Soldier's Pay

  “We was in school together—when he was there at all. He never came, mostly. They couldn’t make him. He’d just go off into the country by himself, and not come back for two or three days. And nights, too. It was one night when he—when he—”

  Her voice died away and Mrs. Powers said: “When he what, Emmy? Aren’t you going too fast?”

  “Sometimes he used to walk home from school with me. He wouldn’t never have a hat or a coat, and his face was like—it was like he ought to live in the woods. You know: not like he ought to went to school or had to dress up. And so you never did know when you’d see him. He’d come in school at almost any time and folks would see him way out in the country at night. Sometimes he’d sleep in folks’ houses in the country and sometimes niggers would find him asleep in sand ditches. Everybody knew him. And then one night——”

  “How old were you then?”

  “I was sixteen and he was nineteen. And then one night——”

  “But you are going too fast. Tell me about you and him before that. Did you like him?”

  “I liked him better than anybody. When we was both younger we dammed up a place in a creek and built a swimming hole and we used to go in every day. And then we’d lie in a old blanket we had and sleep until time to get up and go home. And in summer we was together nearly all the time. Then one day he’d just disappear and nobody wouldn’t know where he was. And then he’d be outside our house some morning, calling me.

  “The trouble was that I always lied to pappy where I had been and I hated that. Donald always told his father: he never lied about nothing he ever did. But he was braver than me, I reckon.

  “And then when I was fourteen pappy found out about how I like Donald, and so he took me out of school and kept me at home all the time. So I didn’t hardly ever get to see Donald. Pappy made me promise I wouldn’t go around with him anymore. He had come for me once or twice and I told him I couldn’t go, and then one day he came and pappy was at home.

  “Pappy ran out to the gate and told him not to come fooling around there no more, but Donald stood right up to him. Not acting bad, but just like pappy was a fly or something. And so pappy come in the house mad and said he wasn’t going to have any such goings-on with his girls, and he hit me and then he was sorry and cried (he was drunk, you see), and made me swear I wouldn’t never see Donald again. And I had to. But I thought of how much fun we used to have, and I wanted to die.

  “And so I didn’t see Donald for a long time. Then folks said he was going to marry that—that—her. I knew Donald didn’t care much about me; he never cared about anybody. But when I heard that he was going to marry her—

  “Anyway, I didn’t sleep much at night, and so I’d sit on the porch after I’d undressed lots of times, thinking about him and watching the moon getting bigger every night. And then one night, when the moon was almost full and you could see like day almost, I saw somebody walk up to our gate and stop there. And I knew it was Donald, and he knew I was there because he said:

  “‘Come here, Emmy.’

  “And I went to him. And it was like old times because, I forgot all about him marrying her, because he still liked me to come for me after so long. And he took my hand and we walked down the road, not talking at all. After a while we came to the place where you turn off the road to go to our swimming hole, and when we crawled through the fence my nightie got hung and he said, ‘Take it off.’ And I did and we put it in a plum bush and we went on.

  “The water looked so soft in the moonlight you couldn’t tell where the water was hardly, and we swam a while and then Donald hid his clothes, too, and we went on up on top of a hill. Everything was so kind of pretty and the grass felt so good to your feet, and all of a sudden Donald ran on ahead of me. I can keep up with Donald when I want to, but for some reason I didn’t want to tonight, and so I sat down. I could see him running along the top of the hill, all shiny in the moonlight, then he ran back down the hill toward the creek.

  “And so I laid down. I couldn’t see anything except the sky, and I don’t know how long it was when all of a sudden there was his head against the sky, over me, and he was wet again and I could see the moonlight kind of running on his wet shoulders and arms, and he looked at me. I couldn’t see his eyes, but I could feel them somehow like things touching me. When he looks at you—you feel like a bird, kind of: like you was going swooping right away from the ground or something. But now there was something different, too. I could hear him panting from running, and I could feel something inside me panting, too. I was afraid and I wasn’t afraid. It was like everything was dead except us. And then he said:

  “‘Emmy, Emmy.’

  “Kind of like that. And then—and then——”

  “Yes. And then he made love to you.”

  Emmy turned suddenly, and the other held her close. “And now he don’t even know me, he don’t even know me!” she wailed .

  Mrs. Powers held her and at last Emmy raised her hand and pushed her hair from her face. “And then?” Mrs. Powers prompted.

  “And afterwards we laid there and held each other, and I felt so quiet, so good, and some cows came up and looked at us and went away. And I could feel his hand going right slow from my shoulder along my side so far as he could reach and then back again, slow, slow. We didn’t talk at all, just his hand going up and down my side, so smooth and quiet. And after a while I was asleep.

  “Then I waked up. It was getting dawn and I was cramped and wet and cold, and he was gone. . . . But I knew he would come back. And so he did, with some blackberries. We ate ’em and watched it getting light in the east. Then when the blackberries were gone I could feel the cold, wet grass under me again and see the sky all yellow and chilly behind his head.

  “After a while we went back by the swimming hole and he put on his clothes and we got my nightie and I put it on. It was getting light fast and he wanted to go all the way home with me, only I wouldn’t let him: I didn’t care what happened to me now. And when I went through the gate there was pappy standing on the porch.”

  She was silent. Her story seemed to be finished. She breathed regularly as a child against the other’s shoulder .

  “And what then, Emmy?” Mrs. Powers prompted again.

  “Well, when I came to the porch I stopped and he said, ‘Where have you been?’ and I said, ‘None of your business,’ and he said, ‘You whore, I’ll beat you to death,’ and I said, ‘Touch me.’ But he didn’t. I think I would have killed him if he had. He went into the house and I went band dressed and bundled up my clothes and left. And I haven’t been back since, either.”

  “What did you do then?”

  “I got a job sewing for a dressmaker named Mrs. Miller, and she let me sleep in her shop until I could earn some money. I hadn’t been there but three days when one day Mr. Mahon walked in. He said that Donald had told him about us and that Donald had gone to the war, and that he had come for me. So I have been here ever since. So I didn’t see Donald anymore, and now he don’t know me at all.”

  “You poor child,” Mrs. Powers said. She raised Emmy’s face: it was calm, purged. She no longer felt superior to the girl. Suddenly Emmy sprang to her feet and gathered up the mended clothes. “Wait, Emmy,” she called. But Emmy was gone.

  She lit a cigarette and sat smoking slowly in her great dim room with its heterogeneous collection of furniture. After a while she rose to draw the curtains; the rain had ceased and long lances of sunlight piercing the washed immaculate air struck sparks amid the dripping trees.

  She crushed out her cigarette, and descending the stairs she saw a strange retreating back, and the rector, turning from the door, said hopelessly, staring at her:

  “He doesn’t give us much hope for Donald’s sight.”

  “But he’s only a general practitioner. We’ll get a specialist from Atlanta,” she encouraged him, tou
ching his sleeve.

  And here was Miss Cecily Saunders tapping her delicate way up the fast-drying path, between the fresh-sparkled grass.

  IX

  Cecily sat in her room in pale satin knickers and a thin orange-coloured sweater, with her slim legs elevated to the arm of another chair, reading a book. Her father, opening the door without knocking, stared at her in silent disapproval. She met his gaze for a time, then lowered her legs.

  “Do nice girls sit around half-naked like this?” he asked coldly. She laid her book aside and rose.

  “Maybe I’m not a nice girl,” she answered flippantly. He watched her as she enveloped her narrow body in a flimsy diaphanous robe.

  “I suppose you consider that an improvement, do you?”

  “You shouldn’t come in my room without knocking, daddy,” she told him fretfully.

  “No more I will, if that’s the way you sit in it.” He knew he was creating an unfortunate atmosphere in which to say what he wished, but he felt compelled to continue. “Can you imagine your mother sitting in her room half undressed like this?”

  “I hadn’t thought about it.” She leaned against the mantel combatively respectful. “But I can if she wanted to.”

  He sat down. “I want to talk to you, Sis.” His tone was changed and she sank on to the foot of the bed, curling her legs under her, regarding him hostilely. How clumsy I am, he thought, clearing his throat. “It’s about young Mahon.”

  She looked at him.

  “I saw him this noon, you know.”

  She was forcing him to do all the talking. Dammit, what an amazing ability children have for making parental admonition hard to achieve. Even Bob was developing it.

  Cecily’s eyes were green and fathomless. She extended her arm, taking a nail file from her dressing table. The downpour had ceased and the rain was only a whisper in the wet leaves. Cecily bent her face above the graceful slender gesturing of her hands.

  “I say, I saw young Mahon today,” her father repeated with rising choler.

  “You did? How did he look, daddy?” Her tone was so soft, so innocent that he sighed with relief. He glanced at her sharply, but her face was lowered sweetly and demurely: he could see only her hair filled with warm reddish lights and the shallow plane of her cheek and her soft, unemphatic chin.

  “That boy’s in bad shape, Sis.”

  “His poor father,” she commiserated above her busy hands. “It is so hard on him, isn’t it?”

  “His father doesn’t know.”

  She looked quickly up and her eyes and dark, darker still. He saw that she didn’t know either.

  “Doesn’t know?” she repeated. “How can he help seeing that scar?” Her face blanched and her hand touched her breast delicately. “Do you mean——”

  “No, no,” he said hastily. “I mean his father thinks—that he—his father doesn’t think—I mean his father forgets that his journey has tired him, you see,” he finished awkwardly. He continued swiftly: “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.”

  “About being engaged to him? How can I, with that scar? How can I?”

  “No, no, not engaged to him, if you don’t want to be. We won’t think about the engagement at all now. But just keep on seeing him until he gets well, you see.”

  “But, daddy, I can’t. I just can’t.”

  “Why, Sis?”

  “Oh, his face. I can’t bear it anymore.” Her own face was wrung with the recollection of a passed anguish. “Don’t you see I can’t? I would if I could.”

  “But you’ll get used to it. And I expect a good doctor can patch him up and hide it. Doctors can do anything these days. Why, Sis, you are the one who can do more for him right now than any doctor.”

  She lowered her head to her arms folded upon the foot-rail of the bed and her father stood beside her, putting his arm about her slim, nervous body.

  “Can’t you do that much, Sis? Just drop in and see him occasionally?”

  “I just can’t,” she moaned, “I just can’t.”

  “Well, then, I guess you can’t see that Farr boy anymore, either.”

  She raised her head quickly and her body became taut beneath his arm. “Who says I can’t?”

  “I say so, Sis,” he replied gently and firmly.

  Her eyes became blue with anger, almost black.

  “You can’t prevent it. You know you can’t.” She thrust herself back against his arm, trying to evade it. He held her and she twisted her head aside, straining from him.

  “Look at me,” he said quietly, putting his other hand under her cheek. She resisted, he felt her warm breath on his hand, but he forced her face around. Her eyes blazed at him, “If you can’t occasionally see the man you are engaged to, and a sick man to boot, I’m damned if I’ll have you running around with anybody else.”

  There were red prints of his fingers on her cheek, and her eyes slowly filled. “You are hurting me,” she said, and feeling her soft, vague chin in his palm and her fragile body against his arm, he knew a sudden access of contrition. He picked her up bodily and sat again in a chair, holding her on his lap.

  “Now, then,” he whispered, rocking, holding her face against his shoulder, “I didn’t mean to be so rough about it. “

  She lay against him limply, weeping, and the rain filled the interval, whispering across the roof, among the leaves of trees, After a long space in which they could hear dripping eaves and the happy Sound of gutters and a small ivory clock in the room, she moved and still holding her face against his coat, she clasped her father about the neck.

  “We won’t think about it anymore,” he told her, kissing her cheek. She clasped him again tightly, then slipping from his lap, she stood at the dressing table, dabbing powder upon her face. He rose, and in the mirror across her shoulder he saw her blurred face and the deft nervousness of her hands. “We won’t think of it anymore,” he repeated, opening the door. The orange Sweater was a hushed incandescence under the formal illusion of her robe, moulding her narrow back, as he closed the door after him.

  As he passed his wife’s room she called to him.

  “What were you scolding Cecily for, Robert?” she asked.

  But he stumped on down the and soon she heard him cursing Tobe porch.

  Mrs. Saunders entered her daughter’s room and found her swiftly dressing. The sun broke suddenly through the rain and long lances of sunlight piercing the washed immaculate air struck sparks amid the dripping trees.

  “Where are you going, Cecily?” she asked.

  “To see Donald,” she replied, drawing on her stockings, twisting them skilfully and deftly at the knees.

  X

  Januarius Jones, lounging through the wet grass, circled the house and peering through the kitchen window saw Emmy’s back and one angled arm sawing across her body. He mounted the steps quietly and entered. Emmy’s stare above her poised iron was impersonally combative. Jones’s yellow eyes, unabashed, took her and the ironing board and the otherwise empty kitchen boldly. Jones said:

  “Well, Cinderella.”

  “My name is Emmy,” she told him icily.

  “That’s right,” he agreed equably, “so it is. Emmy, Emmeline, Emmylune, Lune—La lune en grade aucune rancune. But does it? Or perhaps you prefer ‘Noir sur a lune?’ Or do you make finer or less fine distinctions than this? It might be jazzed a bit, you know. Aelia thought so, quite successfully, but then she had a casement in which to lean at dusk and harp her sorrow on her golden hair. You don’t seem to have any golden hair, but, then you might jazz your hair up a little too. Ah, this restless young generation! Wanting to jazz up everything, not only their complexes, but the shapes of their behinds as well.”

  She turned her back on him indifferently, and again her arm sawed the iron steadily along a stretched fabric. He became so s
till that after a while she turned to see what had become of him. He was so close behind her that her hair brushed his face. Clutching her iron, she shrieked.

  “Hah, my proud beauty!” hissed Jones in accepted style, putting his arms around her.

  “Let me go!” she said, glaring at him.

  “Your speech is wrong,” Jones informed her helpfully. “‘Release me, villain, or it will be the worse for you,’ is what I you should say.”

  “Let me go,” she repeated.

  “Not till you divulge them papers,” he answered, fat and solemn, his yellow eyes expressionless as a dead man’s.

  “Lemme go, or I’ll burn you,” she cried hotly, brandishing the iron. They stared at one another. Emmy’s eyes were fiercely implacable and Jones said at last:

  “Dam’f I don’t believe you would.”

  “See if I don’t,” she said with anger. But releasing her, he sprang away in time. Her red hand brushed her hair from her hot face and her eyes blazed at him. “Get out, now,” she I ordered, and Jones, sauntering easily toward the door, remarked , plaintively:

  “What’s the matter with you women here, anyway? Wildcats. Wildcats. By the way, how is the dying hero today?”

  “Go on now,” she repeated, gesturing with the iron. He passed through the door and closed it behind him. Then he opened it again and making her a deep fattish bow from the threshold he withdrew.

  In the dark hallway he halted, listening. Light from the front door fell directly in his face: he could see only the edged indication of sparse furniture. He paused, listening. No, she isn’t here, he decided. Not enough talk going on for her to be here. That femme hates silence like a cat does water. Cecily and silence: oil and water. And she’ll be on top of it too. Little bitch, wonder what she meant by that yesterday. And Georgie, too. She’s such a fast worker I guess it takes a whole string to keep her busy. Oh, well, there’s always tomorrow. Especially when today ain’t over yet. Go in and pull the Great Dane’s leg a while.

  At the study door he met Gilligan. He didn’t recognize him at first.