Ice in My Veins

  I decided to confront Joe about why he had issues with me. “Joe, what is it that bugs you about me? You seem to have some kind of issue with me.” I tested the waters with that question to see if my first instincts were correct or not.

  “It’s not that I don’t like you Chrissy.” He paused for a minute. “It’s just that Josh Morgan and me are good friends. I felt bad he got cut. You were a girl and still here. It bothered me.” He looked down at the ground as he ran. I didn’t say anything. He added “Then with living in this prison with my billets. You kind of became an easy target for my frustrations.”

  I didn’t say anything. I figured it was for the best. Maybe he would open up more this way. I just smiled warmly and kept running.

  A few minutes past and then he spoke again. “You really are a good player Chrissy. I didn’t think a girl could play so well. You also get along with all the guys, and well... it’s harder for me. I don’t have boobs.” He jeered.

  “Joe, my boobs have nothing to do with me getting along with some of the guys.” I glared at him with hard eyes. “I get along with the guys because I am myself with them.”

  “Don’t kid yourself Chrissy. They all think you’re hot and would love to hook up with you.” He shot back at me.

  “That’s kind of insulting to me Joe. That you would think the only reason the guys talk to me is because they want to have sex with me.” I was really hurt by his words.

  “Well, no that’s not the only reason, but it helps that they like you in that way.” He explained.

  “How the hell does that help me. I want them to think of me as one of the guys. Hockey is my life Joe. Without hockey I would be lost.” I was clearly upset.

  “Sorry, I am making things worse for you. Forget I brought it up. You are a good player. I promise from now on I will treat you like one of the guys.” He smiled at me.

  We were silent after that. Then Joe said he had to head back to his billets. The conversation we had on the run really bothered me. I figured it was best if I just pretended we never had it. I chalked it all up to Joe just being frustrated and wanting to make someone else - me, feel bad.

  Moose told me that he had called the coach and coach had promised to speak with Joe’s billets. I was glad to hear that. Maybe then Joe would stop acting like such an angry jerk to me.

  After dinner Cathy told me she would like to spend the next day with me. We had the team dinner and she wanted to take me shopping to get an outfit and my hair done. That was something I didn’t even do with my own mom.

  I complained to Moose later that evening. Moose told me to suck it up. That it would do me some good to be a girl for once. Great! Maybe Moose thought of me as a tomboy? Maybe that’s why the question about me liking girls popped into his head that first day? Maybe I did need some girly girl time with Mrs. Peat? It contradicted what Joe had said on our run. He said they all wanted to jump my bones. Moose was telling me I needed to be a girl for once. It didn’t sound like he wanted sex from me.

  “Moose, what do you think of me?” I gulped not sure I wanted to hear his response.

  “Whoa, where did that come from?” He quipped as if he thought I was making accusations.

  “I am just curious as to what you really think of me. Please be honest. I won’t get upset. I promise?” I rephrased the question.

  “Well, I think you’re talented, smart, funny and beautiful. I see you as a little sister.” He confessed. “Why are you asking?”

  “Something Joe said on the run.” I fretted.

  “What did he say?” He asked curious.

  “Just that all the guys have accepted me on the team because they all want to screw me.” I was clearly upset about it. “He wasn’t mean about it. He just said it was easier for me than him because I had boobs. Then he said I was blind to the fact that most of the guys want to sleep with me.”

  “I’m not going to lie to you Chris.” Moose said. “Many of the guys would love to be with you in that way. You don’t see yourself clearly at all. You’re a beautiful girl. You just don’t do anything with yourself. Maybe that’s why you can’t see it. I was even guilty of that in the beginning with you. Not anymore, now I see you as a sister.” He divulged to me.

  “Thanks for being honest with me Moose.” I gave him a big hug.

  That night Moose was in my room again waking me up telling me to shut the hell up. “Why can’t I ever remember my dream when you wake me up like that?” I asked him.

  “Maybe you’re crazy. Do you want me to call the guys in the white coats?” He surmised.

  “I’m not crazy, but I suspect the voices in my head are.” I hit him with my pillow and told him to go back to bed.

  He was right though. It was weird. It must be the stress. Maybe I should talk to the team trainer and he might be able to suggest something to help me relax. A new exercise or something to relieve the stress. Anything was better than the way Moose handled his stress. Sex!

  Saturday morning I was up early and freshly showered, when Cathy asked if I was ready for a day of beauty. She seemed overly excited to give me a makeover. Almost like Julie was that day at the mall.

  The first place we went was to the Spa. We had facials, and got our fingers and toe nails done. That was a first for me. I enjoyed it.

  We chatted the entire time we were getting worked on. Then it was off to the hair salon. I had long blonde hair all the way down my back. It kind of just hung there with no shape or no body to it. I didn’t have any bangs, they were as long as the rest of my hair. Hence the reason I usually wore it up in a pony tail.

  Cathy and the hair dresser started flipping through the magazines to find a new hair style for me. I told them to do their worst. I didn’t care what style they gave me. Anything would be better than what I presently had. Maybe Moose was right. I did need to start looking more feminine.

  They decided on long layers, parted in the middle with bangs. It would still allow me to wear my hair up for games. It would also give me a sexy edge when I styled it, and wore it down. I sat in the chair for over an hour. My butt was starting to go numb. I wondered how girls could do this all the time. It was so boring for me.

  When they finally swung the chair around, so I could look into the mirror; I didn’t recognize myself. I actually looked hot. Mrs. Peat knew what she was doing. Maybe this make-over thing wouldn’t be such a bad thing after all. It was so nice of her to treat me to this beauty day. It was above and beyond what I suspected most billets would do for their players. Moose told me the Peats did lots for him over the years that was extra. They were such wonderful, giving people.

  “Wow Christine. You are absolutely beautiful. This style makes your eyes and your lips pop. Just wait until we get you some make up.” Cathy said beaming with excitement. The hairdresser nodded in agreement with her.

  After we left the hair salon, she took me into a few clothing stores to find a dress to wear to the team dinner tonight. I really didn’t want to wear a dress, but she was insisting. Since she was paying for everything I didn’t want to argue with her. It would seem like I didn’t appreciate what she was doing so I just agreed.

  After trying on twenty or so dresses, I put one on that the sales girl had thrown over the top of the fitting room. It was a white dress; made from a cotton and spandex material, with a rectangular sequined inset across the bust. It had a square neckline with wide shoulder straps that merged into a racer-back with an inverted-pleat detail at lower back. The skirt was A-line. I also noticed the price tag on it, $280.00.

  I couldn’t afford this dress even with two years of allowances I would have been getting from my parents back home. It was a classy, but a very sexy dress. Cathy insisted on buying it for me to wear to the dinner. She told me next we would have to find a pair of shoes to go with it. All of this was so overwhelming for me.

  For the shoes, she picked a pair of silver strappy sandles with jewels and crystals. They had an adjustable ankle strap. They were also two inch heels. I was going to k
ill myself in these shoes. She made me walk back and forth around the store several times so I could get a feel for them. They did make me feel extremely sexy. Then it was off to the Mac store. I didn’t even know what Mac was. I was surprised to find out it was a make-up store. When I thought about Mac, I thought of the truck my uncle drove.

  The sales girl at the Mac store gave me a make over. I felt really pretty for the first time in my life. I watched the girl closely when she was applying the make up to my face. Cathy purchased all the make up the girl used on me. I would be able to recreate the look whenever I wanted to.

  I thanked Cathy for everything with a great big hug. I had actually enjoyed the day. Her and Harry made me feel like part of their family. I would have to find a way to repay her for doing all this for me.

  We were running late for the dinner. We got into the car and rushed home. Harry and Moose left us a note telling us they would meet us at the restaurant. I was nervous about my new look and outfit. The guys would probably think I was weird now. Or worse look at me different.

  I changed into my new outfit and we drove to the dinner. When I walked into the room all heads turned to stare. It made me suddenly very self-conscious. I swiftly took my seat at the table with Harry and Moose. Then starred down at my plate. It was obvious that I was feeling insecure about my new look.

  Moose whispered in my ear, “What the hell are you doing playing hockey girl? You should be a supermodel.” He advised. “Right now, every guy in this room is wishing you were his girlfriend. Trust me on this one.” He smiled approvingly.

  “Thanks.” I whispered back. That made me feel a little more comfortable in my new outfit.

  Dinner was good. Coach and the team owner made a few speeches. We all mingled afterward for a while. It was only 6:30 p.m. when the dinner finished.

  I caught Myles and Alex both staring at me a few times during the speeches.

  After the dinner, Moose and I left to go home to get ready for the rookie party. The event which I was dreading. The billets and coaches were staying at the restaurant to mingle a while longer.

  When I got home I uploaded the pictures from the dinner to my Facebook page, so my parents could see the make over. Then I pulled on a pair of old jeans and a red low cut v-neck t-shirt. I knew that tonight the older players were going to make us rookies do some really strange things. I didn’t want to ruin any of my new clothes.

  Moose was waiting for me out in the car. I rushed as fast as I could and jumped into the passenger seat. Moose really needed to clean his car. It smelled like dirty sweaty socks.

  “Moose, I really don’t want to do this you know.” I confessed.

  “Be a good sport about it Chrissy.” He demanded. “It’s all in good fun, and I promise I won’t let anything bad happen to you,” he reassured me.

  I knew what to expect at the party, but the other rookies were walking in blind. Moose had already informed me. He figured this way I wouldn’t react badly. Many of the rookie parties in the past had apparently gotten out of hand, and some bad things had happened. He also mentioned that many of the players were into group sex. He didn’t want me to be shocked with what I saw. The thought of that was distasteful to me. I knew tons of people at school were doing it. I just didn’t approve of things like that. I suppose I was a little old fashioned that way. My father kind of tried his best to instill that in me. I also knew guys didn’t have any respect for girls like that.

  I had already been given the lecture on keeping my mouth shut regarding things I saw or heard. Since Moose promised he would not be drinking tonight, because he was trying to be a responsible team captain; I felt more at ease. I could deal with the pranks and hazing.

  We went over to Moose’s buddy’s house for the party. The guys parents were away in Europe for the week. They forced the male rookies to dress in girls clothes, and a few girls put make up on them. I was forced to wear a penis costume that they had found for me. Then the guys made us stand on the side of the street offering to wash car windows for passerby’s for free. It was humiliating, but we all did it. The older players took pictures. After about forty minutes of that we went inside for some drinking games.

  The first game was where we had to do shots of alcohol from a condom. It was disgusting. They wanted to see who could drink the most. It came down to Joe and me. My mouth felt gross, because the condoms were all slimy. I conceded and let Joe win. I was definitely feeling the alcohol. I was getting very intoxicated.

  After all the hazing was finished, we danced and drank more. A few of the guys were playing strip poker with a group of girls. The girls didn’t seem to mind the fact that they were almost naked, and the guys were loving it.

  A few of the guys went into a back bedroom. They were having sex with some willing girls. I saw one of the older players push Joe and two other rookies into the bedroom, then follow behind them. To me that was disheartening to watch. I couldn’t understand why those girls would subject themselves to be treated like sluts. I also knew a lot of the guys in that room indulging themselves, had girlfriends.

  Alex came over and sat down beside me. “It’s a little much to take in eh?” He said. He was pointing to the two girls walking into the bedroom to join in with the sex games.

  “It’s disgusting!” I snarled. “Those girls have no respect for themselves whatsoever.”

  “Yeah, I know,” he agreed with me, “ I would never date a girl like that.”

  “As if you’re innocent in all this Alex.” I barked. “I’m sure you have had your fair share of sluts.”

  “Why would you say that?” He growled back at me.

  “You’re a guy. You’re a player.” I scolded. “You’re all a bunch of pigs. I hear all the bullshit that spews out of you guys in the locker room. It makes my stomach turn.”

  “Sure, I’m not innocent but I still would never date a girl like that,” he assured me.

  I went to stand up and stumbled. He caught me in his arms. I guess I was more drunk then I thought.

  “I need to go home.” I concluded. “Before I pass out on the floor.”

  “Do you want me to drive you home?” He asked me concerned.

  “Are you crazy? You have drank more than me tonight Alex. You shouldn’t be driving anywhere.” I growled at him. “If you want to take me home we can walk. You can pick up your truck later.”

  “Alright, let me get our coats and I’ll meet you at the front door,” he said.

  I stumbled my way over to Moose and told him that I was leaving. I knew I was over my limit. I wasn’t feeling very good. He offered to take me home. I informed him that Alex was walking me. He shot me a warning look.

  “Listen Christine,” he cautioned. “You don’t let him try anything on you. Do you understand me? Sack him if he tries anything, then call me and I’ll deal with him.” He demanded. He gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek, then walked me to the door.

  “Red, you be on your best behavior with her,” he threatened. “She’s your teammate. Remember that.”

  Alex nodded. He took me by the arm since, I was stumbling around. Then he slid his arm around my waist to support me as we walked. It sent chills up my spine. Butterflies in my stomach. I think that was butterflies? It could be just the fact that I was starting to feel really sick now.

  After the first few minutes of me stumbling and staggering down the street, I tripped and fell to the ground.

  “Oh Lord,” he snickered looking down at me flopped on the ground.

  “Hey, I didn’t fall, the ground looked like it needed a hug!” I slurred out.

  He shook his head, then he gave up on walking with me. He threw me over his shoulders and carried me the rest of the way to my house like that.

  I protested, but he still wouldn’t put me down. I finally gave up, and let him carry me like a sack of potatoes. He must be pretty strong I thought to myself - to carry 173 lbs, this far. I put my hand around his arm muscles trying to see how big they were. I could hear him laughing at me,
so I smacked his bum.

  “Hey, Hey... Hey, no flirting with me.... the merchandise is off limits - remember I’m your teammate,” he scolded.

  “As if, Alex I would never date a guy like you. Hockey players are nothing but a bunch of dirtballs.” I snapped.

  “To bad though because you’re sort of hot.” I whispered under my breath.

  He didn’t say anything, but I knew he was laughing even though I couldn’t see his face. His body was shaking as he chuckled. He put me down on the front porch when we got to my place. The lights were all off and no cars were in the driveway. I guess the Peats were still out. I fumbled with the key in the lock and Alex followed me inside the house.

  “Do you mind if I get a glass of water?” He asked. I just waved him to the upstairs kitchen and slid on my bum down the stairs to the basement.

  I crawled to my bed and flopped on it. The room was starting to spin. Alex appeared in my doorway with a bottle of Tylenol and a big glass of water.

  “Christine take two of these, and chug this glass of water. You won’t have a hang over in the morning.” I complied with his command. A hangover was the last thing I wanted.

  “I’m going to be sick.” I told him. He dumped out the small garbage pail from the corner of my bedroom, and brought it to me to throw up in. How humiliating! Here I was puking my guts out, while he was holding my hair out of my face for me.

  After that he, helped me to the bathroom so I could clean up a little. He rinsed the pail out for me. I guess so that I didn’t have to do it. That was awesome of him. I would have started puking again if I did it. I brushed my teeth, then gargled with mouthwash. I put cold water on my face and removed all my make-up. I was still feeling sick. I told him I wanted to take a shower. He asked if he could hang around until Moose got home. I said sure go watch some television or something.

  I got into the shower. The hot water felt so good. I sank down to sit on the floor of the tub, and just allow the water to splash on my face. I must have passed out for a few minutes, because all of a sudden I heard Alex banging hard on the bathroom door.