Art & Soul

  “Mango,” I corrected. “It’s the size of an mango now.”

  “What?!” He reached into his backpack, grabbed a pen, crossed out the word ‘Avocado’ on the paper, and wrote ‘Mango’. “You have to keep me updated on the stats, Art. Geez. Anyway, this one is for Baby Mango, this one is for you, and this one is for you both to share.”

  I tore open the one for me and Baby Mango and smiled when I saw a new CD player with a set of headphones.

  Then there were two mix CDs.

  “Yours has a bit more rap music than Mango’s. I tried to keep that one PG. There are a lot of violin classics on Mango’s. You can put the headphones on your stomach for the baby to listen. Then the kid can be a musical genius like yours truly.”

  “Why are you so nice to me?” I asked, a little confused. Before he could reply, a voice shouted behind us.

  “What the fuck are you doing out here?!”

  I turned around to see Dad sitting in his plumbing truck, his face red as ever. “Dad! What are you doing here?”

  “What am I doing here?! Why the hell aren’t you in school?!”

  Levi stepped forward. “Sorry, Mr. Watson, it’s my fault—I—”

  Dad put his truck in park in the middle of the road, swung open his door, and marched over. “Of course she’s with you, you little shit. Stay the hell away from my daughter.”

  “Dad!” I screamed, watching him charge toward Levi. “It’s not his fault I—”

  “You told me the kid wasn’t his!” Dad hollered at me, his hands in fists. “I swear to God if I catch you anywhere near my daughter again I’ll have you put in jail.”

  “Sir,” Levi said, putting his hands up in surrender, but Dad didn’t care.

  “Get in the damn car, Aria,” he ordered, wrapping his hand around my forearm, yanking me toward him.

  “Ow, Dad! Let go!” I screamed. Levi stepped forward out of reflex, and Dad dropped his hold.

  “Take one more step and you’ll regret it, boy. Aria, car. NOW!” He swung the passenger door open and forced me to climb inside. Within seconds he was in the driver’s seat, speeding off down the road, leaving Levi behind.

  “What’s wrong with you?!” I cried, slamming my hands against his stiff arm. “I can’t believe you did that!”

  “You can’t believe I did that?! Watch it, Aria, because you are this close to—”

  “To what?! Pissing you off? Having you ignore me? Having you hate me? Because I’m pretty sure you’ve already done all of those things. I made one mistake, the first mistake I’ve ever made, and you decide to pretty much disown me?!”

  His fingers were still gripping the steering wheel tight. “So this is your reasoning? This is why you’re skipping school, running around town with a delinquent, and acting like a goddamned five-year-old? Because I haven’t been speaking to you?! Jesus, Aria. Grow up.”

  Tears streamed down my face, and I shouted, “He’s not a delinquent!”

  “Bullshit, I know his father. I know the shit that goes on in Kent Myers’ house. Plus, James told me how the kid’s been harassing you at school!” What?! “They are dirt bags, and I don’t want to see you anywhere near that boy again. And, if it wasn’t already clear as fucking day, you are not allowed to date, Aria!”

  He went silent and stayed that way for the rest of the ride as tears fell from my eyes.

  When we pulled into our driveway, I rushed out of the truck. “I hate you!” I cried, rushing into the house past a confused Mom.

  “What the heck is going on?” she asked, holding KitKat in her arms. “Aria, what are you doing here?”

  I ignored her and ran to my room, slamming the door shut. I hurried to text Levi to make sure he was okay, but he didn’t reply. Even with the door shut and my own sobbing, I could still hear Mom and Dad fighting.

  “What’s going on, Adam? What are you doing with Aria?”

  “I found her running around town with that kid.”

  “What kid?”

  “Kent Myers’ son! I swear to God, I’m going to kill them both.”

  They began fighting—again: Mom telling Dad that he needed to calm down, and Dad shouting that she needed to stop babying me.

  “If I catch Myers’ kid anywhere near Aria again so help me—”

  “You’re acting ridiculous, Adam!”

  “No, Camila. You need to stop with this whole thing. You already know my thoughts on that piece of shit over there, and I am sick and tired of you acting like it’s not a big deal that our daughter is pregnant!”

  “I know it’s a big deal. I’ve been dealing with the big deal while you’ve been making up excuses to never come home and reasons to never look her way. You didn’t even come home for her birthday.”

  They didn’t stop for an hour. I was surprised they even still had voices.

  “Whatever. I have to take Aria to her therapy appointment before I go back to work.”

  “Yeah, because those are working out great. Who’s going to watch KitKat while you’re gone? I have to go back to work, too. This shit made me run hours behind schedule.”

  “I’ll take her with me, okay? You just do what you do best: go away.”

  The front door slammed and the house went silent.

  “Aria, I’m putting KitKat in the car, meet us out there.”

  After wiping my eyes, I hurried outside to the car. “Mom, I’m sorry. I can explain…”

  She wasn’t interested. “We have to hurry home after your therapy appointment today, Aria,” she said as I climbed inside and buckled my seatbelt. “I’m on call at the hospital tonight and your father said he’s working late again, so I need you to watch your sisters since Mike’s at football practice.” She kept going on and on about why I had to watch Grace and KitKat, but that didn’t matter much to me. I knew she was on the edge of falling apart because she kept tugging on her ear, and I knew it was my fault. “I really didn’t want you to have to deal with watching over your sisters because I’m sure you’re so tired, but there’s just so much going on and your father isn’t making this any easier on anyone. And skipping school, Aria? Really? It’s just not…it’s not good. Plus, I need to finish the paperwork for you to be homeschooled next semester, I need to go shopping and bake cookies for Grace’s class, I need to make sure you have a way to get to your next doctor’s appointment, and, and, and—”

  She took a breath before her hands flew to her face and she began to sob uncontrollably. I’d never seen Mom cry. There was something so scary and heartbreaking about watching your lifetime Superwoman fall apart in front of you. I unbuckled my seatbelt and edged closer to her, wrapping my arms around her.

  Sometimes it was so easy to forget that adults were just kids in bigger bodies, and their hearts broke just like ours.

  23 Levi

  I was warming up some soup for Dad when there was banging on the door. When I walked into the living room, I saw Dad opening the door to Mr. Watson. Hastily, I approached the two of them.

  “Keep that shit kid of yours away from my daughter,” Mr. Watson scolded.

  Dad turned toward me, confusion in his stare before he blinked and a sly smile crept across his face. “Adam, it might be best if you get the hell off of my property.”

  “I mean it, Kent. I know the kind of life you live over here and the last thing I need is for my daughter to get involved in this kind of thing.”

  “You mean your pregnant daughter?” Dad smirked. “It seems that she’s plenty capable of getting into enough trouble without the help of my son. Now get the fuck off my property.”

  Mr. Watson’s chest was rising and falling hard, his heavy breaths releasing through his mouth. His eyes moved to me standing behind Dad. “I mean it. Stay away from my daughter.”

  “Yeah, yeah, yeah.” Dad chuckled. “Tell Camila I said hi.”

  “Don’t talk about my wife.”

  “Why not? Isn’t she talking about me?” Dad mocked.

  Mr. Watson flipped Dad off as he headed back to h
is truck and drove away. Dad’s laughter faded away when he turned to me. “Why the hell are you running around town with a pregnant girl?”

  “She’s my friend.”

  His brows lowered. “You’re real weird, kid. Just lay off of that girl, all right? Camila’s already got enough going on in her life and the last thing she needs is that dick of a husband coming down on her because my dick of a son likes to fall for the knocked up kids. Leave her alone, all right?”

  “But—”

  “I said leave it!” he ordered.

  “Okay.”

  He grumbled and walked past me. “And stop watching the damn comedies sitting in the foyer. There are places to sit in the living room.”

  I didn’t know how to react. For the first time ever, Dad was inviting me to watch the black and white comedies with him in a roundabout way, but he’d also told me to stop talking to Aria. I was a winning loser.

  As we sat in the living room, Dad told me he’d traded his old beat-up car for another one that happened to not be stick shift. He handed me an extra pair of keys and told me I could use it if I wanted to sometimes. I wondered if that was his way of apologizing for giving up on chemotherapy. If so, I just wished he would take the keys back.

  24 Aria

  Sometimes I caught my parents staring at me waiting for me to confess that the night I slept with James was an accident, that I’d had no say in the matter. But I had. I allowed him to touch me and keep touching me. As he kissed me I said yes, over and over again, feeling as if he was the only thing I needed and wanted.

  And then he stopped kissing me. The memory of that night replayed in my mind every morning I woke up, stood in front of the bathroom mirror, and touched my stomach.

  Sometimes I stared at myself waiting to confess that the night I slept with James was an accident, that I’d had no say in the matter. But I had. I wanted him.

  And for a stupid few minutes, I could’ve sworn he wanted me, too.

  * * *

  Dr. Ward’s candy choice today was Starbursts, which was much better than his black licorice days.

  “What’s on your mind, Aria?”

  “Salvador Dalí. Salvador was known for his melting clocks painting, The Persistence of Memory. Did you know he had a brother nine months older than him who died? His brother’s name was Salvador. His parents named Salvador after his dead brother Salvador. Isn’t that crazy? They believed that he was the reincarnation of his brother. He said, ‘We resembled each other like two drops of water, but we had different reflections. He was probably a first version of myself, but conceived too much in the absolute.’ Imagine that pressure. Never living up to what your parents dreamed you could be.”

  “Do you feel pressure from your parents, Aria? Like you let them down?”

  I blinked, thinking back to the argument my parents had had a few hours ago. “Is there a deal breaker?” I asked.

  “For what?”

  “For how much your parents love you. Are there different kinds of mistakes that can just make them stop loving you? Like, say a kid started using drugs, or fighting. Or failed a class. Or—”

  “Got pregnant.”

  “Yeah. Is that a deal breaker for love?”

  “Your parents still care a lot about you,” Dr. Ward said.

  “But it’s not the same. Before, Dad used to pop into my room each night and tell me something about sports that I didn’t care about. Then I would tell him something about art that he didn’t care about, and then he would kiss my forehead and leave.”

  “And now?”

  “Now all of those memories are just melting away.”

  “You want to talk more about that?” he asked.

  “No.”

  He didn’t push me for more details. I was starting to like that about him.

  * * *

  When we got home, I looked down at my phone to see if Levi had texted me back.

  Levi: Sorry for any trouble I caused.

  Aria: It’s okay. It wasn’t your fault.

  He didn’t text back until dinnertime.

  Levi: It might be best if we don’t talk outside of art and music class. I don’t want to add stress to your family.

  Aria: What? That’s stupid.

  Levi: Sorry, Art.

  Aria: You can’t break off a friendship with an emotional girl who’s pregnant over a text message after telling her that you like her. That’s just mean. And stupid.

  He didn’t reply until after KitKat’s bath.

  Levi: I know. Sorry.

  That’s it? You’re sorry?

  Aria: Do you want the definition of asshole?

  He didn’t reply.

  25 Levi

  The next morning at the bus stop, Aria didn’t look at me, but she did define a word for me.

  “Asshole: a stupid, mean, or contemptible person. Just in case you didn’t know.”

  I definitely knew.

  Right before lunch, Simon informed me that I should probably sit at a different lunch table, but he told me we could still talk in gym class. I sighed, taking my lunch and finding an abandoned table in the back corner of the cafeteria.

  I sat and ate my nasty food.

  “Are you okay?” Abigail asked, walking up to me. “I stopped by Aria and Simon’s table, and Aria said you weren’t sitting with them anymore.”

  “Yeah.”

  She sat down beside me. “I have a few extra minutes today if you want me to sit with you. And I will probably have some extra time tomorrow, too.”

  I smiled. “Thanks, Abigail.”

  “Welcome.” She paused, staring down at her hands. “Why haven’t you told Simon or Aria about my cancer?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I know you saw me at chemotherapy the day before you invited me to sit and eat with you guys.”

  “Oh. Yeah. I didn’t think it was my right to share something like that.”

  “But that’s why you invited me to eat with you three, right? Because you felt bad for me?”

  “No. I invited you because when you smile, you make everyone else happy.”

  She drummed her fingers on the table. “The day you asked me to sit with you guys I was on my way to the bathroom to cry because it was one of my not-so-happy days. So thanks for that.”

  “Anytime.”

  She rubbed her shoulder and looked across to the table that we normally set at. “Is Simon mad at me or something? He won’t even talk to me, let alone look my way.”

  She honestly appeared perplexed by Simon’s sudden distance from her. “He likes you, Abigail.”

  “Oh, I know. I like him, too,” she said, eating her sandwich.

  “No, I mean he likes you, likes you.”

  “I know. I like him, like him, too.” She cocked an eyebrow. “I thought that was clear? I gave him extra cookies.”

  “But you told him you didn’t want to go out with him.”

  “I don’t.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because girls like me don’t get the boyfriends.” She frowned. She sat with me for the longest she had ever sat in one place. “After next week, though, things will be different,” she muttered to herself before saying, “Should I make him brownies this time?”

  26 Aria

  “Stay the hell out of my life!” I whisper-shouted toward James, walking up to his locker. I couldn’t believe that not only did he have the nerve to threaten Levi at the party, but to also tell my dad lies about Levi as if he knew him. “And stay out of Levi’s life. He has done nothing to you.”

  “Well, I’m sorry,” he whispered back, glancing down the hallways, making sure no one was watching us. “I’m sorry that I care about the kinds of people who are messing with you.”

  “Stop it, James. You have nothing to do with this. You have no say in who talks to me and who doesn’t. Your girlfriend is Nadine. Not me. And you are seconds away from really pissing off a pregnant girl.”

  He reached to touch my shoulder, and I stepped back
. “And really? I’m like a sister to you? Because that’s not really disturbing and awkward,” I sarcastically remarked.

  “I’m not in love with her anymore,” he blurted out, making my stomach twist.

  “James…”

  He stepped toward me.

  I stepped away.

  “You’re always on my mind. I find myself thinking about you when I shouldn’t. When I’m with her, you’re crossing my mind.”

  “Probably because you feel guilty about lying to her.”

  “No.” He shook his head. “Well, yes. But that’s not it. I just think her and me—

  “Let me guess, you two are growing apart? If I had a dime for every time I heard that.”

  “Aria, I want to help you. I want to help take some of the pressure off of you. It’s not fair that you’re going through this all on your own and I just want to help.”

  “Fine. Then tell everyone at school that you’re the father,” I said.

  His mouth tightened. His shoulders dropped.

  That’s what I thought.

  “Just leave me alone, okay?”

  He nodded. “But it’s true. I’m not in love with her anymore.”

  “Who you’re not in love with is none of my business. Just like Levi is none of yours.”

  I left him standing there dumbfounded. I wished the father of the baby was a stranger. Seeing James on a daily basis was a complete mess.

  * * *

  I wondered how people fell out of love. James made it sound as if falling out of love was so simple. Was it one big event that changed the way their hearts beat or was it the little annoyances that built up over time? Mom and Dad fought every day lately, but I tried my best to not overthink it. People in love fought sometimes.

  Whenever one of us kids walked in on them arguing, they went mute. Then they would talk about some mundane thing like the weather or politics. They were professionals at pretending to be happy, even though we all knew they weren’t. Once we left the room, the screaming would start up again.