Long Way Home

“We used to be close,” he says.

  Yep. We were.

  “What happened?”

  My eyes flash to his. “Dad died. That’s what happened.”

  “In an accident.” Eli leans forward. “In a stupid, fucking accident. Why are you mad at me? At the club? Hell, anyone within a two-hundred-mile radius can see you’re still in love with Chevy and you left him. I don’t get it, and I don’t know how to make things better between us, so maybe if you explain it, I can fix it.”

  This man makes my head hurt in so many ways. “I’ve explained it to you multiple times and you don’t listen.”

  “Try again.”

  “You don’t listen.”

  “Dammit, Violet, I’m trying here. Why can’t you see that?”

  I fold the menu and toss it in his direction so that it smacks him in the arm. “You don’t listen! That’s it! You never listen. You talk over me, you talk to anyone else but me, and what’s worse is when I am talking and by the rare chance you are silent, you’re not even listening. Instead, you’re busy formulating in your pint-size mind whatever it is you’re going to say to me next.”

  Eli opens his mouth and I tilt my head in an I told you so. Sort of cartoonish how he snaps his trap shut. He drums his fingers against the table, then slumps back into the booth. “I’m listening now, so talk.”

  “No, you’re not.”

  “Yes, I am.”

  Because Rome was built in a day. Fine. Whatever. “I want to go home.”

  “No.”

  “I don’t mean this very second. I mean after breakfast.”

  “I know what you meant. No.”

  I throw my hands up. He has no idea he’s proving my point.

  “I’m listening,” he says in defense. “I just don’t agree.”

  “Listening would mean pausing to reflect upon any argument I might have. That would require me giving you my opinion, you listening while I give my opinion, thinking over my opinion and then you and I have a spirited discussion that may or may not require curse words until we come to a mutually beneficial decision based on friendship and respect.”

  Eli’s eyes sparkle and it’s insulting how he’s attempting to hide his smile. “You sound exactly like your dad.”

  “I don’t take that as an insult.”

  His eyebrows draw together. “I didn’t mean it as one. Your dad was one of the most amazing men I knew and I know a lot of great guys. I miss him, Vi, and I’m sure you do, too. I know we don’t always get along, but I swear we’re on the same side of this war.”

  War. I’ve been asked to deliver Eli on a platter. “Are you admitting you’re at war with the Riot?”

  “The Riot, anyone at school who gives you shit, anyone in general who gives you shit. The world. I wish you knew I’m on your side.”

  His words sound pretty, but that’s all they are. Something ugly wearing makeup and bows. Or in his case, a black T-shirt and ear plugs. “Then let me go home and stop treating me like a prisoner.”

  Eli rolls his neck and almost looks regretful. “I can’t do that, and I’m not treating you like a prisoner.”

  “The hell you aren’t.”

  Demons shoot out of Eli’s eyes. “Do not compare me to the Riot. They hurt you. I’m protecting you.”

  I lean forward to explain exactly where he can shove his protection, when there’s the clearing of a throat. “I think they rang the bell for the first round a few minutes ago. It’s time to return to your corners.”

  My heart swells. It’s Chevy’s mom. I smile before I have the chance to remember I broke her son’s heart and she wasn’t particularly pleased with me. I go to cast my gaze away, but Nina leans down and gives me a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek. When she pulls away, she grabs my chin and stares deep into my eyes. “You okay?”

  From the way she searches my face, she’s not asking about my fight with Eli, but my time in that basement. I suck in a breath to lie like I do for Eli, Cyrus, my brother, my mom and anyone who asks, but fine becomes a knot in my throat.

  Nina nods like she heard the truth, then kisses my forehead. “You’ll make it. The strong ones always do.”

  Not sure if she’s right. I’m starting to feel depleted of strong.

  Nina settles beside me and pats my good knee as she turns her attention to Eli. “Hello.”

  “I thought you were hanging out with Chevy this morning.”

  “I am.” She gestures down the narrow diner and Chevy’s watching us from Pigpen’s booth. “We decided to have breakfast, but when we walked in, I saw you two mixed up in a wrestling match. I don’t think it would be appropriate for Violet to be reduced to throwing steak knives. We should at least have the decency to wait until she’s eighteen.”

  Eli shrugs. “She could be charged as an adult then. Better for her to get it out of her system now.”

  “I could see where you would think that. Now, what’s the problem?”

  “She’s seventeen and thinks she knows everything,” Eli says while I say, “He won’t let me go home.”

  I almost add that I’m eighteen now, not seventeen. That I left seventeen behind in the basement dungeon, but everyone seems to have lapsed about my birthday. Chevy remembered that night, but hasn’t brought it up since. Honestly, I’m fine with it having been forgotten. I don’t think I could stomach giving the Terror another excuse to throw a “party” in my honor and I don’t feel at all celebratory.

  “I see.” Her eyes flicker between me and Eli before choosing to remain on him. “Why can’t she go home? You said if Chevy wanted he could return home. The only reason he’s still at the clubhouse is because he doesn’t want to be away from Violet.”

  I twist my lips to the left because there are so many portions of that I wasn’t aware of and don’t know how to process. But of course Chevy was given a choice. He has a penis. And I was not given a choice because I’m a girl.

  Eli looks like he wants to rip off his skin. “Violet’s mom wants to be at the cabin so we can keep an eye on her, Stone and Violet.”

  “Jenny is another subject for another time, so I’m going to leave her out of the conversation.” Nina understands my issues with my mother. When I was dating Chevy, she patted my hand and explained, Your mother can do things for herself, but she chooses not to. She’s very capable. I remember that about her in high school. But some women believe they need to dumb it down in order to keep a man. Eventually, they forget they were capable. That’s what happened to your mom. Don’t be her, Violet. Never be her.

  “I believe Violet has earned the right to have her own mind and make her own decisions,” Nina continues. “If she wants to return home, she should return home.”

  “She’s not your kid,” Eli says.

  “Are Violet and Chevy at risk?” Nina continues like Eli hadn’t spoken. “Do you think they are going to be targeted again? Because from the multiple conversations I’ve had with you and the police over the past few hours, I was under the impression the people who kidnapped them were under arrest.”

  “They were what?” I ask, and Eli briefly closes his eyes.

  “Arrested,” Nina repeats. “This morning, and before Eli has a chance to lie his way out of this, your mother knew. Chevy didn’t know until after you left this morning.”

  Because he was asleep with his arms tucked around me until Mom took me to therapy.

  I pick that steak knife up and Nina raises her eyebrows at me. I drop it only because I have always secretly wished she would adopt me.

  “I was going to tell you,” Eli starts.

  “Sure you were.”

  Eli pinches the bridge of his nose, then lowers his hand. “I was going to tell you because once the men are back in Kentucky, we’ll need to drive into Louisville. The police want you and Chevy to pick out th
e guys in a lineup. They were arrested in another state, where they are facing other charges, but it’s expected they’ll be sent back here soon to face the kidnapping charges.”

  A lineup. I slouch in the seat and deal with the mixture of relief and anxiety. Fiend is caught and I’ll have to finger him in a lineup. If he doesn’t plead out, I’ll have to testify. The ground beneath my feet begins to feel unsteady, like sand falling through an hourglass and I’m trapped inside the cylinder.

  Peace. Justin suggested there could be peace and he also suggested he could and would harm the people I love. He never wanted the police involved and he expects me to help him nail Eli.

  Eli and Nina are locked in an intense conversation, their words blending together and making noise. Justin wanted account numbers, he wants Eli to pay for taking his sister and eventually his niece away and he wants Eli to go to jail.

  My throat thickens and I swallow as I look at Eli. He carried me to Chevy in the hospital, he’s here to buy me pancakes, he drives me absolutely insane, he doesn’t listen, he often makes me feel like my existence is worthless, but even as he’s arguing with Nina he glances over at me with pleading eyes, as if to check to make sure I didn’t disappear, because...

  Because he cares for me.

  I hate his way of caring, though. Hate how he controls. But how can you fully hate someone who does all the stupid things because that’s the way he loves?

  My stomach bottoms out, and where I was hungry minutes ago, I’m now nauseated.

  I can’t do it. I can’t be responsible for hurting Eli. I can’t be responsible for anyone’s death, because regardless of what Justin said, they are out to destroy more than Eli’s reputation, but if I don’t hand over the numbers, then what will happen to my family?

  “You okay, Violet?”

  I lift my eyes and Chevy stands at the end of the table, concerned dark eyes boring into me. Chevy knows me too well. Sometimes better than I know myself. Once again, I dig deep for the lie, but I can’t bring myself to try to deceive him. He would see through it and then start asking questions I’m not able to answer.

  Justin threatened my family. He threatened me. The Riot have already proved they can do what they want. They kidnapped me. They kidnapped Chevy. I could have easily died in that basement. There’s nothing stopping them from hurting us again, and if I tell Eli, will whoever slipped that note into the cabin find out and tell the Riot I’m breaking the deal?

  No matter which way I go, I’m choosing wrong.

  Two paths. Both lead to my emotional, if not physical, demise.

  “Eli,” Chevy says in a low voice. “You seem to be upsetting my girl. Don’t you think Violet’s been dealt enough shit?”

  A flutter in my chest at being called his girl, but then those butterflies disappear. I promised myself months ago I wouldn’t come between Chevy and the club. I can’t be an old lady, but I also can’t be the girl who makes a boy choose between her and his family.

  Eli makes a show of scanning the diner and says so the entire place can hear, “Anyone else want to butt into this conversation?”

  Pigpen and Dust chuckle, but the rest of the patrons take an intense interest in their food or menu. Chevy motions for Eli to move and he does to allow Chevy to sit. Not sure if this is good for me or if he’ll side with Eli on matters dealing with my safety.

  “With the people who kidnapped me in jail, why can’t I go home?” I ask. I know why I’m not safe. I should be begging to stay at Cyrus’s cabin, to be living in the clubhouse, but someone left me a note there. They found a way to slip past the wall Eli believes is impenetrable.

  Eli drums his fingers against the table and watches each tap against the wood. He’s contemplating the fact I want to go home and he’s aware there’s no reason to keep me under lock and key. At least no reason that won’t piss me off. I have him cornered, and men like him don’t react well when their back is against the wall. Dad taught me that.

  “Men like me, we like to feel like we’re in control. That we have a way out with our pride intact or we end up coming out of the corner swinging, even if that’s not the right solution, even if it’s with words instead of fists. It’s instinct—at least for me—something born within me I don’t know how to kill. Men like me, we need our pride. Take pity on us and try to let us keep it.”

  We were fishing at midnight at the pond. It was a humid summer night. Frogs croaked. Crickets sang. Millions of stars shone down from above. I was fourteen and thought Dad had hung every last gas-burning light in the night sky. “How?”

  “You offer them a way out. One that makes a man feel like he’s able to walk away with his head held slightly high. If he doesn’t take that offer, Vi, he’s a moron and then I say fuck ’em.”

  Dad assumed that trait was reserved for men, and he was epically wrong. I often come out swinging when I’m pinned in a corner, but for now, I want home more than I want my pride. “If you let me go home, if you drop the guys tailing me, I’ll have breakfast with you every Saturday.”

  Eli’s eyes meet mine, and I don’t look away. I’m promising him I’ll try with him and that’s the biggest peace offering in over a year.

  “Home maybe, but the guys tailing you—I don’t know about letting those go.”

  And what if one of those guys is the one who left the note in my jacket? My body actually twitches as I have to physically squelch the need to raise my voice. “The guys who took me are in jail, right? And the Riot are pinkie-swearing to be Boy Scouts, correct?”

  There are some reactions that are so cold I could freeze to death. That would be the glare Eli’s giving me.

  “I need normal.” The truest words on the planet. “I need my life to go on.”

  The hard set of Eli’s jaw tells me he’s not going to give.

  “We both need it,” Chevy says, and there’s something silently exchanged between Chevy and Eli. Whatever it is works. Eli lays his hand flat against the table.

  “You can go home after the police lineup. There’s no way a judge will grant them bail with both of you fingering them. I can stomach you going home with them rotting in a cell. I’ll agree to no tails, but I’ll have guys checking on your house. That’s nonnegotiable. You were taken on the way to your house. No one else from the Terror would normally be going that direction and that doesn’t sit right with me. Makes me feel like they were targeting you.”

  If I could hide under the table, I would, but I do my best to school my expression, my body language, to conceal what happened between me and the Riot.

  “Why would they be targeting Violet?” Nina asks.

  “To use me against Chevy,” I say as a deflection.

  “And me,” Eli adds. “Frat’s death hit me hard. They know this. They know I would have taken it upon myself to care for his family.”

  I sink lower. My dad and Eli were friends. My world is a mess.

  “You gave me your word, Violet. Every Saturday—it’s you and me, kid.”

  Yeah, I did. The waitress comes, and Eli announces he’s buying for everyone. We order, one at a time, but I ask for oatmeal instead of pancakes. My stomach is twisted and feels heavy and I’m not sure I can even eat that.

  I need help. I need a way out. I need options. God, I wish my father was here. He’d know what to do and he’d be able to help me negotiate the high wire I’ve been forced to walk.

  Eli and Nina talk, I make an airplane out of my paper napkin and Chevy watches me. Keenly. Too in-depthly.

  He has a way of seeing things no one else can. Picks up on the most minute movement. The slightly longer intake of air. A twitch of a finger, of an eye. The angle of a foot toward a door. He knows all. Sees all. And there’s no doubt he’s aware something is horribly wrong.

  Chevy won’t say anything now. Probably won’t say anything the next time we’re alone eithe
r. He’ll wait because he’s patient like that. He’ll wait for the unassuming time, when my defenses are lowered, when he’ll be able to slip past my skin and into the truth.

  “You know what you two need?” Nina says, ripping me out of my thoughts. “To do something normal. Be actual teenagers.”

  Yeah. Sounds great. Sounds easy. Sounds impossible.

  “Hey, Violet?”

  My head snaps up at the sound of my brother’s voice. He stands at our table with his hands shoved in his pockets and his cheeks are red. My eyebrows draw together as I try to understand why he’s so upset. “What’s wrong?”

  He shrugs while shaking his head and shuffling his feet. “Nothing.”

  No, it’s something. Very much something. My eyes dart to the table where Pigpen, Man O’ War and Dust sit, because if they did something to make him sad, I’m going to make each of them bleed. “Do you need to talk to me alone?”

  Chevy goes to slide out of the booth as Eli and Nina glance at each other in worry, but before anyone else can join the conversation, Brandon reaches into his back pocket, pulls something out, then deposits a mound of bracelets on the table.

  My heart beats hard twice. Bracelets. My bracelets. The bracelets Fiend stole from me. “Where did you get these?”

  Brandon stares at the floor and rubs his nose. “On the side of the road. I saw that guy throw them out of the car...after...after he hit you...and...” His voice breaks and my heart breaks and I’m pushing Nina out of the way because I need to get to my brother.

  “...and I called Eli like you said...and I’m afraid it’s my fault you were taken...and you love your bracelets...so I picked them up...” He chokes on the words and his eyes are filling with tears and my vision becomes blurry as my mouth turns down. “...but I didn’t find Dad’s watch or cross and I know they mean more to you, so I was scared to give these back, but then Pigpen saw them and told me...”

  I don’t care what Pigpen told him. I throw myself into my brother and hold him tight. Brandon slowly wraps his arms around me, places his head on my shoulder and cries. Shoulders shaking, leaning down into me from his tall height, and I squeeze my eyes shut to push back my own tears as I try to comfort my brother.