Olivia

  She burst into laughter.

  "What is so funny, Belinda?"

  "By then you'll both have gray hair and no

  teeth," she declared.

  "But I won't have to hide a pregnancy or be

  thrown out of a finishing school," I countered. Her

  smile flew off her face like a frightened bird and was

  quickly replaced by a scowl.

  "I was just trying to be funny, Olivia. You don't

  have to get nasty."

  "I'm going to be late," I said wanting to

  abruptly end the silly conversation. I turned away

  from her.

  "Right." She went to my dresser drawer. "I need

  this tonight," she said taking back her bra.

  "Where are you going?"

  "Out to develop in other ways," she snapped

  back at me and left my room.

  I felt myself blush deeply red with anger and

  then thought more about her and smiled. It was

  amusing. For the first time I could remember, Belinda

  was actually jealous of me. Our parents were talking

  about my relationship with Samuel, asking me

  questions about social affairs while she stood or sat by

  listening. Family friends made comments to her about

  my romantic involvement and not her own. Most

  important, as far as I could tell, despite her flirtatious

  manner, Samuel didn't pay her any particular

  attention. Envy dripped from Belinda's lips and she

  didn't know how to keep it from staining the pink

  clouds on which she floated. Spite and anger were her

  only means of defense. I thought it was purely out of

  simple vexation when she announced one night at

  dinner that she wouldn't attend the Childs'

  engagement party.

  "You can go with Olivia and Samuel, Daddy,"

  she told him. "None of my friends will be there

  anyway."

  "You should be trying to make other friends,

  Belinda," I said.

  "My friends are just fine."

  "They're fine if you want to remain forever in

  high school," I retorted. Her eyes took on the shine of

  forthcoming hot tears.

  "You think you know everything about men

  now just because you have a steady date all the time.

  You just can't stop being bossy about my life. I'm not

  you."

  "That's always been fairly obvious."

  "I don't want to be you!"

  "Stop this bickering immediately," Daddy

  ordered. Fortunately, Mother was always upstairs at

  dinner now, and didn't have to listen to Belinda's

  whining.

  She stuffed a piece of bread into her mouth and

  glared at me as if to say she was smothering her

  words, but not her thoughts.

  "If you don't want to attend the affair, you don't

  have to, Belinda," Daddy consented.

  I looked at him, surprised. He wouldn't want to

  insult his friend Colonel Childs, but then on second

  thought I realized he was probably happier Belinda

  wasn't going. He wouldn't have to worry about her

  behavior or silly things she might say. He was worried

  enough these days. Mother seemed to be growing weaker and weaker and her stomach problems had returned. He and I were afraid that her next evaluation would bring us all only dreadful news. The threat hung over our house like a tempest threatening to wash our family out to sea. Daddy wore a mask of gloom, his eyes dark and heavy with lines I hadn't seen before etched from his nose to his lips. He walked with a lumbering gait, his shoulders dipped, his strength sapped by shadows of gloom clinging to the walls of our home, cowering in corners, licking their lips in anticipation of the dread that would come

  knocking at our door. But something else came first. The morning of Nelson Childs' engagement

  party, Samuel phoned to ask if he could see me

  immediately.

  "Can't it wait until you come by to take me to

  the Childs' affair, Samuel?"

  "No," he said. "I want to have a special moment

  with you, Olivia. Please," he pleaded.

  Mother had been sleeping longer and longer

  every day and with the nurse there, there wasn't much

  for me to do. I agreed, fixed my hair, put on one of

  my new cotton blouses and a matching skirt and went

  downstairs to wait. Daddy had gone to the office to

  complete some work. He promised to be home early enough to dress for the party. However, he said he

  would go himself instead of with Samuel and me. "No need for a third wheel on your bike," he

  quipped. "You can ride very well on your own these

  days, Olivia." He tried to be amusing, but I knew he

  didn't want to go without Mother. She insisted he

  show himself and represent her as well. Belinda, still

  determined not to attend, deliberately rose earlier than

  usual and left for Kimberly's house where she claimed

  she would spend the day.

  "Those snobby parties are boring anyway," she

  said as her parting remark, "but tell Nelson good luck

  for me," she added with a twinkle in her eyes. "I hope

  he's got what he wants."

  I decided to simply ignore her so she just trailed

  that silly, little laugh behind her and left.

  I was alone when Samuel rang the doorbell. I

  let Carmelita greet him and show him to the sitting

  room where I waited.

  "Well," he said gazing about nervously. He was

  wearing a business suit and tie, "your sister's not at

  home?"

  "Fortunately, no," I remarked.

  He looked relieved about that, too.

  "Fine," he muttered still standing just inside the

  doorway.

  "What was so important that it couldn't wait for

  later in the day, Samuel?" I demanded. "It's only a

  matter of a few more hours."

  "This couldn't wait a few more minutes," he

  said smiling like someone who had a deep secret he

  wanted to reveal. "Mind if I sit?"

  "Of course not. Please do," I said and he took

  the chair across from the settee. He fumbled his hat in

  his hands for a moment and then smiled again. "Well, it's a fine day for the Childs' engagement

  party," he said.

  "Yes, but I knew about the weather before you

  arrived, Samuel." He saw my patience dwindling._ Finally,, he cleared his throat, straightened his

  shoulders and began.

  "I was thinking on the way over here that you

  and I haven't been together all that long, but we sure

  have spent qualitytime together, and so," he

  continued, barely taking a breath, "it's not the length

  of time that matters between two people, it's the value

  of the time they've spent in each other's company. Do

  you agree with that?"

  "Certainly," I said.

  "Then you agree that our time together has been

  valuable?" he asked encouraged.

  "I wouldn't spend time with you otherwise," I

  replied. "I'm not one to waste my time."

  "Of course not. In fact, that's what convinced

  me I was not being too forward, not rushing things."

  "Things? What things, Samuel?"

  "Things between us. I came to tell you that I've

  enjoyed your company so much, I don't want it to end,

  but even more important, I don't like the

  interruptions."


  "Interruptions?" I had to shake my head and

  smile with confusion. What was he talking about? "Nights, mornings, pieces of afternoon . . . I

  mean all the time in between our dates," he said. I still looked confused and shook my head. "What are you saying, Samuel?"

  "I told you I wasn't the most eloquent of

  speakers. It takes me a little while to get to the point."

  He stiffened up in the seat. "What I mean to say is I

  want to make a steady diet of Olivia Gordon." "What? Steady diet?"

  He reached into his pocket and plucked out a

  small box. His smile widened as he rose from his

  chair and then went on one knee before me.

  "I thought you might like this done the oldfashioned way," he began and opened the box. In it was an engagement ring that rivaled the

  one Carson McGil had given Belinda, only I thought

  this one had a more elegant gold setting with

  baguettes.

  "I took the liberty of ordering this," Samuel

  continued, "in the hope that you would give an

  engagement between us serious consideration." Stunned by the twinkling diamond and the

  proposal, I sat dumbfounded. He remained on his

  knee, holding out the ring in its box before me.

  Slowly, almost like one afraid that if she touched it, it

  would disappear, I plucked the ring out of the box and

  looked at it closely. It was breathtaking.

  "Not having a mother to advise me, I had to

  depend on an expert jeweler," he said. "I hope you

  like it."

  "It's a beautiful ring," I gasped. I was

  hypnotized by its magical twinkle.

  "Try it on," he urged.

  I considered it and then did so, finding it a

  perfect fit. I turned my hand around to look at it from

  different angles. The hand that I thought looked so

  thin and bony now looked like it belonged to a

  princess.

  "How did you know the correct size?" "That was a bit of conspiracy," he confessed,

  "between me and your father. He got me one of your

  present rings and I had it fitted."

  I dropped my hand to my lap as if the ring had

  taken on the weight of a lump of lead.

  "My father already knows about this?" I

  groaned with disappointment.

  Samuel nodded.

  "I didn't want to appear too forward in his

  eyes," he said quickly. "And I thought if he got one of

  your rings to me . . well, as you see, it worked as far

  as fitting."

  "I don't like secrets, especially when I'm the

  only one not in on them," I intoned as if I stood

  behind a pulpit.

  He shook his head.

  "I assure you. Nothing sneaky was done. No

  one else knows about this," he said. "Please," he

  continued, "don't get the-wrong impression." I played with the ring, tugging it as if to take it

  off and then turning it on my finger. He watched, his

  eyes widening in fear and anticipation.

  "I do believe with all my heart that we can have

  a wonderful life together, and I hope you feel the same way," he continued, his eyes fixed on my fingers. "We share interests. We share ambitions. I hope I haven't upset you," he added when I didn't

  respond.

  "It's so sudden. I hate being surprised. I like

  preparation."

  "I know, but why can't good things be sudden?

  Bad things often are, as you know yourself. Anyway,"

  he went on, "I decided that today, a day we're going to

  Nelson's engagement party, would be a great day to

  announce our own."

  I thought about it and smiled to myself. Yes,

  wouldn't it though, I thought. I wondered about the

  expression on Nelson's face when he saw the ring on

  my finger, and the expressions on the faces of all

  those people who were satisfied in believing I would

  never be married. They were convinced I would end

  up a spinster, running my father's enterprises, while

  my sister, my beautiful sister, landed some rich and

  handsome young man. Wouldn't they be shocked? "Don't you think it would be a good day to

  make such an announcement?" Samuel pursued. I snapped out of my reverie and gazed down at

  him. He was looking at me as if I were about to

  pronounce a verdict in a court. His eyes were filled

  with anxiety and the dread of hearing a refusal. "Yes," I said. "It would."

  His face exploded in a smile. He kissed my

  hand and jumped to his feet.

  "How wonderful. I'm the happiest man in the

  world, happier than Nelson Childs because I'm sure

  we'll have a better marriage," he added. My eyebrows

  turned up at their centers.

  "Really?"

  "Yes, really, really. We're perfect together,

  Olivia. We didn't need some social matchmaker

  bringing us together. The moment I saw you in that

  office behind that desk working like a bee, I knew you

  and I would be a great team. We'll own the Cape

  someday. I swear.

  "I've had my sights on a special home for us,

  Olivia," he continued. "It's a large two-story house,

  very old and prestigious, the original portion having

  been built around 1780. I'm planning on gutting it and

  modernizing it. We can build onto it. I'll take you

  there tomorrow and you can begin to plan it out with

  our architects. I want it to be ready for us the day after

  our honeymoon," he said.

  "It does sound like you've been planning this

  for some time, Samuel, longer than we possibly could have known each other," I commented with narrowed,

  suspicious eyes.

  He stared a moment and then laughed. "Well, I've been planning to find the perfect

  wife for some time and I've been planning where we

  would live. The house is situated on a most desirable

  piece of land between Provincetown and North Truro,

  with its own private access to the beach, just like you

  have here, and room for gardens and a view of the sea.

  You'll see you're not giving anything up in marrying

  me. I'll take you there in the morning, first thing," he

  promised. "I'll come as early as you want. What time

  do you want me?"

  I had to laugh.

  "Let me catch my breath, Samuel. You're

  making me dizzy spinning and jumping and making

  these dramatic pronouncements like some town crier." "I want to; I want to keep you dizzy with

  surprises and happiness," he said. "I've got to go home

  to tell my father the good news, and then be back in

  three hours to take you to Nelson Childs' engagement

  party. We'll steal the limelight," he promised, slapping

  his hands together.

  He started out of the room and then turned and

  rushed back to plant a quick kiss on my cheek. "Thank you," he said. "Thank you for making

  me the happiest man in the world."

  He turned and left me sitting there, dazed, the

  diamond glittering under the light of the lamp beside

  me, my heart galloping.

  What a wonderful surprise this will be for

  Mother, I thought as I stood up. My legs felt a bit

  weak under me as the realization of what had

  happened sunk in. I was engaged and to a very

  handsome man. In a
sweeping moment, I was ahead

  of Belinda again and the proper thing would happen:

  the older daughter would be married first. Mother

  would surely be pleased and she so needed something

  to make her happy and bring a smile to her weak, thin

  face.

  As I started for the stairway, I heard a voice

  within me ask, "But do you love him, Olivia?" I paused.

  "He didn't mention it," I muttered to myself.

  "He didn't even ask. It was as if he knew that love was

  something I believed grew between two people. Those

  who claimed they were struck by lightning and heard

  bells ringing every time they kissed were people

  living in a fairy tale, putting themselves into romance

  novels and films. In the end when reality set in, they were the most disappointed. The best marriages were ones like the one I was about to consent to: a marriage built on sensible, logical blocks, giving it a firm foundation. Love would come later, I thought. First, we had to respect each other and succeed together. Then, we would look into each other's eyes and say, "Yes, yes, there's another strong bond there, an emotional tie that is now strong enough to hold two independent people together securely. Now it's proper and right to say, 'I love you,' and have it mean

  something."

  I climbed the stairs and went to Mother's room.

  She was dozing. Her nurse looked up at me. "I'll stay with her awhile," I said.

  "Very good." She rose. "I'll just go down to

  have some coffee," she said looking at Mother. She

  shook her head, her eyes dark. "Call me if you need

  me," she said before leaving.

  I sat by the bed and studied Mother's small,

  burdened breaths that made her chest look heavy. Her

  bald head ravished by the chemotherapy was wrapped

  in a silk scarf. Her skin was so pasty white, she looked

  like she had no blood.

  After a few more moments, she whimpered and

  grimaced and then opened her eyes to see me sitting

  there. "Oh, Olivia, dear. Have you been here long?" "No, just a few minutes, Mother. I came to tell

  you something so you would be the first to know," I

  said, despite the fact that Daddy had been in on

  Samuel's plan, perhaps even before Samuel had

  thought of it himself.

  "What, dear?" she asked trying to turn toward

  me. I fluffed her pillow and helped her sit up. Even

  though my hand moved around her face like a