Satin Ice

  "Stay where you are, Silver," Etaine's low voice ordered, stopping Silver in her tracks. "They won't hurt me, but they might hurt you. All this smoke and screaming is frightening them and the blood ..." She carefully avoided looking at her father as she got off the black marble slab. "I'm going to try to lead them back to their cages."

  "We have to get out of here. The fire—"

  "The lions helped me, they saved my life. I won't leave them to burn."

  Mikhail appeared suddenly at Silver's side. "I will help. Tell me what to do, Etaine."

  "Oh, Mikhail. I'm so glad you're here." For a moment Etaine's maturity and strength vanished and she was a child again. She shivered as she glanced at the still figure of Monteith on the ground. "I had to save myself. He was going to kill me."

  "I know," Mikhail said. "It was a good thing that you did. Now, tell me how to help you get these animals out of here. Sebastien has moved their cages just outside the tent."

  "They're taught to follow me. You must just keep everyone else away from them."

  "Silver, dammit, will you listen to me? Get out of here!"

  Silver turned to see Nicholas beside her again. His golden hair was tousled, there was a streak of soot on one cheekbone, and he was looking at her with intense exasperation. Yet he had never appeared more beautiful to her. She smiled mistily. "You look most peculiar in those robes. I don't think they suit you at all."

  He frowned with concern. "Are you all right? Sebastien told me you were unconscious when Rogoff brought you here."

  She nodded. "I am well." She was more than well. She was buoyant with joy. She was alive. Etaine was alive. She hadn't known how precious her life with Nicholas had become until it had been threatened. Now that the sword had been lifted, she realized how desperately she had feared that life might be snatched from her. She cleared her throat to ease its tightness. "We must help Etaine get the lions back in their cages."

  "Monteith?"

  Silver's gaze went to Monteith lying on the sawdust. "I think he must be dead. I saw Sultana's talons rip his throat and all that blood ..." Etaine was leaving the cage and Silver looked away from the body of the child's father. "The fire is getting worse."

  Nicholas nodded. "That's what I've been trying to tell you. Will you please get out of here!" He turned the stallion. "Don't argue. I'll ride herd on your little friend's 'cats.' " He called across the ring, "Valentin, get Silver out of here."

  "I don't want to get out of here. I want to help—" Silver stopped as she realized she was talking to the air. Nicholas, Etaine, and Mikhail were now several yards away with the three lions moving jerkily, warily, in their wake.

  Silver shook her head ruefully as she watched them go. Nicholas was cosseting her again, but she could not find it in her heart to resent it. She was too full of love and gratitude to worry about demanding her. independence at the moment. She had been too perilously close to losing both Nicholas and life to argue with him right now. "Sil-ver."

  She stiffened. That gravelly whisper was unmistakable. She turned slowly toward the open door of the cage to look at the man lying in a pool of blood in the sawdust. Monteith's eyes were open, gazing at her with a power that was fading as fast as his life force.

  "Come ... to ... me."

  "Why should I? You're dying, Monteith."

  "I know." A travesty of a smile touched his lips. "And you shouldn't be afraid of a dying man. Come ... I want to talk to you." With a jerky motion he threw the dagger clasped in his hand across the cage. "See, I'm defenseless."

  "I'm not afraid of you." Silver entered the cage and knelt beside him. The lion's claws had not touched his face and his features had lost none of their classic beauty, she noticed. "And I'll be glad to watch you die, child murderer."

  "Ah, that lovely hatred," he murmured. "Your code requires my death, doesn't it, Silver? You could no more not seek vengeance for your child's death than you could stop breathing." He smiled. "Am I right?"

  "Yes." Silver gazed at him stonily. "And now I have vengeance. You're dying, Monteith. You've lost."

  "I have lost but so have you," he said. "I told you that you couldn't win."

  "I have won."

  "No." He coughed and then was silent, garnering his strength. "Because I did not kill your child."

  She froze. "You lie. You said you—"

  "I said I sacrificed the good doctor. It was true. But I did not give you the potion. I intended to order Rogoff to do so, but one of my followers became too impatient to wait for me to act and bribed the doctor to give you the potion."

  Her hands clenched slowly into fists at her sides. "Who?"

  "Who else? Natalya. I think you've suspected it all along. She wanted no child born to her son from a woman with mixed blood. She thought Nicholas might cast you off if she destroyed the child. Then she got panicky and asked me to rid her of the doctor."

  "And you obliged," Silver said numbly.

  "Since it suited me." His eyes were glittering with malice as he gazed at her. "So you see, I've won after all. Now that you know Natalya is guilty, you will have to punish her. Anything else would be impossible for you." His breath was beginning to harshen and the words came more slowly. "And you will kill your husband's mother." He paused. "Or perhaps you will goad Nicholas into doing it. Matricide."

  "No!" she said sharply. "I would never do that."

  "But you could never bear the thought of Natalya going unpunished for your child's murder. You could never watch her living her life of luxury knowing what she had done."

  "Nicholas has no love for his mother. He would—"

  "But he has love for you, doesn't he? A love that would be poisoned and wither away if you took his mother's life."

  "You lie! Nicholas wouldn't hate me. She would deserve—"

  Yet in spite of all Natalya had done to him, Nicholas had never said he hated his mother.

  And Mikhail had said Nicholas had a loving heart and found it difficult to give up family bonds.

  Monteith chuckled. "If you don't avenge the death of your child, the poison will corrode your soul and destroy you. If you do avenge it, your husband will know you killed the woman who gave him birth and will learn to hate you."

  "No, it's not true."

  "It is true." Triumph glittered in Monteith's eyes. "And either way you'll be destroyed and I will win...." His lids fluttered and then closed. "A soul like yours will please my master. I've ... won." The breath rattled in his throat and then ceased entirely.

  "No!" Silver's nails bit into her palms as pain tore through her. "Please. Merciful God. No!"

  "Silver, what's wrong?" It was Valentin's voice behind her at the door of the cage. "Can I help?"

  She closed her eyes tightly as panic raced through her. How could he help? How could anyone help? "There's nothing you can do," she whispered.

  "We have to leave here. The north wall of the tent has caught and the smoke—"

  "I'm coming." She got jerkily to her feet, her gaze on Monteith's smooth, unlined face. Even in death the faintest of smiles still touched the corners of his lips. A smile of triumph. She turned away and moved blindly toward Valentin. "There's nothing for me here."

  And perhaps nothing for her anywhere. Not love. Not Nicholas. Not the life without loneliness that had almost been within her grasp.

  Only revenge for the murder of her baby.

  And the destruction of her soul that Monteith had said lay ahead for her.

  "I knew you would come." Etaine wearily settled back in the troika as Mikhail tucked the robes carefully around her. "It was very clever of you to steal those robes and masquerade as one of them, but how did you get through the guards in the woods?"

  "Nicholas and I are Cossacks," he said simply. "No one sees a Cossack unless he wants to be seen." He shrugged. "And Valentin is not so bad, a little clumsy but ..." He trailed off as he saw the lines of strain deepening around Etaine's lips. He was silent a moment, seeking a way to comfort her. "You were as brave as a Cossac
k yourself," he said gravely. "I watched you walk down the path from the manor house."

  "I wasn't brave. I just had no intention of dying." She met his gaze. "He was an evil, evil man, Mikhail. I suppose I should feel sorry he's dead, but I don't. I feel no guilt either."

  "Nor should you."

  "He was my father. He gave me life but he also tried to take it. The one balances the other." She blinked away the tears. "You're right, I'm being foolish. I'll be glad to leave this place. Here comes Silver and Valentin. I don't think I'll—" She stopped and started to throw off the fur robe. "There's something wrong with Silver. Look at her face."

  Mikhail's gaze followed Etaine's. "Stay here. I will be right back." He tucked the robe around Etaine again and started across the clearing toward Silver. As soon as he was within hearing distance, he called to Valentin. "Nicholas needs you, Valentin. He's at the cages talking to Sebastien and making arrangements for the circus people to be taken to Crystal Island."

  "Then why does he need me?" Valentin asked.

  Mikhail stared at Silver. "After he finishes with Sebastien he's going to fire Peskov's manor house."

  Valentin's face brightened. "Now, that's a different matter." He started across the grounds toward the cages at the perimeter of the woods.

  Mikhail studied Silver's face. "There is great pain in you. I would like to help."

  Silver shook her head silently.

  "Then let me take you to Etaine."

  "Soon." Her tormented eyes suddenly focused on his face. "You knew Natalya had killed my baby."

  He went still. "How did you find out?"

  "Monteith."

  His gaze traveled to the burning tent. "He was not dead? I did not know that he was involved." He was silent for a moment before he nodded slowly. "I was not sure, but I thought it likely the guilt was hers. I questioned her servant, Marya, and the woman was most secretive. I was certain she knew something but the next day when I returned to question her again, I found the woman had been sent back to her village in the Urals."

  "Why didn't you tell me?"

  "I could not. It was my fault that Nicholas had lost everything he cared about—his home in the Kuban, the affection of his grandfather... Was I to cause him to lose his mother as well?"

  "She's a wicked woman. She killed my child. She deserves—" Silver broke off and her eyes filled with tears. "I don't want to cause Nicholas pain but ..." She swallowed. "Monteith said either way I'd be destroyed."

  "What are you going to do?" Mikhail asked gently.

  She shook her head. "I don't know," she whispered. "Dear Lord, I don't know."

  She turned and walked quickly toward the troika.

  * * *

  "I think I had more reason than I thought to wish Monteith dead," Nicholas said tightly, his gaze on Silver's face. "What did that bastard do to you, Silver?"

  Silver slipped beneath the velvet coverlet of the bed. "Nothing." She cuddled close to him. "Hold me."

  "Nothing!" Nicholas's arms automatically tightened around her. "I know you, Silver. You were like a sleepwalker on the journey back to the palace. It was worse than those months after the baby died."

  "My baby ..." A shudder ran through her. "I love you, Nicholas. Please believe me. Whatever happens, I do love you."

  "Silver, did—" Nicholas hesitated. "Did Monteith touch you."

  Monteith's words had touched her, violated her, perhaps even damned her, she thought miserably. "He didn't rape me, if that's what you mean."

  She felt him relax against her. "Then what the hell is wrong? Monteith is dead. Etaine is safe." His voice thickened. "And you're safe, thank God."

  "Am I?" Was there any security or happiness in the world? She had thought there might be a chance of happiness with Nicholas, but now she didn't know.

  "And I'll keep you safe. Believe me."

  He had said that before. Believe in me. Believe in our love. But she had never been able to believe that anyone could love her. And if she acted on what she believed with her whole heart to be a just way, would Nicholas still love her? "I'll try to believe." She nestled closer, clinging desperately to his warm, naked strength. "Hold me tight. Will you do that? I need it so much tonight."

  "Silver, tell me what ..." His lips feathered her temple. "Very well. No questions tonight. Tomorrow will do as well. Go to sleep, love."

  A short time later Nicholas's breathing deepened and Silver knew he was asleep.

  But Silver did not sleep for a long time. She gazed into the darkness, frantically seeking a solution. She had still not found one when she finally drifted off to sleep as the first rays of the dawn filtered around the heavy velvet curtains at the long window across the room.

  13

  "I'm not going to the damn ball without you, Nicholas said flatly.

  "You must go." Silver's lips were trembling as she tried to smile. "You told me yourself that Peskov will be trying to influence the tsar against you with his lies. You and Valentin have to be there to tell him the truth about what happened at Peskov's estate last night."

  "Then go with me," Nicholas coaxed. "We'll tell our story to the tsar and then come directly back to the island."

  Silver shook her head. "I don't want to see any of those people yet. I would only look at them and wonder which of them were there in that tent last night hiding behind masks." She stood on tiptoe and brushed her lips across Nicholas's cheek. "You and Valentin go. I'll be fine until you return."

  "I'm not so sure." Nicholas's gaze searched her face. The skin was pulled tight across her high cheekbones, and the faint shadows beneath her light eyes made them appear enormous in her thin face. But it wasn't the physical evidence of strain that worried him so much as the brittle tension he sensed beneath her carefully maintained composure. Tenderness rushed through him in an aching tide as he reached out and gently caressed her cheek with his fingertips. "This can't go on. I want your promise that when I come back you'll tell me what's troubling you. Let me help you, Silver."

  Her lashes lowered to veil her eyes. "You can't help me. I'm the only one who can decide ..." She trailed off and then suddenly turned her head and pressed her lips passionately against his palm. "Go." She whirled on her heel and swiftly started up the stairs. "I must see if Etaine is sleeping. She was very upset today."

  "Etaine was upset," Nicholas muttered, gazing after her in frustration.

  "The troika is waiting, Nicholas." Valentin appeared at his side in the foyer, and he and Nicholas watched Silver ascending the staircase. "She'll be fine here with Etaine and Mikhail," Valentin said.

  "I don't want to leave her," Nicholas said. "She's hurting, Valentin."

  "It won't make what's bothering her any easier to bear to see you sent off to Siberia," Valentin said dryly. "You know damn well that Peskov will try to twist what happened last night to his own advantage. He'll make the burning of his manor house a senseless act committed by a reckless hothead and himself the innocent victim."

  Nicholas knew that was true, but it didn't allay his reluctance to leave Silver. Yet what could he do when she wouldn't let him into her confidence? He turned away and shrugged into his cloak held by the footman. "Very well. I'll go. But as soon as I get the opportunity to speak to the tsar, we're leaving."

  "It may not be that easy to get his ear with Peskov around." Valentin frowned thoughtfully. "Perhaps I can arrange a bribe to have you seated next to His Majesty at dinner. It's worth a try anyway."

  "Do anything you have to." Nicholas strode toward the front door. "Just get me out of the Winter Palace before midnight."

  "Shhh." Mikhail put his finger to his lips as he closed the door to Etaine's room and stepped into the hall. He drew Silver a few paces farther down the corridor. "You don't have to look in on her. She went off to sleep right away."

  "Good. I was worried about her today, though I'd expected her to be subdued after such an experience."

  "It was a day for pondering. She had to come to accept what had happened and what a
djustments must now be made in her life." His gaze touched her face. "It was also a day of thought for you, was it not?"

  "Yes." She drew a shaky breath. "I'm so afraid, Mikhail."

  "I know you are."

  "Nicholas is everything I've ever wanted. When I am with him there is no aloneness, there's only joy."

  "That is a great gift."

  "But Natalya must be punished."

  Mikhail was silent.

  "I've tried to think of a way out." She made a helpless gesture. "But I cannot."

  "Perhaps that's because you see only what you want to see."

  She frowned. "What do you mean?"

  "You are still a child in many ways, Silver," Mikhail said gently. "Everything must be either one thing or the other for you. Black or white. When you grow up you realize you can't have everything you want. Sometimes there must be compromises. You must choose what is most important to you."

  "But I can't. How can I—" She broke off. "It must be either love or vengeance." Silver turned and moved wearily down the hall toward her chamber. "Good night, Mikhail."

  "There is one more choice, Silver," Mikhail said softly. "To put childhood aside and become a woman."

  Silver stopped with her hand on the doorknob. "That may be the hardest choice of all. I could lose Nicholas that way too."

  A moment later the door had closed behind her.

  Silver didn't bother to light the candle but moved directly across the room to the window. She stood gazing unseeingly down at the garden below. Decision. She must not remained wrapped in this mantle of uncertainty or it could destroy her as surely as Monteith had prophesied. It must end. No matter how much it hurt, a decision must be made.

  "Mikhail!" Silver ran down the first steps of the staircase. "Mikhail, where are you?"

  "Here." Mikhail came out of the study to stand in the foyer. "You have need of me?"

  "Yes." Silver stood on the landing gazing down at him, her eyes blazing, the color high in her cheeks. "Order the troika while I dress."