History of Tom Jones, a Foundling

  Chapter iv.

  Containing a necessary apology for the author; and a childishincident, which perhaps requires an apology likewise.

  Before I proceed farther, I shall beg leave to obviate somemisconstructions into which the zeal of some few readers may leadthem; for I would not willingly give offence to any, especially to menwho are warm in the cause of virtue or religion.

  I hope, therefore, no man will, by the grossest misunderstanding orperversion of my meaning, misrepresent me, as endeavouring to cast anyridicule on the greatest perfections of human nature; and which do,indeed, alone purify and ennoble the heart of man, and raise him abovethe brute creation. This, reader, I will venture to say (and by howmuch the better man you are yourself, by so much the more will you beinclined to believe me), that I would rather have buried thesentiments of these two persons in eternal oblivion, than have doneany injury to either of these glorious causes.

  On the contrary, it is with a view to their service, that I have takenupon me to record the lives and actions of two of their false andpretended champions. A treacherous friend is the most dangerous enemy;and I will say boldly, that both religion and virtue have receivedmore real discredit from hypocrites than the wittiest profligates orinfidels could ever cast upon them: nay, farther, as these two, intheir purity, are rightly called the bands of civil society, and areindeed the greatest of blessings; so when poisoned and corrupted withfraud, pretence, and affectation, they have become the worst of civilcurses, and have enabled men to perpetrate the most cruel mischiefs totheir own species.

  Indeed, I doubt not but this ridicule will in general be allowed: mychief apprehension is, as many true and just sentiments often camefrom the mouths of these persons, lest the whole should be takentogether, and I should be conceived to ridicule all alike. Now thereader will be pleased to consider, that, as neither of these men werefools, they could not be supposed to have holden none but wrongprinciples, and to have uttered nothing but absurdities; whatinjustice, therefore, must I have done to their characters, had Iselected only what was bad! And how horribly wretched and maimed musttheir arguments have appeared!

  Upon the whole, it is not religion or virtue, but the want of them,which is here exposed. Had not Thwackum too much neglected virtue, andSquare, religion, in the composition of their several systems, and hadnot both utterly discarded all natural goodness of heart, they hadnever been represented as the objects of derision in this history; inwhich we will now proceed.

  This matter then, which put an end to the debate mentioned in the lastchapter, was no other than a quarrel between Master Blifil and TomJones, the consequence of which had been a bloody nose to the former;for though Master Blifil, notwithstanding he was the younger, was insize above the other's match, yet Tom was much his superior at thenoble art of boxing.

  Tom, however, cautiously avoided all engagements with that youth; forbesides that Tommy Jones was an inoffensive lad amidst all hisroguery, and really loved Blifil, Mr Thwackum being always the secondof the latter, would have been sufficient to deter him.

  But well says a certain author, No man is wise at all hours; it istherefore no wonder that a boy is not so. A difference arising at playbetween the two lads, Master Blifil called Tom a beggarly bastard.Upon which the latter, who was somewhat passionate in his disposition,immediately caused that phenomenon in the face of the former, which wehave above remembered.

  Master Blifil now, with his blood running from his nose, and the tearsgalloping after from his eyes, appeared before his uncle and thetremendous Thwackum. In which court an indictment of assault, battery,and wounding, was instantly preferred against Tom; who in his excuseonly pleaded the provocation, which was indeed all the matter thatMaster Blifil had omitted.

  It is indeed possible that this circumstance might have escaped hismemory; for, in his reply, he positively insisted, that he had madeuse of no such appellation; adding, "Heaven forbid such naughty wordsshould ever come out of his mouth!"

  Tom, though against all form of law, rejoined in affirmance of thewords. Upon which Master Blifil said, "It is no wonder. Those who willtell one fib, will hardly stick at another. If I had told my mastersuch a wicked fib as you have done, I should be ashamed to show myface."

  "What fib, child?" cries Thwackum pretty eagerly.

  "Why, he told you that nobody was with him a shooting when he killedthe partridge; but he knows" (here he burst into a flood of tears),"yes, he knows, for he confessed it to me, that Black George thegamekeeper was there. Nay, he said--yes you did--deny it if you can,that you would not have confest the truth, though master had cut youto pieces."

  At this the fire flashed from Thwackum's eyes, and he cried out intriumph--"Oh! ho! this is your mistaken notion of honour! This is theboy who was not to be whipped again!" But Mr Allworthy, with a moregentle aspect, turned towards the lad, and said, "Is this true, child?How came you to persist so obstinately in a falsehood?"

  Tom said, "He scorned a lie as much as any one: but he thought hishonour engaged him to act as he did; for he had promised the poorfellow to conceal him: which," he said, "he thought himself fartherobliged to, as the gamekeeper had begged him not to go into thegentleman's manor, and had at last gone himself, in compliance withhis persuasions." He said, "This was the whole truth of the matter,and he would take his oath of it;" and concluded with verypassionately begging Mr Allworthy "to have compassion on the poorfellow's family, especially as he himself only had been guilty, andthe other had been very difficultly prevailed on to do what he did.Indeed, sir," said he, "it could hardly be called a lie that I told;for the poor fellow was entirely innocent of the whole matter. Ishould have gone alone after the birds; nay, I did go at first, and heonly followed me to prevent more mischief. Do, pray, sir, let me bepunished; take my little horse away again; but pray, sir, forgive poorGeorge."

  Mr Allworthy hesitated a few moments, and then dismissed the boys,advising them to live more friendly and peaceably together.