Not So Easy

  “Shut the door,” Izzy whispered. Max hurried over to the large door, pressing it closed. “Oh, JD, it’s not good. They want to do a reroute of my intestines.”

  The panic on her face frightened Max. His aunt had to have the same surgery. Her Crohns had gotten so bad they rerouted her intestines to a small plastic pouch that sat outside her body on her stomach. He and the other cousins used to laugh whenever the pouched gurgled as the contents of her stomach dumped into her pouch.

  “But it’s only temporary, right? I mean, as soon as your intestines heal they can put everything back properly again.” At least that’s what happened to his aunt.

  “JD! What do you think the kids at school are going to do when they find out Icky Izzy craps in a bag?” She sat up straight. Horror ruled her face.

  “Izzy, no one will find out. I’m not going to tell them, and I know you’re not.” He ran his hand up and down her arm, her thin, frail arm, in an effort to comfort her. “You need to do this. You’re in pain all the time now.”

  She flopped back on her pillow. “The pact is in two weeks. I just need to hold them off for two weeks.”

  Max sank into a chair next to her bed. The pact. It’d been weighing on his mind, and if it were really only two weeks away, he needed the facts, though his gut told him he wouldn’t like it. Or maybe JD didn’t like it and Max picked up on that. Either way, he needed to know.

  “Okay, Izzy. Tell me about the pact.”

  Chapter 17

  “JD, not now, not here.” Izzy tugged the sheet up to her chin, pinching her eyes shut.

  “Yes. Here and now,” Max demanded. “I think we need to get this out in the open. Unless talking about it will bring on another attack.” He hadn’t thought of that.

  “It will if you get mad like you always do when we talk about it.” She snapped the sheet down and sat up straight. “Okay, fine.”

  Max held up his index finger, signaling her to hold on for a moment. He stood and took the curtain dividing the two beds and drew it across, blocking them from the snoring grandma. He positioned himself at the foot of the bed and waited for her to continue.

  “On the day of the big game,” she began, then hesitated. “Maybe I should back up a little more. Do you remember the day Nate beat you up? It was about a week before you discovered that dumpster you’ve been hiding in.” Max reluctantly shook his head. “Of course not. Anyway, it was pretty bad. You had a dislocated shoulder and you had to go to the ER.”

  “And let me guess. I didn’t tell anyone what happened.”

  She shook her head. “Nope. Keep to the code. You told them you fell out of a tree in Applegate Park.”

  “And they believed that?”

  “No, but you stuck to your guns so the hospital staff could do nothing about it. Tim came and got you after they set your shoulder. Tim, being what he is, made fun of you. You snapped, probably the painkillers you were on. You cussed him out and started walking home. Well, as you know, no one gets up in Tim’s face. He chased you down, demanding you get in the car, but you wouldn’t. He freaked out, and shoved you down, kicking you several times. The only thing that saved you was when a cop came around the corner. Em’s dad. Oh yeah, I wanted to ask you. Why did you bring her here?”

  “As soon as you finish explaining the pact, I’ll explain Em,” Max said, sitting back in the chair next to her.

  “Fine.” She rolled her eyes. “Tim got scared and pretended he was helping you up. When Officer McKay asked if everything was okay, Tim made up some stupid story about you being confused from the meds, and he was trying to get you back in the car so he could take you home and put you to bed. That Tim is one smooth operator,” she said, disgusted. “Officer McKay asked you if that were true, and naturally you said yes. As soon as the cop left, Tim got back in the car and told you to walk home. He said your mom coddles you and that you needed a few good beatings to make a man out of you.

  “You came to my house because it was closer. You were a mess, JD. Your arm was in the sling, your hands and knees were scraped up, and you had dirt on your jeans from falling. You’d been crying,” she added softly.

  “I never told my mom, did I?” Max couldn’t believe JD and Izzy actually thought keeping all of this abuse quiet from everyone was the best thing to do.

  “No. So none of this sounds familiar?” Izzy rubbed her face in frustration as Max shook his head. “Anyways, you told me you’d found a heavy chain in a deserted lot a couple days, you know, the one over off Chestnut by your house?”

  “Yes. I know the lot.” He’d cut across it whenever he’d miss the bus and had to walk home.

  “You also bought a padlock.” She stopped, still hoping he’d remember. When he said nothing, she continued. “You told me that you’d buried it, and ‘someday soon,’” she made quote marks in the air, “you were going to wrap the chain around you and . . . dive into the canal.” Again she stopped, searching his face for a reaction. This time she got one.

  “As in suicide?” Max threw his arms up, paced to the door, and back to Izzy’s bedside. “The pact is me killing myself.” Not happening, JD, so forget it! “I thought you were my friend. Friends help each other, Izzy. You should be encouraging me to keep going, not encouraging me to . . .” Max shoved his hands through his hair.

  “JD, that’s not the pact. Well, not all of it,” she said quietly.

  “There’s more? How can there be more? Suicide pretty much puts a damper on more, Izzy,” he shouted.

  “They’re going to kick you out. You can’t yell like that,” she chastised in a harsh whisper. The snoring granny in the next bed tossed around before settling back down into her rhythmic snore.

  “After you told me about your plan,” she hesitated, “I told you I’d been saving up my Percocet and when I had enough, I was going to, umm, take them all at once. I told you if you wanted me to, I’d save up enough for both of us, and we could use them together, you know, side by side. Amigos to the end. We could go out together.”

  This was getting worse by the second. And JD liked this idea?

  “You said we should do it the night of the baseball championship. After the game, when everyone had gone home, we’d go out onto the field—”

  “Diamond,” Max corrected her automatically, as if it mattered. It didn’t.

  “Diamond, field, whatever, and take the Percocet, then lay down on the fi—diamond and . . .”

  “Die, putting a damper on everyone’s celebration. It’d be the perfect payback for all the mean things everyone at school’s done to The Ten,” Max said quietly, planting his head in his hands.

  “You remember,” she said with a smile.

  No, but he knew just the same. “Izzy, I can’t remember why we agreed not to talk about this until the ‘big day,’” he said, for lack of a better phrase.

  “That was your idea. You said if we talked about it, we’d chicken out. You made it part of the code.”

  He couldn’t believe what he heard. And yet he didn’t know why the pact surprised him. In the back of his mind he suspected it, but hearing it verbalized brought it into reality. A cruel twisted reality. So why was he even here then? If suicide was the ultimate goal, what purpose did it serve to send him back to earth? So he could experience what it’s like to be beaten and hated? To see Em and draw out the pain of knowing she’d move on some day, finding someone else to love, and he’d be . . . Where? Gabe never did tell him what exactly would happen to him after helping JD. Helping JD to die.

  No! He refused. This was why he came back. To stop this atrocity. He knew JD’d grown stronger. The overwhelming depression had subsided somewhat, and he’d made new friends. Not just Em, but Jeff too, and others. No, they weren’t best of friends, but in time, who knew.

  “This is stupid. We’re not doing this,” he said firmly.

  Izzy bolted upright. “JD, why, suddenly, do you want to live? So your mom’s boyfriends can smack you around, or worse, again? Or do you enjoy the daily assaults on th
e bus? And then there’s always hiding in a dumpster full of dog crap to keep from getting your brains beat out. Yes, I’m sure you don’t want to miss out on that.

  “Come on, JD. What do we have to live for? Our lives suck. No one cares. If we never stepped foot in that stupid school again, would anyone even notice The Ten was gone? No. Not a soul. I’m tired. Tired of my father. Tired of the pain. I’m tired of being alone.” She swiped the tears from her cheeks and sank back onto her pillow.

  “You’re not alone, Izzy. You have me, and we’re making friends. Em, she wants to be our friend. And Greg from the bus, he’s got it bad for the new girl, Nancy Daybell. He actually protected me today. True, he hoped to impress Nancy, but it’s a start.”

  “A start? Until he gets over Nancy. Then what?” She massaged her abdomen while she spoke. The conversation upset her. His fury only helped add to her pain. He sucked in a long breath to help him bring it down a little.

  “Izzy. By us shutting everyone out, we’ve closed ourselves off from help. We need to keep reaching out until others start reaching back, like Em and Jeff.” She shook her head. Max walked over next to her and took her hand. “Izzy, we need to tell someone about your dad. He can’t be allowed to—”

  “No! I couldn’t face the kids at school if they found out. It’s bad enough living it, JD. Besides, my mom won’t take me, so I’ll end up in foster care. Who knows what will happen to me there.” She pulled her hand away to rub harder on her stomach.

  A nurse came in, interrupting Max’s plea. “I’m sorry, visiting hours are over. You’ll have to leave.” She checked Izzy’s IV and adjusted a small plastic valve near her arm.

  “I thought family could stay,” Izzy said. “JD’s my brother.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry. Of course.” She smiled. “Is your stomach bothering you, sweetheart? Would you like something for the pain?” Izzy nodded and the nurse left.

  “Izzy. No more pact. You can stay with me. I’ll talk to my mom, tell her about what’s—”

  “Here you go.” The nurse came back and injected something into Izzy’s IV. “It’s probably going to make her sleepy. The chair reclines if you want to stay,” she said to Max.

  “Thanks,” he said as she left.

  “You said you wouldn’t tell anyone, JD. You promised!”

  “I won’t. I do promise. But we need to find someone who we can trust.” She shut her eyes at his words. “What about the surgery? I think you should get it, if it will help.”

  She shrugged a shoulder as she continued kneading her belly. “My dad doesn’t want me to get it. He thinks the whole idea is disgusting.”

  “That’s because he’s a selfish pervert,” Max said, then an idea hit. “You know, Izzy, if he thinks it’s disgusting, maybe he’ll leave you alone, if you know what I mean.”

  “I’ve thought about that too. But with the pact and all, I still don’t see the need to go through the pain of surgery.”

  “No pact, Izzy. Forget it. We can do this,” Max insisted.

  Tears rained down Izzy’s cheeks. “I can’t take this anymore. It’s too hard. I feel empty inside, like I have nothing left. My own mother doesn’t want me, JD.”

  “But I do, Izzy. I do. Please, for me, don’t give up.” Max batted the tears from his own face.

  She sobbed harder at his words. “Please hold me, JD.” She scooted to the side of her bed. “Just till I fall asleep.”

  Max nodded and carefully climbed in next to her, gently guiding her onto his chest, twisting his arms to avoid her IV. He wrapped his arms around her and held her tight. “Please don’t take the Percs, Izzy. It will get better, I promise. We just need to find someone we can trust.”

  She didn’t answer. She made no promises. Her tears soon ended and her breathing went from rough and sharp to slow and deep. He held her for a while, rubbing her arm and whispering words of encouragement. “We’ll get through this, Izzy. I promise. Don’t give up.”

  Max stayed with her until almost midnight, sitting silently by her bed. Watching over her as she slept. Wishing he could take away the pain and sorrow that overwhelmed her. So much of her suffering was because of others and it wasn’t fair. He tried thinking of a way to help her, but his mind drew a blank.

  JD worried about her also. Burdened with the added weight of JD’s anxiety over Izzy, exhaustion ruled Max. He gathered his backpack after the nurse assured him she’d most likely sleep through the night and headed home. Hopefully Mel would be there. Maybe she could help, though how he could ask her for advice and not betray what Izzy shared in confidence would be tough.

  But it didn’t matter. Neither Mel nor Tim were home, just a note telling him his dinner, a burger and fries, were in the microwave. Max tossed the cold food into the garbage and made himself some toast before going to bed. His head hurt again and he knew what was coming. Another random nightmare about Tim. Max closed his eyes and tried focusing on Izzy, on Em, on school, on anything but Tim, only his thoughts were pushed aside as he drifted into a restless sleep.

  “Where’s my pen, fat boy?” Tim kicked JD in the hip.

  “I’m really sorry, Tim. I promise I’ll find it tomorrow,” JD vowed.

  “JD, wake up. This isn’t real, it’s just a dream,” Max begged. JD’s dreams made him feel oddly trapped, as if in a hard shell. He had no control over what played out in front of him. He could only watch.

  “You said that yesterday,” Tim yelled at JD before kicking him in the ribs.

  “JD, wake up!”

  Tim punched and kicked JD over and over. JD’s screams ate at Max. He continued to beg JD to wake up, only he wouldn’t. “JD, I found the pen today, remember? Tell him.”

  Max stood helpless as the nightmare continued. Tim grabbed a handful of JD’s hair and jerked him upright, shoving him toward his bedroom. “Listen to me, you fat momma’s boy. Your mother’s spoiled you rotten, and I’m sick of it. If she won’t teach you responsibility, I will. Now get in the room and find my pen!” Tim shoved him hard toward the bedroom door. JD lost his balance and fell, hitting his head on the doorframe. A twelve inch section of the frame split off and shot into his bedroom.

  Max bolted upright, again dripping with sweat. He went to the bathroom and rinsed his face with cold water. “JD, you need to stop worrying about Tim. I found the pen,” he said to the blanched face in the mirror.

  Max stretched out his back and did a few toe touches to relieve the stress, along with some push-ups. He padded into the kitchen and took some aspirin for his headache before dropping back in bed, exhausted, begging JD yet again to stay calm one last time before falling back asleep.

  Only it didn’t work. He relived JD’s fear two more times before finally giving up. He pulled out one of JD’s notebooks, and escaped into his writings, rereading The Princess Emma, his favorite one so far.

  Chapter 18

  “JD, how’s Izzy doing?” Max, trying to focus on the open document on the computer monitor, didn’t hear Em approach. His mind still boggled with what Izzy told him yesterday. He turned to Em, already forgetting what she’d asked.

  “I’m sorry. What?”

  She put her hand on his shoulder. “You’re exhausted. I take it Izzy’s not doing very well.”

  “Nope. Not good at all.” Em had a new shirt on, yellow with little white buttons on the sleeve. He loved her in yellow, but today he barely noticed. He couldn’t get what Izzy said off his mind.

  “I’m sorry. Is she in a lot of pain?”

  “Yes, but it’s not just physical, it’s emotional too. She feels like she’s alone and unloved. Hopeless.” Max closed the report he’d been editing and removed the jump drive.

  “I take it her home life isn’t so good.” Em pulled a chair over from the next desk and sat.

  “Her father is a full-on creep,” Max bit out. What he wouldn’t give to be alone with the guy, just him and a baseball bat.

  “Yeah. I sort of got that impression yesterday.” She shuddered. “I have to leave class
early for a dentist appointment. Maybe I’ll stop by and bring her some flowers. Do you think that’d be okay?”

  Max smiled proudly at Em. “That would be perfect. She doesn’t think anyone but me cares about her. If you bring her flowers, that might help. Thank you.”

  “No problem. I can take you to see her after school if you’d like,” she offered. “And I’m sensing you don’t want to work on the report right now.”

  “It’s okay. We can work on it.” He went to put the jump back in when she covered his hand with hers. He’d forgotten how soft they were.

  “We can finish the report tonight after you see Izzy if you’d like. Mr. Roberts said I could email it to him later.”

  “Thanks, Em.”

  “No prob.” She leaned back in her chair. “How long do you think Izzy will be in the hospital?”

  “Not sure. If she has the surgery—”

  “Surgery?”

  “Shoot. I’m not supposed to say anything. Please don’t tell anyone,” Max all but begged her.

  “I won’t, I promise,” she assured him softly. “JD, I have a favor to ask of you.”

  “Sure, anything,” Max promised.

  “Remember how you told me you needed motivation to run? Well, so do I. I’ve come up with an idea.” She smiled. “How about you and I run together? We can meet at Applegate Park, and we can motivate each other to keep running. What do you think?”

  “Sure.” It took all Max had not to shout yes. “I’m not very good, but I’d love to. Of course, after you see how slow I am you may change your mind,” he warned.

  “Not a chance. This will be great. My parents have been on my back to stop thinking about Max. This way I’ll get my exercising in, and I won’t be daydreaming about Max. Although I may mention him every once in a while.” She laughed. “You don’t mind, do you?”

  “Not at all. This is great. Thanks,” Max beamed. He’d be spending more time with Em. He could hardly believe his luck.