Sophie Kinsella's Shopaholic 5-Book Bundle

  “Are you Becky?” she calls.

  “Yes!” I force a bright smile. “Hi! Are you Martha?”

  “That’s right!” Her eyes are running up and down the storys. “You’ve got a gorgeous house! I can’t wait to see inside!”

  “Oh. Er…thanks!”

  There’s an expectant pause and I lean casually against one of the pillars. Like I’m just hanging out on my front steps. Like people do.

  “Everything all right?” asks Martha, looking puzzled.

  “Fine!” I attempt an easy gesture. “Just you know…enjoying the air…”

  I’m thinking frantically. Maybe we could do the whole shoot out here on the steps. Yes. I could say the front door is the best feature of the house and the rest of it isn’t worth bothering with….

  “Becky, have you lost your key?” says Martha, still looking puzzled.

  Genius. Of course. Why didn’t I think of that?

  “Yes! Silly me!” I hit myself on the head. “And none of the neighbors have got one, and there’s no one in….”

  “Oh no!” Martha’s face falls.

  “I know.” I give a regretful shrug. “I’m really sorry. But if we can’t get in…”

  As I say the words, the front door opens and I nearly fall into the house. Fabia has appeared, rubbing her eyes and wearing an orange Marni dress.

  “Hi, Becky.” She sounds so drifty. Like she’s on tranquilizers or something.

  “Wow!” Martha’s face lights up. “Someone was in! How lucky! Who’s this?”

  “This is Fabia. Our…lodger.”

  “Lodger?” Fabia wrinkles her nose.

  “Lodger and good friend,” I amend hastily, putting an arm round her. “We’re very close….”

  Thank God, down on the street a car has pulled up behind the Mini and is starting to hoot.

  “Oh, shut up!” says Martha. “Becky, we’re just going to get some coffees. Can I get you anything?”

  “No, I’m fine, thanks! I’ll just wait here at home. At my home.” I put a proprietorial hand on the doorknob. “See you soon!”

  I watch the car disappear, then wheel round to Fabia. “I thought you weren’t in! OK, we need to get going. I’ve got the stuff for you. Here’s the bag, and the top….” I hand her the carriers.

  “Great.” Her eyes focus on them greedily. “Did you get the shoes?”

  “Of course!” I say. “My friend Danny got a model to bring them over from Paris. Danny Kovitz, the designer?”

  As I produce the box, I feel a dart of triumph. No one else in the world can get hold of these. I am so connected. I wait for Fabia to gasp or say, “You’re incredible!” Instead she opens the shoe box, peers at them for a few moments, then wrinkles her brow.

  “These are the wrong color.” She puts the lid back on and pushes them toward me. “I wanted green.”

  Is she color-blind? They’re the most gorgeous shade of pale sage green, plus they have Green printed in big letters on the box.

  “Fabia, these are green.”

  “I wanted more of a…” She waves an arm. “Bluey-green.”

  I’m trying really hard to keep my patience. “Do you mean…turquoise?”

  “Yeah!” Her face brightens. “Turquoise. That’s what I meant. These ones are too pale.”

  I do not believe it. These shoes have traveled all the way from Paris via a fashion model and a world-famous designer and she doesn’t want them?

  Well, I’ll have them.

  “Fine,” I say, and take the box back. “I’ll get you the turquoise pair. But I really need to get into the house….”

  “I don’t know.” Fabia leans against the door frame and examines a drawn thread on her sleeve. “It’s not that convenient, to be honest.”

  Not convenient? It has to be convenient!

  “But we agreed on today, remember? The people from Vogue are already here!”

  “Couldn’t you put them off?”

  “You don’t put Vogue off!” My voice rises in agitation. “They’re Vogue!”

  She gives one of her careless shrugs, and all of a sudden I’m livid. She knew I was coming. It was all planned. She can’t do this to me!

  “Fabia.” I lean close, breathing hard. “You are not wrecking my only chance to be in Vogue. I got you the top. I got you the bag. I got you the shoes! You have to let me into this house, or…or…”

  “Or what ?” says Fabia.

  “Or…I’ll phone up Barneys and get you blacklisted!” I hiss in sudden inspiration. “That won’t be much fun if you’re living in New York, will it?”

  Fabia turns pale. Ha. Gotcha.

  “Well, where am I supposed to go?” she says sulkily, taking her arm off the door frame.

  “I don’t know! Go and have a hot-stone massage or something! Just get out!” I shove my suitcase into the house and push past her into the hall.

  Right. I have to be quick. I snap open my case, take out a silver-framed picture of me and Luke at our wedding and put it prominently on the hall table. There. It looks like my house already!

  “Where is your husband, anyway?” says Fabia, watching me with folded arms. “Shouldn’t he be doing this too? You look like some kind of single mother.”

  Her words hit me unawares. For a few seconds I don’t trust myself to answer.

  “Luke’s…abroad,” I say at last. “But I’m meeting him later on. At six o’clock. At the viewing platform at the Oxo Tower. He’ll be there.” I take a deep breath. “I know he will.”

  There’s a hotness in my eyes and I blink fiercely. I’m not going to disintegrate.

  “Are you all right?” Fabia stares at me.

  “It’s just…quite an important day for me.” I get out a tissue and dab my eyes. “Could I have a glass of water?”

  “Jesus.” I can hear Fabia muttering as she heads toward the kitchen. “It’s only bloody Vogue.”

  OK. I’m getting there. Twenty minutes have passed, Fabia has finally gone, and the house is really feeling as though it’s mine. I’ve taken down all Fabia’s photographs and replaced them with ones of me and my family. I’ve put B and L initial cushions on the sofa in the living room. I’ve arranged flowers in vases everywhere. I’ve memorized the contents of the kitchen cupboards and even planted some Post-it notes on the fridge, saying things like “We need more organic quinoa, darling” and “Luke—remember Couples’ Qi-gong on Saturday!”

  Now I’m hastily decanting some of my own shoes into Fabia’s shoe cupboard, because they’re bound to ask me about my accessories. I’m just counting how many pairs of Jimmy Choos there are, when the doorbell suddenly rings, and I jump in a flurry of panic. I shove the rest of the shoes into the cupboard, check my reflection, and head down the stairs with trembling legs.

  This is it! All my life I’ve wanted to itemize my clothes in a magazine!

  As I reach the hall I do a quick recap in my head. Dress: Diane von Furstenburg. Shoes: Prada. Tights: Topshop. Earrings: present from Mum.

  No, that’s not cool enough. I’ll call them…model’s own. No, vintage. I’ll say I found them sewn into a 1930s corset which I bought from an old atelier in a backstreet in Paris. Perfect.

  I swing open the front door, plastering a bright smile on my face—and freeze.

  It’s not Vogue. It’s Luke.

  He’s wearing an overcoat and holding an overnight case and it looks like he didn’t shave this morning.

  “What the hell is this?” he says with no preamble, lifting up my letter.

  I stare back at him, dumbstruck. This isn’t right. He’s supposed to be at the Oxo Tower looking all romantic and loving. Not here on the doorstep, disheveled and moody.

  “I…” I swallow. “What are you doing here?”

  “What am I doing here?” he echoes incredulously. “I’m reacting to this! You didn’t answer any of my calls, I had no bloody idea what was going on…. ‘Meet me at the top of the Oxo Tower.’” He shakes the letter at me. “What is all this crap?”
/>
  Crap?

  “It’s not crap!” I cry, stung. “I was trying to save our marriage, in case you hadn’t realized—”

  “Save our marriage?” He stares at me. “At the Oxo Tower?”

  “It works in films! You were supposed to turn up, and it was all supposed to be lovely, like in Sleepless in Seattle.…”

  My voice is thickening with disappointment. I so thought it was going to work. I so thought he was going to be there, and we’d run into each other’s arms, and be a happy family again.

  “OK, I’m obviously missing something.” Luke is frowning down at the letter again. “This letter doesn’t even make sense. ‘I know you had an———’ Blank. What did I have? An embolism?”

  He’s mocking me. I can’t bear it.

  “An affair!” I yell. “An affair! Your affair with Venetia! I know about it, remember? And I just thought maybe you wanted to give our marriage another shot, but obviously not, so please just go. I have a Vogue shoot to do.” I brush angrily at my tear-filled eyes.

  “My what ?” He seems genuinely shell-shocked. “Becky, you’re joking.”

  “Yeah, right.” I make to close the door, but he grabs my wrist hard.

  “Stop.” Luke’s voice is like thunder. “I don’t know what the fuck’s going on. I get this letter out of the blue…you’re accusing me of having an affair…. You can’t run away without explaining.”

  Has he moved in to a parallel universe? Did someone hit him over the head or something?

  “You admitted it yourself, Luke!” I practically shriek in frustration. “You said you’d been trying to ‘protect’ me, because of my blood pressure or whatever. Remember that?”

  Luke’s eyes are scanning my face, back and forth, as though searching for answers.

  “The conversation we had in the hospital,” he says suddenly. “Before I left.”

  “Yes! Does it all come flooding back now?” I can’t help sounding sarcastic. “You were planning to tell me after the baby. You were going to see how things ‘played out.’ You basically admitted it—”

  “I wasn’t talking about having a fucking affair!” Luke explodes. “I was talking about the crisis situation with Arcodas!”

  “I…” The wind is instantly taken out of my sails. “Wh-what?”

  I suddenly notice two children standing on the pavement, staring at us. I guess we do look quite conspicuous, what with my huge bump and everything.

  “Let’s adjourn inside,” I say in dignified tones. Luke follows my gaze.

  “Right. Yes. Let’s…do that.”

  He steps into the house and I close the door. For a moment there’s silence in the hall. I don’t know what to say. I feel totally thrown.

  “Becky…I don’t know what wrong end of what stick you’ve got hold of.” Luke exhales long and hard. “There’s been some trouble at work and I’ve been trying to shield you from it. But I’m not having an affair. With Venetia ?”

  “But she told me you were.”

  Luke looks astounded. “She can’t have done.”

  “She did! She said you were leaving me for her. She said—” I bite my lip. It’s too painful to remember everything Venetia said.

  “This is just…bloody…madness.” Luke shakes his head in exasperation. “I don’t know what kind of conversation you had with Venetia, what kind of…crossed wires or misinformation….”

  “So you’re saying nothing’s been going on between you? Nothing at all?”

  Luke clutches his hair, closing his eyes briefly. “Why would you think anything was going on?”

  “Why?” I stare up at him. “Luke, are you serious ? Where do I start? All those times you’ve gone out with her, just you and her. All those texts in Latin, which you wouldn’t tell me about. And everyone was so weird toward me at the office…and I saw you sitting together on her desk…and you lied, the night of the Finance Awards….” My voice is starting to wobble. “I knew you weren’t really there….”

  “I lied because I didn’t want to worry you!” Luke sounds more fraught and angry than I’ve ever heard him. “My staff were weird to you at the office because I’d sent round an e-mail saying that nobody, but nobody, was to mention the company problems to you. On pain of being fired. Becky…I’ve been trying to protect you.”

  I have a sudden flashback to him, sitting at his desk in the gloom, his brow creased. That was weeks ago. He’s been moody and absent ever since.

  But then why would Venetia have said…

  Why would she have…

  “She told me you were leaving me for her.” My voice is really jumping around now. “She said you’d still want to visit the baby.” I give a sudden sob.

  “Leaving you? Becky, come here.” Luke wraps his arms tightly around me, and all of a sudden I’m burying my head in his chest, tears streaming into his shirt. “I love you,” he says firmly. “I’m never leaving you. Or little Birkin.”

  How did he…

  Oh. He must have found my list of names.

  “It’s Armageddon now,” I correct him, through my snuffles. “Or Pomegranate. That’s what I told your mother.”

  “Excellent. I hope she passed out.”

  “Nearly.” I try to smile, but I can’t. It’s all still too raw. I’ve had weeks and weeks of worrying and imagining and fearing the worst. I can’t just snap my fingers and act normal again.

  “I thought I was going to be a single mother.” I gulp. “I thought you loved her. I didn’t know why you were being so weird. It’s been awful. If you had problems at work you should have told me.”

  “I know I should.” He’s silent for a bit, resting his chin on my head. “To be honest, Becky…it’s been nice to have somewhere to escape from it all.”

  I lift my head up and study Luke. He looks grim. And tired. It suddenly hits me. He looks really, really tired.

  “What’s been going on?” I wipe my face. “What’s the trouble? You have to tell me now.”

  “Arcodas,” he says shortly.

  “But I thought it was all going so well,” I say, confused. “I thought that’s why you were opening the new offices.”

  “I wish I’d never fucking pitched for them.” He sounds so bleak, I feel a thud of dread.

  “Luke…what’s happened?” I say nervously. “Let’s sit down.” I make my way into Fabia’s sitting room and sink into a squashy suede sofa.

  “A load of things,” says Luke, following me. He raises his eyebrows briefly at the B and L cushions, then sits down, resting his head in his hands. “You don’t want to know.”

  “I do. I want to know everything. From the start.”

  “It’s been a nightmare.” He turns his face toward me. “The main nightmare being a harassment claim.”

  “Harassment?” I gape at him.

  “Sally-Ann Davies. Remember her?”

  “Of course.” I nod. “What happened?”

  Sally-Ann has worked for the company ever since I’ve known Luke. She’s quite reserved, but really sweet and reliable.

  “There were…incidents between her and Iain. She says he came on to her in an aggressive, unpleasant manner. She made a complaint. Which he laughed off.”

  “God, how awful,” I breathe. “So…what did you…”

  “I believe Sally-Ann one hundred percent.” Luke sounds totally resolute.

  I’m silent. My mind has flashed back to the manila file from Dave Sharpness’s office. The dossier he collected on Iain. All those hushed-up cases.

  Should I tell Luke?

  No. Not unless I have to. It would raise so many awkward questions, and he might get angry when he hears what I did. Anyway, I shredded everything in the file, so I haven’t even got the evidence anymore.

  “Yes,” I say slowly. “I’d believe her too. So…what did Iain say?”

  “Nothing that I’d care to repeat.” Luke’s face is tight. “He accused her of inventing the story to get a promotion. His opinion of women is pretty unspeakable.”

/>   I frown, trying to think back over the past weeks. “Was that when you couldn’t come to my prenatal class?”

  “That was the start of it, yes.” He massages his brow. “Becky, I couldn’t tell you. Believe me, I wanted to, but I knew how upset you’d get. And Venetia had just told me you needed to stay calm.”

  Stay calm. Yup, that plan really worked.

  “So what happened?”

  “Sally-Ann was incredibly generous-spirited about it. She said she wouldn’t take it any further if she could be moved to another account. Which obviously we did. But the whole company was upset by it.” He sighs. “To be honest, Arcodas have been difficult to work with, right from the start.”

  “Iain’s awful, isn’t he?” I say bluntly.

  “It’s not just him.” Luke shakes his head. “The whole ethos. They’re bullies, all of them.” A shadow passes over his face. “And now…it’s happened again.”

  “With Sally-Ann?”

  Luke shakes his head. “Amy Hill, one of our assistants, was reduced to tears by another of the Arcodas team. He got violently angry and she said she felt physically threatened.”

  “You’re kidding.”

  “They walk round my company like they bloody own it.” He exhales sharply, as though trying to keep a grip on himself. “I called a meeting and requested that the member of Arcodas staff in question apologize to Amy.”

  “And did he?”

  “No.” Luke’s face twists. “He wants her fired.”

  “Fired?” I’m aghast.

  “His story is, she’s incompetent, and if she could get the job done he wouldn’t need to get tough. Meanwhile, all my staff are up in arms. They’re writing me e-mails of protest, refusing to touch the Arcodas account, threatening to resign….” Luke thrusts his hands through his hair, looking totally beleaguered. “Like I said, it’s a nightmare.”

  I subside back onto Fabia’s sofa, trying to take all this in. I can’t believe Luke has been walking around with all of this to worry about for so long. Saying nothing. Trying to protect me.

  Not having an affair after all.