Blind Faith

  Finally, after Darian had paid the bill, her temper boiled with the need to let loose. She excused herself to visit the lady’s room and, while there, took several deep breaths, staring at herself in the mirror. On all that was holy. She’d been raised in a manipulative, secretive situation, and she now worked in politics. If her upbringing had taught her anything, it was how to survive the current situation.

  All she had to do now was go home, get a decent night’s sleep, and her mind would clear.

  Her shoulders back, she exited the ladies’ room—and ran right into Nate.

  “Hey,” she muttered, bouncing back. His hands around her biceps kept her from knocking over a potted plant. “What do you want now?”

  He stood tall and ripped, a nearly animalistic tension cascading off him. His dark hair brushed his collar in an untamed way, and something wild glimmered behind his brown-colored contacts. “We’re not finished with our conversation from yesterday, so I thought I’d provide fair warning,” he said.

  For the first time that evening, a hum fluttered through her belly. She’d spent an enjoyable evening with a handsome, smart, sexy man… and had felt nothing. Now, one second in Nate’s arms, with him issuing threats, her body flared to life. “Let go of my arms, or I swear, you’ll never walk again,” she hissed.

  He yanked her closer, one hand pressing against her lower back.

  His erection jumped against her cleft, and she bit back a moan.

  “I’ll meet you back at your place. If he’s there with you, I’m taking him out.” Nate released her and pivoted to head back to his table.

  Audrey swallowed several times, irritated beyond belief at the relief that filled her. Relief that Nate wasn’t spending the night with Lilith the tigress.

  * * *

  Audrey unlocked her apartment door and slid inside, listening. No sounds. Nate hadn’t arrived yet. Good. She’d get her bag and stay the night at a hotel before heading in to work the next day. She locked the door.

  A light flipped on.

  Nate sat in a leather chair, his shoes kicked off, sock-covered feet on the ottoman. “ ’Bout time you got home. I was about to come looking.”

  It had taken several moments to convince Darian she wished to go home—alone—and then the cabbie had taken the long route. “Don’t you have a blonde to flirt with?” Audrey asked, her heart kicking into gear.

  “Jealous?” Nate asked, looking way too comfortable in faded jeans and a ripped T-shirt. A half-full glass of red wine sat next to him on the sofa table.

  Yes, actually. He wasn’t hers, but at one point, he had been. He’d been everything, and the thought of him turning that all-encompassing focus on another woman hurt like a knife to the stomach. “Of course I’m not jealous. Don’t be ridiculous.”

  The image he presented, Nate waiting for her after a hard day’s work, had filled her dreams for much too long. Home. He’d always been her idea of home, and an ache pounded in her solar plexus. They’d never have that together, although sometimes, late at night when she couldn’t sleep, she daydreamed. Fantasized. Wished. She cleared her throat against an impossible future. “When did you change your clothes?”

  The man looked even better in the casual wear than the perfectly cut suit.

  “A few minutes ago in your room. I brought an overnight bag.” His feet dropped to the floor as he gestured toward the couch. “Why don’t you have a seat, and we’ll talk?”

  An overnight bag? The breath heated in her lungs, and she shoved down interest. “You’re not staying the night.” Weariness weighed down her limbs. “I’m not up for another talk with you.” Man, she was tired. He evoked so many emotions in her, her brain refused to think straight. “Don’t you have a war to go fight?”

  “Come here, Audrey.” The low tone combined sexiness and command in a dangerously sensual way.

  Her legs slid into motion before her mind reached a reason to refuse. She dropped onto the couch. “You have twenty minutes to ask questions, and then you’re going to leave. Period.”

  For answer, he reached for her foot and tugged off the heel. Strong fingers began to knead the arch of her foot, and a small groan escaped her.

  “Other foot,” he said. Determination hardened his face while his eyes softened.

  Why did he want to bring her pleasure? Was it to manipulate her, or did he remember how much they’d touched? So often and so freely.

  God, she missed that.

  So she lifted her other foot as if in a dream, and he plucked off the shoe. Both his hands went to work, sending pure ecstasy up her legs. Her lids closed to half-mast, and she studied him through the remaining light. “Why are you being nice to me?”

  “Why wouldn’t I?” he asked, his thumb pressing beneath her heel, studying her face and probing deep.

  The tendons in her foot relaxed. “Because you hate me.”

  His head jerked. “I don’t hate you, Aud.” He ran his thumbs along her arches, melting her body in pleasure. “I don’t understand you, and I’m not sure I ever knew you, but I could never hate you.” Regret tinged his mater-of-fact tone.

  “Why not?” she whispered, her body going lax.

  He pushed beneath her toes, releasing pressure points as he exhaled slowly. “The only happiness I remember in that hellhole included you. Those days, even if you were acting, those were the best of my life.”

  Remembered pleasure soothed her nerves. Her lids opened. “You’re a human lie detector.”

  He shrugged, powerful shoulders moving. “Yes, but you got beneath all of my defenses. If anybody could lie to me, it’d be you.”

  A feminine contentment overcame her. She was the one woman in the world he’d let in. Too bad she’d taken that trust and broken his heart—even if she did so for the right reasons. “I didn’t lie.” If nothing else, she needed him to believe that—especially since it was way too late to turn back.

  The gentleness in his touch contrasted nicely with the obvious strength in his fingers. “You knew we started as an experiment?”

  “Kind of. My mother asked me to help a lost soldier who needed some kindness in his life. She wanted me to talk to you, get to know you, even become a friend. I said I’d help.” Audrey’s lips tickled into a rueful smile. “I had no intention of falling in love with you like I did.”

  “You don’t leave somebody you love,” Nathan said, dropping her feet, his gaze shuttering closed.

  You do to protect them. But he wouldn’t understand that, would he? His entire life, all he had were his brothers, and the idea of leaving them wouldn’t have occurred to him. They were all or nothing, the Gray brothers. A familiar ache pounded in her chest. “I’m sorry I hurt you.” She lifted her legs to sit cross-legged on the sofa.

  “So why did you?”

  She picked at a mar in the cushion. “We became too close, and the commander knew you wanted a life outside of the military group. He said either I ended our relationship or you were going to die as an example to the rest of his soldiers.”

  Nate lifted his chin. “So you trusted him over me.”

  Audrey started, and her breath caught. “No. I broke up with you to save you.”

  “I figured out why you broke up with me. But again, you trusted the commander over me. I would’ve figured out a way for us.” Determination and anger blazed hot in his eyes. “You had no right to make that decision for both of us.”

  She gasped, anger biting her. “This is about your ego? You beating the commander?” Ending her relationship with him had nearly killed her, and he couldn’t see that? Standing, she kicked her heels out of the way. “Forget you, Nate.”

  He caught her elbow and tugged her back around, his movement making no sound. “My ego? No. This is about you being too frightened to take a chance, to make a stand, and to fight for us, for what you said you wanted.”

  Oh, if he had any clue about her fight.

  She shoved his chest. Hard.

  The man didn’t move an inch.

  ?
??Let go of me,” she said, her chin rising.

  “No.” Then his mouth captured hers. The gentleness always alive in Nate had fled, leaving heated, pissed-off male.

  Her knees weakened, and her breath heated. She opened her mouth to protest, to argue, but his tongue swept inside, and she was lost. Lost to the passion instantly igniting between them.

  Her nipples hardened to rock, while her nails curled into his chest, no longer pushing.

  He drew her into him, taking control. His tongue explored her, tasting, claiming. Taking with a desperation so hot it should’ve scared her. Should’ve provided warning that she was out of her element.

  But fear remained so far in the background as to be inconsequential.

  Or maybe she just wanted to feel alive. For the first time in five years, the pain of the present, the fatality of the future—disappeared.

  Only here and now existed—only pleasure so sharp it cut through her with a delicious blade of ecstasy. One man on earth could provide such an overwhelming escape, and she wanted the freedom he offered. A temporary relief from the reality of her life, of who she’d become and what she must do now.

  So she jumped headfirst into the storm he’d unleashed, her tongue mating with his. A low growl rumbled up from his chest like a lion about to attack.

  He reached down and tugged her still-buttoned blouse over the top of her head. Cool air brushed her skin, and her nipples sang a whispering hello. She protested when he jerked his mouth free and then sighed when he nipped her jaw, tracing the fragile bone.

  Fire lashed from his mouth, assaulting her with a need too dark to avoid. She held no illusions that this wasn’t one night to scratch an itch. She’d given her heart to Nate years ago, but no future existed for them.

  She had this moment, and she wanted to experience every second, no matter how quickly it ended.

  Somehow her bra ended up across the room.

  “Oh baby,” he murmured, his gaze hot and on her breasts. “These haunt my dreams.” His mouth found her, licking along her breast and engulfing a nipple.

  She sighed, her hands burrowing through his thick hair and seizing tight. Both knees weakened, and only a strong arm banding around her waist held her upright.

  Her wildest memories didn’t come close to the hunger replacing all thought. A smart girl would stop him. She didn’t want to be smart, and she didn’t want careful. She wanted right now.

  He switched to the other breast, laving and sucking, nipping with a hint of violence that shot liquid to coat her thighs.

  Finally, he lifted up, his unique eyes a color she’d never seen. Not gray or black, but something in between. “Audrey?”

  The low, guttural tone nearly propelled her right over the edge into orgasm.

  She swallowed, trying to force out words. “One night, Nate. Just us. You, me, and now. No past, no future.”

  Regret twisted his lips, and desperation flamed across his face. He wanted to refuse, to maybe protect them both.

  The time for protecting them had disappeared five years ago. She felt an apology shine in her eyes as she reached out and cupped his erection. Full and pulsing, even through the jeans, his cock overwhelmed her palm in size and heat.

  A furious struggle cut grooves into his rugged face.

  She squeezed.

  His eyelids shut, and when they reopened, the fight was over.

  Chapter 8

  Nate banded his hands around Audrey’s waist and lifted her, striding through the apartment and into her bedroom, placing her on the bed. This was a mistake. No question, no excuses, he was about to make the biggest mistake of his life.

  He didn’t care. God, he really didn’t care.

  Years of loneliness, years of uncertainty, all disappeared in the softness of her touch, in the gardenia scent of her skin.

  He was an experiment created in a test tube, maybe without a soul, perhaps without any hope. But for a brief time, with this woman, he’d felt whole. Real. Good. Even if they just had the night, he wanted that feeling again.

  Before he sacrificed everything.

  He tried to gentle himself as he pulled the skirt from her body. A groan escaped him at the bright pink thong covering her mound. His Audrey had always loved bright colors.

  Sliding his thumbs beneath the sides, he drew them down her curvy legs, his heart thumping at the scars. The soft scent of woman hit him, roaring heat between his ears. “I’d forgotten how perfect you are.”

  Denial lit her face. “Right.”

  He shook his head, reaching down to drag his shirt over his head. The woman had always compared herself to her cold, too-thin, unfeeling mother. She’d never understood that a guy liked curves. “I should’ve shot your mother.”

  Audrey’s head jerked. “What a thing to say.”

  “Isobel has never treated you right.”

  “My mother has her failings, I agree, but she tried. She sent me to the best boarding schools in the world, and she always had a nurturing tutor or two for me when I was home.”

  Nate’s eyebrows rose. “Probably to study how nurturing helped you to develop.”

  She grinned, the smile tinged with sadness. “More than likely. I know you don’t like her, but she’s still my mother, and I don’t want to talk about her. Especially now.” Audrey glanced at his bare chest and hummed softly.

  Fair enough. This was about him and Audrey. So he brushed a finger along her arm. “You’re beautiful.”

  She glanced down at her leg lying at an odd angle. “I’m damaged.”

  He grinned. “We’re all damaged, baby. You’re still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”

  Regret twisted her lip. “Don’t be kind, Nate.”

  No problem. Kindness lived nowhere in him. “I’ve missed you.” Damn it. No emotion.

  Her eyes darkened to cobalt. “I’ve missed you, too.”

  Neither one of them mentioned that they’d never really had each other. Moments made up a life, and Nate could count his on one hand. Real moments, and most involved his brothers. Deep down, he knew this was another one that would shape him.

  He couldn’t stop the inevitable, so he gave himself over to it.

  Her gaze traced his bare chest with a hunger that made him growl.

  “The tattoo is new,” she murmured, eyeing the ink above his heart.

  “Yes. Means freedom.” All four of the brothers had gotten the tat the second they’d escaped.

  Audrey studied the symbol. “It isn’t Japanese.”

  “No. It’s Adrinka.” The brothers all spent time on missions in Africa, and the thick symbol spoke to them. The hours they’d spent in drawing the symbol just right, and the hours they’d spent finding the best tattoo artist around had been treated like the most important mission of their lives.

  When they’d all shared the same tattoo, with the same meaning, the time had been worth it.

  Nate’s hands shook when he unzipped his jeans and shoved them off his legs. Enough of an ego still lived in him that he smiled when Audrey’s eyes widened.

  He wanted to reassure her that he wouldn’t hurt her, but there was no doubt they’d hurt each other. Even so, he needed to make a promise, to be who he needed to be. “I’ll protect you the best I can, Aud.”

  She reached for him, feminine knowledge shining bright in her eyes. “I’ve never doubted you.”

  Smooth flesh tempted his palms as he skimmed them up her legs, careful of her scars, along her thighs, and over her hips to her torso, each rib a delicate bone he counted. Indulging himself, he nuzzled beneath her breasts, licking a path.

  The sound she made went right to his groin.

  He’d always loved her fullness. Lifting his head, he placed a gentle kiss on one nipple. Her hips moved restlessly against him, while her hands slid over his shoulder in a light caress. He flicked a nipple, enjoying how her body tightened. When he took her in his mouth, his groan mingled with hers.

  Sweet. The woman tasted sweet. Skin shouldn’t have a
taste, and neither should nipples. But hers did. Honey and woman.

  He’d wondered if his memories played with him. If he’d created his own reality. But he hadn’t. This taste—he remembered it well. Keeping her surrounded by his mouth, he lashed her nipple.

  Her nails bit into his shoulders.

  Smiling around her, he moved to the other breast, finding it hard and needy. He knew the feeling.

  Her sighs and moans rippled through him stronger than any kiss, so he continued his journey up her body. The primal being deep down, the one he often tried to tame, bellowed with hunger. With the need to take—and take hard.

  So when he reached her neck, he kissed the vulnerable jugular, wrapped an arm around her waist, and flipped them around.

  She yelped and chuckled, settling herself atop of him, knees on either side of his flanks. She wiggled to get her damaged leg into position and sighed in relief. The flesh from her thighs caressed him. A gentle hum whispered from her pink mouth as she leaned forward, running her hands along his chest.

  Which left her pretty nipples free.

  He reached out to knead, to play, to refamiliarize himself with the sounds she made. Five years ago, he’d been her first, and he’d taught her everything. How many lovers had she enjoyed since then?

  His fingers tightened, and she gasped.

  No. Their pasts didn’t matter—neither did their futures.

  Besides, he’d been taught how to use sex for intimidation and control, and he didn’t want to count how many women he’d bedded. But with Audrey, he’d always been himself. He’d given, and he’d learned that taking was okay and didn’t make him weak. Feeling everything strengthened him as well as the whole experience. Only with Audrey.

  God, he’d missed that.

  He rolled a nipple and kept control, closely gauging her reactions. Years ago, he’d been overly careful not to hurt the woman he’d put on such a high pedestal. Now, he realized, his woman liked a bite of pain with her pleasure.

  Ah, the things he could teach her.

  His cock lay heavy and demanding, jutting up over his abs. He lifted her, setting her cleft along his length. They both groaned at the contact, and wetness slicked along his shaft.