The Hard Truth About Sunshine

  "Oh, my word," Jillian says in a distressed voice.

  I give sort of a half laugh, half cry of outrage. "There was this red mist floating in the air, and I thought it was sand, or even something was wrong with my eyes, but when I inhaled in, I tasted copper and knew it was blood. I knew it was the finest of remnants of my buddy Jelonek."

  "Christopher," Jillian whispers with sorrow.

  "To this day, I can't eat beef unless it's well done. Like almost burnt to a crisp so I can't taste the blood. And if I see blood, real life or on TV, it feels like someone stacked about ten cinder blocks on my chest. It's hard to breathe. And I try to remember... did he scream before he died? Did he have time to do that? I mean... I don't know because the explosion was so loud that I was temporarily deafened. When I think about it, all I can hope is that he didn't feel anything in that split second from when he was alive to when he was dead, because as bad as my leg hurt, I don't think it would have been anything to the comparison of getting reduced to a bloody mist."

  Jillian pushes up and rolls until she comes to lay on top of me. Her hands slide to my face as she peers down at me. "Please tell me you talk to someone about this, Christopher."

  I shrug. "I'm talking to you right now."

  She shakes her head, those blonde locks rippling around her shoulders. "No... a professional. You can't see something like that and not be haunted. And you can't just bury it."

  "I had to talk to plenty of shrinks before I got medically discharged. I'm fine."

  Jillian narrows her eyes as best she can with her weak muscles. "You are not fine."

  "Okay," I say carefully, pushing a hand around the back of her neck and cupping it. "Maybe I'm not fine, but I'm done talking about that tonight."

  Jillian gives out a slight huff of exasperation, but then changes tactics on me. "Fine... let's talk about something else--"

  My head comes off the pillow, and I crush my mouth against hers. She jerks against me but then her hands go from my face to around my shoulders, and she's kissing me back hard. I keep this in mind for future conversations, filing away that Jillian is way too easy to distract.

  But now I'm the one distracted as I feel my body start to tighten under the warm weight of her body, her breasts pressing to my chest and the feeling of her tongue against mine. My hands slip down, skimming her back, and Jillian rocks her body against me, causing me to groan.

  I pull back from the kiss and whisper, "No more condoms."

  "We can be creative," she pants at me. "Plenty we can do with hands and mouth."

  I groan again and kiss her once more. Hell yes... plenty of stuff we can do without a condom.

  Chapter 25

  I've pulled the Suburban up to the side of the cabin duplex, busying myself with pulling everything out so I can reorganize. Over the last few days, we've just been throwing shit in the back and it needs cleaned out.

  But this is only a cleaning and reorganizational plan because I need something to keep busy until the others get out here. If they like my brilliant idea, we won't be packing up our bags just yet.

  The door to the room I was supposed to share with Connor opens, and he steps out. Last I'd checked, he was in the shower, so I decided to clean up the Suburban until he was done. Barb is back in her room, presumably getting ready, as I'd kicked her out of the backseat about fifteen minutes ago. I'd left Jillian still sleeping soundly when I'd come out here, but I assume Barb will wake her up.

  "Morning," Connor says with a cheery grin.

  I grunt back an acknowledgment to him before leaning into the back of the SUV and grabbing an empty McDonald's bag to throw away. When I pull back, Connor is beside me. He asks, "Need any help?"

  Again... very cheery. With a wide, goofy smile. His eyes are shining as he rocks back and forth on his feet with his thumbs hooked into his belt loops at his hips. If I didn't know any better, I'd say he was drunk, but he definitely looks like the cat that just ate the canary.

  And then it hits me.

  My gaze shifts to the door that Barb just walked in, and then back to Connor. I'd found her sleeping in the Suburban, but that didn't mean...

  "Did you... and Barb...?" I let the question hang in the air, but it's clear enough what I mean.

  Connor's grin gets bigger. Cheesier. "Let's just say I won't need your help on that one bucket-list item we talked about."

  I do a quick, critical scan of Connor. His color looks good, he's clearly riding a wave of smug happiness, and whatever Barb did to him or with him last night must have been good. If that's the case, she just scored big time with me in the respect department.

  Settling my hip against the back corner of the Suburban, I cross my arms and lean in toward Connor. "How did that happen?"

  While I didn't think it possible, Connor's smile gets even bigger. "Dude... she just knocked on the door late last night. I thought she wanted to crash in your bed or something, but, well... she must have had other thoughts because she started getting naked as soon as the door closed."

  "You're fucking kidding me?" I ask in amazement. I mean, sure... we learned that Barb likes sex, and she's warmed up to Connor over the last few days. But for her to actively offer to provide him such an intimate bucket-list item is beyond what I thought she was capable of.

  Well, because she's not capably of intimacy.

  Fuck.

  "Connor... you know... Barb doing that with you, that was probably just--"

  "--a one-time-only thing," Connor says with a laugh. "Yeah... I understood that all on my own, but regardless... we talked about it after."

  "You did?" I'm stunned Barb would bother to have a conversation.

  "Yeah," Connor says with a nod and obvious affection in his voice for what Barb gave him. "She was really cool about it. Told me that no one should die without having sex, and that she wanted to give it to me so I didn't have to resort to something seedier. Guess she was talking about a prostitute or something, but she was also clear... it was just that one time. Well, twice. She had two condoms."

  "Who had two condoms?" I hear Jillian say from behind me. I turn to see her standing there with a curious look on her face. She's wearing the pajamas she had on last night with her hair a tangled mess, but damn, she couldn't be any more beautiful.

  Connor just stares at her, unable or unwilling to answer her question. So Jillian turns to face me, eyebrows raised in question. "Who had two condoms?"

  Not my place to tell the story unless Connor wants her to know, so I keep my mouth firmly shut and give a shrug.

  Bro code.

  Jillian's gaze goes back to Connor, her eyes narrowing imperceptibly. "What's the big secret?"

  After a long sigh, Connor says in a low voice that sounds a little ashamed, "I had sex last night."

  I make a mental note to disabuse him of that emotion for busting his cherry. He has nothing to be ashamed about.

  "With who?" she asks with a stunned expression on her face, never once considering Barb to be an option.

  At that same moment, the other room's door opens and Barb comes striding out with her backpack slung over her shoulder. She's clearly had a shower as her short, dark hair is slicked back. Connor's eyes shift her way and his face turns red. Jillian catches it, her head swinging back toward Connor.

  "You didn't? Not with her." The slightly horrified tone to her voice is a bit offensive, but not my battle to fight.

  "He sure did," Barb says tartly as she walks to the tailgate and slings her pack inside. "Got rid of a pesky bucket-list item. Didn't we, Connor?"

  Jillian doesn't even give Barb the time of day. She sidles up closer to Connor and murmurs, "Connor, something like that... it should have been special. And... you're only seventeen for God's sake."

  "It was special," Connor says, shutting her down. "And I'll be eighteen in less than a month. Stop being so protective of me. I don't need another mother."

  Jillian's face flushes red, but she doesn't argue with Connor. Instead, she turns to Barb and glare
s at her, but before she can even open her mouth, Barb steps up and gets in her face.

  "Save the hypocrisy," Barb tells her firmly. "And don't be a prude. I know you did the nasty last night too."

  Barb then pushes past Jillian and walks up to Connor. She leans into him and places her mouth near his ear as if she's going to share a secret, but her words are loud enough for everyone to hear. "You were fantastic last night. All three times."

  Connor's face turns a brighter shade of red, but he grins back at Barb. I cover my mouth and duck my head so I don't laugh at the blatant lie. Connor said it was only twice, but Barb is putting on a show for Jillian.

  Barb gives Connor a wink and then walks back into the room, shutting the door behind her.

  When I raise my head, I see Jillian staring after her with her mouth wide open in astonishment. I lift an arm and place my fingers under her chin, gently pushing up so she closes her mouth.

  Jillian focuses in on me and asks, "Did you set that up?"

  I hold up both my hands in surrender. "Nope."

  Her head turns to Connor. "Are you two like... together now?"

  "God no," Connor exclaims loudly, and Jillian's body physically relaxes over his proclamation. "It was only a one-night thing. Just to clear that from the bucket list. She did me a solid, that's all. But she is totally not my type, and besides that... she's way older than me and I'm dying, so--"

  "Okay," Jillian interrupts with a chuckle. "I get it. Bucket-list item marked off. I need to get over it. We're moving on."

  "Good," Connor says with an impish grin. "Because, no offense to anyone... I mean, egging and camping and fishing have been super fun, but last night was definitely the highlight of my trip."

  I snicker, and Jillian gives him an honest to goodness "I'm happy for you" smile before turning to me. She steps right into me and puts her hand on my waist. Her blue eyes give me an intimate look that solidifies the connection we forged last night. When she goes on her tiptoes, my head bends down automatically to accept her lips as they brush against mine.

  When she pulls back, she says, "I'm going to take a quick shower, and then I'll be ready to go. I know we have some hard driving to do today to make Portland."

  "Actually," I say as I look between Jillian and Connor. "I have another idea."

  "What's that?" Jillian tilts her head in curiosity.

  "Well, I know Connor wants to do something dangerous and fun like bungee jumping, and while I couldn't find anything like that around here, they have paragliding just across the border over in Jackson, Wyoming."

  "Oh, man, that would be awesome," Connor exclaims.

  "And they have whitewater rafting," I add. "We could do that too."

  "It would add another day to the trip," Jillian muses.

  "And on that thought," I forge ahead. "While we're on the West Coast, why don't we see a few things before we head back?"

  "Like?" Jillian prods.

  I shrug. "Let's head down south after Cannon Beach. We can do San Francisco... maybe L.A., then down to San Diego. Afterward, we can drive back across the bottom part of the United States. Make a big old loop."

  Jillian smirks at me. "Who are you and what have you done with the real Christopher Barlow?"

  I smile and reach out to take her hand. "Maybe he started having fun on this trip and doesn't want it to end just yet."

  I thought I'd seen all the beauty that Jillian had to offer me, but at my words, her expression morphs. The look she gives me punches straight through the center of my chest to give my heart a warm squeeze.

  Jillian takes a step toward me and puts her hand on my chest. "I'm glad you're having fun, and I'm not ready for this to end either."

  Pure physical elation rips through the entire length of my body, igniting within me a surge of happiness that I haven't felt since before I was injured. It feels warm, bright, and engaging. It beckons me to step forward and take a risk on life.

  Turning to Connor, Jillian says, "You should go call your parents and talk to them. They've been super cool so far, but this will add a few more days onto the trip if we do this. I know they're also anxious to see you, so you need to get their okay to do this."

  "Yeah, sure," Connor says. "I'm sure they'll be fine with it, but if not... I can always fly back and y'all can continue on without me."

  Jillian and I watch him bound back up the steps and into the room. When the door closes, she turns to face me. Her smile comes off as sweetly sexy but with her eyelids drooping down a bit, she looks adorably shy at the same time.

  "Any regrets about last night?" she asks me.

  "Not a one," I tell her honestly. Well, except maybe that I didn't have more condoms. I will need to rectify that before the day's end.

  "So... um... is this a secret?" she asks hesitantly. "Like do we keep this wrapped up in front of the others?"

  "I think they already have a suspicion as to what we did last night." My tone is dry but teasing.

  She shakes her head. "No, I mean... how do you feel about spontaneous acts of public affection?"

  "Huh?" I ask, completely confused.

  "Well, what would you think if I just decided to lean over while you're driving the car and kiss your neck? Or maybe hold your hand while we're walking somewhere. Or even a spontaneous hug."

  I just blink at Jillian, stunned she even has to ask such a question. She's never stopped before when she's had the urge to grab my hand. And she has never been one to hold back on her feelings. I'm assuming she must feel the need to ask because while she may be sure about the way she feels, she's really has no clue what's going on in my mind. Let's face it... we haven't had a ton of serious discussions.

  Leaning down, I brush my lips against Jillian's temple as I wrap my left hand around the back of her neck. Pressing my cheek to the top of her head, I tell her, "Jillian... you can kiss me, hug me, hold my hand, or jump my bones whenever you feel like it. Sound good?"

  "Sounds good," she murmurs.

  Pulling back, I take her by the shoulders and turn her toward her room. "Good... now go in there and convince Barb she wants to extend the trip. Then we're off to go paragliding."

  "On it," Jillian says as she hurries up the steps.

  I wonder if she'll call her parents and tell them, or if she'll just send them a text. She hasn't said anything more about them since she called them yesterday morning while I was fishing with Connor, and I didn't think to ask. But I should ask, right? I mean... I think we're in a relationship. We're definitely friends. We've definitely exercised benefits. I like her, and she likes me. She still fascinates me, and she makes me want to learn and experience more about this new life that's unfolding before me.

  Yeah... I should ask her. Should ask a lot more about her if this is going to be something that grows between us. I remember enough about my time with Maria to know that relationships take work. They require communication. It's a give and take.

  Suddenly, a wave of sadness overcomes me as my mind goes to my family in West Virginia. The parents and siblings who couldn't handle what happened to me and the one brother I had who at least tried to support me. And I turned him away and haven't talked to him since, other than an occasional text exchange.

  Filled with an almost painful need to assuage the feeling of guilt that's now pulsing within me, I pull my phone out and dial Hank's number.

  He answers on the second ring, sounding both elated and cautious at the same time. "Christopher... is that you?"

  I give a small cough to clear the emotion from my throat. "Yeah... it's me."

  "How are you, bro?" he asks, and I have to smile. I've missed his voice.

  Fuck... I've missed him.

  "I'm doing good," I tell him as I lean back against my vehicle. "I'm in Idaho actually."

  "No kidding. What are you doing out there?"

  "I'm on a trip with some friends," I tell him, and that makes me smile too. They weren't my friends just a few short days ago. My how fast things can change.

  "
Cool," he says. I can hear the relief in his voice that he's talking to me and that I haven't been an asshole yet. "So what made you decide to take a trip?"

  I brush my fingertips over the stubble on my chin and wince internally when I tell him, "I sort of got in some trouble with the law. Got ordered into group therapy to avoid jail. Not sure how it happened, but I got talked into taking this trip with the people in the group, and well... it's actually not what I expected it would be."

  There's a scant second of silence before Hank says, "You sound happy, Christopher."

  "Listen," I say as my voice cracks a little, because I'm not ready to admit that happiness is real or genuine for the long term. "The reason I'm calling is... well, I just wanted to say I'm sorry for the way I treated you. For telling you to leave and not come back."

  "Hey, man," he says in a soothing voice. "You had some messed-up shit you were dealing with. I never begrudged you your anger or the way you tried to handle it."

  "We're good?" I ask hesitantly.

  "Yeah, we're more than good," he says, and I can feel a weight lift from my shoulders and evaporate around me.

  He continues. "Now, tell me about this trip. Who are the people with you?"

  Smiling, I remember Jillian underneath me last night and her total acceptance of the incomplete me. I know Hank would really like Jillian if they ever met.

  "Well, there's this girl..." I start off, and then I tell him everything.

  Chapter 26

  Jackson, Wyoming is a popular destination in the short summer months. There's an abundance of outdoor activities, each one providing a three-hundred-and-sixty-degree panoramic view of some of the most stunning scenery I've ever seen. The crown jewel of the area is the Teton Mountain range that runs north/south on the eastern edge of Wyoming, just across the Idaho state line.

  I'm not a well-traveled man. I went from West Virginia to Parris Island, South Carolina for boot camp, and then to Camp Lejeune, North Carolina where I was stationed. From there, I've been to the Helmand River Valley in Afghanistan, a brief but entirely unconscious trip to Landstuhl to get stabilized, then back to the States where I spent months trying to recover from my injuries. Outside of that, I've seen the states we've driven through to get here. While my experiences may be minimal, I'm pretty positive I'll never see anything as beautiful as the Teton mountains in Wyoming.