April Shadows

  "Yes." I said.

  "Good. We've ordered your transcripts, and your schedule is arranged. Since you're not in a proper school uniform. I cannot permit you to begin today." she concluded.

  Brenda's mouth dropped open. "But we didn't know. and..."

  "Well, now you know. Here's a list of stores in the immediate area that will have the proper clothing." She looked at her watch. "If you purchase what you need and can return by noon. I'll permit her to begin her afternoon classes."

  She smiled as if she had granted us pardon from a death sentence and expected exaggerated

  expressions of gratitude. Brenda took the list.

  "C'mon." she said to me. "We'll be back before noon," she told the principal.

  "Very good," Dr. DeBerry said, holding her smile.

  "Uniforms!" I moaned as we left the office. "And white, I look terrible in white."

  "It will give you more motivation to lose weight," Brenda commented. She looked at her watch, "Let's get this done. I want to get to my one o'clock today, and I have to see the coach after my last class in the afternoon.'"

  When we arrived at the store. I wanted to buy an extra-large long-sleeve blouse with a Peter Pan collar. but Brenda insisted I take the medium, which was closer to my size. The rolls of fat around my waist were emphatically visible. I made Brenda buy me an "acceptable" vest that went with a navy blue knee-length skirt. I already had on a pair of tennis shoes.

  We rushed back to the school to have Dr. DeBerry look at my clothing and give me the stamp of approval. She made us wait in the outer office for nearly twenty minutes. I thought Brenda would have an angry fit and let the principal have it between the eyes, but she swallowed down her rage when we were finally permitted to enter for my fashion show.

  "Very good," Dr. DeBerry said, and asked her secretary to provide me with my class schedule card. Brenda rushed off without saying good-bye. Dolores Donovan, a senior girl on office duty during her free period, was then assigned to give me a quick tour of the building and escort me to my next class, which was American history.

  To me, it seemed more as if her assignment was to write my biography. Practically even- five feet, she had another question. Of course, there were the usual "Where are you from? When did you move here? Why? What was your school like? Your friends? Are you upset about moving?" I was as vague as I could be, telling her only that we moved because of family matters. However, she was relentless.

  "Who was that girl who brought you? Why didn't your father or mother bring you?"

  She cornered me into telling her some of the truth. I told her how Daddy had died and then how my mother suffered heart failure. Heart failure was a good description for someone's death. I thought. Everyone accepted it. and I certainly didn't want anyone here to know that Mama had committed suicide. I wasn't ashamed of her. but I knew how that would color the way everyone looked at me. and I already had two strikes against me because of my weight and because I had no living parents. Even now. I thought to myself, even under these circumstances, it was still so important to be accepted, to find friends, to not be the object of ridicule. It surprised me how much I really still cared.

  "Oh. How horrible for you and your sister." Dolores said. Before the school day was to end, most everyone in every one of my classes knew what Dolores knew,

  For the time being, at least. I thought, no one would make fun of my weight. I could hide behind pity and sympathy. Was that awful of me? Maybe I could drop some pounds before anyone mean could use me as a target. I hoped. Living with Brenda would make it easier. She was sure to inspect every food item in the cabinets. Who knew? She might even keep track of the sugar, measuring it nightly. Maybe that was what I needed in the end: someone to take control of me. Half the time. I ate out of boredom. It was up to me now to avoid being bored.

  I considered the after-school activities and thought I might join beginners' chess. I favored board games but had never taken the time to learn chess. Daddy told me he played somewhat, but he was never eager to teach me, claiming he wasn't very good at it because he lacked the patience. The only board game I ever got Brenda to play was checkers, of course. However, she thought sitting on her rear end for longer than ten minutes was degenerative and blamed my failure to lose weight partly on that. Nevertheless, before the school day ended for me. I signed up to join the beginners' chess club, which was meeting the next day. It met twice a week.

  None of the other students were in a hurry to get to know me, which didn't surprise me. I caught some vaguely curious looks in my afternoon classes. The teachers introduced me, but no one came rushing up at the bell to make friends. As in my old school, other students were comfortable in their little cliques. Some friendships had been built over time and were not easily invaded. I understood. but I couldn't help being envious. Other than my teachers. Dolores was practically the only one who spoke to me the entire afternoon.

  Celia was waiting for me in the parking lot when the school day ended. She was bright and full of energy and excitement. I knew it was a show to help me feel good about the move and the new school. I was quite aware of what she was doing, but it was difficult for me to be cheerful. I imagined I looked pretty unhappy.

  "This is a very nice place!" she declared, standing outside the car and gazing about, "And it's so close to us. You could practically walk here. When the weather gets better, maybe you should.'

  "Who told you to say that. Brenda?"

  "No, why?" she asked, holding her smile.

  "Another way for me to lose weight." I muttered, and got into the car.

  "Brenda didn't say a thing to me. You're getting paranoid. Which is usual in your circumstances. The truth is, subconsciously, you're the one after you. not Brenda and certainly not me. But don't worry about all that now. I'll help you.-

  "How?" I snapped back at her.

  She smiled. "Just be patient. You'll see. You didn't tell me about the school. How was it?"

  I gave her my famous shrug. "School's school." I said.

  "Anyway, some of the other city schools are more rundown," she declared, getting in. "Wasn't it all right, at least?" she pursued. Somewhere, she'd probably learned it was important to elicit a response.

  "No," I said, deciding not to pretend just to make everyone else feel okay. "Look at me. Look at what I have to wear. They have a dress code here."

  "It's not that bad."

  "You don't have to wear it, so you can say that," I shot back at her. "I have to go shopping and get a few more uniforms. I have a choice of two other colors for the skirt."

  "Oh. Do you want to go shopping now?"

  I shrugged. She looked at her watch.

  "Why don't we just do it, and then we can pick Brenda up. She should be through with practice by that time. We can stop at this great Chinese restaurant for dinner.'

  "Are we going to eat out every night?"

  "No, silly. I just thought it would be easier until we get situated."

  "Situated," I mimicked, and turned to press my forehead against the window. The world looked so dreary and dark to me.

  Why didn't Mama think of me before she took all those pills? She knew what I was like, what my life was like. Why didn't she take that into consideration? It seemed strange to think it. but I did. Mama was selfish in taking her own life. Sometimes, you have to live for someone else's sake, especially if you're a mother and especially if your child's father is already dead and gone. I didn't think it was possible. but I was alloy at her for leaving me behind.

  After we bought the clothes and picked up Brenda, we went to the Chinese restaurant. What didn't surprise me but disappointed me was Brenda's lack of interest in how I had enjoyed my partial school day. From the moment we picked her up until our dinner was nearly finished, she talked incessantly about the upcoming all-star game and the revelation that she was going to be under the direction of another schools coach, one she didn't particularly like. She had heard too many bad things about him.

  "He has this
thing about punishing you if you take a shot he deems unwise. It puts stupid pressure on us all, I can't play well like that."

  "Just be yourself, and if he doesn't like it, that's his problem. They have to know you're the best player.'

  "I'm not the best player. I'm one of the best."

  "No, you're the best. Right. April?" Celia asked. It took me by surprise,

  I widened my eyes and started to agree,

  "How would she know? I'm not fishing for compliments here, Celia, so stop it."

  "Okay, okay. I took April to buy some additional uniform clothing." she said, moving our conversation into another direction like a traffic cop.

  Brenda sighed and then finally asked me about the school.

  "I'm joining the beginners' chess club." I said. She smirked. "I always wanted to learn. It meets tomorrow,"

  "That's wonderful," Celia offered quickly.

  "Yeah, it's great. Between driving and playing chess. she'll get a load of exercise."

  "Oh, she'll do all right," Celia insisted.

  Brenda crave me one of her "She had better" looks and finished eating.

  I ate about half of what I ordered. My stomach felt as if I had swallowed a dozen spoonfuls of cement.

  "Let's buy a new television set on the way home," Celia suggested, "I know you're going to want to watch the international basketball competition."

  Brenda agreed, and we returned to the department store. A salesman volunteered to carry the set out to the car for us. but Brenda let him know in clear and certain terms that we were quite capable of it ourselves. Celia was obviously disappointed and not eager to struggle with it. It wasn't as heavy as it was bulky. and I was sure that the three of us looked very silly trying to get it into the rear seat of the car. We finally had to take it out of the carton. and I was assigned to sit next to it and hold on to it as we drove home.

  Brenda and I carried it into the house, and Brenda hooked it up. I watched some television with the two of them before going to my hovel, as I now called it. It really wasn't much more than an afterthought, a shack. The little electric heater didn't do all that much even for so small an area. I worked on my school assignments, which to me seemed behind the work I had already accomplished back in Hickory, and then I went to sleep.

  Brenda had made it clear before I left the main house that she wasn't going to be waking me up every morning.

  "You're now responsible for yourself," she told me. "You have your car. Get yourself up and at breakfast in time. I don't want to hear about your being late for school," she warned.

  Taking on the role of legal guardian made her assume a wholly different demeanor. It amused me how whenever she sounded stern. Celia followed with a laugh or "She'll be fine. Don't frighten her." Whether I liked it or not. I was gaining an ally against my own sister. It irked Brenda, and she chastised Celia about it. but Celia laughed it off and clearly humored her. If I could see it. Brenda surely could. I thought, but Brenda was forgiving when it came to Celia, far more forgiving than she was toward me.

  The school day began the way it had ended the day before for me. I was simply not interesting enough or pretty enough to interest any of the boys or the girls. The little curiosity about me that had begun in the afternoon the day before seemed to dissipate like smoke. and I soon felt invisible. It wasn't an uncommon feeling for me. Perhaps because it was comfortable and safe, I accepted it.

  At lunch, three of the girls from my English class did invite me to sit with them. They began by firing questions at me like prosecutors. I knew they were searching to discover if there was anything startling about me that they could wave about like the front page of a newspaper among their other friends, but my answers were too bland, too dull. I didn't have much to say about the social life, the boys and girls from Hickory, or the teachers. One girl, Nikki Flynn, had a relative in Hickory and had been there. She described it as Molina." Even the mall was

  disappointing to her. Their conversation quickly returned to themselves, and in minutes. I was more like a fly on the wall than someone with them at their table.

  For me, the most exciting event of the day was attending the beginners' chess club. About ten minutes after the final bell. I wandered down to a room inside the school library, where I found eight other students and the school's business teacher, a tall, lanky man. Mr. Kaptor. He had stringy, light brown hair and beady eyes under a pair of wire-rim, thick-lensed glasses, but he gave me the best welcome of anyone since I had arrived. The other students were pairing off at the desks. but I noticed a tall, very dark boy with ebony eyes and long ebony hair walking about, studying the boards as the others began to consider their moves. He had a very sharp jaw line and a very tight, strong mouth. When I saw him closer. I saw his long eyelashes and admired his high cheekbones. He wasn't bulky or what Brenda would call buff. but he looked muscular. trim.

  "Welcome to the club," Mr. Kaptor said, shaking my hand. "Do you know anything at all about chess?"

  "No. sir." I said.

  "That's fine: that's fine. It's why we call it beginners' chess club, so don't be discouraged. Take your time, and you'll be surprised at how quickly you can get into it. My student assistant here will start you off. Peter," he called, and the dark-haired, handsome boy turned to us, seeing me for the first time. He was so intense about observing the others that he hadn't noticed my entrance.

  He walked over to us.

  "This is Peter Smoke," Mr. Kaptor said. "Peter, meet a new prospect. April Taylor. She just entered the school yesterday and chose our club for her extracurricular activity."

  Peter stared at me without expression. Then he finally nodded.

  "Peter has this cynicism about new entrants." Mr. Kaptor explained. "We get a few even' month who attend one or two sessions and then never return. He hates wasting his time, don't you. Peter?"

  "That's right." he said dryly. "What do you know about the game?"

  "I know there is a king and queen and knights, but that's about it," I said honestly. "I've just played checkers up until now."

  He didn't laugh. I wondered if he was capable of smiling. What kind of a name was Peter Smoke?

  "Let's get started." he said. He nodded at a chair. "Sit." I looked at Mr. Kaptor,

  "I'll circulate and return shortly, but Peter's terrific at the basics. He's very modest, but he's regional champion," Mr. Kaptor said.

  Peter went about setting up a board. and I sat across from him. This was just chess, but my heart was pounding as if I were entering a marathon.

  "Okay," he said, looking at the pieces and not at me. "The object of the game is to checkmate your opponent's king. Checkmate occurs when a king is attacked and the king cannot escape capture on the next move. He's trapped. Here's the setup. The rooks begin the game in the corners. The knights, which some people call horses," he said smirking. "are next to the rooks here. The bishops start next to the knights, and then come the king and the queen. Notice that the white queen begins on a white square and the black queen on a black square," he said, lifting each queen to be sure I knew what a queen was. "To begin the game, white moves first and then black, taking turns until checkmate occurs,"

  He finally looked up at me. I couldn't help staring at him. "Do you understand so far?"

  "Yes." I said. 'But you don't jump pieces like you do in checkers, right?"

  "Hardly," he said. "Checkers is a joke compared to chess. Forget you ever played it."

  "I didn't play it that much."

  "Good," he said. He looked back at the board and then quickly returned his eyes to me. "There wasn't a chess club in your previous school?"

  "No. but I was always interested in learning how to play. My father knew how but didn't play much and didn't have the patience to teach me. My sister hates board games. She's an athlete. We lived in Hickory. Maybe you know where it is I realized I was rattling off like a car that had lost its brakes and immediately bit down on my lower lip to shut my spewing mouth.

  "Of course. I know
where that is." He returned his attention to the board. and I thought that would be it, but then he looked up again. "My people were the first citizens of this state. I know every place in it." "Your people?"

  "I'm Cherokee," he said. "I didn't grow up here. I grew up in Oklahoma. I returned to live with my aunt after my father died. My mother died when I was born."

  "Oh.'"

  He looked at the board again.

  "My parents are both dead. too." I blurted, since he didn't seem to know anything about me. I guessed he didn't have his ear to the gossip phone in the school.

  He looked at me again, and for the first time, his eyes softened. He didn't speak. He lifted the king.

  "The king can move one square in any direction and cap-hire an opponent's piece if it's on one of those squares, assuming, of course, that the opponent is not defending this piece. The king can never move to a square that the opponent controls. Doing so will move the king into check. Suicide," he added.

  He moved a few pieces.

  "Here, see this. In this case, the rook is one square away and undefended. If I put these two rooks here like this, they can defend each other. and the king can only move one way. Am I going too fast for you?" he asked.

  "Yes," I said. He sat back.

  "All right, let's just go over the moves each piece can make, and then we'll go back to what I'm saying. The rook can move any number of squares in straight line, horizontally or vertically, but the rook may not jump a piece of either color. Got that?"

  I nodded.

  "The bishop can move any number of squares diagonally, but, like the rook, it may not jump a piece. Like the rook, it can move forward or backward, but in only one direction at a time. Okay?"

  "yes."

  "The queen combines the power of the rook and the bishop. It can move horizontally, vertically, or in the diagonal."

  "Wow," I said.

  He glanced at me but continued.

  "It's like the king in that it can move in any direction, but unlike the king, it can move far in one direction so long as there are no pieces in its path."

  He took a deep breath.