Her Daughter's Dream

  His eyes flickered, and then he smiled, looking relieved. “I’ve been picking up Tom Barrett, too. But she and Tom decided to ride the bus together instead. It takes longer to get home.”

  She blinked, not sure what he meant. “Are you saying they like each other?”

  “Yeah. Is that so surprising? Tom’s a great guy.”

  “I know he is, but Kim is Pastor Daniel’s daughter, and Tom is barely a Christian.”

  “The three of us have been doing a Bible study every lunch hour. Tom is talking to Pastor Daniel about getting baptized.”

  A Bible study every lunch hour? Was that why Jason had been leaving the table? Maybe his departure had nothing to do with her.

  The warning bell rang. Jason took her books. “I’ll walk you to class.”

  Bemused, she fell into step beside him. “You don’t know where I’m going.”

  “You’re going to algebra, which is just down the hall from my trigonometry class.” He saw her to the door. “Do you want to go have a Coke after school?”

  “Yes.”

  His eyes warmed. “Wait for me after class. We’ll get your stuff and go.” He headed back in the other direction.

  Dawn couldn’t wait for class to end. Every minute felt like torture. When the bell finally rang, she slapped her book closed, gathered her things, and headed for the door. A few minutes later, she spotted Jason weaving his way through the throng of students. When he smiled at her, Dawn went hot all over.

  “How was algebra?”

  “Agony.”

  On the way to student parking, Dawn spotted Kim and Tom walking hand in hand. “How did I miss that?”

  Jason laughed as he opened the car door for Dawn. “I guess you had other things on your mind.”

  Jason. That’s what she had on her mind. Every day, all day, and nighttime, too. She slid into the white Honda, admiring the pristine, beige interior. Jason tossed his backpack into the trunk and slid into the driver’s seat. She smiled. “It’s so neat and clean.”

  “I bought it from a lady in the trailer park. She’s in her eighties and can’t drive anymore.” He started the engine. “She only put seven thousand miles on it and had records on oil changes and services.” He put his arm on the seat behind her, backed out of the parking space, and pulled into line behind others waiting to exit the cyclone-fenced lot. “My mother is less than happy about it.”

  “Why?”

  “I dipped into my college savings.” He pulled out onto Prince Street. “She was pretty ticked off. But I’m still working five to nine as a bagger five days a week. It’s good pay.”

  “What about a Doyle Scholarship and Santa Rosa Junior College? That would give you two extra years to save.” She didn’t want to think about him leaving the area in less than a year.

  “My mother has her heart set on me going to the University of California.”

  “Which UC campus? Berkeley? Davis?” Both were close enough that Jason could come home on weekends.

  “Berkeley. The hotbed of radicals.” He pulled into McDonald’s and asked if she wanted something to eat. She was hungry, but said no. She didn’t want him spending what little money he had buying her junk food. He bought two sodas and a large order of French fries.

  Jason drove to Memorial Beach. They walked across the grass and sat on the beach above the Russian River. He insisted she share the fries. They talked about their classes and teachers’ expectations. He asked about her summer, and she talked about Oma.

  “You’re blessed.” He looked at the river, expression wistful. “I’ve never met my grandparents.”

  “Do they live far away?”

  He wadded up his empty bag and pitched it into a garbage can. “San Diego.” He rested his forearms on his raised knees. “They don’t speak to my mother.”

  “Why not?”

  Jason turned his head and looked at her solemnly. “She had me.” When her mouth fell open in surprise, he stood abruptly and walked down to the water’s edge. Dawn got up, dusted off her jeans, and followed him. Jason shoved his hands in his pockets. “I thought you ought to know.”

  Dawn moved closer, her hand brushing his arm. “My mother came home from Haight-Ashbury and found out a month later she’d brought an unexpected package with her. Arundel is Mom’s maiden name.”

  Jason stared at her. “I wouldn’t have guessed.”

  “It’s not something to advertise, is it? Have you met your father?”

  “Once, when I was five or six. We ran into him at a park. He kept staring at me, and I asked why. Mom told me he was my father. I ran over to him and asked. His friends laughed.” He gave a bleak laugh. “He told me to get lost. We moved a few weeks later. I haven’t heard of or seen him since.” He tilted his head. “What about you?”

  She shook her head. “I have no idea who my father is.”

  “Have you asked?”

  “Once or twice. My mother won’t tell me anything.”

  “Maybe the memories are too painful.”

  “Or she doesn’t know who he is.”

  He winced. “Ouch.”

  “Well, she was a hippy. Free love and all that. . . .” She lifted her shoulders. She wondered why she was telling Jason. It wasn’t something she’d ever wanted to discuss with anyone.

  Jason turned to her and gripped her arms. “Dawn, I’ve been wanting—” At the sound of a car crossing the bridge, he let go of her and stepped back. Looking grim, he glanced at his watch. “I’d better drive you home. I need to get to work.” They walked slowly up the sandy hill and under the shade of the redwood trees, neither in a hurry to leave.

  “When are you going to do homework, Jason?”

  “Study hall, and I get up early.” He opened the car door for her. When he slid into the driver’s seat again, he turned to her. “I’m not going to have a lot of free time, but what I have I’d like to spend with you. How do you feel about that?” He searched her face.

  Everything bloomed inside her. “I’d like that very much.”

  34

  Jason met Dawn at the bus stop every morning and walked her to her locker and first class. They ate lunch together with other members of the CCC youth group, then met every afternoon, after their last class. Filling their backpacks with textbooks and homework assignments, they’d head for the parking lot and drive to the library. They’d find a small, empty table and sit opposite one another. When she had trouble with math assignments, Jason moved his chair beside hers, leaning close and whispering help. The brush of his shoulder against hers and warmth of his body made her blood race. She savored the exquisite torture of being so close to him. When he looked at her, she studied the gold flecks in his eyes, the black depths of his widening pupils.

  Dawn was disappointed, but not surprised, when Jason said they couldn’t study at the library anymore. “I’m not getting my work done, and I’ve got to keep my grades up.”

  They hung out at school every day, and he called her every night on his work breaks. Sometimes he called when he got home, but his mother never allowed him to talk long. Dawn could hear her. “You need your sleep, Jason.” “You have to get up at four thirty tomorrow morning to finish that report.” “You’ll see her in school. Get off the phone!”

  Sometimes he called her back. “Mom’s asleep. We can talk now.” And they did, for two hours sometimes.

  Pastor Daniel came by. Jason fumed over the telephone. “Mom must have called him. He said rebellion against God leads to a ruined life.”

  “You haven’t rebelled against God.”

  “I told him that, but he’s right, too. I’m not exactly where I was a year ago. I can’t go to youth group because of work, and I’m not reading my Bible every day like I was. I’m not praying like I did either. Other than getting my homework done, all I think about is you.”

  “Maybe we both have a problem.” Dawn rolled over and tucked her arm beneath her pillow. “We’ll bring our Bibles to school and find a nice quiet place where we can be alone and st
udy. Do you think that will help?”

  He gave a hoarse laugh. “When I’m with you, the last thing on my mind is studying.”

  The sound of his voice stroked her senses, and she knew hers did the same to him. Stirring him up stirred her as well. She liked the rush of blood in her veins, the warmth in her belly. “I wish you were here, Jason.”

  “Imagine I am.”

  “Dawn?”

  Dawn jumped a foot off the bed. “Christopher!” She hissed in annoyance. “You scared me!”

  Her little brother stood in the doorway in his pajamas. “I had a bad dream.”

  She wanted to tell him to go back to bed, to leave her alone, but he looked so distressed, she stretched out her arm. “Speaking of dreams, I think my little brother just had a bad one.” She made room for him. “He likes to curl up in bed with me when that happens.” Christopher climbed in and snuggled close.

  “Lucky Christopher.” He wished her a good night and hung up. She tucked the telephone back in its cradle on her bedside table.

  “You love Jason, don’t you?” Christopher pressed tight against her.

  “More than anyone.”

  “More than Granny and Papa? More than Mom and Dad and me?”

  “It’s a different kind of love, Chris. It doesn’t take love away from anyone else.” She pushed down the palm tree of hair tickling her nose and kissed his head. “Now, go to sleep.”

  * * *

  On Thanksgiving Day, Granny and Papa arrived for the annual gathering. Mom and Granny acted like polite strangers. No one mentioned Oma. Before the table had even been set, Granny said she wanted to have the family come out to Jenner by the Sea for Christmas. Mom said she’d think about it. Granny said she had all the rooms ready and decorated. Mom and Mitch could have the downstairs apartment with Christopher in the small sitting room.

  “I’ll put a nice little tree downstairs with ornaments and lights.” Dawn would have the blue bedroom upstairs, of course, just as she always did. Mom kept laying out silverware, not saying anything.

  “Well, Carolyn?”

  “I said I’d think about it.”

  “I know what that means.” Granny stood by the table, fiddling with the silverware Mom had carefully laid out. “Why don’t you ask Dawn what she wants to do?”

  Dawn hated to be pulled into the middle of the argument. When Mom glanced at her, she winced. She didn’t want to tell her grandmother she’d rather stay home. She knew Jason would be working extra hours over Christmas break, but she still wanted to be at home in case he had time to see her.

  “It’s not up to Dawn.” Mom laid out the last set of silverware and left the dining room. Dawn heard her telephone. She’d turned the volume up on the ring so she wouldn’t miss it. Excusing herself quickly, she ran down the hall, swinging her door shut before she grabbed the phone.

  “Hello.”

  “You sound like you’ve been running,” Jason said.

  “It’s crazy around here. Granny and Mom are circling one another with me right in the middle.”

  “We’re going over to the Archers’ for dinner.”

  Uh-oh. “Pastor Daniel probably wants a private talk with you.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  “Because he talked to me last night after the meeting.” Pastor Daniel had done a lot of talking about relationships over the last few youth group meetings. He said if anyone thought they were standing strong, they’d better be careful not to fall. Sometimes he’d look right at her when he talked. Last night, Pastor Daniel called her aside after the kids dispersed. Sharon cast a worried glance and said she’d wait in the car.

  Pastor Daniel got right to the point. “Georgia tells me you and Jason are seeing a lot of each other.”

  Dawn felt her cheeks heating up. She had met Jason’s mother only once. She’d sensed Georgia Steward didn’t like her very much. “We see each other at school. That’s about it.” Pastor Daniel didn’t say anything, but Dawn could tell he was waiting for more of a confession than that. “And we talk on the telephone.” Clearly, he already knew that.

  “My intention wasn’t to upset you, Dawn.”

  “I’m not upset.” What did he want her to say? “We haven’t done anything wrong.”

  “I didn’t say you had. You’re members of our youth group, and I care about you both. I’ll see you next week?”

  She forced a smile. “Sure.” She watched him walk away. His words had seemed bland enough, but she felt a stab of guilt. Hadn’t he read last week that Jesus said thinking about sinning was tantamount to committing the sin? Well, then she sinned all the time! Not a day passed that she didn’t wonder what it would be like to make love with Jason.

  “What’d Pastor Daniel say?”

  “He said he heard we were seeing each other. I got the impression he thinks I’m some kind of Delilah tempting Samson.”

  Jason didn’t laugh. “Mom must have talked to him. She told me the other day she thinks I’m losing my focus.”

  “And that’s my fault?”

  “She didn’t say that. She just reminded me that I have to keep my focus on where I want to be in five years. We’ve had this same conversation a hundred times before you and I started hanging out.”

  She could hear Jason’s mother speaking in the background. “You need to get off the phone, Jason. We have to go. You can talk to her at school. . . .” Yada, yada.

  “I’ve got to go, Dawn. Can I call you tomorrow?”

  “I don’t know.” Her voice choked up. “Can you?” She hung up.

  * * *

  Mom fixed turkey with all the trimmings, but Dawn didn’t feel like eating. As soon as everyone finished, Mom started clearing platters. Mitch, Papa, and Christopher went into the family room to watch football. Granny stayed to help clear the table. “You’ve been quiet all evening.”

  “I just have a lot on my mind.” Dawn stacked Villeroy & Boch dinner dishes and headed for the kitchen. She didn’t feel like talking about Jason or his mother. She wondered if he was having a good time with Kim. His mother probably would have no problem with Jason going out with Pastor Daniel’s daughter. Mom positioned herself at the sink so Granny couldn’t step in and wash anything. The dishwasher door yawned, wide-open, from the wall on the other side.

  Granny asked what she could do to help. Mom suggested she go relax with Papa and Mitch and Christopher; everything would be done in a few minutes.

  “What about the pies? I could cut the pies,” Granny insisted.

  Dawn wanted to scream at both of them. Why couldn’t Mom give in and Granny shut up?

  The doorbell rang. Relieved, Dawn said she’d go, then fled the kitchen.

  “Don’t just open the door,” Granny called after her. “Check the peephole first.”

  Jason stood on the front door stoop. He looked like a GQ model in his navy blue sports jacket and gray slacks. He’d loosened his tie and unbuttoned his shirt collar. Her insides knotted. He was clearly upset. “Jason.” Her voice came out breathy. “I thought you were going to the Archers’.”

  “I did. I left.” He stepped closer. “Dawn, I—”

  “Ask him in.” Mitch spoke from behind her. “Jason.” He extended his hand in welcome. “Come on into the family room. Dawn’s grandparents are visiting.”

  Jason winced. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt your Thanksgiving. I should’ve called first.”

  “I’m glad you came,” Dawn said quickly.

  “We’ve already finished eating or we would’ve invited you to join us.” Mitch put his hand on Jason’s shoulder and half pushed him toward the family room. “Dawn? Are you coming? You can make the introductions.”

  Jason’s arrival distracted Granny from trying to help Mom. Papa shook hands with him. Mitch told Jason to sit and relax. Dawn sat beside him, every nerve stretched tight while Papa asked questions like a police detective. Granny told him to stop interrogating the boy. Mitch seemed to be enjoying the scene. Mom came out of the kitchen and s
at. She listened and watched, but didn’t say anything.

  Dawn gave Mitch a pleading look. How long did they have to sit and make small talk before they could escape and Jason could tell her why he had come?

  Christopher provided the way when he insisted Jason had to see his latest LEGO creation. Thankful, Dawn followed and sat on Christopher’s bed while Jason hunkered down and admired Christopher’s castle and knights. Her little brother chattered on and on about King Arthur and Sir Lancelot, Galahad, Gawain, and Perceval. When Jason glanced at her, Dawn rolled her eyes. “Mom’s reading him a book on the knights of the Round Table.”

  “You want to see it?” Christopher jumped up.

  Jason straightened. “Maybe another time, Chris. I came to talk to your sister.”

  Dawn preceded him down the hall. “We can use the library.” The double pocket doors were open. As Jason moved into the center of the room, she closed them quietly. He stood on the yellow and blue Aubusson rug. He glanced around at the mahogany bookcases with colorful amphoras and expensive American Indian pottery tucked in here and there. When he turned, his expression was pained. “I keep forgetting . . .”

  She came toward him, drinking in the sight of him. He had left the Archers and his mother and driven all the way to Alexander Valley on Thanksgiving to see her. That had to mean something, didn’t it? “Forgetting what?”

  He shook his head. “It shouldn’t matter, but it does.” His gaze swept the room again, pointedly, and she understood.

  “It doesn’t matter.” Dawn stood right in front of him. “I’m sorry I hung up on you.” She lowered her voice. “I was upset.”

  “I know.”

  “Do you want to sit down?”

  “No.” He reached out, his hand sliding down her arm and taking hold of her hand. He toyed with her fingers. When she looked at him, he let go and stepped away. Sitting on the couch, he rested his forearms on his knees.

  Dawn sat beside him. “What happened?” She put her hand on his arm.

  “We weren’t there five minutes before Pastor Daniel invited me into his office. When he closed the door, I knew something was up. He picked up right where Mom left off on our drive over, and I saw red. I asked if Mom had asked him to talk to me. He said she had concerns. He started talking about how he met his wife. I know all that. He didn’t even date until he was a senior in college. He met her in class and didn’t ask her out until he’d asked around about her and knew she loved the Lord as much as he did. They didn’t kiss until they were engaged. I didn’t want to hear the whole story again.” He raked his hands into his hair and held his head. “I lost it.”