Heart Recaptured

  Tiff joined Jules in unzipping my jeans, and she said, “Sex shop. It’s amazing how many men get off on the Amish look. Hungering for virgin pussy they know they ain’t ever gonna touch.”

  I wasn’t surprised it was popular. I was gone for virgin pussy. I was one of those sick fucks turned on by those fuckin’ awful clothes. I was getting off nightly on the image of Lilah crying my name, her loose dress wrapped around her waist and that bald fuckin’ pussy in my face and all up in my mouth.

  Gripping Tiff’s headdress ties, I yanked her forward and crashed my lips to hers, almost bruising her with the force, only to push her back, plant my palm on her head, and force her to her knees. “Suck my cock, Lilah,” I ordered, hissing when her hot mouth sucked me down, my tip hitting the back of her throat.

  I shot faster than ever, coming like a damn fountain as I pictured Lilah down there, fucking requesting to swallow my cum…

  The details after that weren’t clear, but I knew I’d fucked those Lilah wannabes in every hole until I couldn’t even get hard anymore.

  I may have fucked Tiff and Jules, but in my head it had been Lilah. All fucking Lilah. And those bitches knew it too, manipulative cunts.

  Running my hand down my stomach, I gripped my hard dick and began to stroke my fist up and down, ignoring the two sleeping sluts beside me. Never before had a bitch got under my skin like this. Never had I imagined those sluts as anyone else.

  Feeling light hands cover mine, I saw Jules’s bloodshot tired eyes look up, that fuckin’ headdress still on her head. Her hand nudged mine outta the way, her mouth dropping to feast on my balls.

  Lilah… Lilah… I thought watching that headdress bob up and down.

  Giving in to my sick fantasy, I closed my eyes as Jules worked me over until, on a loud roar, I came all over my stomach, so fuckin’ hard I almost passed out.

  Shit, I thought as I caught my breath.

  The bitch had given me a messed-up fetish for Amish clothes.

  *****

  Four Weeks Later…

  “We got runs tomorrow. Ky, you lead the deal with the Chechens in Houston. Tank, Bull, Smiler, AK. Flame, you can stay here and watch the compound. Hush and Cowboy, I’m sending you to San Antonio. Sandman, San Antonio prez, is cutting a side deal with the Italians, some laundering ring. Being nomads, you’ve both dealt with Marcello. Need you there to show support for our Texan brothers.”

  I translated everything Styx was signing, and the brothers nodded.

  Styx coughed, and I watched his hands. “I’ll be gone three days. Got personal shit to do. Any problems, Ky’ll be acting prez.” As soon as I translated, I met eyes with Styx, who, although looking at me, offered no more explanation about where the hell he was going.

  “We done?” Styx signed.

  Brothers said, “Aye,” and Styx slammed down the gavel. Everyone piled out, but I hung back.

  Styx expected it. My best friend remained sitting, waiting for me to speak.

  “Where you going that you haven’t told me about?”

  “A-a-away,” he stuttered, shrugging his shoulders.

  I raised my eyebrow. “Mae going?

  He nodded.

  “Anyone else?”

  He shook his head.

  I smiled.

  “Go. Take your bitch away. I got the runs covered.”

  “D-done,” Styx said and stood. “L-l-leave t-t-tonight. B-b-back in a few.”

  Styx left, and I walked down the hallway, climbed the back stairwell to Styx’s apartment, and knocked on Lilah’s door.

  For the Hangmen, the last four weeks had been uneventful. Deals were struck; club finances were good. The garage and our other legit businesses were turning profit.

  But my life? Fuckin’ Groundhog Day.

  Teaching Lilah about life but all the time wanting in her pussy.

  Getting fucked-up drunk each night ‘cause I’d spent the whole fuckin’ day wanting in her pussy.

  Fucking the asses off Tiff and Jules each night, pretending they were Lilah, ‘cause I’d spent all fuckin’ day wanting in her pussy! Hearing Tiff and Jules fucking bitching at me every single damn time ‘cause I pretended it was Lilah I was fucking!

  I was about to cut the sluts loose. They didn’t hold a candle to the pilgrim blonde anyhow.

  Biggest plus? Lilah was definitely getting better at adjusting to biker life, at handling life away from those fuckin’ pedo, sadistic, Jesus freaks.

  Showed her every part of Austin I could think of. But she never got outta the truck. Refused to ride bitch on my bike. Outright shutdown to any change of wardrobe. Wouldn’t take off that damn headdress… the headdress I’d started to fuckin’ dream about.

  Sick fuck that I am.

  But she was making progress. She weren’t rocking like a psycho in a corner and quoting scripture twenty-four-seven. She weren’t locked in her room, screaming at anyone that came to her door.

  She was gradually trying new things with me… but only me.

  Only fucking me. I was goddamn addicted to the bitch.

  A second later, Lilah opened the door, all fucking smiles for me. And yeah, as always, I lost my fucking breath.

  “Hello, Ky,” she greeted, moving outta the doorway to follow me down the stairs.

  “Sweet cheeks,” I said, finding my voice.

  “What are we doing today?”

  I stopped dead and stared at her, so fast Lilah smashed straight into my chest. As I steadied her by her arms, her breath came hard. Lilah’s blues met mine, and I swear the fucking world stopped.

  Her tongue licked around her lips, her gaze dropped to my lips, and at once, I was painfully hard. I knew it was time to shut this shit down again.

  “Gone tomorrow on a run. So sticking ‘round here.”

  “How long will you be gone?” Lilah asked, and I wanted to smile when I caught the disappointment in her voice.

  “Few days, maybe more. Depends how easy shit goes.” It’d go easy, just a simple run paying off of the feds and taking bank from the street crews distributing our guns.

  “Okay,” she said quietly, and this time nothing was stopping me from smirking.

  Taking her hand, I pulled her down the stairs and toward the clubhouse. “Let’s go. I need food. As good a time as any to show you the kitchen.”

  Lilah followed dutifully, keeping her head down in case we passed any brothers. There weren’t no brothers in our path, but I fucking cussed when Tiff and Jules came giggling around the corner, all tits, legs, and tan.

  Their eyes immediately snapped to Lilah and me, and their fucking faces dropped. Jealous sluts. Jules strutted forward in her tight red dress and ran her fingernail down my chest. Lilah’s hand squeezed mine. Then she tried to let go.

  Weren’t happening.

  “Ky, baby. You wanna come with us?” Jules’s finger kept running south until she cupped my denim-covered cock in her hand.

  Knocking away her hand, I said, “Fuck off, Jules. Go suck Vike if you’re desperate for cock.”

  Jules’s eyes narrowed at me and she backed away. “Ahh… too busy with your little pet, Ky? Throwing us aside for virgin pussy… again?”

  Lilah inhaled, and I stepped forward, seething at the slut. Tiff pulled Jules back, seeing my raging expression.

  “Come on, Jules, let’s go,” Tiff said, jerking Jules away.

  Lilah’s hand began to relax in mine.

  Fucking stupid whores. Bitches—nothing but fucking trouble. I decided right then to dump their asses before I went on this run. They’d worn out their use anyhow.

  I smashed through the doors of the kitchen. Hush and Cowboy were sitting around the table. Lifting their bottles of Bud in greeting, they then saw Lilah.

  “Lilah,” Cowboy said with a smile as he tapped his Stetson. “Mighty good to see ya, darlin’.”

  Lilah bowed her head and blushed. She probably wouldn’t speak now that they were in here and she’d just faced the bitch lickin’ twins. But I’d worked in t
he garage all day and I was fuckin’ ready to eat a cow, so she needed to get over that shit right the fuck now.

  Turning to Lilah, I said, “‘Kay, sweet cheeks, this is a kitchen.” I looked around, hand on hips, and just started pointing at shit. “Table. Seats. Knives. Dishes. Sink… erm…” Her eyes were following my every move. Bending down, I ripped open a drawer and pulled some flat round thing with a handle. I lifted it in the air and stared at the damn thing.

  “And this,” I said, staring at the thing again. “You use it to beat the fuck outta someone that don’t get your steak cooked fast enough.”

  Dropping the iron whatever-the-fuck-it-was on the countertop, I turned to see Hush and Cowboy staring at me like I was stupid, then caught Lilah’s face, her lip twitching, and before I knew it, she started fuckin’ laughing.

  “Shit, Ky! You ever cooked a meal in your life?” Cowboy asked.

  “Never had to, so shut the fuck up!” I snapped. Then I picked up the black heavy thing again. “And what the fuck is this?”

  A small hand wrapped around mine on the handle, and I looked down to see Lilah smiling up at me. “It is a cast iron griddle.”

  “You know all this shit? Cooking and such?”

  She nodded enthusiastically. “I am a very good cook.”

  “You are?”

  She laughed again. “Yes. It is a woman’s duty to prepare food. I was trained from a young child to cater to a man’s every need.”

  “Damn. Perfect fuckin’ bitch right there,” I heard Hush say under his breath. He sat back in his chair, watching Lilah, waiting to see what she would do next. Lilah heard Hush’s comment and, seeing his attention, ducked her head.

  Hush put up his hand when he caught me glaring. “Not making a move, only saying she’s one good bitch, so wind your fuckin’ neck back in, brother.”

  Startled by a touch on my arm, I peered down to see Lilah with the griddle to her chest. “Do you have fresh ingredients?”

  “Erm…” I turned to Hush and Cowboy. Cowboy pointed to the fridge.

  Lilah’s eyes fluttered and I knew she was nervous. I gripped her chin between my finger and thumb, forcing her to look at me.

  Taking a breath, she asked, “May I cook for you?”

  “You wanna cook for me?” I asked in shock.

  She nodded. “Yes, very much so. I thoroughly enjoy cooking. It is my best skill.”

  She was beaming bright red, and I had no idea why.

  “Then fuckin’ have at it, sweet cheeks,” I said, loving seeing that look on her beautiful face.

  She nervously glanced to Hush and Cowboy, who were watching us like we were on some fucked-up reality show. “Would… would you like to eat also? I… I am used to cooking for many people. I do not know smaller-sized recipes.”

  Hush and Cowboy glimpsed over at me, and I flicked my chin, telling them they could stay. This was the first time she’d really spoken to anyone outside me. It would be good for her to get used to my brothers.

  Cowboy threw her a grateful smile. “Sure, darlin’. I could eat.”

  Hush tipped his beer neck in thanks.

  Lilah placed the skillet on the steel countertop and set to working in a fucking flurry of activity. Hush threw me a beer, so I joined my brothers at the table. They tried to talk to me, but I couldn’t hear them over watching Lilah’s face. She loved this shit. It was the first time she wasn’t playing with her hand, tightening her headdress or running that tongue of hers around her lips.

  An hour later, we sat down to steak, potatoes, gravy—the works—and Lilah sat beside me, empty-handed.

  “Where’s your food?” I asked.

  Her head shot up. “I cannot eat with you.”

  Hush and Cowboy stopped stuffing their faces and stared at her. Her eyes were downcast again.

  “Why can’t you eat, darlin’? Makes no sense when you’ve spent all that time preparing it,” Cowboy asked.

  “Women do not eat with men. I must eat later, in solitude. Mae prepares food for Maddie and me. In the meantime, I shall make sure you have everything you need.”

  “You ate in the diner with me all those weeks ago,” I said, confused.

  “No, I took a bite. I was afraid I would be punished if I did not. It is not proper for me to join you.”

  The crashing of my cutlery echoed around the large kitchen, and Lilah stiffened and closed her eyes, mumbling out a quiet prayer.

  “Lilah?” I said tightly, my voice sharp as a blade.

  She flinched, and I almost lost my shit. I hated it when she did that.

  “Lilah!”

  Lilah’s head turned slowly to meet my gaze. “Go fix yourself a plate.”

  “But—”

  “Lilah! Go fix yourself a fuckin’ plate!”

  Lilah immediately slid off her seat and got some damn food. A stupidly small amount, but at least it was something. When she sat down, her eyes focused on the plate. Hands clasped together and head bowed, she mumbled a prayer under her breath and quickly started to eat.

  I felt like shit watching her look so small, but every time I thought I was getting a handle on where she came from under that wrinkled dick of a prophet, she’d do something else that had me spitting mad, and I would get pissed and scare the fuck outta her all over again.

  I felt like we were never moving forward. That cult, her complete brainwashing always pulling her back.

  The silence around the table was deafening. Cowboy cleared his throat and said, “Lilah, this is fuckin’ incredible. Your purdy ass better be cooking again soon.”

  Lilah looked up as if in shock.

  “Yeah, woman, best steak I ever had,” Hush added.

  Tears were building in Lilah’s eyes and her bottom lip began to tremble.

  “Sweet cheeks?” Lilah finally looked at me and I lifted my full fork. “You wanna cook again for Hush and Cowboy?”

  “Yes,” she whispered.

  “Good. But you fuckin’ eat with us too,” I said, and I saw a tear finally spill down her cheek.

  “Thank you,” she said so quietly I almost missed it. My gut clenched and I wanted to fuckin’ pick up her slim ass and carry her to my bed.

  And not for sex. Shock-fuckin’ horror. I just wanted her to feel worthy. I mean, fuck, she was more than shitting worthy, stunning, a damn sweetheart, and she could cook like Paula Dean.

  Hush got up from his seat and went to the fridge, pulling out a Bud. He popped the top, then slammed it down in front of Lilah. Lilah stared at the bottle, obviously confused.

  “Beer,” Hush said. “Goes fuckin’ perfect with steak.”

  She looked to me, and I said, “By the balls, Li. Life by the balls.”

  She offered a timid smile, lifted the bottle slowly to her lips, tried the beer, spat it out, laughed about it, and damn near crushed my whore heart.

  She’d tried it.

  Hated it.

  But fuckin’ took life by the balls.

  *****

  Lilah wiped the last of the countertops with Lysol, then turned to me. She’d been real quiet all night but had answered Hush and Cowboy when they spoke to her, listened and laughed at things they said. It was the most normal thing we’d done since I’d started teaching her this life shit.

  “You hitting the hay?” I asked, seeing it was real late.

  “Can I go to the river to pray first?” she asked, hopeful. I nodded. Walking to the exit, Lilah followed behind.

  The river to fucking pray. It was every night. She went there every night, throwing herself on the ground, speaking in tongues, and every night, I watched her from the bank as she went into that water—fully clothed—and when she came out, she was always calmer, happier… cleansed she would say. That bitch’s faith was her everything. Ain’t nothing was gonna change it.

  We walked to the river in silence. I sat down, my back leaning against a rock, and pulled out a smoke. I pointed to the patch of dirt she always prayed at. “Have at it, sweet cheeks. I’ll wait here.”

/>   Normally, Lilah would go straight there, but tonight she hovered. Lighting up my smoke, I glanced up at her, eyebrow raised.

  “May I sit?” Lilah asked and pointed beside me.

  I nodded. Tucking her dress in at the back, she sat beside me, her vanilla smell beating off the smoke and filling my nose.

  Why the fuck did she always smell of vanilla?

  “You good, Li?” I asked when she did nothing but watch the flow of the river, only lifting her head to watch the stars.

  “You let me eat with you,” she hushed out in a tiny voice.

  Pulling hard on my smoke to stop a lump building in my throat, I blew it out slowly, trying to keep from losing it. “You cook, you sit with us, and you eat with us. Easy.”

  “But you let me eat with you,” she stressed, and I saw more tears fall down her cheeks. She was looking at me like she ain’t ever seen me before. Like I was something special and not some man slut forced to take care of her. “Ky…” She went on. “No man has ever let me do this before.”

  As my grip tightened on my smoke, I snapped the fucking thing and threw the ruined stick to the ground. “Li, you ain’t in that place now. You do what the fuck you want.”

  Her attention fell to her feet. “You complimented my food. You… you said thank you to me for preparing your meal.”

  “Christ, Lilah…”

  Her hand covered mine on the grass, and our gazes clashed, feeling the fucking electricity that always hummed between us. “You made me feel like an equal, tonight, Ky. Like I was a woman of worth.”

  “Lilah…” I said, exasperated. “What did those fuckers do to you? How the fuck did they make you a Cursed? ‘Cause all this self-deprecating shit is hard to take.”

  Lilah stared at the grass and said, “I had a family once… years ago…”

  My eyebrow rose. “You did?”

  She nodded but never said no more. “Then tell me,” I pushed, and Lilah’s worried gaze met mine.

  Slumping her shoulders, her voice barely audible, she said, “It all happened when I was six…”

  Chapter Nine

  Eighteen Years Ago

  Commune of The Order

  Undisclosed Location