History of Tom Jones, a Foundling

  Chapter iii.

  The arrival of Mr Western, with some matters concerning the paternalauthority.

  Mrs Miller had not long left the room when Mr Western entered; but notbefore a small wrangling bout had passed between him and his chairmen;for the fellows, who had taken up their burden at the HerculesPillars, had conceived no hopes of having any future good customer inthe squire; and they were moreover farther encouraged by hisgenerosity (for he had given them of his own accord sixpence more thantheir fare); they therefore very boldly demanded another shilling,which so provoked the squire, that he not only bestowed many heartycurses on them at the door, but retained his anger after he came intothe room; swearing that all the Londoners were like the court, andthought of nothing but plundering country gentlemen. "D--n me," sayshe, "if I won't walk in the rain rather than get into one of theirhand-barrows again. They have jolted me more in a mile than Brown Besswould in a long fox-chase."

  When his wrath on this occasion was a little appeased, he resumed thesame passionate tone on another. "There," says he, "there is finebusiness forwards now. The hounds have changed at last; and when weimagined we had a fox to deal with, od-rat it, it turns out to be abadger at last!"

  "Pray, my good neighbour," said Allworthy, "drop your metaphors, andspeak a little plainer." "Why, then," says the squire, "to tell youplainly, we have been all this time afraid of a son of a whore of abastard of somebody's, I don't know whose, not I. And now here's aconfounded son of a whore of a lord, who may be a bastard too for whatI know or care, for he shall never have a daughter of mine by myconsent. They have beggared the nation, but they shall never beggarme. My land shall never be sent over to Hanover."

  "You surprize me much, my good friend," said Allworthy. "Why, zounds!I am surprized myself," answered the squire. "I went to zee sisterWestern last night, according to her own appointment, and there I washad into a whole room full of women. There was my lady cousinBellaston, and my Lady Betty, and my Lady Catherine, and my lady Idon't know who; d--n me, if ever you catch me among such a kennel ofhoop-petticoat b--s! D--n me, I'd rather be run by my own dogs, as oneActon was, that the story-book says was turned into a hare, and hisown dogs killed un and eat un. Od-rabbit it, no mortal was ever run insuch a manner; if I dodged one way, one had me; if I offered to clapback, another snapped me. `O! certainly one of the greatest matches inEngland,' says one cousin (here he attempted to mimic them); `A veryadvantageous offer indeed,' cries another cousin (for you must knowthey be all my cousins, thof I never zeed half o' um before).`Surely,' says that fat a--se b--, my Lady Bellaston, `cousin, youmust be out of your wits to think of refusing such an offer.'"

  "Now I begin to understand," says Allworthy; "some person hath madeproposals to Miss Western, which the ladies of the family approve, butis not to your liking."

  "My liking!" said Western, "how the devil should it? I tell you it isa lord, and those are always volks whom you know I always resolved tohave nothing to do with. Did unt I refuse a matter of vorty years'purchase now for a bit of land, which one o' um had a mind to put intoa park, only because I would have no dealings with lords, and dostthink I would marry my daughter zu? Besides, ben't I engaged to you,and did I ever go off any bargain when I had promised?"

  "As to that point, neighbour," said Allworthy, "I entirely release youfrom any engagement. No contract can be binding between parties whohave not a full power to make it at the time, nor ever afterwardsacquire the power of fulfilling it."

  "Slud! then," answered Western, "I tell you I have power, and I willfulfil it. Come along with me directly to Doctors' Commons, I will geta licence; and I will go to sister and take away the wench by force,and she shall ha un, or I will lock her up, and keep her upon breadand water as long as she lives."

  "Mr Western," said Allworthy, "shall I beg you will hear my fullsentiments on this matter?"--"Hear thee; ay, to be sure I will,"answered he. "Why, then, sir," cries Allworthy, "I can truly say,without a compliment either to you or the young lady, that when thismatch was proposed, I embraced it very readily and heartily, from myregard to you both. An alliance between two families so nearlyneighbours, and between whom there had always existed so mutual anintercourse and good harmony, I thought a most desirable event; andwith regard to the young lady, not only the concurrent opinion of allwho knew her, but my own observation assured me that she would be aninestimable treasure to a good husband. I shall say nothing of herpersonal qualifications, which certainly are admirable; her goodnature, her charitable disposition, her modesty, are too well known toneed any panegyric: but she hath one quality which existed in a highdegree in that best of women, who is now one of the first of angels,which, as it is not of a glaring kind, more commonly escapesobservation; so little indeed is it remarked, that I want a word toexpress it. I must use negatives on this occasion. I never heardanything of pertness, or what is called repartee, out of her mouth; nopretence to wit, much less to that kind of wisdom which is the resultonly of great learning and experience, the affectation of which, in ayoung woman, is as absurd as any of the affectations of an ape. Nodictatorial sentiments, no judicial opinions, no profound criticisms.Whenever I have seen her in the company of men, she hath been allattention, with the modesty of a learner, not the forwardness of ateacher. You'll pardon me for it, but I once, to try her only, desiredher opinion on a point which was controverted between Mr Thwackum andMr Square. To which she answered, with much sweetness, `You willpardon me, good Mr Allworthy; I am sure you cannot in earnest think mecapable of deciding any point in which two such gentlemen disagree.'Thwackum and Square, who both alike thought themselves sure of afavourable decision, seconded my request. She answered with the samegood humour, `I must absolutely be excused: for I will affront neitherso much as to give my judgment on his side.' Indeed, she always shewedthe highest deference to the understandings of men; a qualityabsolutely essential to the making a good wife. I shall only add, thatas she is most apparently void of all affectation, this deference mustbe certainly real."

  Here Blifil sighed bitterly; upon which Western, whose eyes were fullof tears at the praise of Sophia, blubbered out, "Don't bechicken-hearted, for shat ha her, d--n me, shat ha her, if she wastwenty times as good."

  "Remember your promise, sir," cried Allworthy, "I was not to beinterrupted." "Well, shat unt," answered the squire; "I won't speakanother word."

  "Now, my good friend," continued Allworthy, "I have dwelt so long onthe merit of this young lady, partly as I really am in love with hercharacter, and partly that fortune (for the match in that light isreally advantageous on my nephew's side) might not be imagined to bemy principal view in having so eagerly embraced the proposal. Indeed,I heartily wished to receive so great a jewel into my family; butthough I may wish for many good things, I would not, therefore, stealthem, or be guilty of any violence or injustice to possess myself ofthem. Now to force a woman into a marriage contrary to her consent orapprobation, is an act of such injustice and oppression, that I wishthe laws of our country could restrain it; but a good conscience isnever lawless in the worst regulated state, and will provide thoselaws for itself, which the neglect of legislators hath forgotten tosupply. This is surely a case of that kind; for, is it not cruel, nay,impious, to force a woman into that state against her will; for herbehaviour in which she is to be accountable to the highest and mostdreadful court of judicature, and to answer at the peril of her soul?To discharge the matrimonial duties in an adequate manner is no easytask; and shall we lay this burthen upon a woman, while we at the sametime deprive her of all that assistance which may enable her toundergo it? Shall we tear her very heart from her, while we enjoin herduties to which a whole heart is scarce equal? I must speak veryplainly here. I think parents who act in this manner are accessoriesto all the guilt which their children afterwards incur, and of coursemust, before a just judge, expect to partake of their punishment; butif they could avoid this, good heaven! is there a soul who can bearthe thought of having contributed to the damnation of his child?

&nbs
p; "For these reasons, my best neighbour, as I see the inclinations ofthis young lady are most unhappily averse to my nephew, I must declineany further thoughts of the honour you intended him, though I assureyou I shall always retain the most grateful sense of it."

  "Well, sir," said Western (the froth bursting forth from his lips themoment they were uncorked), "you cannot say but I have heard you out,and now I expect you'll hear me; and if I don't answer every wordon't, why then I'll consent to gee the matter up. First then, Idesire you to answer me one question--Did not I beget her? did not Ibeget her? answer me that. They say, indeed, it is a wise father thatknows his own child; but I am sure I have the best title to her, forI bred her up. But I believe you will allow me to be her father, andif I be, am I not to govern my own child? I ask you that, am I not togovern my own child? and if I am to govern her in other matters,surely I am to govern her in this, which concerns her most. And whatam I desiring all this while? Am I desiring her to do anything forme? to give me anything?--Zu much on t'other side, that I am onlydesiring her to take away half my estate now, and t'other half when Idie. Well, and what is it all vor? Why, is unt it to make her happy?It's enough to make one mad to hear volks talk; if I was going tomarry myself, then she would ha reason to cry and to blubber; but, onthe contrary, han't I offered to bind down my land in such a manner,that I could not marry if I would, seeing as narro' woman upon earthwould ha me. What the devil in hell can I do more? I contribute toher damnation!--Zounds! I'd zee all the world d--n'd bevore herlittle vinger should be hurt. Indeed, Mr Allworthy, you must excuseme, but I am surprized to hear you talk in zuch a manner, and I mustsay, take it how you will, that I thought you had more sense."

  Allworthy resented this reflection only with a smile; nor could he, ifhe would have endeavoured it, have conveyed into that smile anymixture of malice or contempt. His smiles at folly were indeed such aswe may suppose the angels bestow on the absurdities of mankind.

  Blifil now desired to be permitted to speak a few words. "As to usingany violence on the young lady, I am sure I shall never consent to it.My conscience will not permit me to use violence on any one, much lesson a lady for whom, however cruel she is to me, I shall alwayspreserve the purest and sincerest affection; but yet I have read thatwomen are seldom proof against perseverance. Why may I not hope thenby such perseverance at last to gain those inclinations, in which forthe future I shall, perhaps, have no rival; for as for this lord, MrWestern is so kind to prefer me to him; and sure, sir, you will notdeny but that a parent hath at least a negative voice in thesematters; nay, I have heard this very young lady herself say so morethan once, and declare that she thought children inexcusable whomarried in direct opposition to the will of their parents. Besides,though the other ladies of the family seem to favour the pretensionsof my lord, I do not find the lady herself is inclined to give him anycountenance; alas! I am too well assured she is not; I am too sensiblethat wickedest of men remains uppermost in her heart."

  "Ay, ay, so he does," cries Western.

  "But surely," says Blifil, "when she hears of this murder which hehath committed, if the law should spare his life----"

  "What's that?" cries Western. "Murder! hath he committed a murder, andis there any hopes of seeing him hanged?--Tol de rol, tol lol de rol."Here he fell a singing and capering about the room.

  "Child," says Allworthy, "this unhappy passion of yours distresses mebeyond measure. I heartily pity you, and would do every fair thing topromote your success."

  "I desire no more," cries Blifil; "I am convinced my dear uncle hath abetter opinion of me than to think that I myself would accept ofmore."

  "Lookee," says Allworthy, "you have my leave to write, to visit, ifshe will permit it--but I insist on no thoughts of violence. I willhave no confinement, nothing of that kind attempted."

  "Well, well," cries the squire, "nothing of that kind shall beattempted; we will try a little longer what fair means will effect;and if this fellow be but hanged out of the way--Tol lol de rol! Inever heard better news in my life--I warrant everything goes to mymind.--Do, prithee, dear Allworthy, come and dine with me at theHercules Pillars: I have bespoke a shoulder of mutton roasted, and aspare-rib of pork, and a fowl and egg-sauce. There will be nobody butourselves, unless we have a mind to have the landlord; for I have sentParson Supple down to Basingstoke after my tobacco-box, which I leftat an inn there, and I would not lose it for the world; for it is anold acquaintance of above twenty years' standing. I can tell youlandlord is a vast comical bitch, you will like un hugely."

  Mr Allworthy at last agreed to this invitation, and soon after thesquire went off, singing and capering at the hopes of seeing thespeedy tragical end of poor Jones.

  When he was gone, Mr Allworthy resumed the aforesaid subject with muchgravity. He told his nephew, "He wished with all his heart he wouldendeavour to conquer a passion, in which I cannot," says he, "flatteryou with any hopes of succeeding. It is certainly a vulgar error, thataversion in a woman may be conquered by perseverance. Indifferencemay, perhaps, sometimes yield to it; but the usual triumphs gained byperseverance in a lover are over caprice, prudence, affectation, andoften an exorbitant degree of levity, which excites women notover-warm in their constitutions to indulge their vanity by prolongingthe time of courtship, even when they are well enough pleased with theobject, and resolve (if they ever resolve at all) to make him a verypitiful amends in the end. But a fixed dislike, as I am afraid thisis, will rather gather strength than be conquered by time. Besides, mydear, I have another apprehension which you must excuse. I am afraidthis passion which you have for this fine young creature hath herbeautiful person too much for its object, and is unworthy of the nameof that love which is the only foundation of matrimonial felicity. Toadmire, to like, and to long for the possession of a beautiful woman,without any regard to her sentiments towards us, is, I am afraid, toonatural; but love, I believe, is the child of love only; at least, Iam pretty confident that to love the creature who we are assured hatesus is not in human nature. Examine your heart, therefore, thoroughly,my good boy, and if, upon examination, you have but the leastsuspicion of this kind, I am sure your own virtue and religion willimpel you to drive so vicious a passion from your heart, and your goodsense will soon enable you to do it without pain."

  The reader may pretty well guess Blifil's answer; but, if he should beat a loss, we are not at present at leisure to satisfy him, as ourhistory now hastens on to matters of higher importance, and we can nolonger bear to be absent from Sophia.