Art & Soul

  And when he hit play, we both played our invisible guitars.

  * * *

  “I have a proposal for you, and I’m hoping you’ll say yes,” Levi said when his music class showed up to our art room. He sat his violin case down. “I think we should be glitterati.”

  “We’re not wealthy or famous,” I argued. “Plus, we don’t have any fashionable events to attend.”

  “Ah! But that is wrong! Because while I was walking down the hallway, I heard people whispering and gossiping about how I could possibly be the father of your baby.”

  “Is that the current rumor?”

  “It is indeed the current rumor, and seeing as how most famous people are always talked about in those tabloids you read, then I think that kind of makes us famous by definition.”

  “And what’s that definition?”

  “Having a widely spread reputation.”

  I smiled. “We do have that, don’t we? But we don’t have a fashionable event to attend, so I guess we’re out of luck. Do you want to work on a few samples of our final project? You can play as I paint and—”

  “Whoa, whoa, whoa. You can’t just change the subject because we do have a fashionable event to attend.”

  “And that is?”

  He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper. He unfolded it and held it my way. “Aria Watson, will you go to winter formal with me this Saturday night?”

  I chuckled. “Seriously?”

  He nodded.

  “No way. My mom would never let me go. Plus, there’s that whole six months pregnant thing I have going on.”

  “You don’t worry about that. You just have a dress ready and your dancing shoes on. I’ll deal with your mom.”

  * * *

  Levi asked Mom on Tuesday if he could take me to the dance. She said no.

  He asked on Wednesday. She said no.

  Thursday before my therapy appointment—no.

  Friday—no.

  When Saturday night arrived, I figured Levi had given up on the idea of me going to winter formal with him. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t try on every dress in my closet, but most of them didn’t fit anymore anyway.

  Maybe that was for the best.

  I watched Mike and his date Jamie get ready with James and Nadine before they all headed off to the dance that I wasn’t allowed to attend.

  It wasn’t fair.

  Thirty minutes after the dance started, there was knocking on the front door.

  Peeking around the corner, I saw Mom opening the door. Levi was standing there giving her that charming smile that made everyone in the whole wide world fall in love with him.

  “Hello, Mrs. Watson. First and foremost, these are for you,” Levi said, handing flowers to Mom. My heart started beating faster and faster.

  “Thank you, Levi, but I think the answer is still the same. We think it’s best that Aria doesn’t attend the winter formal tonight.”

  She said ‘we’ like Dad was a part of the decision when really, he didn’t even know there was a dance.

  “I know, but if I may?” He gestured toward the foyer, and Mom let him step inside.

  She shouldn’t have done that. Once Levi entered someone’s house—or heart—there was no way to ever get rid of him.

  He was wearing a black tuxedo with a polka dot green and white bowtie. He cleared his throat and stood tall, giving Mom that dangerous smile. “I want to take her to the dance. I understand why she wouldn’t want to go. I get why you wouldn’t want her to go. Her life is going to change within the next few months. Nothing is going to be the same, everything is going to be different, and you fear that all of the changes are going to be too much for her. Plus, the idea of me in her life is just another stressful thing added to the equation. Trust me, I’ve been trying to leave her alone for the past few months, but she’s ruthless at getting my attention. I get that you worry about what others will say about her ever-growing stomach and how she’ll be judged and criticized by other kids. Any good parent would worry about such things and any loving parent would want to keep their kid from that.

  “But I want you to know that I’ll protect her. I’ll make her forget that there is anyone else in the room. I’ll make her feel comfortable and beautiful because her beauty is comforting to me. I’ll dance slow and not too often so she’s not on her feet all evening. I’ll make her laugh at really corny math jokes and give her really watered down punch.”

  Mom placed her thumb in between her lips. She was probably debating if she should shove him back outside and double bolt the locks, or if she should drag me to my room and put me in a dress.

  “Levi, you have to understand. Aria isn’t in a place where she should be dating. It’s actually the last thing she should be doing.”

  He nodded. He frowned. He looked past my mom and saw me hiding behind the corner. He gave me a half smile.

  I gave him the other half.

  His eyes traveled back to Mom. “You think I want to date Aria? God, no. There’s nothing about your daughter that I want to date. She’s cool and all, but by all means, she has officially been friend-zoned in my book.”

  “I think we both know that’s a lie.” Mom sighed, crossing her arms.

  “No, Mrs. Watson, it’s not. You see, there are girls and then there’s Aria. Aria is the kind of girl who you go to the music store with and listen to destroy the sounds of music. She’s the kind of girl you talk to about your views on realism compared to impressionism. She’s the girl who tells you that abstract art is the best art, even though you fight her tooth and nail about it because you think it’s meaningless, but the next thing you know you’re sitting in a library staring at books filled with pictures of abstract artwork and your heart feels ready to explode.”

  Levi turned to me as I stepped out from behind the corner. Our eyes locked, and he kept speaking. “Because you get it, you know? You get that the colors and the lines and the curves aren’t trying to be like everything else in the world. You understand that the abstract art is standing out against the norm because it’s the only way abstract art knows how to stand. And you get so fucking happy because it’s so beautiful. And unique. And edgy. And…abstract.”

  The room filled with silence as the three of us stood with no words coming to our minds. Levi adjusted his bowtie, turned back to Mom, and cleared his throat. “So, if it’s okay, I would like to take your abstract masterpiece to the dance tonight. Friends only.”

  Mom turned to me and shrugged her shoulders. “Do you want to go?” she whispered.

  “Yes.”

  I badly wanted to go with Levi.

  “Then go.” She nodded her head toward my room. “Go get dressed.”

  Without hesitation, I turned and hurried in the direction of my room with the biggest smile that I could no longer hide. As I entered my room I couldn’t help but giggle when I heard Levi say to my mom, “I’m sorry for saying the f word in your house, Mrs. Watson.”

  “It’s okay, Levi. Consider it your one free pass.”

  * * *

  Fifteen minutes later, I walked out of my bedroom wearing a black dress that probably shouldn’t have stretched out as far as it did. My feet were wearing a pair of flats because they were the only thing that didn’t make me feel exhausted from standing. Mom gave me her pearl necklace and earrings.

  When I entered the living room, where Levi was waiting, he stood from the couch. “Whoa,” he said, staring my way. He didn’t say another word, or move an inch. Minutes passed, and still no movement.

  “Levi.” I softly laughed nervously, tugging on the bottom of my dress. “You’re staring at me.”

  “I know. I swear I’ve been trying to stop, but when I stare at you something weird happens.”

  “And what’s that?”

  “My mind shuts up.”

  “Oh, crap,” Mom muttered, standing against the fireplace, watching Levi and I with a camera in her hands and tears falling down her cheeks.


  “Mom, don’t cry.”

  “I’m not, I’m not,” she promised, wiping her eyes. “It’s the dust from the fireplace, that’s all.”

  She smiled and got more dust in her eyes as she took photos of Levi and me.

  “I like him,” Mom whispered as she kissed my forehead. “I know I shouldn’t, but I like him.”

  “You and I both suffer from the same issue, Mom.”

  When Levi and I walked out to his car, he held the passenger door open for me. He hopped into the driver’s seat and turned the key in the ignition. My hands rested against my stomach as we drove in silence.

  “I meant that, you know,” he whispered, his eyes on the road. “The part I said about there are girls and then there’s Aria. I meant that.”

  My shoulders relaxed into the seat, and I stared forward out of the windshield. There were girls, and then there was me.

  Slowly my left hand edged toward the middle half of the front seat, my palm facing up.

  Slowly his right hand edged toward the middle half of the front seat, his palm facing down.

  Slowly, nervously, quietly, we tied our hands together.

  * * *

  “Are you sure you don’t want punch? I mean, I know they don’t have diamond encrusted glasses, but they have these great plastic cups,” Levi offered for the third time. We sat in two chairs against the wall. I shook my head. I couldn’t stop pulling at the fabric of my dress, feeling as if I was standing out way too much and that I was way too fat to be there.

  Girls kept walking over to us and asking Levi to dance with him, but he kept turning them down.

  All of the girls looked really beautiful and very far from pregnant.

  Maybe it had been a bad idea to come.

  Levi rested his hands in his lap. His feet were tapping against the gym floor to the music. He wasn’t having much fun, and I felt awful about it.

  “I’m sorry I’m so boring,” I said.

  “You’re not,” he lied.

  “I’m embarrassed.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I’m fat.”

  He edged his chair closer to me and laid my head on his shoulder. “The way you talk about yourself makes me angry.”

  “But look at all of those girls out there. You could have any of them. Clearly they all want you.”

  “I don’t want them.”

  “Why not?! They are everything that every guy wants. They are what you want.”

  I felt him tense up and his foot stopped tapping. He removed my head from his shoulder. “Stop telling me what I want, okay?”

  “It’s true, though, isn’t it? You want that?”

  He rolled his eyes and pushed himself away from me. “Fine.” He started walking toward the dance floor, and I saw a few of the popular girls smiling his way. He smiled back. I felt sick. He was choosing them. It made sense. I was on the outside of their world and Levi belonged with them.

  But then he kept walking past everyone. He walked out of the gym. I wanted to follow him, but I felt too stupid to do so. So I sat. I frowned like a dork, my hands resting against my stomach.

  About five minutes passed before Levi reentered the room, looking very different than when he’d left. My cheeks heated up as the room erupted with laughter. He was wearing a fake pregnancy stomach and his eyes were locked with mine as he crossed over to me.

  “What the heck are you doing?” I laughed, staring at how ridiculous he looked.

  “Dance with me,” he said, holding his hand out to me.

  “No way.”

  “Dance with me,” he repeated, stepping closer.

  “Levi!”

  “Dance. With. Me,” he begged, his eyes pleading with me to say yes.

  He took my hands in his, and I stood up. The music was up-tempo and everyone was staring at Levi. “Just look at me,” he ordered, so I didn’t look away. He started dancing like an ape, all over the place, no sense of rhythm, and no care that others were staring at him.

  I couldn’t stop laughing, and I started dancing with him. With no care, no fear, and no regrets. I kept looking at him and as he moved, his fake stomach danced, too. “Some people were just born to stand out, Aria. Just deal with it and keep dancing.”

  I wasn’t sure if I was allowed to, but I was falling in love with him. Each second was filled with more love. I wasn’t sure if seventeen-year-old pregnant girls were allowed to fall in love with oxymoronic boys who made their hearts skip. My head kept telling me that it was wrong, that I shouldn’t be considering such an insane idea.

  My head knew this was wrong. My head knew every reason why I should’ve never allowed myself to fall for Levi Myers. My head told me there were limits to love, boundaries. “You’re having a baby,” my brain told me daily. “You’re not allowed to date,” it ordered. “He’ll find someone better,” my brain scolded me.

  But my heart…my heart believed in a quiet, simple kind of love. A kind of love that was created before time existed, a kind of love that was bigger than any limitations the world placed upon us. It was a type of love that had no age limits, no boundaries, and was seen only within the souls of two people. My heart didn’t give me much of a choice.

  “Love openly,” my heart whispered. “Love unconditionally,” my heart begged. “Love the struggles,” my heart taught. “Love in the moment.”

  It was something ugly and beautiful all at once, wasn’t it? How your heart didn’t give a damn what your head wanted.

  33 Aria

  We walked outside and it was snowing, large flakes of white covering the town. My feet were sore, but they weren’t too bad because Levi had forced me to sit down every few songs. He held the car door open for me and closed it. I wanted to tell him. I wanted to tell him how I was falling for him, how hard it was for me to concentrate on anything when he said my name, or played the violin, or smiled.

  When he climbed into the car we sat there for a while, watching each snowflake fall.

  “I had a very good time tonight,” I told him.

  “Me too.”

  Silence.

  “Art?”

  “Yes, Levi?”

  “What would happen if I kissed you?”

  “If you kissed me?” My stare fell to his lips. I exhaled slowly. “Well, everything would change.” Things were already changing.

  “Is that a bad thing?”

  My voice shook, and I could feel the palms of my hands growing sweaty. I didn’t want to make eye contact, so I studied his floor mat. “I’ve only kissed one boy before. I’m not that experienced. I’m not a whore. I know everyone at school thinks I am, but I’ve only been with one person. I just wanted you to know that. I’m not a whore.”

  “I never thought that.”

  “Maybe you once did. Maybe the thought swam through your mind when we were in class, or when I missed school because of heartburn or when my stomach started to show. It’s understandable. I wouldn’t even be mad at you for thinking it. I’ve thought it too, actually.”

  “I never thought that,” he said with confidence. He turned toward me and placed his hand behind my neck. He leaned in close. He slowed his breaths. Our lips were millimeters apart. I couldn’t stop staring at his mouth, and I think he was staring at mine, too. He ran his hand against my cheek and looked into my eyes. “Whoever made you doubt how amazing you are, whoever broke your heart…I’m going to hate them for a long time.”

  “It’s okay.”

  “How is that okay?”

  “Because I found someone who’s kind of putting it back together again.”

  His lips inched closer to mine, and when they touched, I felt his hand wrap around my lower back. A feeling of warmth and protection ran through me as he pressed his lips against mine. I tilted my head to the left, deepening the kiss as I wrapped my arms around his neck. Then, as our lips were locked, I started to giggle against his mouth, feeling his fake pregnancy stomach bumping against my real pregnancy stomach. As I started to laugh, he did too, breaking int
o a chuckle. We didn’t move away from each other, though; our lips stayed together, connected.

  When my eyes opened, he was staring at me with those same kind eyes that he always had. I slowly pulled my mouth away from his, but somehow it felt as if we were still kissing. I secretly hoped that feeling would never fade away.

  “Art, you’re something special,” he said, his fingertips softly massaging my lower back. “And I’m so dang happy that I met you.” The Southern twang that hung off of the word ‘dang’ was so handsome.

  It was the oddest first kiss I could think of, which made it the best.

  As he put the car in drive, his cell phone rang, and I saw the name Lance flash across the screen. Levi was quick to answer. What started with a smile and a ‘Hey, what’s up?’ quickly changed to Levi’s face falling into a frown and his jaw tightening. “I’ll be right there.”

  He hung up the phone and turned the key in the ignition. “I-I have to drop you off real quick.”

  “What’s wrong?” I asked, touching his forearm.

  “My dad’s in the hospital. I’m sorry, I, um…” He started stuttering, running his hands through his hair. “I-I do-don’t know where Mercy Hospital is? Lance said the ambulance took him there? If you could tell me or something after I drop you, that wou-would be great.”

  His body was shaking, which made my body react in the same fashion. I shook my head back and forth. “It’s only a few minutes from here. I’ll go with you. Just take a right out of the parking lot.”

  He nodded and whispered a thank you. I nodded back and said a prayer.

  * * *

  We arrived at the hospital, and Levi almost forgot to unbuckle his seatbelt as he rushed inside. I was right behind him. He was hectic, rushing to the receptionist, his fake pregnant belly still intact.

  “I’m looking for my dad,” he said, his nerves flying from his mouth. “He was brought in a while ago.”

  I stepped behind him and unhooked the fake belly, allowing it to fall to the ground. Just like that, reality was back. The real world came crashing down.