After We Collided

  “I wasn’t sure if you needed a ride or not, and I didn’t want to bother you in your office,” he tells me.

  “Thank you, I really appreciate it. I’m going to call someone about my car when I get back to the motel.” It’s slightly warmer than it was this morning but still freezing outside.

  “I can wait with you if you want. My plumbing is fixed now, so I won’t be staying at the motel again, but I’ll wait with you if you—” He stops talking suddenly and his eyes go wide.

  “What?” I ask and follow his eyes to see Hardin standing by his car in the lot and staring angrily at Trevor and me.

  The breath has been knocked out of me once again. How does it keep getting worse?

  “Hardin, what are you doing here?” I ask, storming toward him.

  “Well, you don’t answer my calls, so I didn’t have much of a choice, did I?” he says.

  “I didn’t answer for a reason, you can’t just show up to my job!” I yell back.

  Trevor looks uncomfortable and intimidated by Hardin’s presence, but he stays next to me. “Are you okay? Let me know if you’re ready.”

  “Ready for what?” Hardin’s eyes are wild.

  “He’s taking me back to the motel since my car wouldn’t start.”

  “Motel!” Hardin raises his voice.

  Before I can stop him, Hardin has his hands on Trevor, gripping the collar of his suit as he slams him against a red truck.

  “Hardin! Stop! Let him go! We didn’t stay together!” I explain. Why I’m explaining myself to him is beyond me, but I don’t want him to hurt Trevor.

  Hardin lets go of Trevor’s clothing but stays in his face.

  “Back off of him, now.” I grab Hardin’s shoulder and he relaxes slightly.

  “Stay away from her,” he spits, his face only inches from Trevor’s.

  Trevor looks pale, and once again I’ve brought someone else into this mess that doesn’t deserve to be.

  “I’m so sorry,” I tell Trevor.

  “It’s okay, do you still need a ride?” he asks.

  “No, she doesn’t,” Hardin answers for me.

  “Yes, please,” I say to Trevor. “I just need a minute.”

  Like the gentleman that he is, he nods and goes over to his car to give us space.

  chapter eight

  TESSA

  I can’t believe you’re staying at a motel.” He runs his hand over his hair.

  “Yeah . . . neither can I.”

  “You can stay at the apartment, I’ll stay back at the frat house or something.”

  “No.” Not happening.

  “Please don’t be difficult.” He rubs his hand across his forehead.

  “Difficult? You aren’t serious! I shouldn’t even be talking to you right now!”

  “Would you just calm down? Now, what’s wrong with your car? And why was that guy staying at the motel?”

  “I don’t know what’s wrong with my car.” I groan. I’m not answering him about Trevor, it’s none of his business.

  “I’ll take a look at it.”

  “No, I’ll call someone. Just go.”

  “I’ll follow you to the motel.” He nods toward the road.

  “Would you just stop?” I growl and Hardin rolls his eyes. “Is this some sort of game to you, to see just how far you can push me?”

  He takes a step back as if I pushed him. Trevor’s car is still here, waiting for me.

  “No, that’s not what I’m doing. How could you even think that after everything I’ve done?”

  “Exactly, I do think that because of everything you’ve done,” I say, almost laughing at his choice of words.

  “I just want you to talk to me. I know we can work this out,” he tells me. He’s played so many games with me since the beginning that I can’t tell what’s real.

  “I know you miss me, too,” Hardin says, leaning against his car. His words stop me in my tracks. So arrogant.

  “Is that what you want to hear? That I miss you? Of course I miss you, but you know what? It’s not actually you that I miss, it’s who I thought you were, and now that I know who you really are, I want nothing to do with you!” I yell.

  “You’ve always known who I really am! I’ve been me all along, you know that!” he shouts back. Why can’t we ever just talk without yelling at each other? He makes me crazy, that’s why.

  “No, I don’t know that; if I knew that I . . .” I stop myself before I admit that I want to forgive him. What I want to do and what I know I should do are two totally different things.

  “You what?” he asks. Of course he would try and coerce me to continue.

  “Nothing, you need to go.”

  “Tess, you don’t know what it’s been like the last few days for me. I can’t sleep, I can’t even function without you. I need to know there’s a chance we could—”

  I interrupt him before he can finish.

  “What it’s been like for you?” How can he be so selfish?

  “What do you think it’s been like for me, Hardin? Imagine how it feels to have your life completely ripped apart within hours! Imagine how it feels to be so in love with someone that you give them everything, only to find out it was all a game, a bet! How do you think that feels!” I take a step toward him, my hands moving frantically between us. “How do you think it feels to lose my relationship with my mother over someone who could give less of a shit about me! How do you think it feels to be staying in a goddamn motel room? How do you think if it feels to try to move on from this when you keep showing up everywhere! You just don’t know when to stop!”

  He doesn’t say anything, so I continue my rant. Part of me feels like I’m being too harsh on him, but he betrayed me in the worst way and he deserves it.

  “So don’t you sit here and tell me that it’s been hard for you because you did this! You fucking ruined everything! Just like you always do, so you know what? I don’t feel sorry for you . . . Actually I do. I feel sorry for you because you will never be happy. You will be alone for the rest of your life, and for that I feel sorry for you. I’ll move on, find a nice man who’ll treat me the way you should have, and we’ll get married and have children. I will be happy.”

  I’m out of breath after my long speech, and Hardin is looking at me with red eyes and an open mouth.

  “You know the worst part of all of this? It’s that you warned me, you said you would ruin me and I didn’t listen.” I try desperately to stop my tears, but I can’t. They fall mercilessly down my face, and my mascara runs, burning my eyes.

  “I’m . . . I’m sorry. I’ll go,” he says in a low voice. He looks completely and utterly defeated, the way I wanted him to look, but it doesn’t give me the satisfaction that I thought it would.

  I maybe could have forgiven him in the beginning if he’d have told me the truth, even after we slept together, but instead he hid it from me, offered people money for their silence, and tried to trap me by making me sign the lease with him. My first time being intimate with someone is something I will never forget, and he’s ruined that.

  I rush over to Trevor’s car and jump inside. The heat is on, blasting at my face, mixing with my hot tears. Trevor stays quiet and I’m thankful yet again for his silence as he drives me to the motel.

  By the time the sun goes down, I force myself to take a hot shower, too hot. The look on Hardin’s face as he backed away from me and got into his car is etched in the back of my mind. I see his face every time I close my eyes.

  My phone hasn’t rung once since he left. I had this silly, naive idea that we could work. That despite our differences and his temper . . . well, both of our tempers . . . we could make it work somehow. I’m not sure how I manage to fall asleep, but I do.

  THE NEXT MORNING I’m a little anxious about going on my first business trip and begin to panic. Plus I forgot to get someone to fix my car. I look up the nearest mechanic and call them. I’ll probably have to pay them extra to keep my car for the weekend, but that’s the least
of my worries right now. I don’t mention it to the friendly man who answers in the hopes they just won’t bother charging me for it.

  I get myself ready, curling my hair and putting on more makeup than usual. I choose a navy-blue dress that I haven’t worn yet, something I bought because I knew Hardin would love the way the thin material hung on my curves. The dress itself isn’t revealing at all; the hem reaches just below my knees and the sleeves go halfway down my arm. But the way it fits makes it look really good on me.

  I hate that everything makes me think of him. As I stand in front of the mirror, I imagine how he would be looking at me in this dress, the way his pupils would dilate and he’d lick his lips before pulling his lip ring between his teeth while he watched me adjust my hair one last time.

  A knock on the door brings me back to reality.

  “Ms. Young?” A man in a blue mechanic’s uniform asks when I open the door.

  “That’s me,” I say and pull open my purse to grab the keys. “Here, it’s the white Corolla,” I say as I hand them to him.

  He looks behind him. “White Corolla?” he asks, confused.

  I step outside. My car is . . . gone.

  “What the . . . Okay, let me call the front desk and see if they had my car towed for leaving it here yesterday.” What a great way to start my day.

  “Hello, this is Tessa Young, room thirty-six,” I say when the front desk guy answers. “I think you had my car towed?” I’m trying to be nice, but this is really frustrating.

  “No, I didn’t,” he replies.

  My head is spinning. “Okay, well then, my car must have been stolen or something . . .” If someone took my car, I am beyond screwed. It’s almost time for me to leave.

  “No, your friend came and got it this morning.”

  “My friend?”

  “Yeah, the one with . . . all the tattoos and stuff.” He says it quietly, as if Hardin could actually hear him.

  “What?” I know what he said, but that’s all I can think to say.

  “Yeah, he came with a tow truck this morning about two hours ago,” he says. “Sorry, I thought you knew—”

  “Thanks.” I groan and hang up. Turning to the man before me, I say, “I am so sorry. Apparently someone has already had my car taken to another mechanic. I didn’t know; I’m sorry for wasting your time.”

  He smiles and assures me that it’s okay.

  After my fight with Hardin yesterday, it slipped my mind that I needed a ride to work today. I call Trevor to let him know, and he tells me that he already asked Mr. Vance and Kimberly to swing by and pick me up on their way. After thanking him, I hang up and pull back the curtain on the window. A black car pulls into the lot and stops in front of my room. The window rolls down and I see Kimberly’s blond hair.

  “Good morning! We’re here to save you!” she announces with a laugh when I open the door. Smart and kind Trevor, always thinking ahead.

  The driver gets out and with a tip of his cap grabs my bag and stashes it in the trunk for me. When he opens the back door, I see two seats that face each other. On one, Kimberly pats the leather, inviting me to sit next to her. On the other, Mr. Vance and Trevor look at me with amused expressions.

  “Ready for your weekend getaway?” Trevor asks with a wide smile.

  “More than you can imagine,” I reply and get into the car.

  chapter nine

  TESSA

  As we pull out onto the highway, Trevor and Mr. Vance return to what appears to be a deep conversation about price per square foot on a new building in Seattle. Kimberly nudges me with her elbow and then mimics their talking with her hand.

  “Those boys are so serious,” she says. “So, Trevor said something happened to your car?”

  “Yeah. I have no idea what,” I say, trying to keep a light tone, which is easier with Kimberly’s friendly smile. “It wouldn’t start yesterday, so I called someone to fix it. But Hardin already had someone come get it.”

  She smirks. “Persistent, isn’t he?”

  I sigh. “I guess so. I just wish he would give me a little time to process all of this.”

  “Process what?” she asks. I forget that she doesn’t know about the bet, my humiliation, and I certainly don’t want to tell her. She only knows that Hardin and I broke up.

  “I don’t know, just everything. I have so much going on right now, and I still don’t have anywhere to live. I feel like he isn’t taking this as seriously as he should. He thinks he can just play puppeteer with me and my life. He thinks he can just show up and say sorry and all will be forgiven, but that’s not how it works. Not anymore at least,” I huff.

  “Well, good for you. I’m happy you’re standing up for yourself,” she says.

  I’m just glad she isn’t asking for details. “Thank you. Me, too.”

  I really am proud of myself for standing up to Hardin and not just giving in, but at the same time I feel terrible for what I said to him yesterday. I know he deserved it, but I can’t help but think, What if he does care as much as he claims? But even if somewhere deep down he does, I just don’t think it’s enough to ensure he doesn’t hurt me again.

  Because that’s what he does: he hurts people.

  Changing the subject, Kimberly says excitedly, “We should go out tonight right after the last talk. On Sunday those two will be in meetings all morning, so we’ll do some shopping then. We’ll go out tonight, and maybe Saturday night, too. What do you think?”

  “Go out where?” I laugh. “I’m only eighteen.”

  “Oh, please. Christian knows a lot of people in Seattle. If you’re with him, you can get in anywhere.” I love the way her eyes light up when she speaks of Mr. Vance, even though he’s already right next to her.

  “Okay,” I say. I’ve never been “out” before. I’ve been to the few parties at the frat house, but I haven’t ever been to a nightclub or anything even close.

  “It’ll be fun, don’t worry,” she assures me. “And you should definitely wear that dress,” she adds with a laugh.

  chapter ten

  HARDIN

  You will be alone for the rest of your life, and for that I feel sorry for you. I’ll move on, find a nice man who’ll treat me the way you should have, and we’ll get married and have children. I will be happy.

  Tessa’s words keep playing over and over in my head. I know she’s right, but I so desperately don’t want her to be. I had never minded being alone until now—now I know what I’m missing.

  “You in?” Jace’s voice breaks through my muddled thoughts.

  “Uh, what?” I ask. I almost forgot that I was driving.

  He rolls his eyes and takes a hit from his joint.

  “I asked if you were in. We’re going to Zed’s.”

  I groan. “I don’t know . . .”

  “Why not? You need to stop being such a pussy. You’re moping around like a fucking baby.”

  I glare at him. If I had gotten any sleep last night, I’d reach across and choke him. “I am not,” I say slowly.

  “You so are, dude. You need to get wasted and laid tonight. I’m sure there’ll be some easy girls there.”

  “I don’t need to get laid.” I don’t want anyone but her.

  “Well, come on, drive over to Zed’s. If you don’t want to get laid, then at least come have a few beers,” he says.

  “Don’t you ever want to do more?” I ask and he looks over at me like I’ve grown horns.

  “What?”

  “You know, doesn’t it feel like it’s getting old just partying and hooking up with different girls all the time?”

  “Whoa, whoa—this is worse than I thought. You got it bad, man!”

  “No, I don’t. I’m just saying. Doing the same old shit all the time gets old.”

  He doesn’t know how enjoyable it is to lie in bed and make Tessa laugh, he doesn’t know how fun it is to hear her ramble on about her favorite novels, to have her swat at me when I try to grope her. It’s much better than any part
y that I’ve ever been to or will ever go to.

  “She really did a number on you. That’s some shit, isn’t it?” He laughs.

  “No, she didn’t,” I lie.

  “Sure . . .” He throws the remainder of his joint out of my car window. “She’s single, though, right?” he asks, and when I grip the wheel he laughs even harder. “I’m just fucking around, Scott. Just wanted to see how pissed you would get.”

  “Fuck off,” I grumble, and to prove a point, I turn on the back road to Zed’s.

  chapter eleven

  TESSA

  The Four Seasons in Seattle is the nicest hotel I have ever seen. I try to walk slowly to take in all the beautiful details, but Kimberly practically drags me onto the elevator and down the hall, leaving Trevor and Mr. Vance in her wake.

  Stopping in front of a door, she says, “Here’s your room. After you unpack, we’ll meet in our suite to go over the itinerary for the weekend, even though I already know you’ve already done this. You should change, because I really think you should save that dress for tonight when we go out.” She winks and strolls off down the hall.

  The differences between my hotel from the last two nights and this one are vast. One painting from the lobby here probably costs more than what they spent decorating an entire room at the other place. The view from my window is incredible. Seattle is such a beautiful city. I can easily imagine myself living here, in a high-rise apartment with a job at Seattle Publishing, or even Vance Publishing, now that they’re opening an office here. That would be amazing.

  After I hang up my clothes for the weekend, I change into a black pencil skirt and a lilac shirt. I’m excited about the conference, but nervous about going out. I know I need to have some fun, but it’s all new to me and I still feel empty from the damage Hardin has caused.

  By the time I get to Kimberly and Mr. Vance’s suite, it’s two thirty. I’m anxious because I know we should be downstairs in the banquet room by three.

  Kimberly greets me warmly when she opens the door and leads me inside. Their suite has its own living room and a separate sitting room. It looks bigger than my mother’s entire house.