April Shadows

  When I got inside. I went right to the bathroom and wiped my soaked hair. The room did look all right, even though the furniture was very worn and faded, and the lighting was dull, giving everything a yellowish glow. The table by the bed was stained with cigarette burns, but the sheet and the cover sheet were clean. The sight of the pillow and mattress was so inviting it wouldn't have mattered much if it was filthy, I thought,

  I put on a long nightshirt and, without brushing my teeth or anything, crawled into bed. The rain on the roof sounded like flocks of birds pecking away. It was constant enough to drone me into a deep sleep, however, and moments later. I was drifting into a welcomed silence.

  Before morning. I was visited by terrible nightmares. The one that snapped my eyes open and made me shudder was the vision of that young tuck driver. Dirk, sitting in the chair across from my bed, watching me sleep and smiling. When I did open my eves. I was so unfamiliar with my surroundings I was sure the silhouette I saw was indeed him. I couldn't breathe. After a moment. I realized it was not anyone. It was the standing lamp.

  I turned on the lights and gazed around. The rain had stopped or nearly stopped. The clock at the side of the bed read five- twenty. I was still quite tired and decided to sleep a few more hours. so I turned off the light and lay back again.

  - I'm alone, I thought. I might be alone for a very long time. I had better get used to being frightened; and I had better get tougher inside, or have to crawl back to Brenda and Celia.

  It was actually hunger that woke me again. I had slept more than a few hours. It was nearly nine o'clock. My stomach growled, and visions of eggs and bacon, soft rolls and butter, juice and coffee came rushing at me. I had eaten so little. It didn't surprise me, but I was determined to control my hunger.

  The next time Brenda sees me, I thought, she - won't be able to recognize me.

  Interesting. I realized as I washed and dressed. how I expected to see Brenda again and even soon. What kind of a runaway was I?

  I got into my car quickly, and stopped at the office to return the room key. This time, there was a young man behind the counter. He had beady black eyes and hair down his neck and over his ears that actually looked like a black mop had been draped over his head. He was unshaven and had a cigarette, unlit, dangling out of the corner of his mouth.

  He looked surprised when I appeared. Then he remembered what I imagined his father had told him.

  "You're 8C," he said.

  "Not anymore." I told him dropping the key on the counter. "Where's the closest place to get some breakfast?"

  "Child's, between here and the highway." he replied. He looked either so bored or so exhausted himself that he would have to keep his eyes open with paper clips.

  I thanked him and left.

  At Child's, which was a very busy little restaurant, I ordered a glass of orange juice and two soft-boiled eggs. The aroma of bacon and ham and the sight of stacks of delicious pancakes with syrup running down the sides made my stomach twist and turn in agony, but I held to my dieting and even decided to drink my coffee black. I ate as quickly as I could. so I wouldn't be confronted with all the good food, and got back onto the highway after I got gas again.

  I got onto I-10W and felt more energized knowing I was closing in on Uncle Palaver's location. Before I reached El Paso. I stopped again and this time had a salad with a glass of water. My stomach was beginning to rebel, demanding more and not letting my hunger pangs stop. but I just drank more water instead of ordering anything else.

  When I reached El Paso. I pulled into a gas station and got directions to the theater where Uncle Palaver was performing. It turned out to be out of the city, farther west on the I-10 highway. I made a few wrong turns and didn't reach the theater until it was nearly six-thirty. The box office wasn't yet open, but there was a big poster of Uncle Palaver and Destiny.

  The theater itself looked like a converted old warehouse. I had no idea where Uncle Palaver might have parked his motor home. so I thought the best thing to do was wait for the box office to open to see if I could get any information. I sat in the car and watched people begin to arrive. Finally, the box office opened. and I got out.

  The woman inside was finishing organizing her change when I stepped up.

  "Can you tell me where I could find Palaver?" I asked her.

  "Inside at seven-thirty," she replied dryly without so much as glancing at me.

  "No. I mean now." I said.

  She looked up. annoyed. Her hair looked as if it had been molded out of wire and glued to her head. She had so much makeup on that anyone would have assumed she was part of the show.

  "What?" she asked. squinting.

  "I need to see him beforehand. I'm his niece. and I just drove in from Tennessee. actually,"

  She raised her eyebrow and pilled her lower lip back and in so far it created two thin gullies along her chin.

  "Drove in from Tennessee?"

  "Yes, ma'am."

  "Well. I have no idea where he is. I just sell tickets here. He'll be here at seven-thirty. Do you want a ticket, or don't you?"

  Four people had come up behind me and were waiting. Other people had parked and were entering the theater.

  "Yes," I said quickly, not knowing what else to do.

  I paid for the ticket and entered the theater. This wasn't the way I wanted to surprise him, but perhaps it would have to do. Unfortunately, the first five rows were already filled. I found the closest seat I could and sat waiting. The theater probably didn't hold more than three hundred or so people, so it filled up quickly. I guessed that Uncle Palaver's television appearances and other publicity must be working for him.

  I realized, of course. that I had never seen one of Uncle Palaver's shows. None of us had. We had only the news clippings and pictures. I was very excited and eager for him to know I was here. I sat waiting for the curtain to open. I had worn the watch he had given me some time ago at Brenda's basketball game. There was only ten minutes to the start of his and Destiny's performance. Everyone around me seemed genuinely excited. I was proud and happy for Uncle Palaver. He was a success after all.

  Just before seven-thirty, the curtain began to inch open, and the lights dimmed around us. A spotlight widened on the center of the stage and then suddenly went off and then on like a blink of an eye. There before us was Destiny, seated on a chair. only...

  I leaned forward. What was this? Some gimmick? A hush came over the audience.

  This wasn't Destiny herself. It was a life-size doll. A moment later. Uncle Palaver stepped out dressed in a tuxedo and top hat. The audience applauded, and he smiled, bowed, and looked at the doll.

  "Nice crowd. Destiny," he said.

  The doll's head turned ever so slowly as if it were panning the audience. Then the doll nodded, and its mouth moved. We heard. "It's a crowd. How do you know they're nice?"

  People laughed. He's a ventriloquist, too, I thought. Funny how we never knew and he never did any of that at our house.

  "Well, we'll soon find out," Uncle Palaver said. "Let's get some of them up here."

  He stepped off the stage and picked out a half dozen members of the audience and had them up to the stage. As he had them introduce themselves, he performed his sleight-of-hand tricks, pulling what would be embarrassing things out of their ears, and somehow, out of their jacket and pants pockets. He had an elderly man reach into his own pocket and come out with a folded-up Playboy magazine centerfold. The man's face turned red-dye-numbereight red, and his wife, who was in the audience, howled, causing the audience to roar. He swore he hadn't put that in his pocket. Uncle Palaver turned to the doll and asked its opinion, and it said he should have the gentleman look in his rear pocket now. Nervously, he did, and when he produced another folded centerfold. the audience applauded vigorously.

  Every time Uncle Palaver performed a trick, he turned to the life-size doll of Destiny, and it moved its mouth and offered a comment. Where was Destiny herself? I wondered, and looked to the corners of
the stage, expecting her to step out any moment.

  She didn't.

  Following the tricks, he then somehow managed to hypnotize the entire group right before our eyes. He had them do very silly things which Destiny suggested. The audience loved it. After that, he woke them all, and they looked sincerely confused. He thanked them, and they returned to their seats.

  His ventriloquist act continued, with Destiny singing while he drank a glass of water. Almost everything he did now drew applause. The next part of his act involved what he called his psychic memory. One of the ushers in the theater went down the aisle, choosing people to stand. Each person recited his or her name, and then he guessed their ages within a year or two. My heart thumped when the usher reached our row, but he didn't choose me. After no fewer than fifty were chosen and had recited their names. Uncle Palaver asked them to sit.

  He put his hand on the doll's shoulder and leaned down to hear what looked like a whisper. He turned back to the audience and began calling out the names of each who had stood. When he or she stood, he, leaning in front of the doll each time, then gave back his or her name and age. He didn't make a single mistake, and when all fifty were standing, the audience cheered and applauded.

  He thanked the volunteers who sat and then began to brag about his capabilities. I thought he was being a little too immodest when, suddenly, the lifesize doll screamed. "Aren't you being a little selfcentered? You couldn't do any of this without me."

  He then got into an argument with the doll about who was more important. Finally, he said. "Okay, smarty-pants. Let's see how you do without me."

  He marched off the stage, and all we saw now was the doll sitting and staring out at us. Everyone assumed the same thing. Uncle Palaver would return, and the doll would have to admit it was totally dependent upon him. But that's not what happened.

  What happened brought the audience to its feet, including me.

  Suddenly. without Uncle Palaver there, the doll's head moved from side to side, it leaned a bit toward us, and its mouth opened.

  "Is he gone?" it asked without him there.

  The curtain closed to thunderous applause and then opened again for Uncle Palaver to take his bows. He pointed to the doll, and it leaned forward. We were actually applauding it as if it were alive.

  Everyone began to leave. I tried to rush out to get backstage quickly, but people were moving so slowly, Finally. I did. A stagehand stopped me, and I told him who I was and asked to see my uncle. He said he was leaving from the rear door. so I crossed the stage and made my way back just in time to see Uncle Palaver carrying the doll in his arms and heading for the motor home, which had been parked behind the building.

  I called to him, and he turned slowly. At first, he looked as if he didn't recognize me. I moved closer, and then his eyes widened.

  "April? What are you doing here?" he asked.

  "It's a long story, Uncle Palaver, a long, terrible story. but I've come to be with you because I have nowhere else to go," I said.

  He looked at the doll as if he expected it to say something, to ask something, and I thought I saw him whisper in its ear.

  "Come inside," he said, and walked up the short steps into his motor home.

  I followed quickly and watched him carry the doll through the motor home to the rear, where his bedroom was located.

  "Just a minute," he said, and went inside, closing the door.

  I stood there gazing around. The motor home was as I remembered it, only it wasn't as neat. There were dishes in the sink and clothing strewn about the small living room area.

  "Okay," Uncle Palaver said, coming out of the bedroom. "Tell me what's going on."

  He sat on the small settee. and I sat across from him.

  Where do I begin? I wandered. How do I explain it without embarrassing myself? I began by giving him details about our move, my entrance to a new school, my friendship with Peter Smoke. I rambled on and on, skirting the crisis that had sent me fleeing from Brenda. He listened politely, but I could see he was getting impatient.

  "Why did you run away?" he finally demanded.

  I took a deep breath and revealed the relationship Brenda had with Celia. He didn't look surprised. He nodded and listened.

  "That's who your sister is. You shouldn't have run away from her."

  "That wasn't the reason," I replied. and then told him about my last night. I didn't get into actual details. but I gave him enough to widen his eves and get him to understand why I had to leave.

  "I see," he said. "That is unfortunate. Well, we should call Brenda and let her know you're all right,"

  "No," I said sharply. "She'll only tell you to send me back. I don't want to go back. ever!"

  He sat back, staring at me. I looked toward the bedroom and then asked him about Destiny.

  "Where is she?"

  He let his head fall back and gazed up at the ceiling with his mouth open so long I thought he had either fainted with his eves open or fallen asleep.

  "She's tired," he said, looking at me again. "She's exhausted, matter of fact. Remember the illness I described?"

  "Yes. But where is she?"

  "She's in bed," he replied, as if it were very obvious. "I've explained about you," he added.

  I nodded. "I don't want to be any burden.I'll help you with her, with anything."

  "That's nice," he said, looking terribly sad.

  "How long have you had that life-size doll of her?"

  now.

  - "Forever, it seems." he told me. "We're an act We're inseparable."

  "I never knew you were such a good

  ventriloquist," I said.

  "I'm not." he replied. "Are you hungry? I

  usually eat something before I set out. I have crazy hours. April. I don't live like most people. Sometimes. I drive all night and sleep all day until show time,I'll do that tonight. You can fix the bunk above the cab there the way you did when you were just a little girl," he said. smiling. "Until we decide what you should

  do, that is."

  "I'd like to help you with your act, too, and be

  with you. Uncle Palaver. I can be your assistant. I'd

  like to be on the road. I have no place to call home

  anymore."

  "Oh. I don't know about that," he said. "A girl

  your age on the road constantly. I don't know." He

  shook his head.

  "You're the only one I have now," I whined.

  "Please. If you don't help me, I don't know where I'll

  go or what I'll do."

  He thought a moment and gently nodded.

  "Okay, we'll see," he said, "We'll see. Hungry?" "A little. but I'm watching my diet."

  "Well. I don't have much. I'm not the cook your

  mother was. I was just going to have some tuna fish

  on a bun and a cup of coffee," he said.

  "I'll fix it for you," I offered quickly, and went

  to the refrigerator.

  When I opened it. I was shocked to see how

  little he did have.

  "You're not taking care of yourself. Uncle

  Palaver. Lucky I've arrived," I said, and he finally

  smiled.

  I had to clean the coffee pot and wash some

  dishes first. While I did so, he returned to the

  bedroom. I heard him talking and thought Destiny was

  awake now. Perhaps he would finally introduce me to

  her. He came out and didn't mention her. however. We sat at the small table and ate. I just had a

  scoop of his tuna and black coffee. He spoke about

  some of his shows, and I asked him questions about

  the tricks he performed. Once again, as always, he

  reminded me that a true -magician never reveals his

  secrets.

  "How did you get the doll to move its head and

  open its mouth like that?"

  "It's never easy." he replied. "Sometimes, she

&n
bsp; refuses to cooperate."

  I laughed, but he didn't crack a smile. "What about your car?" he asked me. "Where is

  it?"

  "In the parking lot," I told him.

  "Okay. Drive it around. I have a hitch on the

  back of the motor home, so we can attach it easily

  enough,'"

  "Thank you. Uncle Palaver. I'm so happy to be

  with you," I added.

  "I'm sorry for all your troubles. April. Your

  mother would want me to do all I can. We've got to

  think hard about your future. This isn't a life for a girl

  your age. But for now," he added, seeing my

  disappointment, "we'll do what we can."

  "Thank you," I said, and went to get my car. He

  was waiting outside when I pulled around the

  building.

  "I can do this fine by myself," he said. "Take

  what you need into the motor home, and fix the bunk

  for yourself. I'll be right in, and then we'll be getting

  started. I'm to be in Phoenix tomorrow night." "I know. I have your schedule."

  "You do?"

  "You gave it to us last time you were at our

  house."

  "Oh," he said. remembering, "Yes."

  I took out the things I wanted and went into the

  motor home. There wasn't much to do to fix the bunk.

  I changed into a long nightshirt washed my face. and

  brushed my teeth by the time he came back in. "All set." he said.

  "Is there anything else I can do?"

  "No. Just get some rest."

  He got into the driver's seat.

  "Are you going to drive all night?"

  "A good part of it," he said. "It's how I do it. No

  problem for me." he added.

  "Okay. Goad night. Uncle Palaver, and thank

  you," I said, and crawled up and into the bunk. "'Night," he called. He started the engine and

  slowly drove out of the rear parking area.

  I lay back in the bunk bed, recalling when I had