History of Tom Jones, a Foundling

  Chapter v.

  Containing more adventures which Mr Jones and his companion met on theroad.

  Our travellers now walked so fast, that they had very little time orbreath for conversation; Jones meditating all the way on Sophia, andPartridge on the bank-bill, which, though it gave him some pleasure,caused him at the same time to repine at fortune, which, in all hiswalks, had never given him such an opportunity of showing his honesty.They had proceeded above three miles, when Partridge, being unable anylonger to keep up with Jones, called to him, and begged him a littleto slacken his pace: with this he was the more ready to comply, as hehad for some time lost the footsteps of the horses, which the thaw hadenabled him to trace for several miles, and he was now upon a widecommon, where were several roads.

  He here therefore stopt to consider which of these roads he shouldpursue; when on a sudden they heard the noise of a drum, that seemedat no great distance. This sound presently alarmed the fears ofPartridge, and he cried out, "Lord have mercy upon us all; they arecertainly a coming!" "Who is coming?" cries Jones; for fear had longsince given place to softer ideas in his mind; and since his adventurewith the lame man, he had been totally intent on pursuing Sophia,without entertaining one thought of an enemy. "Who?" cries Partridge,"why, the rebels: but why should I call them rebels? they may be veryhonest gentlemen, for anything I know to the contrary. The devil takehim that affronts them, I say; I am sure, if they have nothing to sayto me, I will have nothing to say to them, but in a civil way. ForHeaven's sake, sir, don't affront them if they should come, andperhaps they may do us no harm; but would it not be the wiser way tocreep into some of yonder bushes, till they are gone by? What can twounarmed men do perhaps against fifty thousand? Certainly nobody but amadman; I hope your honour is not offended; but certainly no man whohath _mens sana in corpore sano_----" Here Jones interrupted thistorrent of eloquence, which fear had inspired, saying, "That by thedrum he perceived they were near some town." He then made directlytowards the place whence the noise proceeded, bidding Partridge "takecourage, for that he would lead him into no danger;" and adding, "itwas impossible the rebels should be so near."

  Partridge was a little comforted with this last assurance; and thoughhe would more gladly have gone the contrary way, he followed hisleader, his heart beating time, but not after the manner of heroes, tothe music of the drum, which ceased not till they had traversed thecommon, and were come into a narrow lane.

  And now Partridge, who kept even pace with Jones, discovered somethingpainted flying in the air, a very few yards before him, which fancyingto be the colours of the enemy, he fell a bellowing, "Oh Lord, sir,here they are; there is the crown and coffin. Oh Lord! I never sawanything so terrible; and we are within gun-shot of them already."

  Jones no sooner looked up, than he plainly perceived what it was whichPartridge had thus mistaken. "Partridge," says he, "I fancy you willbe able to engage this whole army yourself; for by the colours I guesswhat the drum was which we heard before, and which beats up forrecruits to a puppet-show."

  "A puppet-show!" answered Partridge, with most eager transport. "Andis it really no more than that? I love a puppet-show of all thepastimes upon earth. Do, good sir, let us tarry and see it. Besides, Iam quite famished to death; for it is now almost dark, and I have noteat a morsel since three o'clock in the morning."

  They now arrived at an inn, or indeed an ale-house, where Jones wasprevailed upon to stop, the rather as he had no longer any assuranceof being in the road he desired. They walked both directly into thekitchen, where Jones began to enquire if no ladies had passed that wayin the morning, and Partridge as eagerly examined into the state oftheir provisions; and indeed his enquiry met with the better success;for Jones could not hear news of Sophia; but Partridge, to his greatsatisfaction, found good reason to expect very shortly the agreeablesight of an excellent smoaking dish of eggs and bacon.

  In strong and healthy constitutions love hath a very different effectfrom what it causes in the puny part of the species. In the latter itgenerally destroys all that appetite which tends towards theconservation of the individual; but in the former, though it ofteninduces forgetfulness, and a neglect of food, as well as of everythingelse; yet place a good piece of well-powdered buttock before a hungrylover, and he seldom fails very handsomely to play his part. Thus ithappened in the present case; for though Jones perhaps wanted aprompter, and might have travelled much farther, had he been alone,with an empty stomach; yet no sooner did he sit down to the bacon andeggs, than he fell to as heartily and voraciously as Partridgehimself.

  Before our travellers had finished their dinner, night came on, and asthe moon was now past the full, it was extremely dark. Partridgetherefore prevailed on Jones to stay and see the puppet-show, whichwas just going to begin, and to which they were very eagerly invitedby the master of the said show, who declared that his figures were thefinest which the world had ever produced, and that they had givengreat satisfaction to all the quality in every town in England.

  The puppet-show was performed with great regularity and decency. Itwas called the fine and serious part of the Provoked Husband; and itwas indeed a very grave and solemn entertainment, without any low witor humour, or jests; or, to do it no more than justice, withoutanything which could provoke a laugh. The audience were all highlypleased. A grave matron told the master she would bring her twodaughters the next night, as he did not show any stuff; and anattorney's clerk and an exciseman both declared, that the charactersof Lord and Lady Townley were well preserved, and highly in nature.Partridge likewise concurred with this opinion.

  The master was so highly elated with these encomiums, that he couldnot refrain from adding some more of his own. He said, "The presentage was not improved in anything so much as in their puppet-shows;which, by throwing out Punch and his wife Joan, and such idletrumpery, were at last brought to be a rational entertainment. Iremember," said he, "when I first took to the business, there was agreat deal of low stuff that did very well to make folks laugh; butwas never calculated to improve the morals of young people, whichcertainly ought to be principally aimed at in every puppet-show: forwhy may not good and instructive lessons be conveyed this way, as wellas any other? My figures are as big as the life, and they representthe life in every particular; and I question not but people rise frommy little drama as much improved as they do from the great." "I wouldby no means degrade the ingenuity of your profession," answered Jones,"but I should have been glad to have seen my old acquaintance masterPunch, for all that; and so far from improving, I think, by leavingout him and his merry wife Joan, you have spoiled your puppet-show."

  The dancer of wires conceived an immediate and high contempt forJones, from these words. And with much disdain in his countenance, hereplied, "Very probably, sir, that may be your opinion; but I have thesatisfaction to know the best judges differ from you, and it isimpossible to please every taste. I confess, indeed, some of thequality at Bath, two or three years ago, wanted mightily to bringPunch again upon the stage. I believe I lost some money for notagreeing to it; but let others do as they will; a little matter shallnever bribe me to degrade my own profession, nor will I ever willinglyconsent to the spoiling the decency and regularity of my stage, byintroducing any such low stuff upon it."

  "Right, friend," cries the clerk, "you are very right. Always avoidwhat is low. There are several of my acquaintance in London, who areresolved to drive everything which is low from the stage." "Nothingcan be more proper," cries the exciseman, pulling his pipe from hismouth. "I remember," added he, "(for I then lived with my lord) I wasin the footman's gallery, the night when this play of the ProvokedHusband was acted first. There was a great deal of low stuff in itabout a country gentleman come up to town to stand for parliament-man;and there they brought a parcel of his servants upon the stage, hiscoachman I remember particularly; but the gentlemen in our gallerycould not bear anything so low, and they damned it. I observe, friend,you have left all that matter out, and you are to be commended forit."
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  "Nay, gentlemen," cries Jones, "I can never maintain my opinionagainst so many; indeed, if the generality of his audience dislikehim, the learned gentleman who conducts the show might have done veryright in dismissing Punch from his service."

  The master of the show then began a second harangue, and said much ofthe great force of example, and how much the inferior part of mankindwould be deterred from vice, by observing how odious it was in theirsuperiors; when he was unluckily interrupted by an incident, which,though perhaps we might have omitted it at another time, we cannothelp relating at present, but not in this chapter.