The Hero's Guide to Storming the Castle

  Briar smirked. Suddenly, Wrathgar danced a jig.

  “Hmm. He’s got better rhythm than I would have thought,” Frederic said.

  Duncan ran up next to Wrathgar and capered alongside him.

  Liam’s eyes lit up. “He’s our ticket to freedom,” he said. “Briar, make him lead us out. We’ll all just follow behind, like we’re his prisoners. Can you make him do that?”

  “Darling, I can make him do anything,” Briar said. “With this sword in my hand, I have complete control of that brute. He is my puppet.”

  “The sword can do that? Sweet!” cried a reedy voice from behind her. Deeb Rauber emerged from the stairwell, along with Vero, Falco, Madu, and a dozen other bandits he’d gathered on his way down.

  “So, Sleeping Beauty, huh?” Deeb Rauber asked, taking stock of the group before him. “I have to say, even when I heard the Prince Charmings were staging some sort of ‘heist,’ I never expected to find you involved.”

  He and his men were blocking the only exit from the dungeon. Briar, Liam, and the others had all gathered behind the frozen Wrathgar.

  “I’m just reclaiming what is rightfully mine,” Briar said.

  “You mean you’re trying to steal what belongs to me,” Rauber corrected.

  “Actually, it belongs to me,” Liam re-corrected.

  “Technically, us,” Briar re-re-corrected.

  “I’m already bored by this,” said Rauber. “Boys, get that sword!”

  Vero and the bandits rushed at Briar, but didn’t make it very far. Wrathgar snapped into action. He held one arm straight out to each side and barreled through the hallway, mowing down every bandit between him and Rauber. The Bandit King himself was short enough to duck under the armpit of the mesmerized brute and avoid the attack.

  “Holy gnome nuggets!” Rauber yelped.

  Wrathgar snatched Rauber by his shirt collar and carried him off into the cellblock kicking and screaming.

  “Help me!” Rauber shrieked.

  Vero stood in a daze and staggered over to aid his boss. He struggled to pry Wrathgar’s fingers open.

  “Let’s get out of here before they’re all up again,” Frederic urged.

  Liam grabbed Briar by the arm and tugged her toward the stairwell.

  “It stops working if I lose sight of him,” Briar said.

  “Do you plan on staying down here with him forever?” Liam asked.

  “Give me one second,” Briar said. Destroy all the bandits, she thought.

  Wrathgar went berserk. He tossed Rauber aside and began pounding on his former allies. The bandits had no choice but to fight back in order to stay alive. They all leapt on the dungeon master, hoping that together they could take him down.

  The heroes didn’t stick around to see what happened next. Together, Frederic, Rapunzel, Gustav, Ella, Duncan, Liam, and Briar ran up the steps. As expected, the moment the stairwell door shut and Briar could no longer see Wrathgar, her power over him was broken. She hoped the other bandits would be so caught up in fighting him that they wouldn’t realize they no longer had to, but she knew it would only be a matter of minutes before Rauber and his men would be after them again.

  Throughout Snow’s lively act, Lord Rundark sat seething as he waited for Rauber’s “surprise” finale, during which he planned to turn the tables on the boy. Rundark knew this would be the best way to ensure the loyalty of the bandit army: first showing them that Rauber’s childish pranks had no effect on him and then slaughtering the boy in front of them. It would work out perfectly—as long as he was able to wait patiently for the end of the circus. But that was proving difficult.

  The more the Warlord saw the goofy grins on the bandits all around him and listened to their riotous belly laughs, the more his temples began to pound and his teeth began to grind and his fingernails began to rip into the velvet arms of his chair. The Warlord was prone to fits of violence, but he could usually rely on the calming advice of a trusted follower to prevent him from going over the edge. Unfortunately, that trusted follower had been Redshirt, whom Rundark had tossed out a window the day before.

  Fig. 42

  RUNDARK, rising

  The audience went wild as Snow caught a cinnamon bun with her teeth, and Rundark couldn’t take it anymore. He stood up, stepped over the railing, and strode out onto the stage.

  A plate that one of the bandits had thrown to Snow came flying in Rundark’s direction. The Warlord caught it and hurled it back—straight through the body of the bandit who had thrown it. The laughter died out instantly.

  “This ends now!” Rundark bellowed. He grabbed Snow before she could run.

  “Put her down! She’s the best performer we’ve got!” cried one of the circus strongmen as he and three fellow weight lifters ran to Snow’s defense. As each of the musclemen got close to him, Rundark slammed, punched, or kicked him to the ground. None of them stood back up.

  Snow looked up at the Warlord and trembled.

  “You call yourselves a bandit army,” Rundark said to the crowd. “You are nothing more than a gang of unruly children. But I will change you. I will make you into real villains. The time has come for you men to learn the true power of fear.”

  With the Sword of Erinthia still in hand, Briar led her group down long, echoing corridors, searching for an exit.

  “There’s the way out,” Gustav said as they spotted the main entry hall.

  “But Snow is still at the circus,” Duncan said.

  “Follow me,” Briar said, heading away from the exit. She brought them around several winding corridors, heading deeper into the center of the castle.

  “I think the theater was this way,” Rapunzel said, pointing to a gargoyle-festooned archway.

  “No, it’s through here,” Briar insisted. “I remember these doors.” She marched past Rapunzel and headed for a pair of large wooden doors with images of laughing cherubs carved into them. To her surprise, everybody followed her, and she wondered for a second if she were somehow controlling them all with the sword. No, that’s not it, she thought. They trust me.

  The group flung open the double doors and charged into the backstage area. All the performers were gathered at the curtains, gawking in horror at the stage. The heroes rushed in for a look. At center stage, Lord Rundark held Snow White over his head as if he was about to break her in two.

  “Snow!” Duncan screamed.

  But Lord Rundark did nothing to Snow. He didn’t move at all. After a terrifyingly long pause, he set her down on her feet and sent her backstage.

  “Hurry along, young lady,” Rundark said, patting her on the back. “And thank you for letting me be part of this wonderful circus of yours.”

  In the stands, six hundred eyeballs simultaneously bugged out.

  “You’ve got Rundark?” Liam whispered to Briar as Snow ran into Duncan’s waiting arms. Briar nodded.

  Lord Rundark started stiffly clapping his hands. “And that’s the end of our show. Let’s hear it for the Flimshams!”

  A few bandits offered tentative applause.

  “Now the circus people will leave the castle,” Rundark continued. “And no one will get in their way.”

  “Nice,” Ella said. “But what happens once we’re out of the room?”

  “Good point,” said Frederic. “The Warlord has got to come with us.”

  “Obviously,” Briar huffed. She clutched the sword tightly to her chest, and Rundark walked backstage to join them. The real circus performers all scattered as the mesmerized Rundark led the team of heroes toward the rear exit. Lila and Ruffian ran up and joined the group.

  “What’s going on?” Lila whispered, clutching Liam’s hand. Liam held his finger to his lips, and Lila decided she could ask questions later.

  The path to the exit was clear, save for one thing: El Stripo.

  The tiger was curled on the floor next to a big bowl of water. Its faded orange fur sagged loosely on its thin and feeble frame, and it still had no teeth. The animal had trouble keepi
ng its eyelids open.

  All heads turned to Frederic.

  “Well, okay, now I feel a little silly,” he said sheepishly. “Let’s move on.”

  Outside the building, the group crossed the drawbridge, weaved a path through empty circus wagons in the courtyard, and headed for the Wall of Secrecy. Any bandit who might have stopped them stepped aside at the sight of the Warlord.

  “I think this is going to work,” Frederic whispered.

  “Look, on top of the wall!” Gustav suddenly shouted. He pointed up at Jezek and Mr. Troll, who were still wrestling on the ramparts. “We’ve gotta get Furface down with us.”

  “Of course we do,” Briar muttered, rolling her eyes.

  Lord Rundark rolled his eyes, too.

  “He’s part of the team,” Gustav insisted.

  The group stopped.

  “Hey, you up there!” the Warlord shouted.

  “The man’s name is Jezek,” Frederic told Briar.

  “Hey, Jessie!” Lord Rundark called.

  “Jezek!” Frederic corrected.

  “Jezek!” Rundark called again. “Stop fighting! Leave that hideously unkempt creature alone!”

  “Could you repeat that, sir?” the bodyguard asked, holding Mr. Troll in a headlock.

  “You heard me, Jazzy,” Rundark shouted. “Let the walking carpet go.”

  “You don’t sound like yourself,” Jezek said.

  Crud, thought Briar.

  “Crud,” said Lord Rundark.

  “Something’s not right,” Jezek said, dropping the troll and running to the stairs that led down to where everyone was gathered. But trolls don’t like being ignored. Mr. Troll rammed Jezek from behind. The bodyguard crashed, bumped, and clattered along one hundred stone steps, landing in a heap at the bottom.

  Mr. Troll bounded down the stairs, jumped over the unmoving Jezek, and joined up with his teammates. They were fifty yards from the gate when they heard a shout.

  “Stop them, you idiots!” Deeb Rauber darted out of the castle and stood on the drawbridge with the entire bandit army behind him. “Don’t let them escape!”

  The bandits rushed forward, but Rundark raised his hands and yelled, “Stop! I am your true leader. Do not interfere.”

  The bandits stopped.

  “Rundark’s been hypnotized, you idiots!” Rauber shouted. “Get after them now! Or every one of you sits in the Tack Chair!”

  The bandits charged at the heroes.

  “Freeze! All of you!” bellowed Lord Rundark.

  The bandits stopped.

  “You dare to think that I, the Warlord of Dar, am so weak that I could be hypnotized?” he snarled. “That I can be controlled like someone’s puppet?”

  “Don’t listen to him!” Rauber hollered. “They’re making him say that! Listen to me! I am your leader!”

  “Is he?” Rundark asked. “Is that mewling little piece of spittle your leader? Do you all take orders from a petulant child? Or do you listen to a ruler like me?”

  There was a harsh, uncomfortable silence as hundreds of bandits looked around, unsure of what to do.

  “Stop them all!” Rauber ordered. “Including Rundark.”

  “Step aside and clear a path,” Rundark demanded.

  And the bandit army made their choice. They lowered their weapons and stood down.

  “Aaaaaaaargh!” Rauber screamed.

  “Everybody run—now!” Liam said. And the group hustled toward the gate.

  Just then, Vero and Madu appeared on the drawbridge. It didn’t take them long to figure out what was going on.

  “No one’s listening to me!” Rauber cried. His face was beet red, his eyes watery.

  “Madu, get the sword,” Vero said.

  In a blink, Madu transformed into a thirty-foot-long sand snake and zipped across the rocky courtyard. Just as Briar reached the gateway and stepped out beyond the Wall of Secrecy, the serpent enveloped her and yanked her back in.

  “Briar!” Liam shouted. He dove and managed to snag the tip of Madu’s long tail. With Briar coiled under its chin, the snake slithered speedily back toward the castle, dragging Liam behind it. “Use the Gem on the snake!” Liam shouted.

  Briar shook her head. “I’ll lose Rundark,” she wheezed.

  As the serpent slid onto the drawbridge, Liam lost his grip and rolled into Vero, knocking him over.

  “Give me that sword,” Rauber yelled. He tried to wrench the weapon from Briar’s hand, but despite still being wrapped up in endless yards of snake, her grip was insanely tight. She and the boy yanked back and forth until finally Madu ended the tug-of-war. The snake bit down, sinking its long fangs into the back of Briar’s hand.

  “Yes!” Rauber shouted, waving the sword in the air. “I win!”

  At that moment, just beyond the front gate of the Wall of Secrecy, the Warlord of Dar blinked his eyes; his mind was his own again. And he knew exactly what had happened to him. During his years of battle and conquest, he had developed a thirst for knowledge as well as for blood. He’d read every ancient scroll and historical manuscript he could pry from the stiff fingers of a corpse. There wasn’t a tale of evil sorcery or black magic that Lord Rundark wasn’t familiar with. And he easily recognized the effects of the Jeopardous Jade Djinn Gem.

  “Guys,” Ella said, watching the wicked smile spread across Rundark’s face. “He’s evil again.”

  “Out of my way,” Rundark barked, shoving Ella to the side and charging, rhino-like, back toward the castle.

  On the drawbridge, Liam gasped when he saw Briar slumping woozily in the sand snake’s clutches. He snatched Vero’s fallen sword and rammed it through the tip of the giant reptile’s tail, pinning the creature to the drawbridge. As the serpent hissed in pain, Liam pulled Briar free and tossed her over his shoulder.

  Rauber spotted Liam running for the gate and decided to test out his new toy.

  “Hey, everybody! You think Rundark is bad?” he yelled. “I’ll show you bad! Liam, freeze!”

  Liam kept running.

  “Do as I say! Obey me!” Rauber shouted, but to no effect. “Is there a button or something?”

  And then Liam finally stopped. But he stopped because Lord Rundark smacked him and Briar to the ground, where they were promptly surrounded by a dozen bandits. Liam looked in horror at Briar; her green face was swollen, and her breath rattled, the snake venom coursing through her veins.

  “You honestly thought you could usurp me?” the Warlord said as he reached Rauber on the drawbridge. He wrapped his hand around the blade of the Sword of Erinthia. “It seems I have already won. Your men have chosen me. And I didn’t even have to kill you. Although I still will.”

  Rauber squinted at Rundark, trying to focus all his concentration on the man. “I command you to jump in the moat,” he snarled defiantly.

  “So ignorant,” Rundark said. He easily wrested the sword out of the Bandit King’s hands, then threw the boy to the ground and stepped on his head to hold him in place. The Warlord dug his fingernails behind the orange stone on the hilt and pried it loose. “It’s only the Gem that matters.” He casually tossed the rest of the sword into the moat.

  Liam took Briar’s limp hand and held it tight.

  “And now,” Lord Rundark said, holding up the jewel, “let me show you how a warlord uses the Jeopardous Jade Djinn Gem.”

  Just then: “Stuuuuuuuuurm-hayyyyyyyy-gennnnnnnn!”

  Gustav burst into the courtyard, riding Seventeen. And Ella was right beside him on her horse. Duncan and Snow followed, both astride Papa Scoots Jr. And Mr. Troll took up the rear, his long arms flailing. The group galloped straight at the circle of bandits that surrounded Liam and beat them away. Ella pulled Liam up onto her horse, while Gustav scooped up Briar. Just as quickly as they’d entered, they spun their horses around and began racing back out, knocking away any bandits that tried to stop them.

  Then suddenly, Ella pulled up on the reins and brought her horse to a halt.

  “What are you doin
g?” asked Liam.

  Wordlessly, Ella turned the horse around and began trotting toward the castle again.

  “It’s Rundark,” Liam called out. “He’s using the Gem on her! Ella, snap out of it!”

  Ella stopped her horse just before the drawbridge. She hopped off and yanked Liam down after her.

  Rundark licked his lips. “Bandits of Rauberia,” he shouted. “Let me demonstrate for you the real difference between heroes and villains. Heroes have lines they will not cross. But a true villain—a successful villain—will do whatever he needs to in order to win.”

  Ella drew her sword.

  “Ella, it’s me,” Liam pleaded. “Don’t do this.”

  A bandit tossed a sword to Liam. He caught it and faced Ella, who was in the dueling stance he had taught her.

  Bandits cheered—and heroes gasped—as Ella launched a vicious attack on Liam. Liam danced around to avoid her blows but refused to raise his sword against her.

  “Fight back,” Rundark said darkly. “It’s only going to get more difficult.”

  Ella’s swings came at Liam faster and harder. Liam had no choice but to defend himself. Swords flew so rapidly, the onlookers could barely see them. Until finally the duelers reached a standoff, the tip of Liam’s sword aimed at Ella’s throat, the point of her sword pressing into his. He peered desperately into her eyes, hoping for any sign of the real Ella.

  “You had better deliver the final blow, prince,” Rundark called. “Because if you don’t, in three seconds she will.”

  Liam closed his eyes.

  Duncan suddenly gasped and turned to Snow. “You have to be a hero, honey,” he said.

  “One!” Rundark called.

  Duncan dug into his saddlebag and handed an oddly shaped rock to Snow.

  “Two!”

  “It looks just like Frank!” she said.

  “I know,” Duncan said. “I’ll be sad to lose it. But this is important. Show me your trick.”

  “Three!”

  Snow squinted, brought her arm back, and hurled the dwarf-shaped rock with all her might. The stone smashed into Lord Rundark’s raised hand, knocking the magical jewel from his fingers.