Masquerade

  “It’s amazing what will make people scream,” Slade agreed. “Most of them only got a little splattered when the table tipped over.”

  “Except for that one lady,” Clarissa said with a wince. “She got the full brunt of the potato salad.”

  Slade looked back at the ceiling and sighed. “You know, about the time the condiments went up in the air, I started having flashbacks to the whole Evelyn-and-Brad-Nash affair.” He ran both hands through his hair as if to shake off the memory. “Man, I hope no one had a camera going. That’s all I need—another restaurant scandal.”

  Clarissa felt a wave of sympathy for Slade and reached over and rested her hand on top of his. “Did it ruin your deal with AJ?”

  “No, that was ruined before Bella even walked into the restaurant. Which, of course, now seems like a blessing since it saves me the humiliation of being officially banned from all of AJ’s sets.”

  “But none of the mess was really your fault,” Clarissa said. “Surely AJ won’t hold it against you.”

  Slade let out grumbling noise of disagreement. “I still haven’t lived down the tropical fish fiasco from Mermaid Island.”

  “Oh? What happened there?”

  “A Tonka truck and a fifteen-hundred-gallon aquarium. Suffice it to say, at that point I began encouraging Bella to play with Barbie dolls, because no matter how hard you throw one of them, it won’t break glass.”

  Now Clarissa smiled and tried to hide it.

  Slade sighed again and rested his head back against the wall. “What am I going to do with Bella?”

  Clarissa glanced at Bella and then back at Slade. “Was that a rhetorical question, or do you really want my opinion?”

  He leaned toward Clarissa and lowered his voice. “If Bella really is doing this on purpose, I need to know how to help her.”

  It wasn’t something Clarissa had thought about in clinical terms, and yet she knew exactly how Bella felt. She knew it because she felt it herself. She knew it because she’d seen the shadows of the same emotions flicker around her own daughter. Now she struggled to explain it to Slade.

  “I don’t think Bella necessarily plans it. She’s just frightened and angry. She lost control of her world, so she’s trying to control what’s left of it the only way she knows how. With every scrape she gets into, she gets more attention and love from you.”

  “I wasn’t very loving to her tonight,” he said.

  “Well, you weren’t when you were barking out new rules. And by the way, I don’t think she even heard rule twenty-two or twenty-three; but after that, you held her in your arms like you always do. That’s what she wants. I might rip off a tablecloth or down Miracle Grow if I knew it would get me more love.”

  “So I’m supposed to comfort her less?”

  “Less after her accidents and more beforehand. Reward good behavior positively and enforce consequences for negative behavior.”

  He didn’t say anything. She went on anyway. “And be grateful Bella still wants love. Some people cope with divorce by turning off their emotions altogether. They refuse to open up or trust anyone because they don’t want to be hurt again. It’s easy to turn off the trust. It’s harder to turn off the anger. That stays with you.” Clarissa suddenly stopped because she realized she was talking about herself and didn’t want Slade to realize it too.

  Perhaps he already did. He was looking at her intently, as though trying to figure something out.

  “Well,” she said, “I guess I’d better go back to my room and take a shower—you know, make sure I’m rid of the dead-fish smell.”

  “Wait a minute.” He turned toward the girls. “Bella, come here.”

  Bella got up and trotted over to him.

  “I’ve been thinking,” he told his daughter. “And I’ve decided we ought to go downstairs and help clean up in the restaurant.”

  Bella frowned. “But I’m not allowed to touch broken glass, Daddy. It’s rule number fourteen.”

  “We’ll clean something besides the glass,” he said.

  Her brows furrowed together and she glanced back at the TV. “I want to stay here with ‘Laina.”

  Slade took hold of her chin and turned her face so she looked at him again. “When you made that big mess, you made a lot of people unhappy. Now we’ve got to set it right.”

  The brows were still furrowed. She pulled away from Slade and stared silently at the floor.

  “The restaurant manager was sad that so many of his things got broken,” Slade went on, “and the people who got showered with salad were sad too. Clarissa got a bump on her head. I think that made her very sad.”

  Bella’s lip quivered, then the tears came. Instead of throwing her arms around her father, she went and pressed her face into Clarissa’s side. “I’m sorry I ran under the table!”

  Clarissa picked her up, held her close, and rubbed the little girl’s back while she sobbed. Clarissa suddenly understood Slade’s dilemma much better. It took everything she had not to completely absolve Bella of wrongdoing. “I still love you,” Clarissa said. “I just hope next time you’ll make a better choice.”

  Bella took a shaky breath and nodded. With her arms around Clarissa’s neck she said, “Are you going away?”

  “No,” Clarissa said, “of course not.”

  “Not even if I’m naughty?”

  “You’ve already been naughty,” Clarissa said, “and I’m still here.”

  Bella seemed to consider this. “Then will you take me to kindergarten when I’m big enough?”

  Clarissa smiled at the odd request. “If that’s what you and your daddy want.” She looked over at Slade, expecting he’d be smiling or wearing a puzzled expression. Instead, his features were stern and pained.

  So perhaps she had overstepped her bounds. Perhaps Slade didn’t expect she would still be working for him by the time Bella went to kindergarten.

  Clarissa held Bella for another minute and then reluctantly gave her to Slade. He put her on her feet, keeping hold of her hand. “Let’s go down to the restaurant and see what we can do.”

  She nodded, and then the two of them left the room, hand in hand.

  * * *

  The next morning Slade called Clarissa and said he’d decided to spend the day alone with Bella. “I figure we could use some more father-daughter time.”

  Clarissa commended him and said she hoped they’d have a good time and then felt sorry for herself. It was their last full day in Hawaii, and she would spend it without Slade.

  She and Elaina went for a walk along the beach, went to the pool, had lunch, then went back to their hotel room. While Elaina took a nap, Clarissa straightened up the room, repacking what she could. Then, because she decided she should do something educational with her daughter, Clarissa used the hotel stationery to cut out the letters of Elaina’s name. When Elaina woke up, Clarissa would give them to her to color. She was trimming the top of the letter L when a knock came at the door.

  She opened it and found Meredith there, her cell phone in hand. “Is Slade with you?”

  “No, he decided to spend the day with Bella.”

  Meredith walked into the room and sat down on the couch dejectedly. “I can’t get a hold of him, and I just had a call from Kim. She’s in Mexico.”

  Clarissa picked up the scissors and started on an N. “In Mexico? Why?”

  “There was an algae bloom off the gulf. She went to examine it.”

  “Oh,” Clarissa could muster only mild disappointment. “Slade won’t be happy about that.”

  “Well, he’s going to look like a fool in front of Natalie and the Undercover Agents cast. I mean what sort of weak excuse is that? My girlfriend had an emergency come up—she had to study an algae bloom.” And then Meredith eyed Clarissa with a peculiar expression.

  “What?” Clarissa asked.

  “I’ll watch the girls tonight so you can go as Kim.”

  “What?” Clarissa said again.

  “You’ll be in a Cat Woman
costume. No one will even know it’s you.”

  “Well, not unless I also pretend I’m mute. They have heard my voice.”

  “You could fake an English accent, couldn’t you?”

  Clarissa shook her head. “It would never work.”

  “Why not?” Meredith said.

  Clarissa eyed her, trying to tell how serious she was. “I don’t know why not. I just know it won’t. Besides, Slade wouldn’t want me to try a stunt like that. He can come up with an excuse—make up a dying relative or something.”

  Meredith sighed and seemed to concede the point. “I suppose you’re right. I just hate to think of Natalie Granger being smug about the whole thing.” Meredith stood up then, her visit finished. “I suppose it doesn’t matter. Slade has lived down worse things. Last night’s dinner, for example.”

  Meredith moved to the door and then as an afterthought said, “You’ve told your husband we’re coming home early, right?”

  “Yes,” Clarissa said.

  “Good. I got the impression he was feeling neglected when he called.”

  Clarissa felt, very quickly, that her blood had all dropped to her feet. “He called?”

  “Oh, that’s right, I never told you. He called your room the night when you were at the pool. I was in your room getting Elaina’s stuffed dog.”

  He called? How did he get the hotel’s phone number? He didn’t even know where she was. And then with a sudden rush of dread, Clarissa realized he did. She had sent that information to Renea by e-mail, and Renea had undoubtedly given it to her brother. It would have been easy for him to look up the phone number of the Mahalo Regency Resort.

  “What did he say?” Clarissa asked.

  “Not much. He asked if you were in, and I said you were swimming. Then he said to tell you that Alex called. I said, ‘Oh yes, you’re her husband.’ And he said, ‘Her ex-husband.’ So you see, I think he’s feeling a little put out.” Meredith gave Clarissa a smile. It dropped from her face, replaced by a look of concern. “Clarissa, you’re as white as a sheet.”

  “Am I?” Why couldn’t she pull off a laugh? A laugh would have hidden everything. She should have been able to say, “Yes, he likes to threaten when he’s in a bad mood.” Instead, she sat on the couch trying to control her shaky hands.

  “Is something wrong?”

  “No.” Clarissa picked up her scissors and busily cut the paper again.

  Meredith remained silent for a moment, and then when she spoke her voice was even and serious. “Alex is your husband, isn’t he?”

  The paper fell from Clarissa’s hands and with it her whole facade. Had she wanted to, she couldn’t have forced any sort of fabrication from her lips. “Not anymore. We’re divorced.”

  Meredith came back to the couch and sat down heavily on it. “Why on earth did you lie about it?”

  “I didn’t mean to. I mean, at first it was an oversight at the employment agency, but I needed the job, and I didn’t think it would really matter.”

  “I think it will matter a great deal to Slade.”

  The words hurt. “I know. Dishonesty in an employee is the last thing he wants.”

  “Is that how you think he thinks about you? As an employee?”

  Clarissa slumped down farther on the couch. “No. I mean, he also thinks of me as a friend—and that’s even worse—to deceive a friend.”

  Meredith opened her mouth to say something, then shut it instead. She surveyed Clarissa with a calculating gaze. “Let me ask you a question. What do you think of Slade?”

  “I think he’s a caring father, and he’s generous to the people around him—he’s great.”

  “And?”

  “What can I say beyond great?”

  “How does he make you feel when you look at him?”

  Clarissa didn’t answer. She felt her face flush bright red.

  Meredith nodded. “I thought so.”

  Clarissa swallowed hard. “Please don’t tell him.”

  “I wouldn’t dream of it. That’s your job.”

  Clarissa shifted uneasily on the couch. “I’m not going to tell him.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because it wouldn’t matter to him. I’m just his nanny. He doesn’t see me as anything more than that.”

  Meredith tilted her head with a thoughtful expression. “You’re wrong, of course, but I’m not sure how to prove it to you.”

  “I know he’s flirted with me a little in the past, but that’s because he felt safe doing it. He knew I’d never reciprocate. If he knew I was unmarried, he’d feel awkward and uncomfortable around me.”

  Meredith tapped the couch with her fingertips and didn’t answer.

  Clarissa leaned back into the couch in a big mournful lump. “Slade could have his pick of anyone he wanted. He wouldn’t choose me. He’s going to choose some famous supermodel or Nobel Peace Prize winner.”

  Meredith still didn’t answer.

  “Why should I put myself through any more pain and rejection? It’s easier to let him go on believing I’m married. At least that way he won’t be afraid to be my friend.”

  Meredith nodded solemnly, as though agreeing to a conversation she held within herself. “I think I will go rent a Cat Woman outfit,” she said. “The shop still had a couple when I went to pick up the Batman suit. You’ll put it on and meet Slade at the Sunset Park Motel at seven o’clock.”

  “What good would that do?”

  “Well, you want to know if he likes you, and you want to do it in such a manner as to guarantee you won’t be hurt. What better way to find out than to be costumed as someone else? While you’re talking, ask him . . .” Here Meredith faltered for a moment, rolling her hand in the air as she thought how to phrase it. “Ask him what type of things he looks for in a woman. Ask him what he thinks of his nanny. That way if he doesn’t like you, you can return to being Clarissa Hancock, his nanny, and he’s none the wiser. If he does like you, then you pull off your mask and tell him the truth.” She smiled triumphantly and waved a hand in Clarissa’s direction. “Cinderella, you’re going to the ball after all.”

  “As an English botanist dressed in a Cat Woman suit? I don’t think so.”

  Meredith checked her watch and stood up. “Speaking of that suit, I’d better get to the costume store. I’m not sure when it closes.”

  “Wait.” Clarissa stood up. “I can’t do this.”

  “Nonsense,” Meredith said. “You’ll be fine. Simply drop your H’s and remember to complain about the royal family every once in a while.”

  “You just want me to do this because of Natalie,” Clarissa said, but it was no use. Meredith left the room with a cheery wave and called out, “I’ll be back in a bit.”

  Clarissa sank back to the couch, exhausted. “It will never work,” she said again.

  Chapter 29

  Clarissa didn’t move from the couch for a good twenty minutes. She sat watching the waves from her window and feeling her stomach chum. Now that Meredith had found out the truth, Clarissa would have to tell Slade everything. Tonight. She couldn’t ask Meredith pretend she didn’t know about the divorce.

  The churning grew, and Clarissa wished for the thousandth time she had told Slade the truth at the beginning.

  How much would it matter to him that she’d lied? Would he ever trust her again? The thought of losing the job was hard. The thought of never seeing Slade again, never talking with him again, was even harder. Perhaps if she didn’t tell him how she felt now, she’d never have the chance.

  And then again, perhaps that was for the best.

  She tapped her foot nervously against the side of the couch.

  Well, at least if she went out as Cat Woman she’d go out in a big way.

  Still, she didn’t think she could do it.

  If she was going to lose Slade, she ought to lose him with her dignity intact. If he didn’t know how much she cared about him, it would hurt less when he fired her.

  And after this was over, she?
??d make sure nothing like it ever happened again. She’d never lie under any circumstances; and more importantly, she’d never care again about anyone enough to be hurt when she lost them.

  This thought left her cold.

  Could she do that? Could she cut herself off from the good emotions in order to escape the bad?

  Instead of thinking about it further, she went to the computer and turned it on. Before she called Alex, she wanted to see if he’d emailed her.

  He hadn’t, but Renea had. Three times. The first email said: “Clarissa, I saw your newspaper article. Where did you meet Slade Jacobson? And do you think it’s wise to go off to Hawaii with him when you’re in this vulnerable state? You ought to wait a while to make these kinds of decisions. I hope you’ll take a good look at what you’re doing.”

  The second e-mail said: “Is Slade carrying Elaina in the newspaper article? I printed out the picture and showed it to the entire family, and no one is sure whether it’s her because her hair looks so much darker in the picture. Maybe it’s the lighting. Anyway, I can’t believe you brought your daughter along on this little nervous breakdown of yours. I mean, I realize Slade Jacobson is gorgeous, but do you think this is good for Elaina?”

  The third e-mail just said: “My friends want to know if you really know Landon McKellips. And if you do, can you introduce him to us when you get back?”

  Clarissa deleted the messages, then turned off the computer. The e-mails told her two things. First, Renea was an idiot. She’d known that all along, however, so it wasn’t helpful. Second, Alex’s entire family thought she’d run off with Slade for some sort of torrid affair. They undoubtedly now thought her an unfit mother, and were probably congratulating Alex on getting rid of her.

  Clarissa sighed heavily, exited the Internet, and turned off the computer. She’d brought it on herself, she knew. She’d been led by her pride when she e-mailed that picture to Renea. Clarissa had wanted to prove to Renea that she didn’t need Alex anymore, that she was capable of attracting someone like Slade Jacobson. But it wasn’t the truth.