Low Down & Dirty

  A dull laugh pumps through me. “I did do that, didn’t I?”

  “You sure as hellfire did.” She swims over to the beat of the song, and her arms find a home around my waist.

  Axel looks to the side as if he were playing back the conversation. “How did you know she was my ex?”

  Low’s pretty pink lips fall open, and she gives a panicked look from me to him. “You know, I’d better make sure Brody is hitting those recipes I gave him just right.” She takes off for the kitchen. Tonight’s the night the staff is going to try out the new menu offerings that Low built up from scratch. I’ve already sampled each and every one as Low and I worked side by side in the kitchen all week—when we were taking breaks from working side by side in the bedroom.

  Axel steps in next to me, that look of worry on his forehead lets me know this is bugging the crap out him. “Did you tell her Lex was my ex?”

  “Lex the ex? Has a ring to it.” I can’t help but chuckle. “Nope, wasn’t me,” I say, looking up at the band as the girls near the front get worked up in a frenzy.

  Ax steps in my line of vision. His eyes are set on mine with that serious as shit look on his face that can only mean one thing. He’s still into her.

  “Then how did she know? Are they friends?”

  “Not that I know of. I haven’t heard Low mention her. Dude.” I pinch my eyes shut a moment. Axel and his inability to carry out a commitment with a girl has always made me wonder what makes him tick. “Is this girl the reason that no other chick can stick? Have you been holding a torch for this Lex person this entire time?”

  “What?” He takes a deep breath as he rocks back on his heels. “No. It’s not like that. We dated in college—undergraduate before I met you. It’s ancient history. It’s just—” He shakes his head because he can’t find the right words.

  “You realize she’s coming back in a week.”

  He snaps his head my way, that look of morbid surprise right back on his face again. “A week, huh?”

  “Yes, next Friday—the thirteenth.” I happen to remember the date because when we set the appointment up with Food Crack Nation it struck me that maybe rebooting what amounts to my life’s work on that particular day might not be the best idea. But the date was immovable. The next available opening was a month from now, and The Sloppy Pelican needs a vital financial infusion far faster than that.

  Ax is slow to say a word. He gives a nod to the band as if considering it. “I’ll be here.”

  “Since she’s your ex, maybe you should call her up first—mend a few bridges.” The thought of some vindictive ex holding my financial future in her hands doesn’t sit well with me.

  “No can do.” Axel is quick to dismiss it. He slaps his hand over my shoulder as we make our way back to the kitchen, and he doesn’t bother bringing up his ex anymore.

  “I’m sure it’ll be fine.” I head over to Low and wrap my arms around her as the staff gathers in the kitchen for the first official sampling.

  “What will be fine?” She blinks up at me. “I know you’re not talking about the new and improved menu because that will be great.”

  “Your menu is great. It’s his ex.” I nod over to him, and he glowers my way for even whispering about it.

  “Oh, hon”—Low giggles under her breath—“that won’t be fine for a good long while.” It sounds as if maybe Low does know something I don’t.

  The food sampling gets underway as the employees moan with approval as soon as they take a bite out of each and every dish. Low has put her mark on this place, just like she put her mark on my heart.

  Low might have her secrets regarding Axel’s ex, but unfortunately, I’ve got a few of my own. Not sure why I haven’t told her yet. I guess everything will come out in due time. I just hope by then it won’t be too late.

  That’s so Raven

  Low

  Hollow Brook is a magical place in the summertime. Not only does half this college town empty out and head for summer vacay before the fall semester begins, but the glory of the mountain is magnified under the duress of the sweet July sun. The flowers have broken out into a riot of color, the rich soil and the evergreens let out their oils and release the heavenly scent of the paradise that Hollow Brook truly becomes. I spent all day in Friar’s Corner yesterday at Sadie’s graduation while Levi stayed back at The Sloppy Pelican in an effort to protect his good name—and face it, his balls from Lisa. But it’s Friday the thirteenth, the lucky day in which Lex here is going to rave about The Sloppy Pelican’s new menu. Of course, I plan on being there tonight when she does—I for one would hate to miss the fireworks that are about to go off between her and Axel the ex.

  “I hate walking.” She grunts as she bats the bugs away with each step. I’ve convinced Lex to hike the trails with me up past the Witch’s Cauldron. That steamy hole in the ground is one of Hollow Brook’s six natural springs and the easiest to get to. I’ll have to bring Levi here one day, and we’ll have to do a little coital cauldron hopping per Whitney Briggs’ tradition, seeing that it’s both of our alma maters. That ought to make things scaldingly interesting for sure—not that things haven’t been heated in the bedroom. We’ve found a whole new way to enjoy brownie batter—off each other. Who knew combining my two favorite tasty treats, brownies and Levi Masterson, could take things to a whole new orgasmic level?

  “It’s not walking. It’s hiking,” I say, trying to slow down in order for her to catch up. “And we’ve already covered a litany of things you hate this morning. You hate people, wild animals, insects, and dogs that sniff at your crotch.”

  “Oh, shut up,” she gruffs. “That was a particularly obscene Great Dane, and you know it. Did you see the balls on that beast? Don’t you even try to tell me that boyfriend of yours is hung like a Great Dane. It was pornographic. And then that frat boy who had him on a flimsy rope purposely let him attack me. I had to beat him off with a stick. He was practically munching me out.”

  “Your panache for subtlety astounds me,” I growl at the wind. Having friends is hard.

  “Anyway, I happen to have a canine myself. A chubby little French bulldog named Strudel, who might I add has yet to stick his snout into a single love canal.”

  “Strudel?” I balk at the unfortunate moniker. “Wow, you are mean.”

  “I’m not mean,” she grits it through her teeth like a threat while her ponytail whips around her face as she struggles to keep up.

  I nod us over to the bench by the overlook, and we flop down as all of Jepson shines beneath us. “Beautiful.” I take a quick sip of my water. “But we gotta head back.”

  “What?” she squawks so loud you would think I just told her we needed to lie prostrate so that Great Dane can finish the job. “We just got here. Good luck getting me off my duff. Don’t forget. I’m your ride.”

  “Thanks for reminding me of where I went wrong. But I need to shower and dress and head to the restaurant. It’s the official grand reopening. And I need to make sure my new food critic bestie loves every single bite.”

  She gives a maniacal laugh, which seems to be her specialty. “I do love it when you call me your bestie.”

  “Aw, is it because you’ve never had one?” As in a single female friend ever.

  “No.” She’s back to scowling at Jepson as if it took her lunch money. “It’s because I stole the title from that girl who tried to keep your vagina hostage.”

  “That’s one way to put it.” I sigh hard at the thought of Raven finding out what Levi and I have done—are doing. “But rest assured, I have plenty of room for both of my besties in my life.”

  My phone burps to life, and I roll it over in my hand, only to toss it like a hot potato once I see who it is.

  “Gah! It’s her! I swear she’s got some kind of demonic radar when anyone invokes her unholy name.”

  “You never said her name.”

  “Smartass.” I glance down to see what Raven has to say for herself.

  Aloha! I’m doing the
hula and drinking Mai Tais! How is it going back in HB? Any news on Levi and the girl that’s stalking him?

  “Ha!” I show the message to Lex, and we share a dark laugh. I’ll admit, it’s been pretty fun to keep the Evie ruse going with Raven. “Say cheese!” I snap a quick picture of Lex who gifts me the finger. I carefully crop that little lovely detail out and shoot it to bestie number one.

  With his BAE now! Isn’t she lovely? Have fun hitting the beach! Tonight’s the big TSP reboot.

  She texts right back. Wow! Cannot wait to meet her! You don’t know how bad I feel that I’m missing out. I can’t wait to see everyone again. Especially YOU!

  A forlorn smile comes as I read her words. I really do miss having Raven around. Even if we do text daily, it’s just not the same as a good old-fashioned hug-fest.

  Don’t wait too long before your next visit. We might just have a little surprise cooking up for you!

  I show it to Lex before I hit Send. “Too much foreshadowing?”

  “Nope. You’ll still knife her where it counts.”

  As much as I’d like to roll my eyes at that one, I know she’s right. I hit Send anyway.

  Raven texts back. I might just have a little surprise brewing for you, too!

  “See that?” Lex flicks her finger at the screen. “Turnabout is fair play. She might just be ready to knife your heart out, too. Now what could possibly be brewing for you in her cauldron?”

  “I have no clue.” I’m stumped just thinking about it. “Ooh, I know! A new pair of kicks. Raven is the one who gifted me my first pair of Louboutins.”

  “They’re your only pair of Louboutins.”

  “You have to think positive, Lex. I can see it doesn’t come naturally.” I give her knee a quick tap. “It’s time for the truth, girl. What are you going to say to Ax the ex tonight when you see him?”

  Her face goes white as she stares out in a daze in the distance at Jepson. “I’m not going to say a word. I’ve spent the last few years freezing him out. I don’t see why the big thaw should happen just because I’m in the same air space.”

  “Attagirl,” I tease. “I’d hate for you to lose your ice princess persona.”

  She lifts a brow, amused by the fact. “Has he called me that?”

  “Nope. In fact, he’s as tight-lipped as you are.”

  Her eyes narrow in on the city with a vengeance as if she were readying to pounce. “Is that so?” She huffs a dull laugh, and something tells me that little nugget I just shared won’t bode well for Axel.

  “But trust me, I can tell he’s desperately still interested. He wants you. Face it, the power of the vajayjay is strong with you.”

  “There are a lot of things I’d like to lord over him. My girl parts aren’t one of them.” She snarls before biting down on her lip as if maybe her girl parts are the very thing she’d like to lord over him.

  “So, no hope of a reconciliation, huh? I’ll admit, I’m more than a bit bummed. I was sort of hoping you and Ax could get back together and the four of us could go on all these fun double dates. And vacations! Oh, the vacations we could have gone on. And you know that the two of us would have sniffed out all the best food.”

  She sniffs the air as if to spite me. “Let’s get back. I’ve got a shower to take myself.”

  We start back down the trail, her swatting at the air and me drinking down the sunshine.

  “So, what are you going to wear tonight?” I ask, looking for a clue as to how hard she’s going to stick it to poor Axel. Lex is impeccably dressed twenty-four seven. Even now as I’m sweating it out in cutoffs and a tank top, she’s decked out from head to toe in all of Lululemon’s best offerings. “I bet you’re going to slay this. Let me guess—spiked heels and a low-cut top?”

  Her lips twitch with the hint of a wicked smile. “There will be spikes involved. You got that half-right.”

  Something tells me Alexa Ximena Maxfield is ready to drive an entire spike strip into the giant X that sits over Axel Collin’s heart.

  The Sloppy Pelican gleams under the faux starry spray of a thousand twinkle lights I had Levi install throughout the open beamed woodwork that spans the ceiling.

  He wraps an arm around me and gives a little jostle. “Well done, Peaches. I think it’s just what we needed to kick it up to the next level.”

  “You’re already there, Boobear.” I give him a little wink as I come in for a kiss.

  Brody leans in. “Don’t forget the fact I’ve booked three bands for the night. The votes are getting tight.”

  “About that.” I wrinkle my nose. “I know I’m backtracking, but I think maybe we should just open up The Sloppy Pelican to all bands. That way you get fresh entertainment on the regular? Plus, it gives the local bands the break they might need.”

  Levi gives my ribs a quick tweak. “I think it’s genius.”

  Axel walks in, and all the skirts at the bar quiet to a hush. He’s donned his black suit, gold tie, and has his hair slicked back. He’s putting on quite the panty-melting show, and judging by the slack-jawed expression of the girls lined up ready and willing to gift him their undergarments, it’s working.

  “Wow,” I muse as he heads for our circle. “You headed to prom later?”

  Brody and Levi share a quick laugh at their buddy’s expense.

  “Only if your dance card is open, baby.” Ax gives a little wink my way.

  “If your dance moves are as smooth as that look you’ve got going on, I just might be free for a number or two.” I give Levi’s ribs a hard pinch, but he’s not laughing. “I’m teasing.” I bat my lashes up at his baby blues. “My dance card is full each and every night with this guy right here.” I steal a delicious kiss before giving a quick little bite. “A preview of things to come.” I lick my lips, and Levi does that sexy as all heck waggle of the brows. This boy has me going all the time. It’s a wonder we show up for work at all.

  “Hey”—he winces—“I forgot to tell you my mom called. She said the family wanted to come out and support me tonight.”

  “The family?” My stomach bottoms out for a moment. I was hoping to keep The Sloppy Pelican a drama-free zone this evening—but mostly the drama I was concerned with was between Lex and Axel. “Let’s see. Raven’s whooping it up at a luau with a bunch of beefy fire dancers, so that leaves Chip and Meredith.” It’s funny how even saying his soon-to-be ex’s name makes me naturally grimace.

  He gives the slightest hint of a nod. “I couldn’t say no.” He shakes his head over at Brody and Axel.

  Brody gives him a mock sock over the arm. “You okay, man?”

  “Yeah. Chip and I are communicating. Meredith and I—well, the court approved our divorce.” He grins down at me. “I should get my papers in the mail any day now.”

  “Yay!” I’m testing out the nonexistent springs on my Louboutins as I bounce up and down. “That means I’ll no longer be fornicating with a married man.” I glare over at the peanut gallery. “Don’t judge.”

  Both Brody and Axel raise their hands in surrender.

  “All right.” Levi walks me backward. “It’s five minutes ’til show time. I’ve had the kitchen make everything we’ve got. We really need to wow her.”

  “Wowing Lex? I’m pretty sure that never happens. I say, if she gets even mildly close to happy, we’ll be sitting pretty.”

  Axel huffs, “So, you do know her.”

  I hold my breath, unsure of what to say. Axel and Lex are both great people—complex people, but pretty great nevertheless.

  “Okay, so I know her,” I finally fess up. “What’s the deal with you two, anyway? Why aren’t you together? What did you do?” No sooner do I snap that last question out in an accusatory fashion than the ice queen herself struts through the door—only she’s a lot less ice and a lot more…porcupine?

  “Oh, wow.” Brody groans at the sight of her, and I can feel Axel stiffening at the sight. I bet a part of him wants to get real stiff.

  And what a sight she is. Lex is s
porting a black leather jacket completely covered with miniature silver spikes. Her hair is vamped out, long and dangerously bloodcurdling red as it springs down her back in full bodied waves. It’s practically an entity in and of itself, and I’m half-tempted to offer it a seat of its own. To complete the look, she’s donned a black leather skirt that’s so short it’s almost an idea than an actual accouterment, sky-high heels, a leather choker with a ring of spikes that are each at least an inch long, and she’s swabbed on her vampiest dark red lipstick to finish off the biker-straight-out-of-hell look.

  “No hugs for you!” I tease as I lead her to her seat, and she doesn’t even flinch a smile.

  Levi thought we should have her near the bar, which is about as close as you can get to the kitchen, and it’s only now I see the grave error we’ve made. Each and every barfly has paused his or her good time to ogle the queen of mean in our midst. And since Lex here hates people, I’d say all that ogling doesn’t bode well for us.

  “Would you look at that outfit?” Levi whispers.

  “How about I do, but you don’t?” I give him a playful swat over the arm. I’d introduce Lex, but she’s stoic as a statue. She’s all business tonight, and I can tell she’s extra careful not to make eye contact with the good-looking man in the zoot suit. God, she’s so zombie-like I’m afraid she’s going to crack. “Um, Axel?” I swear on everything that is holy she just straightened as if I zapped her. “Why don’t you help Brody bring out the first round of dishes for our guest?” I wait until they’re out of sight before leaning toward my favorite queen of terror. “You look fab, girl. Trust me, death glam becomes you.”

  “You think?” She picks up the knife and blows a kiss into her reflection. “Because I happen to think so, too.”

  “That’s my girl.” I glance over to the kitchen, and thankfully Axel is still out of sight. “Are you okay?”

  She gives a nervous glance around. Her eyes are outlined perfectly with the blackest pigment on the planet. Her contours are well-defined, and her face gives off that dewy glow without crossing into alien territory. As always, her face is impeccable.