s wrong with the way you usually look? You always look amazing.” That is debatable, and beside the point.

  “I don’t know. I just want to try something different.” I sit on her bed and pull off my t-shirt.

  “Okay, sure. How about this one?” She holds up a light blue tunic that has a feather design across the front. “You could do it with your gray leggings and maybe some flats? And I have feather earrings if you want to go full-feather.” I take the shirt from her and pull it over my head. It’s so loose it does a Flashdance thing over one shoulder, which I like.

  I stand up and look in the mirror. Not bad.

  “Ugh, I hate how tall you are. It looks so much better on you,” Shannon says with a sigh.

  “Shut up, you know you’re gorgeous. And I know a certain mohawked and tattooed Asian fellow out there feels the same way I do.” She blushes at the mention of Jett. Adorable.

  There is a bang as the front door opens and then I hear the voices of the rest of our group: Cass, Jordyn and Daisy, with one of Javi’s friends, Marty, and Cass’ boyfriend, Boyd. Jordyn has just broken up with her boyfriend (we all told her she’d dodged a bullet on that one) and Marty’s trying to make a play for her, but she’s sworn off men for the foreseeable future.

  The gang is all here (minus Javi’s buddy Skye, who is… somewhere else) and they are LOUD. But quiet friends are so boring. I skip back over to my room to finish my outfit and decide to wear my hair up instead of down. Might as well do the full makeover, and it’s curling really nicely tonight. I go easy on the eye makeup, just doing a little bit of smoky shadow and lip gloss before adjusting my ponytail and leaving my room.

  “Finally,” Jordyn says. “You look gorgeous, girl!” I thank her and search the room for Javier. He’s standing near the door, arms crossed and leaning against the wall. He’s got a weird look on his face. I don’t exactly know what it means, but I hope it’s good. Jury is still out at this point.

  “Okay, we’re all here. let’s go!” Cass yells and grabs Boyd’s hand. We all pile into two cars, with me driving Jett, Shannon, Javi and Jordyn. Javi called shotgun, so he was next to me and of course Jett and Shannon wanted to sit together.

  “Will y’all make sure Marty keeps his hands to himself?” Jordyn drawls from the backseat as she fluffs her already-fluffed hair.

  “I’ll have a little chat with him about respecting personal space,” Javi says. “Don’t even worry about it.”

  “I don’t wanna be mean, but I just can’t stand the idea of dating right now. I’d rather drink unsweetened tea.” Shannon and I gasp in pretend shock.

  “Oh, just shut up,” Jordyn says and pouts. Our resident Southern Belle, you could take the girl out of the South, but you couldn’t take the South out of the girl. She’s always going to be asked where she’s from the second after someone hears her thick southern drawl and her copious use of “y’all” instead of “you guys.”

  We spend the rest of the short drive to Hartford from our place in Deermont arguing about what to listen to on the radio. Since we’re in Maine and one of the most popular activities to do is drink, we head for one of the only bars Shannon is comfortable going inside. As a bartender, I’m pretty much comfortable at the worst places. Honestly, the “bad” places aren’t even that bad. Not really. But Shannon is weird that way and I want her to feel safe.

  “I’m so glad I don’t have to go trolling for losers,” Shannon says with a sigh as Jett plays with her hair.

  “No, you found one,” he says and they do that cute couple thing where they stare at each other and I have to remind myself to focus on the road.

  “Jealous?” Javi whispers so low no one can hear him over the radio.

  “Nope,” I say as I pull into the already-full parking lot and search for a decent spot.

  I find one far away from the door and everyone cheers as I sneak the car into the spot and then turn off the engine.

  The rest of the crew parks near us and we all merge again as we walk toward the door.

  “You look really good tonight, Hazel,” Javi says, his hand brushing my lower back as we go through the door.

  “Thanks,” I say as everyone else files in. And then, since I’m a bartender, everyone yells out their drink orders to me. I roll my eyes and take them and head to the bar.
But I’m not alone.

  “I don’t need a helper,” I say as Javi follows behind me, so close I keep bumping into him. “You know, I, like, make drinks for a living.”

  “It’s crowded in here. I just wanted to make sure you got to the bar safely. Shit, yell at a guy for being chivalrous.” That makes me laugh so loud a few people turned around and gave me dirty looks.

  “You wouldn’t know chivalry if it bit you on the ass, Javier,” I say.

  “You can bite me in the ass anytime you want, gorgeous,” he says, leaning close and speaking in my ear.

  Charming.

  “How could I resist a line like that?” I say, turning around and finding his mouth close enough to kiss. Or bite, as the case may be.

  “Why bother resisting?”

  “I thought I told you to stop,” I say, narrowing my eyes and taking a step backwards and bumping into the bar. I still haven’t been able to order the drinks.

  Javier sighs and backs off, holding his hands up in surrender.

  “You got it.” I turn back to the bar and try to get the bartender’s attention. It takes a little while, and I’m half-tempted to hop over and mix the drinks myself. My friends have very simple tastes when it comes to alcohol. I’m always trying to get them to try different stuff, but they won’t. Sigh.

  Javier whistles so loud that everyone close to us turns, including the bartender, a guy who looks like he wouldn’t know a gimlet from a martini glass full of dishwater. I give him the orders slowly, but I guess it isn’t quite slow enough. At last, I have the tray full of drinks and lift it high over my head so I can carry it back to the table.

  Javi doesn’t ask to carry it for me, or else I might have shoved it in his face and then I’d have to deal with the stupid bartender again and wait for all new drinks.

  Everyone claps when I arrive with the tray. We do the obligatory cheers and settle in to talk (yell) over the music. Javier’s next to me, but he doesn’t invade my space, which is nice.

  After we all have a drink in us, the girls head out to the dance floor and then the guys follow a little reluctantly. Except for Javi. I know he secretly likes to dance. You can tell from the look on his face when he really gets going. He moves like he does everything else. With complete confidence.

  The song changes to “Sex and Candy” by Marcy Playground. Talk about a throwback. The girls who have guys with them all pair up to do a slow grind. I look at Javier.

  “Don’t even think about it,” I say, and move so I’m hip-bumping with Jordyn. And before I know it, a girl sidles her way up to him and then they’re dancing in a way that might cause a pregnancy.

  I go to glare at him and find him staring right at me. Not at the girl, who keeps pushing her ass into him. Wow. She’s really going for the gold. But I can’t exactly blame her. Javi is a great dancer and he’s very easy on the eyes.

  I feel my face go red and I try to stare right back at him so he knows whatever he’s trying to do isn’t going to work. If he’s trying to make me jealous, I’m not going to be that easily swayed. One dance with another girl isn’t going to change my mind. But he’s welcome to try.

  I grab Jordyn’s arm and give her a little spin. We wobble a little bit from the drinks and then start laughing. Fortunately, the song ends and switches to something easier to dance fast to.

  We dance our asses off until we’re all parched and sweaty and need to sit down for a minute.

  “Nice try, Javier,” I say as I pass him to go get the next round of drinks. I’m done for the night, but I get a water to keep myself hydrated. This time he doesn’t come with me.

  We don’t stay until last call, since a few of our group need to work the next day and want some time for recovery in the morning. I have to work tomorrow night, so I’m completely fine with this plan. My Saturday will consist of napping and homework. I’m really looking forward to it.

  I drop Jordyn off first and then Javier. No one gets really wasted, thank God, so I don’t have to worry about potential puke all over my upholstery.

  “Good night,” Javier says. Shannon gives him a little wave and Jett says he’ll see him in the a.m.

  “Bye, Haze. Thanks for the ride.” He taps the roof of the car and gives me a wink before walking backwards to the rickety porch that leads to his and Jett’s complete shithole of an apartment. I’ve been inside the place and the only way it could be improved is with a blowtorch. Burn that sucker down.

  Shannon falls asleep on Jett’s shoulder and he decides to carry her to bed. It’s so sweet it almost shatters my heart.

  “She’s such a lightweight when it comes to booze,” I whisper and Jett nods.

  “Thanks for the ride. See you in the morning.” I head to my room and strip off my clothes. I kind of want to take a shower, but I’ll do it tomorrow.

  The last thing I think about before I slip into sleep is the look on Javi’s face while he was dancing with that girl.

  I’m not jealous.

  I’m not.

  I’m not surprised when Javi shows up at the bar while I’m working. It’s been an awful night. Too many drunk people spilling things and too many guys thinking they can just say what they want to me. My patience is gone by the time Javi leans on the bar and gives me a smile. And then he sees the look on my face.

  “Whoa, rough night?”

  “You have no idea,” I say and then have to dash to the other end of the bar to pour another round of shots for a bachelor party. God, I hate bachelor parties. They almost never tip and they tend to get really drunk and sometimes handsy. I can handle drunk and handsy, but I’d rather not.

  The next time I see Javi he’s nursing a can of Bud Lite and pondering something so hard his forehead is all bunched up.

  “What are you thinking about? It looks painful,” I say, wiping the bar with a rag. There’s a momentary lull and I decide to take advantage of it while I can and sip a glass of water.

  “Nothing. Just… thinking.” Wow, he’s all serious. I’m not sure how to interact with a serious Javi.

  “Anything I can help you with?” Why am I being nice to him? Ugh.

  He looks up and shrugs one shoulder.

  “Not exactly.” I’m also not used to Javi being so non-talkative. He usually doesn’t shut up.

  “Need another drink?” If he won’t talk to me, at least I can offer him liquid comfort.

  He shakes his head and rests his forearms on the table. Even in the dim glow of the bar, his dark tattoos stand out against his skin, which is several shades darker than mine when I’m tan in the summer. I’ve never asked him what his tattoos mean. I don’t have any tattoos myself. Never settled on a design I’ve wanted for more than five minutes so I figured it wasn’t the best idea to put something like that permanently on my skin.

  “Okay, dude, what’s up? I haven’t seen you look so morose in… well, ever.” He smiles and I don’t know if it’s the fact that I called him “dude” or if it was my use of the word “morose.”

  “You don’t have to bartender me. I’m a big boy. I can take care of myself. This isn’t a movie.” I roll my eyes and toss the rag in the sink.

  “Fine. Reject my attempt to give you a proverbial shoulder to lean on. What are you doing here?” I cross my arms and ignore some guy at the end of the bar who has clearly already had too much and is signaling for more. I hate cutting people off, but it’s one of the parts of being a bartender. I signal to Joe, my co-bartender. He’s former military and has arms so big he can barely fit through a normal doorway. No one says no to Joe for fear that he’ll squeeze their head between his hands until it pops.

  “Just hanging out and drinking. Isn’t that what people do in bars? Hang and drink?” Javi says. I watch out of the corner of my eye as Joe talks calmly and slowly to the drunk guy, who is drunk enough to argue with Joe, which shows just how impaired his judgment is.

  “I guess. So you’re not here to watch me and harass me?” My words sound harsh. It’s really none of my business if Javi wan
ts to sit here and drink.

  “Am I harassing you? I’m not even doing anything.” Now he’s turned things around and I seem like the crazy one.

  “No, just wondering about your sudden interest in drinking in the bar I work at on the nights that I’m working.” He laughs.

  “A little full of ourselves, aren’t we? Maybe this has nothing to do with you.” Bullshit. I call bullshit.

  I just roll my eyes at him and head to mix another mojito for the girl on the end who is timidly trying to signal me.

  Javi doesn’t stay until last call, and I don’t realize he’s gone until his stool is taken up by someone else. He didn’t even say goodbye. Maybe it isn’t about me. But that still doesn’t make any sense. That he’d come here when I’m here and sit at the bar. That isn’t a coincidence.

  After cleaning up and shutting down, I head home after saying goodnight to Joe and the rest of the crew. I fall into bed, and even though I’m exhausted, I can’t seem to fall asleep.

  I keep thinking about Javi and his mixed signals. Almost like he calculates every action for maximum annoyance and confusion.

  I can no longer deny that there’s something between us. Whether it’s more than an attraction and a need for me to just have some dirty sex, I have no idea. This has never happened to me before, and I feel like I’m back in grade school and boys are a giant mystery wrapped in a riddle. I can’t figure Javi out and it drives me to distraction.

  Something is going to have to give sooner or later, and I have the feeling it’s going to be explosive.

  Javi is still quiet and thoughtful when comes over on Sunday to make dinner. Jett and Shannon are having dinner with us before going out on a date to the bowling alley. They ask if we want to come, but I’m too tired from work and I have a lot of reading to do. Javi mumbles something about a sore shoulder, which shocks me. Javi loves bowling because he’s good at it and it’s the perfect chance for him to show off in front of a large audience.