Confessions

  "Everyone already knows everyone else, pretty much," she said, giddy with her victory. "You too, Josh." She tilted her head. "Let's go." Josh couldn't have been happier to get away from Noelle and her klatch of supporters. He handed our coats to Dash, then grabbed a couple of champagne flutes off a passing waiter's tray as we wove through the crowd. Several people greeted Cheyenne with warm hellos and pecks on the cheek. She was clearly very popular among this Barton crowd, which made me wonder why she didn't go there instead of Easton. Sure she was in Billings, but she didn't have nearly this many friends at school as she had here. "Astrid! Hey!" A beautiful girl with dark, almond-shaped eyes and short dark hair leaned forward for a hug and a double-cheek air kiss. She wore a short-sleeved fuzzy sweater in aqua blue over a silky white dress and had a funky antique brooch in her hair. There was a rhinestone above her left eyebrow, and her glittery eye makeup made her look like a wood sprite from a Shakespeare play.

  "There you are, love!" she said with a British accent. "We've been wondering when you'd turn up." "Sorry to be late," Cheyenne said. "Astrid, I'd like you to meet Reed Brennan and Josh Hollis. This is Astrid Chou and her boyfriend, Cole Roget." "No way! I've been absolutely dying to meet you," Astrid cried. She wrapped me up in a soft yet firm hug, and I breathed in the scent of a million flowers. "You have?" I asked, laughing. "Are you joking? You two are, like, famous!" Astrid replied. "Aren't they, Cole?" "Probably not for reasons you'd want to be," Cole said kindly, leaning forward to shake both our hands. He was a compact guy with square shoulders and shaggy dark hair. "Congratulations on being exonerated, man." "Thanks," Josh said, clearing his throat. He took a sip of his champagne." And you probably want to talk about anything other than that," Cole said, putting his hand in his pocket. He tipped his glass of scotch toward Josh. "So tell me, Josh. What's your thing?" "My thing?" Josh asked. "Cole is a brilliant conversationalist," Astrid announced, her eyes gleaming with pride. "It's a dying art, really. He can talk about anything. Just tell him what your thing is."

  "Sports. Art. Literature. Politics. Architecture. What's your thing?" Cole asked, sipping his drink. Josh and I looked at each other and laughed. These people were quirky, but in a good way. Very unlike anyone I had ever met. Josh shrugged one shoulder and decided to go with it. "All right, then. My thing is art," he said. "Beautiful!" Cole said, lifting an arm to place his hand on Josh's back. He led him toward a set of chairs by the fire. "What do you think of the new installation at MoMA? Brilliantly outre or just plain crass?" Astrid, Cheyenne, and I watched them go, and I couldn't stop smiling. "I knew those two would hit it off," Cheyenne said. "I think this is exactly what he needed. Distraction is good," I told her. "Thanks, Cheyenne." "Of course," Cheyenne said. "All right, enough of the Hallmark moment," Astrid said, grabbing my hand and tugging. "Let's go to the bar and get pissed."

  THE FIRE PIT

  I had never worn a bikini before in my life, yet somehow I found myself standing outside in the freezing December air, wrapped in a towel, with nothing underneath but a tiny black thing with strings at my hips and tied in a bow behind my neck. Twelve friends and semistrangers stared up at me from the hot tub.

  "Okay, it's about negative fifteen degrees out here," I said, clinging to the towel. "That's why you want to get into the hot tub straight away," Astrid said. She, by the way, was naked under there, as were a few of the other girls. Apparently they had been here drinking for a while before we showed up. Oddly, none of the guys seemed to be the least bit fazed by all the skin. "Go on, Reed! Take it off!" Astrid cheered. All the guys, including Josh, hooted and hollered. It was now or never. Now, or look like the biggest prude of the century. I dropped the towel and stepped directly into the hot water, immersing myself up to my neck before anyone could get a good look at my almost naked self. "See? That wasn't so bad, was it?" Cheyenne asked. She was wearing a suit too, of course. And so was Josh. As long as I had people on either side of me who had clothes on, I was cool.

  "Thanks for letting me borrow this," I said. "You can keep it if you want," Cheyenne said, taking a sip from a bottle of water. "I have dozens." "Yeah. I noticed. All bikinis," I said, reaching back to fix a slight wedgie. "We're not gonna have these bodies forever, Reed," Astrid said. "May as well enjoy them while we do." "So, Cole, when do you leave for France?" Cheyenne asked. "Second week of January," Cole said. "I've got so much to do." "Are you going on vacation?" I asked. "No, no. Barton has an exchange program with a school just outside Paris," Cole explained. "Every year five juniors get to go study the French classics. This year I was lucky enough to be selected." "Luck had nothing to do with it," Astrid said, placing her champagne glass down on the bricks so she could ruffle his hair. "I am going to miss you, though. Barton is going to be quite dull without you around." "Please. Barton is never dull," Astrid's friend Leah said. "It's all drama, all the time."

  "Please. You don't know drama until you've been at Easton," Cheyenne joked. "She's right. We've cornered the market on that," Josh put in wryly. "But it's over now," I said. "Next semester I think things are going to be very normal." "Wishful thinking," Rose put in with a small snort."You should transfer to Barton, Reed. Not only do we have less drama, we could really use you on the football pitch," Astrid said with a wink."You play?" I asked."I'm forced to," Astrid replied. "But I do remember watching you from the sidelines in September. Very impressive. Perhaps Coach would give me a pass next year if I could convince you to defect."Right. We had pretty much crushed Barton in our match earlier in the season.

  "No, no, no. Reed is staying right where she is, "Josh said, slinging his arm over my shoulder. My heart swooped and I cuddled closer to him. "I have no problem with that." "Aw! Look at these two!" Astrid said. "Could they be any more precious?" Josh and I looked at each other and grinned. It was amazing how much more I appreciated moments like this, now that they'd been so close to being gone for good. He leaned in for a kiss and as our lips met, my cell phone beeped. I grabbed it up from the circle of cells and PDAs that surrounded the hot tub. The text message read:

  MEET UPSTAIRS. SOUTH WING. 5 DOOR LEFT. U DONT WANT 2 MISS THIS!!!

  My chest constricted. A secret text message from Noelle. How long had it been since I'd gotten one of those? I felt the familiar tingle of curiosity and looked up at the house, as if I'd see one of them beckoning to me from a window. "It's Noelle, isn't it?" Cheyenne asked suspiciously. "What are they doing?" "Nothing. They're just inside by the pool table and they want me to come in," I lied. Josh pulled my hand toward him and read the message. His face went hard. Oh, God. He wasn't going to tell Cheyenne where they actually were, was he? "What's with her?" he spat. "It's like she says jump and everyone around her is supposed to say, 'Cool! Into what fire pit?'"

  Everyone laughed, but my stomach felt tight. I wanted to go. There was no denying it. Even after everything that had happened, Noelle's pull was undeniable. What were they doing in the fifth room on the left of the south wing? Something fabulous? Something bad? Something fabulously bad? I was dying to find out. Part of me hated that they still had this effect on me, but they did. "What?" Josh said quietly, noticing my contemplation. "You're not actually thinking about meeting up with her, are you?" "Well-" "Reed, come on. You don't have to do everything she says. Don't let her ruin this." His blue eyes searched mine. Sincere. Caring. Trusting. They were so full of purity, just looking at them made me feel guilty. He was right. I knew he was. I didn't have to go running every time Noelle told me to. If I had learned anything over the past few weeks, it was that I was perfectly capable of standing up to her. But this time she wasn't ordering me to do anything. She was inviting me. I could easily turn her down. The question was, did I want to? The answer, according to my excitedly pounding heart, was no.

  "It'll just be a couple of minutes," I said, pushing myself up. The hot water sluiced from my bare skin and the cold air hit me full force. "Oh, boo!" Astrid grinned. "Sorry. I'll be back." I grabbed my towel and scurried for the pool house, where we'd all left our clothes.
Josh, after the briefest hesitation, was right behind me. He closed the door behind us and I grabbed my skirt and sweater--well, Kiran's skirt and sweater--off the couch in the living area and headed for one of the bedrooms. That's right. The pool house had two bedrooms, a sauna, a changing area with four changing rooms and a bar. Roughly the size of some of the homes back in Croton.

  "You're not really going up there, are you?" Josh demanded, whipping a towel from a hook in one of the changing rooms. He wrapped it around his shoulders as water dripped from his hair. "They're probably just exploring the house," I said. "It's no big deal." I closed the slatted door to the bedroom behind me and quickly shed the wet bathing suit, then dried myself off as best I could. Every second I expected the cell phone to beep again, asking where the hell I was. I found, to my amazement, that I was excited by the idea rather than petrified. Things had definitely changed. "It's a big deal to me!" Josh said through the door. "Reed, Noelle is . . . she's . . . she's evil!" he blurted. "And you're at her beck and call! You're at evil's beck and call."

  I pulled my skirt and sweater on, then opened the door. "Josh, she's just a girl with a power complex. She's not evil." "I'm not so sure about that," he said. "Reed, she thought I was a murderer. She thought I was some deranged psycho and she called the police on me! She even almost turned you against me!" "Yeah, but she didn't," I said, as I shoved my feet into my shoes. "That is so not the point and you know it," Josh said. "You're about to walk out on me and go hang out with a girl who tried to have me locked up for life." "Don't be so dramatic," I blurted. His entire face contorted. "Excuse me?" The second the words were out of my mouth, I regretted them. It was just that I was so sick of the drama. So sick of the confusion and the exhaustion and the sorrow. It was over now. Why couldn't he see that? I just wanted to be with my friends. Yes, they had their faults, but if anything had been proven tonight, it was that they weren't untouchable. They weren't unfazeable. Cheyenne Martin had dished it to Noelle earlier, and Noelle had just eaten it. They weren't that different from the rest of us.

  "That's not what I meant," I said. "It's just. . . it's not Noelle's fault. She was just trying to figure out what happened to Thomas. Just like everyone else was. She just wanted an explanation." "Yeah, and she conveniently blamed Psycho Hollis," he said, his jaw clenching. "Josh--" "No. You know what? If you want her to be your friend so badly, fine," he said, throwing up a hand as he turned away from me. "But if you go up there, don't bother coming back down." All the air rushed out of the room. "What?" "I'm serious, Reed. I don't like that girl. I don't want to be around her. And if you want to be around her, then you clearly don't want to be around me," he said, his eyes flashing in a way I'd never seen before.

  I stood there, staring at him, unable to believe what I was hearing. "I'm not very good with ultimatums, Josh," I said shakily. "Yeah, well, I don't usually drop them," he said flatly. "But it looks like I just did.""Well," I said, fighting back the sting of tears, "have a good night then." Then, much to both his shock and mine, I turned my back on him and walked out.

  COUTURE REVENGE

  I found my way upstairs quickly, running on pure adrenaline. Who did Josh think he was? I knew he'd been through a lot, but didn't he realize how much I'd been through trying to help him? If he trusted me, if he respected me, he could never talk to me like that. Just when we were having such a sweet, romantic time, he had to go and ruin it with a ridiculous demand. Or one could say I had ruined it, by running off to meet up with the Billings Girls. I slowed down as I reached the first door in the south wing, feeling suddenly nauseated. Had I just chosen Noelle over Josh? Had that really just happened? But no. It shouldn't have to be one or the other, should it? I could have just come up here for a little while and gone right back down to Josh. He was the one who'd said he couldn't be around me. It was all him. Wasn't it?

  Down the hallway, I could see a shaft of light coming from the open door to one of the rooms. I could hear my friends' laughter. There was still time to turn back. To figure out a way to fix this. No, no, no. I was not going to go back down there with my tail between my legs. If I was going to start standing up for myself, it couldn't just be against Noelle. I had to stand up for myself in every aspect of my life. And that meant standing my ground with Josh. I took a deep breath and strolled the rest of the way. When I pushed open the door to the tremendous bedroom, the first thing I saw was Kiran draped across the gold satin sheets in a green ball gown fit for a princess. She had a thick necklace of stunning diamonds and emeralds around her neck and a huge bauble on one of her hands. Ariana stood at the foot of the bed in a gorgeous, slinky, blue sheath, snapping photos with Kiran's camera phone. "There you are, Reed!" Noelle came up behind me and flung a hanger over my shoulder, holding a purple dress up against my body. It had a full skirt that looked as if it were made out of a thousand purple feathers.

  "We thought that this would be perfect for you!" "What took you so long?" Ariana asked, arching one eyebrow. "I got lost," I lied, taking the hanger from Noelle, who was wearing a red-and-black gown right out of Moulin Rouge. Behind her a closet the size of my house was open, and gowns of all colors were strewn on the floor and on the benches inside the closet. Dozens of pairs of shoes had been pulled off their shelves and were knocked over on the floor. A drawer full of sparkling jewelry sat open, its contents having obviously been pawed through. "What the hell are you guys doing?" "Cheyenne's stepmother is a collector," Noelle said. She disappeared inside the closet and came out with a tiara on her head. "A collector of clothes?" I asked, dropping the purple dress on the bed next to Kiran. "No, silly! A collector of couture," Kiran said, rolling over the luxurious bedspread as she giggled. "I love this bed! I want to marry this bed!"

  "You are very drunk," I pointed out. "Nice to state the obvious," Noelle said, checking her reflection in the mirror. "What's the matter, Reed?" Ariana asked. "You're all tense." I blew out a sigh. Might as well tell them. They would find out sooner or later. "I just had a big fight with Josh." "Oh. That's too bad," Ariana said with a small frown. "Well, you know what the best revenge is, don't you?" Kiran asked, grabbing one of the bedposts and hoisting herself up to her knees. I blinked. Kiran reached behind her and snatched up the purple dress. "The best revenge is couture!" "Put it on!" Noelle cheered, grabbing for a bottle of champagne. "It will look incredible on you," Ariana added. "Come on, Reed. You know you want it," Kiran said, looking at me through heavy lashes. Funny. One minute people were cheering for me to take it off, now they were cheering for me to put it on.

  "Please, Reed?" Kiran trilled. "Pretty please?" She pouted and batted her lashes crazily. "Fine." I laughed, rolling my eyes, and took the dress from her. Knowing how they mocked modesty, I quickly stripped right in front of them and stepped into the dress. Noelle came around and did up the side zipper for me. "Well. That was made for you," Ariana said appreciatively. "Actually, it was made for Rinnan Hearst, but who's counting?" Kiran said, jumping down from the bed. "Rinnan Hearst. Why do I know that name?" "Omigod. You don't know who Rinnan Hearst is?" Kiran almost choked. I started for the mirror, but Noelle held me back. "No! Hair and jewelry first. It's better if you can get the full effect. Ariana?" Ariana walked into the closet and came back with a pair of diamond-studded chopsticks, which Noelle used to put my hair into a quick updo. Then they placed a huge yellow diamond necklace around my neck. It was very heavy, and the jewels were cold against my skin.

  "Rinnan Hearst is Cheyenne's stepmother," Ariana said, stepping back to check her work. "She's also been nominated for three Academy Awards." Right. I'd seen her in a movie once. Though which one I had no idea. I had a vague mental picture of a tall woman with coffee- colored skin, dark eyes, and no body fat. "Plus she's only, like, thirty," Kiran said, swigging from the champagne bottle. "Or so she says," Noelle added coyly. "Wait, why were you guys so surprised at the size of this house if Cheyenne's stepmother is a movie star?" I asked. "Reed, you have got so much to learn," Kiran said. She threw her arms wide and some of the
champagne sloshed out of the bottle. "This is not indie-movie-queen money. This is old money."

  "What does Cheyenne's father do, exactly?" Ariana asked. "No one's ever cared enough to find out for sure," Noelle said. "He's some kind of international business mogul." "Well, I hope Rinnan's not too attached to him, because I wouldn't mind being wife number three," Kiran said with a cackle. I balked. "Come on. Wouldn't Cheyenne's dad be kind of old for you?" "Sweetie, I don't care if he's old or young, ugly or pretty. As long as he's financing the couture, he's fine by me," Kiran trilled. "Hear, hear!" Noelle and Ariana both cheered before taking mouthfuls of champagne. "Anyway, Reed, you are now wearing the exact outfit Ms. Rinnan Hearst wore when she lost at the Oscars for the third time," Ariana said with a smile. Whoa. This dress had been down the red carpet at the Academy Awards? Even I could appreciate the fabulousness of that. Noelle finally let me go and I stepped in front of the mirror. The tension inside of me melted away. I really did look like a movie star.

  "Okay, everyone! Get together!" Kiran said, grabbing the camera phone from Ariana. Ariana and Noelle crowded in around me, striking ridiculous model-style poses. Hands on hips, butts jutted out, lips puckered. I mimicked them, laughing at myself as they draped their arms over me, pressed their cheeks to mine. It was all very silly and fun. An impromptu fashion show. It was the type of thing I always knew girls did on their own time, but I had never actually experienced. Of course, where I lived the clothes came from Forever 21, not the House of Chanel. "Okay, people! Wardrobe change!" Kiran announced. Noelle grabbed my hand and pulled me into the closet to select another dress. For the first time in days, I wasn't thinking about Thomas or Blake or Josh or anything else. For the first time in days, I was just having fun.