Off the Record

  It's all I need and I'm exploding so violently, my vision goes dim. My legs lock up again, and I hear him murmuring against me, "That was fucking beautiful."

  When I fall from the stars he launched me to, I look down and he is softly kissing the insides of my thighs. His hands are stroking my stomach.

  Linc finally glances up at me and his eyes are dark. And all I can think is that I need him to get naked and be inside of me...right now.

  He stands up and leans over me, placing a hand on either side of my head. Lowering his face to mine, he lightly brushes his lips against the corner of my mouth.

  "Did you like that?" he murmurs.

  "Yes," I tell him as I try to capture his lips for a kiss.

  Instead, he places a small kiss on my nose and says, "I did too. Now, get a good night's sleep and I'll see you in the morning."

  He stands up from me and I pop up quickly into a kneeling position on the bed, grabbing at his hand.

  "Wait...where are you going? We're not done here."

  Linc pulls my hand to his mouth and kisses my fingertips, lightly biting the end of one. "Yes, we are."

  "No...you can't just start that and not finish."

  Gently smiling, Linc brings his hands up and cups my face. He leans in and looks in my eyes. "Ever...I did finish what I started. I never intended for it to go any further than that tonight."

  I'm lost. How can Linc bring me to two seismic orgasms and then just leave me? How can he not be crawling all over and up in me right now? And the most important question...did I do something wrong? I glance down and see the rock hard bulge straining the front of his jeans, so I know he wants me. But why doesn't he act on it?

  "I don't understand," I say weakly.

  He kisses me then. It's warm and my mouth opens willingly. He slowly and softly touches his tongue to mine and then pulls back. "I'm not the guy you think I am, Ever. I'm not about to fuck you when you already think that is my modus operandi. I want you to see I don't just live by what my dick tells me to do."

  My mouth falls open. Linc releases my face and steps back. I scramble from the bed and put my robe back on, belting it tightly. I feel way too vulnerable buck ass naked while he's fully dressed.

  "But I don't think that about you," I tell him.

  "Don't you?"

  Well, okay, I deserve that doubt. And I have thought that about him in the past. And hell, maybe I still do think that about him, but it's also not something that bothers me anymore. I understand he lives his life freely and that may include sexual interludes with women.

  I'm free and unattached. No relationship to hold me back. I'm becoming more sexually liberal every minute I spend in Linc's presence.

  Shit! I want to be that woman he has an interlude with right now.

  And I want him to feel as good as he made me feel tonight.

  "Linc...that article I wrote has nothing to do with what's going on right now."

  "But it does, Ever. It has everything to do with me not sinking myself into you tonight."

  God help me, but his words are a complete turn on. I want this man but I have no clue what is really holding him back. He's turning me down tonight and turning my insides out.

  Bitter emotions well up inside of me as I think about Marc cheating. And how maybe, just maybe, I wasn't enough to satisfy him. I had not wanted to let my head wander to that place of doubt and insecurity but it was raging inside of me now.

  "I get it," I say, hoping my voice isn't as pathetic as I feel right now. "This probably is a bad idea anyway."

  My eyes drop to the floor and I'm flooded with shame that I'm standing here, still flushed from two amazing orgasms, and Linc is going to walk out the door.

  Linc's hand comes up and tilts my head up so I'm looking at him. His eyes are apologetic, and that flares my embarrassment even hotter. "I'm sorry. The timing isn't right."

  Timing isn't right? How can it not be right? He just feasted on my body and had a woman willingly opening her legs for him. How is the timing not right?

  Moron!

  I just nod my head and attempt a sincere smile. "Sure. No problem."

  He looks at me for a moment longer then drops his hand. "Get some sleep. We'll meet for breakfast tomorrow at about 7:00am."

  And then he leaves, softly closing the door behind him.

  I'm dying here.

  Every single waking moment--and some when I'm sleeping--are spent fantasizing about Ever. The remaining two days we spent in Oklahoma were awkward and frustrating for me. I would have rather cut off my glove hand than leave her that night. But I felt it was the right thing to do at the time.

  Now, I'm not so sure.

  Just thinking about the way I made her come against my tongue has me getting hard as a rock right now and I'm due to have company in a few moments.

  Our work in Oklahoma was rewarding and exhausting. Ever and I slipped back into a mutual friendship that was cooler than what we had before, but by no means completely arctic. We never spoke another word about that night but damned if I could stop thinking about it.

  I wonder if she thought about it too.

  And while I have solid intentions of biding my time before I take Ever into my bed, it's killing me the wait. I don't know at what point I prove to her that I'm not the man-whore she described me to be in that fucking article. I have no clue how to go about making her see it. She's told me that she thinks I'm a good guy, but who the fuck knows what that means? And God forbid, I'd actually just come out and ask her.

  No...that would be too easy.

  I check my watch and note that my dinner guest should be here soon. My cousin, Renner, is stopping by. She's an airline attendant with Delta and is on an evening layover. She's normally based out of Dublin, Ireland so she's not around much. I haven't seen her in a few months so I offered her to stay at my place rather than a hotel. Nix and Emily aren't able to come over for dinner as they already had plans with Emily's parents who are visiting.

  Ever is out right now. She said she had some errands to do but I made enough food for her if she shows up.

  As if right on cue, Renner rings the doorbell and I let her in. After a hard hug, I take in the fact that she looks super tired. She's still wearing her Delta uniform, though she's loosened the tie around her neck.

  Growing up, Renner and her older brother, Flynn, always hung out with me and Nix. Her father is my dad's brother and we all lived within a few blocks of each other. There are only a few years of age separating all of us. Nix has just turned twenty-seven. Flynn and I, at twenty-four, were born only two months apart, and Renner is the baby at twenty-two. We are about as close as siblings as you can get without actually being siblings. While Flynn inherited the Caldwell golden brown hair, Renner's was a dark red, inherited directly from her mother, who is a native of Ireland. Renner has pale green eyes, and those could be from her mother as well, since the Caldwell's side seem to border from darker green to hazel.

  "Oh, it's so good to see you, Lincoln Log," she says, kicking off her heels and pulling her hair down out of the tightly wound knot at the base of her neck.

  I laugh. "Don't you think it's time to let go of the childhood nicknames?"

  "No way. That's a good one and will stick around forever."

  She follows me into the kitchen and I pour her a glass of wine. She takes an appreciative sip and sighs. I get to work on finishing up dinner, which is just a simple, seared salmon and a salad. I'll keep Ever's in the warming pan for her.

  "So, where is she?"

  I look at Renner in surprise. "Where's who?"

  "The reporter that you've chained to your hip."

  "How in the hell do you know about that?"

  She grins at me. "Nix tattled on you. Sent me an email. Thought I'd get a laugh out of it, which I did. Flattering article, by the way."

  I grit my teeth slightly, because yeah, that article still stings. "Well, hopefully she'll get it right the second time around."

  "I'm assuming you're
on your best behavior?"

  I plate up the salmon and salad, and set it in front of her. I top off her wine. Fixing my own, I set down across the counter from her. "I'm on my only behavior, Ren. I'm not going to be different. I want her to report on the true me."

  "But doesn't the real you include getting into women's panties?"

  I wince. That's true. "Yeah, but not to the extent she had me painted. Geez...she made it sound like I was with multiple women in one night. I mean...I'm good, but I'm not that good."

  Renner laughs. "Well, if she needs stories...I can tell her about all the times in high school that you struck out, pathetic loser that you are."

  I pick up a cucumber out of my salad and throw it at her. "You are still such a brat."

  We eat in companionable silence for a few minutes. We have that type of relationship where we can chat like crazy about anything and everything, or we can just be quiet with our own thoughts.

  Finally I pipe up. "So, are you still seeing that Irish pilot? What's his name?"

  A sound comes out of her mouth that is a cross between a curse and a snort. "Cormac is his name, and no. Just this past weekend I found out the asshole is married."

  "Ouch. I'm sorry." I watch as Renner pushes her salad around on her plate. She looks so sad. "Do I need to go kick his ass for you? I mean, just for having a name like Cormac, he deserves an ass kicking."

  She gives me a bitter smile. "No. More like kick my ass. Why do I always manage to get involved with such losers? What's wrong me with me?"

  The pain in her voice tears at my heart. Renner is one of the most beautiful people I know, inside and out. She doesn't deserve this hurt.

  "Hey," I say, as I reach across the counter and take her hand. She looks up at me. "You are an amazing woman, Renner. You are beautiful, strong, sexy and smart as hell. I'm lucky just to be sitting in your presence."

  Before she can respond, I hear a crash and we both look to the kitchen doorway. Ever is standing there. I give her a welcoming smile as I pull back from Renner.

  "Sorry," she says as she bends down to pick up the car keys she dropped. "I didn't mean to intrude. Here's your keys back. Thanks for letting me borrow your car."

  I release Renner's hand and take the keys. "No problem. Do you want some dinner? I made you some salmon."

  She glances between me and Renner. "Ummmm. No thanks. I ate a bit earlier."

  "Are you sure? You're more than welcome to join us."

  Ever's face turns red. "No, I'm sure. You two enjoy. I'm just going to head to my room and get some work done."

  "Okay," I say hesitantly. "This is Renner, by the way." I point over at my cousin.

  Ren gives Ever a huge smile. "Nice to meet you."

  Ever just stares for a moment but doesn't return the smile. She does sort of nod her head and says, "Likewise. Well, I'll see you tomorrow."

  "Are you up for a run in the morning?" I ask.

  "Sure." She turns around and jets out of the kitchen.

  I look at the doorway, long after she is gone. She was certainly acting weird and bordering on slightly rude to Renner.

  "Oh, man...you two are a mess."

  I snap my eyes from the doorway to look at Renner. "What?"

  "You didn't tell her I was coming over, did you?"

  "No. You and I made plans at the last minute. I didn't get a chance to."

  Renner just shakes her head at me like I'm some poor, dumb, schmuck. "She's jealous that I'm sitting here. You should have told her I was your cousin. She thinks I'm tonight's conquest."

  "No way," I say emphatically. "She would know better than that. Not after..." I trail off, because I'm not about to tell Renner about that amazing night in Oklahoma.

  "Not after what?" she asks.

  "Not after 'none of your damn business'. Let's just say she has no reason to believe I would bring another woman here while she's staying in my home."

  Renner shrugs her shoulders. "If you say so, but I know what I saw. She's probably in her room right now, writing some really bad shit about you banging some flight attendant."

  "You're full of crap, Ren. Besides, it's not true and she knows better than to write something about me without checking her facts."

  Renner gives me a sympathetic smile and pats my hand. "You're a moron, Linc. Just thought you should know."

  Renner and I finished our meal and she helped me clean the kitchen. We finished off the bottle of wine while we continued to talk, mostly about her troubles with the pilot. She sure knew how to pick the bad ones.

  I gave Renner my bedroom and I'm snuggled on the couch, watching ESPN. I wonder about Ever. I haven't heard a peep out of her since she went to her room a few hours ago. Did she really think I had brought home a woman? That I would do that after what we shared in Oklahoma? I thought I had made myself clear...that the timing wasn't right between us that night. But I thought my implication was that it would be right at some point. So how could she think I would screw that up by fucking around with another woman? Right in front of her?

  I sigh. I don't understand the minds of women. That's probably why I never had a serious relationship. That, and with my schedule throughout the year, it's hard to develop any serious feelings toward someone.

  And why am I even thinking about the word "relationship"? Do I see Ever as being something more than a fuck? I must...otherwise I would have taken advantage of what she had been offering me right after I got her off twice.

  I remember, a long time ago, my dad had told me that anything that was worth doing, was worth doing right. I thought that was great advice and I applied that to my career. It's why I work so hard, why I train so hard. And perhaps some of that advice is actually bleeding through into my actions with Ever. Maybe that is why I am taking my time with her.

  I mean, fuck. It's not like I envisioned us going out to romantic dinners or engaging in philosophical discussions to get to know each other. I've learned plenty since we've been living together these past few weeks.

  I've learned that I like Ever. A lot. And I suppose my actions are telling me that I want more than a one night stand. Besides, given the fact that Ever would be staying with me for several more weeks, there would be no "one night" about it.

  I know without a doubt that once I taste the sweetness she has to offer me, one time will not be enough.

  Oh, that son of a bitch!

  I can't believe he'd have the gall to bring home a woman. I slam the filter in the coffee pot and punch the "on" button. I'll need more than one cup before we go running this morning, because I got jack for sleep last night.

  And when I woke up to go to the bathroom this morning, I ran straight into Renner coming out of Linc's bedroom. She had apparently been up early, probably for a flight she had to catch. She came out wearing a fresh uniform, with her hair and makeup all expertly done. She was perfectly put together and I felt like a troll next to her.

  She even had the perky balls to say, "Good morning, Ever."

  I did nothing but grunt at her and hurry into the bathroom. By the time I got out, she was gone. Linc was apparently still asleep, probably worn out after an evening of hot sex.

  Gah. What the hell is wrong with me? Why should I be mad? Why should I even expect different of him?

  I'm so confused. I've been plagued with insecurity and doubt since that night in Oklahoma. He acted like he wanted me, but then he walked away. The way he looks at me sometimes, I can see desire and yearning. But then I came in last night, and he was holding that woman's hand. He had a warm, soft look in his eyes. I had seen that same look, just before he went down on me. And he was telling her how beautiful and sexy she was.

  What a fucking jerk!

  When the coffee is finally done, I pour myself a cup. I'm still so angry, I manage to slosh a good bit over the counter, which I wipe up in between curses. I finally raise the cup to my lips, hoping that first jolt of caffeine will help to put me in a better mood.

  "Good morning, Sunshine."

&nbs
p; Fuck! I spill coffee all done the front of my t-shirt.

  "Jesus, Linc. Don't sneak up on people...it's rude."

  He just laughs.

  Asshole!

  "Who peed in your Wheaties?" he has the nerve to ask.

  "No one. I just didn't get any sleep last night." My voice sounds grouchy and I hate myself for showing any feelings about the matter.

  "Neither did I."

  I turn to look at him and my jaw hangs open. I can't believe he'd throw that in my face. Does he seriously think I want to hear about his sexual escapades keeping him up all night.

  Asshole, asshole, asshole!

  Linc side steps me and heads to the coffee pot. He pours himself a cup and looks at me. "I wish you would have joined us for dinner last night. You missed some great salmon."

  My jaw drops further. I had been prepared to ignore this subject today but he keeps rubbing my nose in it. Acid drips from my voice, "I'm sorry...I'm not one to crash in on dates. Three's a crowd and all that."

  "Date?"

  "Yeah...you, that redhead...romantic dinner with wine. The deep look you were giving her as I walked in."

  Linc's lips curve up in a smirk. "All be damned. Renner was right about you."

  Rage causes my blood to boil. I practically screech at him, "You two talked about me?"

  The look on Linc's face becomes wary. "Yes. We talked about you. I normally talk to my friends about what is going on in my life."

  I snort. "Oh, is that what you're calling the women you bang these days? Friends? I suppose we're friends, but we haven't gotten around to the banging part." I cannot help the flurry of words that are pouring out of me. I can't stand the nonchalance with which he is treating this situation.

  "Ever...last night--"

  "Don't, Linc. Don't you dare try to explain it away. You know...I had come to accept the way you are with women. Hell, I was willing to throw myself in the long line of women waiting to get a piece of you. But I wasn't good enough for you the other night. And it didn't take you long to find someone else. Someone better, apparently. I'm sorry I don't meet up to your standards--"

  My words are cut off as Linc stalks over to me and grabs my face with his hands. I have no time to brace for the assault he places upon my lips. His mouth covers mine in a blazing hot kiss. His tongue is in my mouth and he's backing me right up into the kitchen counter. My coffee cup falls to the floor, splattering both of our legs with coffee before shattering. But I could care less.