History of Tom Jones, a Foundling

  Chapter viii.

  A dialogue between Mesdames Bridget and Deborah; containing moreamusement, but less instruction, than the former.

  When Mr Allworthy had retired to his study with Jenny Jones, as hathbeen seen, Mrs Bridget, with the good housekeeper, had betakenthemselves to a post next adjoining to the said study; whence, throughthe conveyance of a keyhole, they sucked in at their ears theinstructive lecture delivered by Mr Allworthy, together with theanswers of Jenny, and indeed every other particular which passed inthe last chapter.

  This hole in her brother's study-door was indeed as well known to MrsBridget, and had been as frequently applied to by her, as the famoushole in the wall was by Thisbe of old. This served to many goodpurposes. For by such means Mrs Bridget became often acquainted withher brother's inclinations, without giving him the trouble ofrepeating them to her. It is true, some inconveniences attended thisintercourse, and she had sometimes reason to cry out with Thisbe, inShakspeare, "O, wicked, wicked wall!" For as Mr Allworthy was ajustice of peace, certain things occurred in examinations concerningbastards, and such like, which are apt to give great offence to thechaste ears of virgins, especially when they approach the age offorty, as was the case of Mrs Bridget. However, she had, on suchoccasions, the advantage of concealing her blushes from the eyes ofmen; and _De non apparentibus, et non existentibus eadem estratio_--in English, "When a woman is not seen to blush, she doth notblush at all."

  Both the good women kept strict silence during the whole scene betweenMr Allworthy and the girl; but as soon as it was ended, and thatgentleman was out of hearing, Mrs Deborah could not help exclaimingagainst the clemency of her master, and especially against hissuffering her to conceal the father of the child, which she swore shewould have out of her before the sun set.

  At these words Mrs Bridget discomposed her features with a smile (athing very unusual to her). Not that I would have my reader imagine,that this was one of those wanton smiles which Homer would have youconceive came from Venus, when he calls her the laughter-lovinggoddess; nor was it one of those smiles which Lady Seraphina shootsfrom the stage-box, and which Venus would quit her immortality to beable to equal. No, this was rather one of those smiles which might besupposed to have come from the dimpled cheeks of the august Tisiphone,or from one of the misses, her sisters.

  With such a smile then, and with a voice sweet as the evening breezeof Boreas in the pleasant month of November, Mrs Bridget gentlyreproved the curiosity of Mrs Deborah; a vice with which it seems thelatter was too much tainted, and which the former inveighed againstwith great bitterness, adding, "That, among all her faults, shethanked Heaven her enemies could not accuse her of prying into theaffairs of other people."

  She then proceeded to commend the honour and spirit with which Jennyhad acted. She said, she could not help agreeing with her brother,that there was some merit in the sincerity of her confession, and inher integrity to her lover: that she had always thought her a verygood girl, and doubted not but she had been seduced by some rascal,who had been infinitely more to blame than herself, and very probablyhad prevailed with her by a promise of marriage, or some othertreacherous proceeding.

  This behaviour of Mrs Bridget greatly surprised Mrs Deborah; for thiswell-bred woman seldom opened her lips, either to her master or hissister, till she had first sounded their inclinations, with which hersentiments were always consonant. Here, however, she thought she mighthave launched forth with safety; and the sagacious reader will notperhaps accuse her of want of sufficient forecast in so doing, butwill rather admire with what wonderful celerity she tacked about, whenshe found herself steering a wrong course.

  "Nay, madam," said this able woman, and truly great politician, "Imust own I cannot help admiring the girl's spirit, as well as yourladyship. And, as your ladyship says, if she was deceived by somewicked man, the poor wretch is to be pitied. And to be sure, as yourladyship says, the girl hath always appeared like a good, honest,plain girl, and not vain of her face, forsooth, as some wanton husseysin the neighbourhood are."

  "You say true, Deborah," said Miss Bridget. "If the girl had been oneof those vain trollops, of which we have too many in the parish, Ishould have condemned my brother for his lenity towards her. I saw twofarmers' daughters at church, the other day, with bare necks. Iprotest they shocked me. If wenches will hang out lures for fellows,it is no matter what they suffer. I detest such creatures; and itwould be much better for them that their faces had been seamed withthe smallpox; but I must confess, I never saw any of this wantonbehaviour in poor Jenny: some artful villain, I am convinced, hathbetrayed, nay perhaps forced her; and I pity the poor wretch with allmy heart."

  Mrs Deborah approved all these sentiments, and the dialogue concludedwith a general and bitter invective against beauty, and with manycompassionate considerations for all honest plain girls who aredeluded by the wicked arts of deceitful men.