Insider Threat: The Mogadishu Diaries 1992-1993

  “If you want to bail, it’s cool. But do it now, because there is no turning back after we approach the gate.”

  I didn’t answer, but I didn’t get out either. I just closed my eyes.

  We proceeded to the gate where the guard motioned for us to come to a complete stop.

  “Good evening, Gunnery Sergeant Sherman. Do you have a pass to exit the base?” the young gate guard asked politely, holding his flash light.

  “Of course I do, Leatherneck. Here it is,” Eric said as he handed over the chit.

  There was a pause, a pause that seemed like an eternity.

  “Gunnery Sergeant Sherman. This chit is dated for tomorrow. I will need to clear this with my Corporal. Hold on one second.”

  I opened my eyes in absolute panic mode. I looked at Eric and he was watching the guard having a conversation with his NCO.

  “Dude, this doesn’t look good. Clay, just chill. Let me do all the talking,” he said.

  Both the guard and his Corporal approached our vehicle.

  “Gunnery Sergeant Sherman. I will let you pass this time, but make sure your Officer in Charge puts the correct date on it next time,” the Corporal said.

  “Be safe,” they both replied as they waved us through.

  We passed through the gate and made a left turn onto the main road.

  “Dude, your face. You should have seen your face. That was priceless,” Eric said.

  “That wasn’t funny. We could have easily ended up as cell mates in the brig. What if they detained us? Then what?” I said as my heart attack subsided.

  “If, if, if…if birds had radios in their asses, we would have music in the air,” Eric said as he tried to calm me down.

  “Look at me…look at me. Tell me who is the greatest?” Eric said with a smug look.

  “Eric, if I never said it in high school, what makes you think I’m gonna say it now,” I said as I regained my composure.

  “Okay, you may not say it, but you believe in your heart, I know you do,” Eric said with one hand on the wheel and the other hand punching me in my ribs.

  It was pitch black outside with the exception of the starry sky. Mogadishu had the most beautiful moonlit sky and it soothed my nerves.

  At that very moment, I realized that there was no need to worry. Guards only checked outgoing vehicles for passes. As long as we stayed until midnight, our pass would be valid. As we headed to the gate of the University compound, the gate guard asked us if we had any stowaway passengers.

  “No, Corporal. Just us,” Eric responded.

  Eric and I were completely unaware, but there was a “Miss” travelling with us.

  Misfortune. And she had plans for us.

  Chapter 10

  Unholy Trinity: Lockdown

  21 February 1993

  As we passed through the University gate, we decided to park near the basketball courts. The girls lived in the old University dormitory about a three-minute walk away. On the way, we saw several super rats scurrying about. Eric started walking faster and I could tell the rats bothered him.

  “Eric. Did you know that rats are very intelligent creatures?”

  “So how do you know so much about rats?” He said as he picked up a couple of rocks to shoo them away.

  “Biology. Sophomore year. Mr. McCleary’s class, remember?” I reminded him.

  “Oh yeah. I got a “D” in that class.”

  “Rats have excellent memories,” I commented.

  “Big deal,” Eric said as he began throwing rocks to keep the rats at a safe distance.

  “Also, male rats can detect if a female rat is diseased. If she is, he won’t mate with her,” I mentioned.

  “I wish I had that ability,” Eric replied.

  As we approached the female dorms, Ayan and Tootie walked out of the building. Tootie was dressed in green PE shorts and a tan T-shirt. Ayan was dressed in a long reddish-flowery dress and sandals. Her jet- black wavy hair was in in a tight bun in back. I greeted Ayan with a smile while Eric greeted Tootie with a kiss. Sshe didn’t resist his boldness.

  “Pint, I mean Clay, its 22:30 now, meet me back here in two hours. 12:30 on the dot.

  “Eric, I know you. Don’t be late.”

  Tootie stepped between us and assured me that she would make sure he was back in time.

  “What are you going to do for two whole hours?” Ayan asked.

  Eric put his arm around Tootie and they booth smiled before disappearing into the darkness of the night.

  For about 30 seconds there was this awkwardness between Ayan and I. I was at a loss for words. Then Ayan took the initiative.

  “يتأت” Ayan said as she began walking.

  I stood there with a confused look on my face not having a clue what she just said.

  “يتأت means come…follow me.”

  As we began walking side by side the conversation started to flow. Ayan was a devout and proud Muslim and she began talking about her mother being a strong advocate of women’s rights under Islam.

  “The rights of Muslim women are given to us by Allah, who is all-merciful, all-knowing and all-wise. Islam considers women equal to men as human beings. That is what the Holy Quran states,” Ayan said vehemently as she stared at the midnight starry sky.

  I had no real understanding of Islam but I found the passion in her conversation non-threatening to my Christian beliefs and even intriguing.

  As we walked along the perimeter of the compound, it almost felt like she was trying to groom me for Muslimhood. I felt a desire to respond with a few tenets of my own faith.

  ‘Vengeance is mine sayeth the Lord’. That is one of my favorite quotes from the Bible. By letting God deal with my adversaries, it prevents me from harboring ill feelings that fester and hijack my mind. If I take revenge on someone, they will know it’s coming from me. If God takes revenge on my behalf, they will know it’s coming from him. I have seen The Lord persecute my enemies to such an extreme even I thought it was excessive. But then I realized they may be paying for harm they have done to others as well.”

  “Allah rewards those who pardon and exonerate, but the Quran is very clear on vengeance. The repayment of a bad action is one equivalent to it,” Ayan replied.

  All my life I have heard “Never discuss politics or religion.” But it was fine. Neither one of us felt insulted by the other’s beliefs and the conversation never became uncomfortable…until the topic I desperately tried to avoid emerged.

  “Allah is all-knowing and all-wise, but some practices in our culture are not tenets of Islam but tenets of Man.”

  “Like what?” I regrettably asked.

  Those two words triggered probably the most uncomfortable conversation I have ever had with a woman. Ayan commented on “that practice.” Out of respect, her thoughts and words would remain private forever.

  Our conversation was so intriguing I forgot to keep my eye on the time. It was 12:15 and the time flew by. On our way back to the female dorms, we heard a barrage of gunfire in the direction of my compound. The volley lasted about ten long minutes. The gunfire we heard was sustained. It was much longer than usual and it concerned me. Ayan and I arrived at the meeting point precisely at 12:30 but there was no sign of Eric or Tootie. I tried to control my nervousness, but all the looking around I did probably gave me away.

  Ten minutes later Eric and Tootie met up with us. “Clay. Sorry we’re late. But I’ve got some good news and some bad news,” Eric said with love-bites all over his neck.

  “What? What are you talking about Eric?” I replied, seriously annoyed.

  “Well, the compound is secured and no one is leaving camp until...”

  “Until when?” I asked with anxiety.

  “I don’t know man. It doesn’t sound like it’s gonna be anytime soon, according to the MPs on the gate.”

  “So what’s the good news then?” I asked. Tootie cozied up with Eric and answered.

  “The good news is that you have to spend the night in our
dorm room.”

  If I had been off duty the next day, that would have been music to my ears. But I had a 0700 meeting I could not afford to miss. Major Lewis would have plenty of reason to have me court-martialled if the truth got out. Once again my career would hang in the balance, but this time there would be no legitimate reason, there would be no defense. This incident would be the last nail in my coffin. Misappropriation of a government vehicle, unauthorized absence in a combat-like environment was enough to bust me down a rank or two and land me in the brig. Eric was covered because he wasn’t expected at the 0700 meeting because he had morning errands to run.

  I immediately felt the presence of three ladies of the night.

  “Miss Fortune, Miss Staken and Miss Judgement. All three wanted payment for the folly I enjoyed with them. They didn’t want my money, they wanted much more. My career.

  I looked at Ayan and she could tell that I was starting to panic a little. She moved closer to me and grabbed my hand. Then she kissed me on the cheek and said two words that temporarily calmed me.

  “It’s fine.”

  The girls hatched a plan to sneak Eric and I into their room. Their room was on the first floor, and it was the first room on the left, making it easily accessible. Tootie would put a flashlight in their window giving us the all clear. The girls looked left and right before heading into the building. Tootie waved to Eric from atop of the stairs.

  Eric turned to me with this look on his face. You would have thought he won the lottery.

  “Clay. This reminds me of prom night in a way, remember?”

  “Yeah, of course I remember. But back then we drove in a limo and stayed at the Embassy Suites. This is a little different, don’t cha think,” I whispered sarcastically.

  Then I pointed to the marks on Eric’s neck.

  “Man. Those hickies on your neck are gonna get you in serious trouble. Who walks around with hickies in Mogadishu?”

  “I do. Now I know why I came to Mogadishu, Tootle. I have dated some fine women in my life, but there is something about Tootie. I can’t put my finger on it. Dude, she blows my mind,” Eric said as he impatiently awaited the signal in the window.

  “So how did you and Ayan get on?”

  “We got on great. We had great conversation and walked around the compound, that’s all.”

  “Clay, as your best friend, you need to get out of first gear with Ayan.”

  “Ayan is different. She’ not like any other woman I have ever met. I can’t run a line on her. I tried that and she shot me down. I don’t know where I stand with her.”

  Although I was still worried about the compound being closed, my mind was on Ayan. Thirty minutes later, the light in the window came on. Eric bolted into the building like Carl Lewis out of the blocks. I followed, watching my back as I went up the stairs.

  Their dorm room did not have a door, but it had a white sheet hanging in the doorway for privacy. Once we passed through the sheet, I immediately saw Eric sigh in disappointment.

  The room was divided in half by several sheets draped over a clothes line. There were two cots on both sides.

  Ayan discussed the arrangements.

  “Clay and Eric, you guys will sleep on this side and Tootie and I will be on the other side,” Ayan said.

  Eric looked at Tootie and she shrugged her shoulders and rolled her eyes. I guess Tootie and Ayan had a chat about the sleeping arrangements and it was obvious that Ayan prevailed.

  “I set the alarm for five-twenty-five. You have to be out of here by then. Before the rest of the girls get up for duty,” Ayan said.

  Tootie and Ayan entered our side of the room as Eric and I sat on our cots removing our boots. Ayan kissed me on the forehead and said goodnight. It was the first time I ever saw her with her hair completely let down. She had the scent of a million freshly cut roses. At the same time I saw Tootie whispering something to Eric, something that made him grin. I’ve seen that grin before. I knew exactly what was being said. A few minutes later, Eric got up and left the room. Tootie left shortly afterwards.

  As I lay on my cot, I could hear the rustling sound of Ayan undressing and then I turned toward the sheets that divided the room. The dim light in the room projected the silhouette of her unclothed womanly body onto the sheet. The image of her perfectly shaped body burned itself into the depths of my subconscious. I wanted to rip the sheets down and ravish her body over and over again. In my mind’s eye that’s exactly what I did. I soon nodded off to sleep.

  Chapter 11

  Counterintelligence Was Here

  22 February 1993

  I slept like a baby. I dreamt about Ayan and the things we did in my dream would be expressed only in my journal. I woke up about ten minutes before the alarm and the only thing on my mind at the time was “Did I snore?”

  I was confident the gates would be opened by now and I could make my 0700 morning meeting. At 5:25, Ayan poked her head through the sheets that divided the room.

  “حابص ريخلا” Ayan said with a smile on her face.

  I tried to repeat what she said phonetically, but I am sure it came out wrong.

  “حابص ريخلا means good morning,” she said.

  Once again her hair was let down and I snapped yet another mental picture.

  I looked around for Eric but he was not in his rack. “Tootie is MIA too,” Ayan said.

  I started to get frustrated.

  “He knows I have to be back at base by seven. I will murder him if he makes me late,” I said as I laced up my boots.

  As I started walking out with my helmet in my hand, she embraced me from behind. Then she whispered something in Somali. I didn’t know what it meant but it sounded sweet. I clasped my arms around hers and then I turned around slowly. I wanted to kiss her but I didn’t. Truthfully, I considered her embrace as a baby step and I didn’t want to move too fast. I just smiled and slowly released myself from her grasp. She said goodbye and waved to me as I stealthilyexited her room and made a mad dash out of the building.

  The sun greeted me on the way out. There was little movement on the camp, and the only thing you could hear were the generators humming.

  As I approached the Hummer, I saw Eric walking towards me from another direction.

  “So where did you two disappear to last night?” I asked Eric as I put my helmet on.

  “Tootie took me to her duty section. They don’t pull twenty-four shifts, so we had the office all to ourselves. So how did you and Ayan get on, you guys had the room all to yourself,” Eric asked as he started up the engine.

  “Still in first gear, but the revs are climbing,” I said unashamedly.

  “So. If I can get the vehicle again tonight, you wanna come along?” Eric asked me.

  “Hmmm…let me think about it for a second. Are you insane?” I replied as I rolled my eyes in his direction.

  “Just get me off the base, that’s all I can think about right now.”

  “Relax, no one is gonna get in trouble. We got this, okay?” Eric responded confidently.

  I just sighed and looked out the passenger window. As we approached the gate, my worst nightmare was beginning to materialize. I saw three other vehicles being turned away from the gate. Apparently, the lockdown was still in effect.

  “Dude, what the…?” Eric said as other vehicles passed us in the other direction after being turned away.

  We approached the gate to get a report on when the gates would open up.

  “Gunnery Sergeant, the latest word is the gates will open up at 0800,” said the Corporal on the gate.

  “Eight! You gotta be freaking kidding me, right?” I challenged the Corporal.

  “Unless you have a chit from the base Commander.”

  People often say that people panic for fear of the unknown. That was not the case here. I was panicking because I knew exactly what was in front of me, a court martial and the loss of my thirteen-year career.

  “Clay, I feel bad. You should not have come alo
ng,” Eric responded with genuine concern.

  As much as I wanted to blame someone, I could not. This was all my fault and I had to man up.

  “Eric. You didn’t twist my arm, I knew the risk, this is totally self-inflicted.”

  I began to experience a range of emotions, anger, fear and shame. But, of the three, I was mostly ashamed. This type of foolishness was generally typical of wayward Marines much junior than I. I felt like I didn’t rate the rank on my collar. I would be an embarrassment to other Gunnery Sergeants who wore their chevrons with distinction. Major Lewis would take great pride in witnessing my reduction in rank and forfeiture of pay and allowances. I could see his smiling face laughing at my downfall. I needed to handle this like a man and with some degree of dignity. I would just come clean and confess. As a Staff NCO, I disliked it when my troops would make excuses, it only made matters worse. There was no way out, my fate was sealed the moment I left my compound last night.

  Although, there was one thing that I often relied on in times of trouble: prayer. Most times when I prayed, I had a little of hope of resolution. But not this time, I had zero. I began saying The Lord’s Prayer silently in my mind with my eyes closed. But this time it was intense, and in my mind’s eye, I could see myself begging the Lord for another chance. I could hear myself praying in my head and sometimes the voice in my head switched to that of my father. I had heard him recite the Lord’s Prayer thousands of times from behind the pulpit. After my conversation with God, I felt less anxious but completely hopeless.

  At 0800, the gates opened and Eric and I proceeded back to our compound.

  On the way to our compound, I began rehearsing exactly what I would say. I had it memorized. I even thought of walking into the Major’s office and handing him my chevrons, but that seemed too dramatic and stupid.

  As we passed through the gates, I took a deep breath and spoke to Eric.

  “And this too shall pass.”

  I heard that saying from an old crusty Sergeant Major years ago, and it just seemed to fit the moment. I really wanted to get past this episode. It was too much high stress and uncertainty.

  Eric dropped me off in front of the flagpole and wished me luck. I didn’t need luck, I needed a serious miracle.