History of Tom Jones, a Foundling

  Chapter ii.

  The character of Mrs Western. Her great learning and knowledge of theworld, and an instance of the deep penetration which she derived fromthose advantages.

  The reader hath seen Mr Western, his sister, and daughter, with youngJones, and the parson, going together to Mr Western's house, where thegreater part of the company spent the evening with much joy andfestivity. Sophia was indeed the only grave person; for as to Jones,though love had now gotten entire possession of his heart, yet thepleasing reflection on Mr Allworthy's recovery, and the presence ofhis mistress, joined to some tender looks which she now and then couldnot refrain from giving him, so elevated our heroe, that he joined themirth of the other three, who were perhaps as good-humoured people asany in the world.

  Sophia retained the same gravity of countenance the next morning atbreakfast; whence she retired likewise earlier than usual, leaving herfather and aunt together. The squire took no notice of this change inhis daughter's disposition. To say the truth, though he was somewhatof a politician, and had been twice a candidate in the countryinterest at an election, he was a man of no great observation. Hissister was a lady of a different turn. She had lived about the court,and had seen the world. Hence she had acquired all that knowledgewhich the said world usually communicates; and was a perfect mistressof manners, customs, ceremonies, and fashions. Nor did her eruditionstop here. She had considerably improved her mind by study; she hadnot only read all the modern plays, operas, oratorios, poems, andromances--in all which she was a critic; but had gone through Rapin'sHistory of England, Eachard's Roman History, and many French _Memoirespour servir a l'Histoire_: to these she had added most of thepolitical pamphlets and journals published within the last twentyyears. From which she had attained a very competent skill in politics,and could discourse very learnedly on the affairs of Europe. She was,moreover, excellently well skilled in the doctrine of amour, and knewbetter than anybody who and who were together; a knowledge which shethe more easily attained, as her pursuit of it was never diverted byany affairs of her own; for either she had no inclinations, or theyhad never been solicited; which last is indeed very probable; for hermasculine person, which was near six foot high, added to her mannerand learning, possibly prevented the other sex from regarding her,notwithstanding her petticoats, in the light of a woman. However, asshe had considered the matter scientifically, she perfectly well knew,though she had never practised them, all the arts which fine ladiesuse when they desire to give encouragement, or to conceal liking, withall the long appendage of smiles, ogles, glances, &c., as they are atpresent practised in the beau-monde. To sum the whole, no species ofdisguise or affectation had escaped her notice; but as to the plainsimple workings of honest nature, as she had never seen any such, shecould know but little of them.

  By means of this wonderful sagacity, Mrs Western had now, as shethought, made a discovery of something in the mind of Sophia. Thefirst hint of this she took from the behaviour of the young lady inthe field of battle; and the suspicion which she then conceived, wasgreatly corroborated by some observations which she had made thatevening and the next morning. However, being greatly cautious to avoidbeing found in a mistake, she carried the secret a whole fortnight inher bosom, giving only some oblique hints, by simpering, winks, nods,and now and then dropping an obscure word, which indeed sufficientlyalarmed Sophia, but did not at all affect her brother.

  Being at length, however, thoroughly satisfied of the truth of herobservation, she took an opportunity, one morning, when she was alonewith her brother, to interrupt one of his whistles in the followingmanner:--

  "Pray, brother, have you not observed something very extraordinary in myniece lately?"--"No, not I," answered Western; "is anything the matterwith the girl?"--"I think there is," replied she; "and something ofmuch consequence too."--"Why, she doth not complain of anything,"cries Western; "and she hath had the small-pox."--"Brother," returnedshe, "girls are liable to other distempers besides the small-pox, andsometimes possibly to much worse." Here Western interrupted her withmuch earnestness, and begged her, if anything ailed his daughter, toacquaint him immediately; adding, "she knew he loved her more than hisown soul, and that he would send to the world's end for the bestphysician to her." "Nay, nay," answered she, smiling, "the distemperis not so terrible; but I believe, brother, you are convinced I knowthe world, and I promise you I was never more deceived in my life, ifmy niece be not most desperately in love."--"How! in love!" criesWestern, in a passion; "in love, without acquainting me! I'lldisinherit her; I'll turn her out of doors, stark naked, without afarthing. Is all my kindness vor 'ur, and vondness o'ur come to this,to fall in love without asking me leave?"--"But you will not,"answered Mrs Western, "turn this daughter, whom you love better thanyour own soul, out of doors, before you know whether you shall approveher choice. Suppose she should have fixed on the very person whom youyourself would wish, I hope you would not be angry then?"--"No, no,"cries Western, "that would make a difference. If she marries the man Iwould ha' her, she may love whom she pleases, I shan't trouble my headabout that." "That is spoken," answered the sister, "like a sensibleman; but I believe the very person she hath chosen would be the veryperson you would choose for her. I will disclaim all knowledge of theworld, if it is not so; and I believe, brother, you will allow I havesome."--"Why, lookee, sister," said Western, "I do believe you have asmuch as any woman; and to be sure those are women's matters. You knowI don't love to hear you talk about politics; they belong to us, andpetticoats should not meddle: but come, who is the man?"--"Marry!"said she, "you may find him out yourself if you please. You, who areso great a politician, can be at no great loss. The judgment which canpenetrate into the cabinets of princes, and discover the secretsprings which move the great state wheels in all the politicalmachines of Europe, must surely, with very little difficulty, find outwhat passes in the rude uninformed mind of a girl."--"Sister," criesthe squire, "I have often warn'd you not to talk the court gibberishto me. I tell you, I don't understand the lingo: but I can read ajournal, or the _London Evening Post._ Perhaps, indeed, there may benow and tan a verse which I can't make much of, because half theletters are left out; yet I know very well what is meant by that, andthat our affairs don't go so well as they should do, because ofbribery and corruption."--"I pity your country ignorance from myheart," cries the lady.--"Do you?" answered Western; "and I pity yourtown learning; I had rather be anything than a courtier, and aPresbyterian, and a Hanoverian too, as some people, I believe,are."--"If you mean me," answered she, "you know I am a woman,brother; and it signifies nothing what I am. Besides--"--"I do knowyou are a woman," cries the squire, "and it's well for thee that artone; if hadst been a man, I promise thee I had lent thee a flick longago."--"Ay, there," said she, "in that flick lies all your fanciedsuperiority. Your bodies, and not your brains, are stronger than ours.Believe me, it is well for you that you are able to beat us; or, suchis the superiority of our understanding, we should make all of youwhat the brave, and wise, and witty, and polite are already--ourslaves."--"I am glad I know your mind," answered the squire. "Butwe'll talk more of this matter another time. At present, do tell mewhat man is it you mean about my daughter?"--"Hold a moment," saidshe, "while I digest that sovereign contempt I have for your sex; orelse I ought to be angry too with you. There--I have made a shift togulp it down. And now, good politic sir, what think you of Mr Blifil?Did she not faint away on seeing him lie breathless on the ground? Didshe not, after he was recovered, turn pale again the moment we came upto that part of the field where he stood? And pray what else should bethe occasion of all her melancholy that night at supper, the nextmorning, and indeed ever since?"--"'Fore George!" cries the squire,"now you mind me on't, I remember it all. It is certainly so, and I amglad on't with all my heart. I knew Sophy was a good girl, and wouldnot fall in love to make me angry. I was never more rejoiced in mylife; for nothing can lie so handy together as our two estates. I hadthis matter in my head some time ago: for certainly the two estatesare in a manner joine
d together in matrimony already, and it would bea thousand pities to part them. It is true, indeed, there be largerestates in the kingdom, but not in this county, and I had rather batesomething, than marry my daughter among strangers and foreigners.Besides, most o' zuch great estates be in the hands of lords, and Iheate the very name of _themmun_. Well but, sister, what would youadvise me to do; for I tell you women know these matters better thanwe do?"--"Oh, your humble servant, sir," answered the lady: "we areobliged to you for allowing us a capacity in anything. Since you arepleased, then, most politic sir, to ask my advice, I think you maypropose the match to Allworthy yourself. There is no indecorum in theproposal's coming from the parent of either side. King Alcinous, in MrPope's Odyssey, offers his daughter to Ulysses. I need not caution sopolitic a person not to say that your daughter is in love; that wouldindeed be against all rules."--"Well," said the squire, "I willpropose it; but I shall certainly lend un a flick, if he should refuseme." "Fear not," cries Mrs Western; "the match is too advantageous tobe refused." "I don't know that," answered the squire: "Allworthy is aqueer b--ch, and money hath no effect o'un." "Brother," said the lady,"your politics astonish me. Are you really to be imposed on byprofessions? Do you think Mr Allworthy hath more contempt for moneythan other men because he professes more? Such credulity would betterbecome one of us weak women, than that wise sex which heaven hathformed for politicians. Indeed, brother, you would make a fine plenipoto negotiate with the French. They would soon persuade you, that theytake towns out of mere defensive principles." "Sister," answered thesquire, with much scorn, "let your friends at court answer for thetowns taken; as you are a woman, I shall lay no blame upon you; for Isuppose they are wiser than to trust women with secrets." Heaccompanied this with so sarcastical a laugh, that Mrs Western couldbear no longer. She had been all this time fretted in a tender part(for she was indeed very deeply skilled in these matters, and veryviolent in them), and therefore, burst forth in a rage, declared herbrother to be both a clown and a blockhead, and that she would stay nolonger in his house.

  The squire, though perhaps he had never read Machiavel, was, however,in many points, a perfect politician. He strongly held all those wisetenets, which are so well inculcated in that Politico-Peripateticschool of Exchange-alley. He knew the just value and only use ofmoney, viz., to lay it up. He was likewise well skilled in the exactvalue of reversions, expectations, &c., and had often considered theamount of his sister's fortune, and the chance which he or hisposterity had of inheriting it. This he was infinitely too wise tosacrifice to a trifling resentment. When he found, therefore, he hadcarried matters too far, he began to think of reconciling them; whichwas no very difficult task, as the lady had great affection for herbrother, and still greater for her niece; and though too susceptibleof an affront offered to her skill in politics, on which she muchvalued herself, was a woman of a very extraordinary good and sweetdisposition.

  Having first, therefore, laid violent hands on the horses, for whoseescape from the stable no place but the window was left open, he nextapplied himself to his sister; softened and soothed her, by unsayingall he had said, and by assertions directly contrary to those whichhad incensed her. Lastly, he summoned the eloquence of Sophia to hisassistance, who, besides a most graceful and winning address, had theadvantage of being heard with great favour and partiality by her aunt.

  The result of the whole was a kind smile from Mrs Western, who said,"Brother, you are absolutely a perfect Croat; but as those have theiruse in the army of the empress queen, so you likewise have some goodin you. I will therefore once more sign a treaty of peace with you,and see that you do not infringe it on your side; at least, as you areso excellent a politician, I may expect you will keep your leagues,like the French, till your interest calls upon you to break them."