My Name Is

are both deceased and my brother lives in Miami, so I rarely see him. All in all I have led a pretty nondescript life. I bother no one, and no one bothers me. But now I have something quite extraordinary to deal with. But how?

  I finally got to sleep, but the alarm interrupted that bit of sleep much too soon. An hour later I was once again stopping on the hill and looking at my little flock of about one hundred crows. This time, when I, “caw caw caw,” I thought to myself, “fly in a circle of one hundred yards in diameter.” And that is exactly what they were all suddenly doing. With a series of caws I then asked the crows to land back where they were, and they were soon all back where they started. I headed off to work looking forward to a gallon of coffee. I needed to think carefully about what exactly to do next.

  I was sleep deprived with a truck brimming full of food to be delivered. I didn’t think as much about the crows as it was a struggle to just get through the day. By the time I got home twelve hours later I was completely exhausted. Luckily, the next day was my day off.

  I slept soundly through the night and didn’t wake until 6 A.M. the next morning. I lay in bed feeling much better. I carefully reviewed the last two day’s events. The crows had not only read my mind, but they understood exactly what I meant. I had said a hundred yards to them and they flew in a circle that appeared to have a diameter of about that size. I believe reincarnation is possible. Is this proof then that these creatures were humans in another life?

  What to do now? This awesome power I suddenly had was a huge responsibility that I could not take lightly. If I let the authorities know about this they would probably exploit me and the crows for their own gain. I had no intention of becoming some guinea pig to their scientists, or worse, some new weapon for their war machine.

  Then it came to me like a thunderbolt. I was going to use my newfound magical army for a one time escapade that benefits me, and me alone. This was my incredible gift after all, and I owed nothing to anybody. I went upstairs for breakfast excited that I had a plan that I now needed to work out the details for.

  As a taxi driver I had one recurring fantasy. I used to park my taxi at the area’s largest shopping mall waiting to drive someone home for a few dollars. Every night shortly after the ten P.M. closing time I would watch all the various store managers deposit that day’s store receipts in the deposit box of the bank. It is located just inside the doors next to the taxi stand. Then later that night at around one A.M. a large armoured car would pull up to that same door and two guards would empty the deposit box.

  The armoured car never came on Saturday night though. So I figured the box must be at its most full on Sunday night with the whole weekend’s receipts of over one hundred stores. And it is obvious what weekend of the year would have the most sales, the weekend right before Christmas. I figured even with all the worthless (to me) credit card receipts, there had to be at least a couple of million dollars in cash being picked up that Sunday night before Christmas. I am completely a non-violent man so I had no intention of attempting such a dangerous armed robbery, but the mall is fairly isolated in the suburbs. So all my crows will have to do, is create a diversion a few miles away to distract any local police cruisers.

  I had eleven months to plan and prepare properly for this one night of high drama. I had to be careful to not let anybody notice my activity with the crows. I intended to make use of all of the crows in the city, so any experiments with the whole flock would have to be conducted far from anyone’s sight.

  I was certain that my extra sensory power over the crows would work on the whole city’s flock but I had to test this once to make sure. I waited until April when the weather was much more pleasant. I went outside early, one mild spring morning. I grabbed my bicycle, and from the driveway said “caw caw” to the few crows I saw in the area. This time I was thinking, “follow me from a height of sixty feet.” I then took off down the street. I looked behind and up, and I counted nine crows following. I led my crows out of town a few kilometers. I had already found an appropriate deserted looking road in my truck a few weeks earlier. I went down this road a few hundred yards.

  I got off the bike and could see the crows circling above my head. I loudly, “caw caw caw!” thinking “now go get all your friends in the city and bring them here.” They immediately all head back in the direction that we just came from. I sat down on a tree stump and tried to keep myself calm. I knew this could be intense.

  After forty-five minutes, I started to think that maybe it wasn’t going to work after all. My vision was limited however, since I was in the woods on an old private road. Several crows finally arrived and landed at my feet. Then they came in at an increasing rate...and they just kept coming. I stayed sitting on that stump beside that rustic road, and just marvelled at the sight. They all swarmed in without a single caw. They filled the road in a dense crowd. They filled the branches of the surrounding trees. They just kept coming. After another half hour or so, it was finally over. There were thousands of them, all quietly still, all staring at me. I knew it would be intense, but it was much more than that. It was truly awe inspiring. I was overcome with a feeling of such unbelievable power. I was tempted for a minute to tell them to go get all of their friends from all over the whole continent. Now that would have been something to behold! But this demonstration was quite enough. I had control of them, so I had to make sure that I kept control of myself.

  Before someone showed up and saw this unbelievable spectacle I figured I had better make them disperse. I stood up and, “caw caw!” thinking, “okay thank you, please go back to the city to what you were doing.” Without hesitation they all began to head into the sky like a large magic fluid carpet. I was soon all by myself in the woods once again. I was now certain my plan would work. I went back home to plot the details.

  My plan was to take whatever money that I acquire from this fantastic endeavour and leave town within a week to never return again. I had been putting off buying a vehicle for many years. I had twelve thousand, hard earned dollars, saved up in my bank account, and so I figured it was finally time to buy myself a decent used minivan. My destination was going to be the mountains of British Columbia.

  I continued working through the summer as if everything was normal. I left the newly acquired van in the driveway, as I still enjoyed riding my bike to work. I still greeted my small flock of crows near work every morning, usually only thinking, “Hi crows, have a nice day!” I figured there were only a couple more experiments to do in preparation for the big heist. I decided to use my flock by work as the test group to see if the crows could obey more complex commands. I also had one other important experiment to carry out with the full city flock. I had to find their current night time hang out and make sure I was able to get them to obey me in the middle of the night.

  One hot July evening I followed my neighbourhood crows in my Dodge Caravan. I lost track of them while driving, but after awhile I eventually found their current night time hideout in the trees of the parkway by the Ottawa River. By more good fortune it was only about two kilometers from my intended target at Bayshore Shopping Center. I then went to watch a movie nearby to burn a couple of hours, and later went back to the resting flock on foot.

  I first made sure there was nobody that I could see walking nearby. I then yelled out, “caw caw!” thinking only, “hi crows, I need your help for a little while.” Just to rouse them from their slumber. With a series of caws I then asked the crows to fly in a one hundred meter wide circle and then land again. They all responded immediately and perfectly. They took off and flew in a large circle in the air. I lost sight of the front of the line in the dark, but they were soon landing back where they had started. After they were all back I yelled, “caw caw caw!” thinking, “thanks crows we’ll talk soon.”

  The next step was to stake out the intended bank on a Sunday night. I simply waited on foot until I saw the armoured car approach the door. I then walked right by the guards coming out with the money. I nodded a greeting to
them and had a quick look at the bag they were using. It was a small box on wheels like a piece of luggage.

  I then went early one morning on my day off to see my crows by my work place. I brought a piece of luggage with wheels and a length of rope. With a series of caws I asked the crows to use the rope to pick up the piece of luggage and deliver it to a specific street address nearby and come back. It was all done without hesitation, and to bizarre perfection.

  I was then all set to attempt the most incredible armoured car heist of all time. My excitement level grew as the time neared. I settled all of my personal affairs and made preparations to leave town.

  On Sunday December 22nd, 2013 everything was ready. The previous day was my last day of work. My boss expressed regret that I was leaving but wished me well out west. My few belongings were almost packed and ready for me to leave. At midnight I parked the van nearby and approached my large flock. With a series of several cawing sequences I gave my winged accomplices the following commands. I had been practicing them for weeks. “I have my biggest task for you tonight. When I give the word I need you all to go to the Wal-Mart in