The Debt of Tears

  Oriole reported this at once to Aunt Xue, who came hurrying over. Finding Bao-chai unable to speak, her face bright red, her body burning hot to the touch, she immediately panicked and burst into tears. Bao-qin tried to comfort and support her aunt, while Caltrop was so affected by Bao-chai’s appearance that she could only stand by the bedside calling her name and weeping. Bao-chai was too weak to speak or move her hands. Her eyes were dry, her nose blocked. They sent for the doctor, whose prescription gradually brought her round and to the family’s intense relief the immediate crisis seemed to have been averted. The news had already reached the various inner apartments of the Rong-guo and Ning-guo mansions, and a maid soon arrived from Xi-feng’s with one of her Ten Fragrances Revivifying Pills, followed by a maid with one of Lady Wang’s Most Precious Pills. Grandmother Jia, Lady Xing, Lady Wang and all the ladies from both mansions including You-shi all sent maids to inquire how she was getting on, but all agreed that her illness should be kept a secret from Bao-yu. She went on taking various remedies for seven or eight days with no real improvement; it was only when she remembered her own Cold Fragrance Pills and took three of these that she began to recover. By the time Bao-yu learnt of her illness, she was already better and he did not go to visit her.

  A letter arrived from Xue Ke, which Aunt Xue did not show to Bao-chai, for fear of upsetting her. She read it herself and went straight to Lady Wang to beg for her help, at the same time giving her an account of Bao-chai’s condition. After Aunt Xue had gone to bed, Lady Wang went in to plead with Jia Zheng.

  ‘With the higher-ranking officials a word is usually sufficient; but these provincials clearly need a more tangible incentive,’ he said somewhat grimly. ‘We shall have to dip into our pockets.’

  Lady Wang went on to talk of Bao-chai:

  ‘The poor girl! I feel responsible for her: she is almost one of the family. The sooner she and Bao-yu are married the better. It is ruining her health the way things are.’

  ‘I agree,’ replied Jia Zheng. ‘But her family are very disorganized at present. And besides, it is midwinter. New Year will soon be upon us, and we shall all be busy putting our affairs in order. I propose the following timetable: the betrothal can take place sometime during the winter; early next year they can exchange presents; and the ceremony itself should be fixed for sometime after Mother’s birthday. I should like you to put this to your sister.’

  ‘I will,’ replied Lady Wang.

  The next day she told Aunt Xue, who thought the proposal a good one. After lunch the two of them went to see Grandmother Jia.

  ‘Have you just come over, my dear?’ inquired Grandmother Jia of Aunt Xue, after the usual courtesies had been exchanged.

  ‘No, I was here yesterday,’ replied Aunt Xue. ‘But as it was rather late, I was not able to come and pay my respects.’

  Lady Wang repeated Jia Zheng’s proposal to Grandmother Jia, who seemed very happy with it. While they were talking, Bao-yu came into the room.

  ‘Have you had your lunch yet?’ asked his grandmother.

  ‘I’ve been home for lunch,’ he replied, ‘and now I’m on my way back to school. I called in to see you, Grannie, and also I heard that Aunt Xue was here and wanted to pay my respects.’

  Turning to Aunt Xue he continued:

  ‘Is Cousin Chai quite better now?’

  Aunt Xue smiled.

  ‘Yes she is.’

  Bao-yu noticed that his arrival had caused a sudden lull in the conversation. After sitting with them for a few minutes, he also noticed that Aunt Xue was not being as affectionate towards him as usual, and mused to himself:

  ‘Even if she’s not in a good mood, I don’t see why they have to stop talking to me altogether…’

  He set off for school greatly perplexed by what had happened.

  That evening on his return he paid his usual evening calls and made his way to the Naiad’s House. Lifting the door-curtain, he went in and was received by Nightingale. Seeing that there was no one in the inner room, he asked Nightingale where Dai-yu had gone, and was informed that she had gone to call on Grandmother Jia.

  Miss Lin heard that Mrs Xue was there, said Nightingale, ‘and wanted to pay her respects. Haven’t you been there this evening, Master Bao?’

  ‘Yes, I’ve just come from there, but I didn’t see Miss Lin.’

  ‘Wasn’t she there?’

  ‘No. Where could she have gone?’

  ‘I’m not sure.’

  Bao-yu was about to set off again when he caught sight of the graceful figure of Dai-yu walking slowly towards the door with Snowgoose.

  ‘You’re back, coz!’ he exclaimed, stepping aside to let her pass, and then following her inside. She walked into the inner room.

  ‘Do come in and sit down,’ she said to Bao-yu. Nightingale fetched another jacket and helped her into it. She sat down and asked him:

  ‘Did you see Mrs Xue at Grandmother’s?’

  ‘Yes, I did,’ replied Bao-yu.

  ‘Did she mention me at all?’

  ‘No. And she didn’t seem as friendly as usual towards me either. When I asked after Cousin Chai she just smiled and hardly said anything. I hope I haven’t offended her by not going over to visit Chai this last couple of days.’

  Dai-yu gave a short laugh.

  ‘Have you been to see her?’

  ‘I didn’t know she was ill at first,’ protested Bao-yu, ‘I only heard a day or two ago, and I still haven’t been…’

  ‘Well that’s certain to be the reason…’

  ‘The truth is that neither Grandmother, Mother nor Father would let me go, and how could I without their permission? I used to be able to drop round and see her ten times a day if I felt like it; but now they’ve closed the little side-gate and I have to go round by the front, which is such a performance.’

  ‘But how’s she supposed to know all that?’

  ‘You know Chai: she’s sure to make allowances for me.’

  ‘You shouldn’t take it for granted,’ retorted Dai-yu. ‘Perhaps she won’t. It’s not as if it’s her mother who’s been ill: it’s Chai herself. Think of all the poetry contests, all the pleasures you’ve shared with her in the past – the flowers, the wine, the parties. Now she’s separated from us, and you know the troubles her family are having, yet when she falls seriously ill you behave with complete indifference. She’s bound to be offended.’

  Bao-yu: ‘Surely you don’t mean she doesn’t like me any more?’

  Dai-yu: ‘I have no idea. I can only surmise how she might reasonably be expected to feel.’

  Bao-yu stared in silence. Dai-yu ignored him, told one of her maids to put some more incense on the brazier, took out a book and began reading it. After a minute or two Bao-yu frowned and stamped his foot fretfully.

  ‘What’s the point in my being alive? The world would be an altogether better place without this thing called “me”.’

  ‘Can’t you see?’ said Dai-yu. ‘It’s the illusion of “me” that creates the illusion of “others”, and a life lived under these twin illusions is bound to be beset with frustrations, fears, confusion, foolish dreams and a host of other obstacles and entanglements. I wasn’t speaking in earnest earlier on. Mrs Xue was just in low spirits when you saw her. There was no need for you to bring Cousin Chai into it. Mrs Xue came over because of Cousin Pan’s court-case. She was worried, and it’s hardly surprising she wasn’t in the mood to entertain you. You just allowed your imagination to run away with you and lead you astray.’

  Her words brought Bao-yu a sudden sense of enlightenment.

  ‘Of course!’ he exclaimed with a laugh. ‘That’s exactly it! You’re so much more perceptive than I am! No wonder you defeated me with that koan last year, when I was so wrought up. For all my pretensions, I need you to guide me to the truth. This bumptious Buddha bows to your Single Flower!’

  ‘In that case,’ said Dai-yu, seeing her opportunity, ‘prepare yourself for another inquisition.’

  Bao-yu crossed
his legs, brought the palms of his hands together, closed his eyes, pursed his lips and said:

  ‘Pray begin.’

  Dai-yu: ‘Now, let the First of my Propositions be that Cousin Chai likes you. Proposition the Second: she likes you not. The Third: she liked you a few days ago, but does no more. The Fourth: she does today, but will not do tomorrow. The Fifth: you like her, but she likes you not. The Sixth and last: she likes you, but you like her not. Consider these Six Propositions well.’

  For several minutes Bao-yu was completely silent. Then suddenly he burst out laughing and cried:

  ‘If all the Seas of Paradise were mine, with my simple gourd I’d be content.’

  Dai-yu: ‘What if your gourd is carried away by the stream?’

  Bao-yu: ‘Never! Wherever the stream flows, the gourd will always hold its own course.’

  Dai-yu: ‘What if the flow comes to an end and your Pearl sinks?’

  Bao-yu: ‘ “Like a catkin held fast in a puddle,

  This Zen Mind:

  Not a partridge, gaily cavorting

  In the spring wind.” ’

  Dai-yu: ‘The first rule of Zen is not to tell lies.’

  Bao-yu: ‘But it’s the truth, so help me Buddha, the Dharma and the Holy Brotherhood.’

  Dai-yu lowered her head in silence. She heard a ‘caw-caw’ outside the window, and a crow flew up into the sky, wheeling towards the south-east.

  Bao-yu: ‘What sort of an omen is that?’

  Dai-yu: ‘Our fates cannot be learned from the cries of birds.’

  Before Bao-yu could think of a reply, Ripple came into the room and said: ‘Master Bao, please hurry! The Master sent someone to the Garden to ask if you were home from school yet. Aroma said you were, so you’d better be quick!’

  Bao-yu jumped to his feet and hurried out in alarm. Dai-yu did not try to detain him. For the outcome, please read the next chapter.

  Chapter 92

  Qiao-jie studies the Lives of Noble Women and shows a precocious enthusiasm for Virtue

  Jia Zheng admires a Mother Pearl and reflects on the vicissitudes of Life

  ‘What does Father want me for?’ asked Bao-yu in some alarm, as they left the Naiad’s House. Ripple smiled.’

  ‘He doesn’t. Aroma told me to fetch you, and I was afraid you wouldn’t come, so I made it up…’

  Bao-yu was greatly relieved.

  ‘I would have come. There’s really no need to scare me like that.’

  He arrived back at Green Delights, to be interrogated by Aroma:

  ‘Where have you been all this time?’

  ‘At Miss Lin’s. I got delayed. We were chatting about Aunt Xue and Cousin Chai’s illness.’

  ‘What were you saying?’ asked Aroma inquisitively.

  Bao-yu described his Zen dialogue with Dai-yu.

  ‘You two are so silly,’ was Aroma’s comment. ‘Why can’t you have a normal conversation about ordinary things, or discuss something nice like poetry? What do you have to go talking about Zen for? You’re not a monk!’

  ‘You don’t understand,’ replied Bao-yu. ‘We have our Zen secrets. No one else could join in our conversations.’

  ‘I dare say,’ returned Aroma, with a scornful sniff. ‘I’m sure that if you two went on Zennifying at each other till you were both blue in the face, we should still be standing here quite as much in the dark as ever.’

  ‘When I was younger,’ said Bao-yu, ignoring her jibes, ‘and Dai-yu was rather more childish in her ways, somehow I always managed to upset her by saying the wrong thing. Nowadays I think more about what I say, and she takes offence less easily. But all the same I have noticed that when we meet, which is not very often, as she seldom visits me and I have to spend so much time studying, we almost seem to have grown apart in some way.’

  ‘I should hope so too,’ said Aroma. ‘Now that the two of you are older, of course you must learn to be more discreet.’

  Bao-yu nodded his head irritably.

  ‘I know – let’s not talk any more about that now. What I want to know is, has anyone come over from Grandmother’s with a message?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Then she must have forgotten!’ said Bao-yu. ‘Tomorrow’s the First of the Eleventh, isn’t it? Every year Grannie has a party and invites the whole family over to celebrate the beginning of the Lessening Cold season, when the days start to get longer. I’ve already asked for the day off school, in fact. What am I to do? Should I go to school or not? If I do, that will be my day-off wasted. If I don’t, and Father finds out, he’ll scold me for playing truant.’

  ‘I think you should go,’ replied Aroma. ‘You’ve just started to make progress with your studies, and this is no time to be thinking of letting up. You should be working as hard as you can. Only yesterday I heard Her Ladyship say how well young Lan is doing at his studies. When he gets back from school he settles straight down to his texts and compositions all on his own, and never goes to bed till the small hours. You’re his uncle, and several years older than him. If you let him overtake you Her Old Ladyship will be very displeased. So I say, off to school early in the morning.’

  Musk did not agree, however.

  ‘In this cold weather?’ she objected. ‘If you go now, they’ll wonder why you asked for the day off in the first place. It will look as though you were inventing an excuse to get off school. I think you should make the most of it and have a day’s rest. If Her Old Ladyship has forgotten to have a party, we can always have one here instead…’

  ‘Now he’ll never go, and it will all be your fault,’ complained Aroma.

  ‘I believe in taking each day as it comes and having fun whenever you can,’ said Musk defiantly. ‘I don’t believe in sucking up to people and working myself to death for a two-tael bonus every month like you do, Aroma dear…’

  Aroma spat at her:

  ‘You little hussy! Interfering in a serious discussion in such a silly manner…’

  ‘On the contrary, I was saying it for your sake, dear…’

  ‘For my sake?’

  ‘Yes. As soon as Master Bao’s gone to school, you’ll sit around mooning and moaning again, longing for him to come home and bring the sunshine back into your life. Don’t think you can fool me with that holier-than-thou attitude of yours…’

  Aroma was on the point of giving Musk a large piece of her mind when one of Grandmother Jia’s maids arrived and said:

  ‘Her Old Ladyship says Master Bao’s not to go to school tomorrow. Mrs Xue’s been invited round to spend the day, and all the young ladies will probably be coming too. Miss Shi, Miss Xing and Mrs Zhu’s cousins have all been invited. It’s to celebrate the “lessening cold” or some such thing…’

  ‘I told you so!’ cried Bao-yu with glee before she could finish. ‘It’s always been one of Grannie’s favourite occasions. Now I can have the day off and a clear conscience!’

  Aroma said nothing, and Grandmother Jia’s maid returned.

  Bao-yu’s recent stint of self-application had in fact left him more or less gasping for a respite of this sort. He was also delighted to hear that Aunt Xue was coming, as that would surely mean a chance to see Bao-chai.

  ‘Let’s have an early night,’ he said. ‘I want to be up first thing tomorrow.’

  The night passed uneventfully, and early next morning, true to his resolution, Bao-yu went to pay his respects to Grandmother Jia and then to his father and mother, to whom he reported that ‘Grannie had given him the day off school’. Jia Zheng raised no objection and Bao-yu withdrew from his presence at a snail’s pace, waiting till he was a few yards from the study before breaking into a run and racing to Grandmother Jia’s apartment. The other guests had not yet arrived, but he saw a nurse and a few younger maids enter the room with Xi-feng’s little-girl Qiao-jie, who walked up to her great-grandmother, paid her respects and said:

  ‘Mama told me to come and say my good-morning and sit with you first, Great-grannie. She says she’ll be here by and by.’
br />   The old lady laughed.

  ‘Bless you child! Here I’ve been sitting since cockcrow, and none of my guests has turned up, except your Uncle Bao.’

  Qiao-jie’s nurse did some discreet prompting:

  ‘Say good morning to your uncle, Miss.’

  Qiao-jie did so, and Bao-yu returned the greeting.

  ‘My Mama wants to see you, Uncle Bao,’ said Qiao-jie. ‘She said so yesterday.’

  ‘What about?’ asked Bao-yu.

  ‘She says she wants to find out if I’ve learnt my characters properly after all my lessons with Nannie Li. I promised her I had and offered to read them out for her. But she thought I was guessing and didn’t believe me. She said I couldn’t have learnt them because all I do all day long is play. But I don’t think learning characters is hard. I can even read my Girl’s Classic of Filial Piety – it’s ever so easy. Mama thinks I’m making it up, so she wants you to go over it with me when you’ve got the time.’

  Grandmother Jia laughed.

  ‘Bless you darling! Your mother can’t read a word, that’s why she couldn’t tell if you were cheating her or not. Tomorrow your uncle Bao will go over it with you, and she can listen in. Then she’ll have to believe you.’

  ‘How many characters do you know by now?’ asked Bao-yu.

  ‘Over three thousand,’ replied Qiao-jie. ‘I’ve finished the Girl’s Classic, and a fortnight ago I started on Lives of Noble Women Present and Past.’

  ‘Do you understand it all?’ asked Bao-yu. ‘If there’s anything you’re not clear about, you must tell me and I’ll try and explain it for you.’

  ‘What a nice idea,’ commented Grandmother Jia. ‘As her uncle, you should help her with her studies.’

  Bao-yu cleared his throat.

  ‘Let us leave aside,’ he began, ‘such household names as the worthy queen and consorts of Good King Wen, and pass on to those two other Models of Queenly Capability: Queen Jiang, who in order to rebuke her sovereign for his excessive attentions removed all her ornaments and stood like a prisoner awaiting sentence; and the Lady Hunchback of Wu-yan, whose earnest remonstrations restored order in the kingdom of Qi.’