Asatru

  Chapter 7: Rachael

  In the early light, I stretched, helped myself to some juice and eyed over the appointment card for the new Social Worker that I had been given. There was something I wasn't looking forward to.

  I leaned across the kitchen bench, thinking for a moment when I heard a tap dripping. How had I not heard it before? The sound seemed to blare through the apartment.

  Placing the card back on the counter and abandoning my juice, I searched for the sound. It wasn't the main bathroom - not the sink or bath itself. I checked the basin in the guest toilet. Not there either.

  The dripping continued, and I picked my way down the short corridor to the bedroom. There was an ensuite there, though I had never used it. I peered inside, the room immaculate and dressed in emeralds and turquoise colours.

  There was the offending tap. Dripping away. I stepped in, my bare feet touching the marble floor. It was ice cold. I stepped quickly on to the mat. I regarded myself in the mirror for a moment, the only light streaming from a side window and seeping through from the bedroom behind me. I tried to look deep into myself, to find anything I hadn't seen before. After a moment I gave up on the pointless self exploration attempt, and reaching over, I tightened the tap.

  When I let go, I saw something on the floor. A chain, leading under the mat I was standing on. I knelt down to retrieve it. As I pulled the length of chain out a small but heavy pendant dangled. I rested it in my palm. I recognized the symbol. Tacit knowledge, I couldn't quite grasp. Three triangles interlinked.

  The door suddenly closed behind me.

  I bolted to my feet only to feel something rush behind my neck. I flung around trying to see what it was, but there was nothing there.

  My breathing escalated, I could feel my chest tightening. What the hell was this.

  As my eyes searched in the semi light, I walked back, reaching for the door when I realized that something else had happened. My reflection hadn't moved back with me. It still stood there, facing out from the mirror, holding up the necklace. What was worse was it was watching me.

  The moment was surreal, me watching my reflection observing me back. I moved back towards the mirror and took my place at the basin. I raised my hand, dangling the necklace from my hand to mirror the image I saw in front of me. As I watched, my reflected face changed, smiled, confidently watching me back. There was no smile on my own face though.

  I felt my features move from shock to fear as the smile my reflection wore expanded, the face substance peeled away, leaving stretched, hole-ridden white skin, black eyes and whisper thin hair in it's place.

  I screamed and ran, out of the room, dropping the necklace and throwing the door back so hard it slammed into the wall behind it. I bolted to the lounge room, grabbing my jacket and flew out of the door.

  Lucky for me I hadn't changed out of my clothes from the night before. I went straight to my appointment, but by the time I met my new Social Worker I barely paid any attention to her. I watched instead the other workers in opposite cubicles, ones standing by the corridor whispering and staring at me. And why wouldn't they. I was nobody. A nobody with no memory, who had had somebody else’s child in her custody for the last month, just killed a bunch of people and whose last Social Worker got murdered in a bloody hostage situation. And let’s not forget the hallucinations. Fun new development. There was no wondering why they were staring, curiously peering at me as they walked past. I tried to look ahead and ignore it, but the fact was, my head was whirring so fast I could only hear a vague blah blah blah from the woman sitting opposite me. I gave her direct eye contact. She seemed nice enough. She didn't seem afraid. That was good.

  There was a pause, an expectant pause and it became clear I was supposed to say something...

  "Sounds good." I answered to a question I hadn't really heard. Good guess. I was rewarded by a satisfied look on the face opposite me, and reading her body language, the interview time was over. I stood and walked out holding my head high, my thousand yard stare helping to keep my anger from boiling over.

  When I arrived outside, I was relieved to see Sabian's friendly face there waiting for me. He had been sitting on the ledge outside the building, but stood when he saw me. I almost bounded to his side, eager to see a familiar person I could call friend. He always looked so calm and in control.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked of him, hoping I didn’t sound ungrateful or needy.

  “I went by the apartment, but you weren't there. So, I figured where else you could be....?” He meant it as a form of humor, but I couldn’t help but become defensive.

  “That's refreshing. You figured I would be at Social Services. Fabulous.” I indicated sarcastically.

  Sabian looked at me as though confused, but, as usual, kept his calm. “Cynicism doesn't suit you.” Was all he had to say.

  “No? Watch this space...it's how I'm keeping it together right now.” I felt the words come out harsh, but honest. I wanted to be strong, invincible and independent, but the reality was I had this awful feeling something very wrong was happening to me, and I was having trouble drawing the line between being strong and being scornful. I thought I had offended him for a moment, but Sabian just cracked a smile and bantered back.

  “Well if it helps, I went past three supermarkets, two cafes and the library first...” His patient look calmed me instantly.

  “Yeah, that helps.” I relented. Then after a secondary thought asked “Is it true?”

  Sabian simply smiled and I knew he hadn’t been honest, and I didn’t care. “Got time for a coffee?”

  “Yes please. Get me away from here.” I begged and we walked together to a café out of site of the building I was in.

  I could tell Sabian had something he was itching to tell me by the way he wrung his hands over the table after we ordered. I waited patiently as he dodged my inquisitive stare.

  “So you've been keeping busy.” He half asked, half commented. I had never seen him anxious before. Maybe he was just really good at covering most of the time.

  “I wouldn't say that.” After a moments hesitation I offered up more information. “I watched a Hitchcock movie last night.” I didn’t mention Sam staying the night, didn’t mention I was clearly going out of my mind as per this morning’s episode.

  “The Birds.” He responded.

  “You watched it too?” I said sounding a little too enthusiastic.

  “Nah, it's just always the one that seems to be played...” Sabian looked the other way again.

  I worried that if I didn’t bring it up, he wouldn’t either. “Is there something you wanted to say Sabian? A reason you asked me here? Is everything alright with you, Natasha?” Our coffees arrived and extended the moment before he answered.

  “Natasha and I… she decided to have some time away from me.” He replied guiltily in to his coffee.

  “What happened?” I asked legitimately interested.

  He looked back up at me and raised his head to seem more like the usual Sabian I knew. “I happened. I've always been a disaster waiting to happen. I get stuck on things.....obsessed she calls it.”

  I felt a sudden chill. “Stuck on what? What happened that made her leave.”

  “You. Where you came from. What you are.” I hated his reply. It made me feel more nauseous than I already did.

  “What?” I choked out, taking a sip of my mocha to smooth my throat.

  Sabian put his cup down and looked straight through me. “I just need to find out what's going on. I need to know...”

  “You aren't getting stalker on me are you?” I stumbled trying to lighten the situation. He maintained the intensity of his gaze.

  “No.” His response was flat. I noticed he seemed tired, his eyes were puffy and his skin a touch sallow. He still looked more than fantastic, one of those guys who gets better looking with age. His charm was magnetic, but even though what he was saying unnerved me, I knew in my heart of hearts that I trusted him
implicitly. If he was obsessed, all it did was make me feel safer. For the moment though, I wasn’t going to let him know that.

  “Geez. Convince me.” Was all I had to say.

  He broke his gaze with me and I felt I could breathe again. He laughed to himself. “I've been looking into some stuff, I just don't know how to make sense of it yet. I know I only just started reading in to things, but a few things are clicking in to place... maybe I’m going mad. Maybe a post trauma thing. Maybe….” He looked back at me as though waiting for me to save him.

  “Maybe madness is catchy? At least you wont be alone right?” He smiled at my feeble attempt to joke then leant across the table towards me.

  “You drew these symbols at my house. Rune symbols. Do you remember?”

  I shook my head. He pulled out a pen and doodled the two symbols he recalled. I was just glad there were no interlocked triangles. He looked at me expectantly, but I just re-affirmed by shaking my head again. “They are called Tyr and Dagaz, these two. There are some other names, depending on where you get the info from. One reflects a God of War, the other can mean an awakening, a transformation, or used to hide something. There are many Runes, each with meanings… they can be used as a language, or for invoking things.”

  “So are you saying they are used in magic or as a way of communicating.”

  “Both” He sounded like he was asking, not telling.

  “So what are you’re saying Sabian – that I was trying to use magic?”

  “I know what it sounds like.” Sabian started, using his hands to illustrate his words. I kept still on the other side of the table. “But there could be many reasons for using them. They are used by lots of people for different reasons, but there is the group, the Asatru that use them. There were a few things that I thought you had in common.”

  “In common with a cult.” I reiterated to help the reality of what he was saying sink in.

  Sabian straightened in his seat. “They aren’t a cult. They are a religious order. Very bent on ancestral origins, pagan backgrounds, but just as easy, you could have been researching them, read something on them before you were abducted…I was thinking your mind may have activated that part of your knowledge unconsciously. Rachael, what are you thinking?”

  I tried to keep my game face on. “What did you mean by what I am.” He looked at me curiously. “You said before, you wanted to find out who I am, what I am…. Do you really think I could be part of this organization?” I probably should have fought the idea harder, but after this morning I was willing to run on a wing and a prayer.

  “I don't know but we can look in to it. It’s not just the Runes that get me thinking about it. They have this code of chivalry, even sub sections that are devoted to protecting others, and there is a lot of information linked with pagan beliefs on myths, spiritual possession.”

  “Why do you bring that up? Possession!”

  “I can’t shake the feeling I got from those people on the tape .I saw one of the men that took us….I saw him do the same thing, stare up at the ceiling, quiver like that. That isn’t normal, that isn’t some kind of fit…Not so many people. There is something …else happening here….Or I’m going mad.”

  “Like I said, you’ll have company.” I replied. “Is there anything on three triangles? Or mirror reflections or anything?”

  “There’s a lot on a number of different things. Triangles definitely, but there is a an outstanding amount around the number three, mirrors – sure, but I only just started looking through stuff. It’s not really my area. Did something else happen?”

  I bit my lip trying to decide what to say. “No, nothing. Just trying to make sense of it all.” I lied easily enough.

  “I brought you a book that has some stuff in it I thought might jog your memory. It's in my car. Maybe you could go through it, let me know? Are you doing anything tonight?”

  “Looks like I’m reading.”

  “What do you think….about what I’m saying?” He looked at me so expectantly.

  “I think there are a lot of possible explanations. I’m not going to count anything out, but I don’t want to jump into something that’s a stretch…” I waited to see if I had disappointed him. It seemed I hadn’t.

  “I agree, 100%. I’m just thinking out loud.” He finished his coffee and sat back, more relaxed. I sipped on mine, not caring for it really. Maybe I didn’t like coffee after all. It tasted bitter and unsettled my already churning stomach.

  Sabian spoke again, and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t hanging on his every word at this stage. Rune stones and possession seemed to be the closes I had got to an explanation that made sense. It didn’t feel quite right but then perhaps I needed to let myself get absorbed in ridiculous sounding things in order to find myself again.

  “I already have a meeting tonight with someone who might be able to help, but I really want to screen him first. Check if he's the real deal. I can call you tomorrow and let you know how things went if you want.”

  “Soothsayer I suppose.” I meant it as a joke, but Sabian actually smiled like I had caught him in a trick.

  “Actually, kind of. His name is Armada, he works out of a store about three streets away, but I hear he is very good at contacting the spirit world. And educated on all things mysterious. He agreed to fit me in as a favour. Amber used to see him once a year for a forecast. Swore by him.” Sabian again gave me this look like he was expecting me to drop everything and escape from the crazy man by running away. I pleased myself by giving nothing away.

  “Then let me know. I’m not passing on anything at this stage.”

  “I’ll drive you home then.” He offered and in spite of my hesitation to go back to that place after what happened this morning, it wasn’t as if I had much choice. At least I had something to read, to work on tonight.