Wildest Dreams

  “Well, I’ll believe it when I see it. And I believe I’ll see it within a month.”

  “I think so,” he said, smiling.

  “I wasn’t expecting you today so I made arrangements to have my mother’s nurse babysit the shop for a couple of hours while I keep a doctor’s appointment, but if you think you’re capable and want to stay awhile, maybe I’ll call her and let her have the time for herself. She gets precious little of it.”

  He took on a pained expression. “Your mother’s nurse?”

  “Didn’t I explain? Winnie has ALS. She’s still getting around a little, slowly and very wobbly, but she also uses the wheelchair a lot. She comes across like an indomitable matron, but she’s fragile. We’re all a little surprised she’s doing as well as she is. She’s known about the ALS for a few years.”

  “I’m so sorry to hear this,” he said. “You have a lot on your plate.”

  “Except for the ALS, it’s all by choice. But at least we have this time together now. There was a time not very long ago I didn’t think we’d ever work things out.”

  “Of course I’ll stay,” he said. “You trust me with your shop?”

  “Ronaldo, you grew up in the house you now live in with many of the same neighbors you had growing up. The house you recently sold was yours for several years and you’re well liked. There are no judgments pending, your credit score is lousy but you don’t appear to have much debt. And you haven’t been convicted of any crimes.”

  “There was a speeding ticket a few years ago, but I think he was lying, that cop. I think he had a quota to meet. I never speed. I drive like an old woman.”

  She laughed at him. “Let me call Lin Su,” she said, pulling out her cell. When she was done with that conversation she put her work cell on the counter. “All I need from you is to answer this phone, take orders as best you can or take messages and I’ll return the calls. And if there are any purchases, prices for everything in the cooler should be marked.”

  “What if someone walks in and asks for an arrangement?”

  “That’s pretty rare, but if it does happen, just do your best. Walk-ins usually just place orders to pick up later or buy what’s ready in the cooler. Once in a while one of the guys in the village will ask for a single stem for a wife or girlfriend. I’m sure the prices on a rose or calla lily haven’t changed much since you were operational. Vases and other supplies are on the shelves in the back. Think you can handle that?”

  “With both hands tied behind my back,” he said.

  She looked at her watch. “Troy should be here in ten minutes. Anything else you think I should cover for you?”

  “Yes, one thing. How have you been feeling?”

  “I feel wonderful actually. I get a little heavy by the end of the day, and my ankles have started swelling. Big surprise—I’m on my feet all the time. I’ve started needing help carrying the heavier stuff—the buckets full of water and fresh stems, big displays, that stuff. But I’m almost to the end. I only have seven weeks to go! We all do!”

  “All?” he asked.

  “My two girlfriends—Iris and Peyton—are due about the same time. Just before Christmas.”

  “I hope you’re getting a group discount,” he said.

  “We won’t need it,” she said. “There’s a sizable pool going on in town, proceeds to be split with the winning mother.”

  * * *

  Lin Su got the call from Grace just moments before she was to leave Winnie’s house to walk into town. She immediately texted Blake.

  Are you busy? My afternoon is now free.

  The response was immediate. Come!

  She peeked into the bedroom to find that Winnie was still awake, holding her book in her lap. She tiptoed in quietly. “Grace just called to say I’m not needed at the shop, but if you’re all right, I think I’ll step out for an hour or so.”

  Winnie looked at the time on her cell phone. “I’ll see you in a couple of hours, then. Around three-thirty?”

  “Perfect,” Lin Su said. “I’m not going far. If you’re ready to get up sooner, just call or text.”

  “Mikhail is here, isn’t he? He was planning to be here so you could go to the shop.”

  “In the living room, watching his soaps,” she said. “I’ll tell him he’s in charge for now.”

  “Don’t give him too much authority,” Winnie said. “And don’t hurry back. I like to think of you enjoying the Ironman.”

  “I didn’t say that’s... I don’t think Charlie realizes...”

  “I’m not going to tell your son where you like to spend afternoons, but there are a lot of loose-lipped creatures around this beach.”

  “You’re right,” she said. “I’ll think of something.”

  “It’s probably not as complicated as you think. You are two single adults, after all.”

  She just didn’t want him to think anything special was going on. No, that wasn’t true. She was trying to keep herself from getting carried away.

  She walked next door, tapped lightly and the door swung open. She threw herself into his strong arms and he lifted her clear off the floor. Her arms wrapped around his neck, his arms around her waist. Lips came together like lovers long parted; her clogs fell off her feet. After a moment he released her only enough to push the door closed, then went immediately back to devouring her mouth, holding her tightly, running his big hands up and down her back, over her butt.

  Way to keep it all in perspective, Lin Su, she thought.

  “I needed a little of this,” he said, kissing her again.

  “You have a little of this every day,” she whispered against his mouth. “I was determined not to let this happen.”

  “I can tell you hate it,” he said before covering her mouth again.

  Indeed, every day at naptime, unless impossible because of duties, she was at his house and in his arms. And then in the evening he called her when he could. He liked to wait until Charlie was in bed. But fourteen-year-olds didn’t go to bed early. Sometimes Charlie stayed up later than Lin Su; sometimes they sneakily texted each other instead of talking.

  Blake carried her through his house, navigating with his lips still on hers or on her neck. Then he sat on the couch, holding her on his lap.

  “We have to come out now,” he whispered.

  She made a whining, mewling sound. She dreaded it.

  “Everyone probably knows, anyway. Maybe everyone but Charlie, but if I know Charlie, he’s on to us. He doesn’t miss a thing.”

  She left his lips reluctantly. “And what are we supposed to do? Make an announcement?”

  He laughed at her. “Things haven’t changed that much since high school, Lin Su. I carry your books, walk you to class, we’re seen out together Friday night, someone says, ‘Are you two seeing each other?’ and you say, ‘Yes. We connected somehow and now we’re dating.’”

  “We haven’t had a date yet,” she said.

  “We have to fix that, too. If you want to bring Charlie along, that’s fine. Maybe not every time we go out, but sometimes. I like Charlie.”

  “I don’t know why you think everyone knows,” she said.

  “Well, they’re not stupid. They know we’re not playing chess when you come over here at naptime. And you get pretty rosy,” he added, grinning. “It’s a good thing I’m not trying to get ready for a race...”

  “Why?”

  “I have no schedule! I stay up late hoping to talk to you, get up early. My mind is in a knot thinking about you all the time. Look, I know you’re out of practice, if you ever had any, but what’s happening here is pretty simple. We’re falling in love.”

  “Lust,” she said. “I think it’s just lust.”

  “No,” he said. “It’s lust, too. But I care about you and I think you care about me.
That’s more than lust.” He grinned. “I like the lust, though. It’s very good and one of these days we’re going to...”

  “Ah!” she said sharply, stopping him.

  “Yes, we are,” he said. “Everything is just right. We’re allowed to kiss and hug and go on dates. We’re allowed to fall in love. We can have a physical relationship as long as we both want to.”

  “I don’t want to,” she said.

  He laughed. “I can hardly peel you off me,” he said. “You climb me like a tree and I love it. Take your time, but let’s not pretend you don’t know what’s going on here. And let’s not be deceptive. It just never works.”

  “And then, like high school, do you have what you want and move on to the next cheerleader?”

  His expression grew serious. “Is that what happened?” he asked her.

  She looked away. He gently grabbed her chin and turned her head back to face him. “Lin Su, is that what happened?”

  She shook her head. “Not until I told him I was pregnant,” she whispered. “Please, I don’t want Charlie to know that. I want him to think his father was a good and faithful man.”

  “He was just a boy, I think. And you were just a girl. But we’re not kids. We’re not screwing around in the moment. We both know there’s more at stake. We both know there’s a fourteen-year-old boy involved and we’re not going to risk his feelings. I don’t want Charlie to think he can’t trust us.”

  “Does that mean we don’t make love until we’re serious?” she asked.

  “I am serious. But I think you’re still a little worried about whether you can trust me. I think the only way I’m going to convince you is by showing you, and if it takes a while, I understand. But you don’t have to be afraid I’m fickle.”

  “You left a lot of perfectly great women because you were afraid to get involved,” she reminded him.

  “No, I never got involved with a lot of perfectly great women because I was afraid of commitment. I wasn’t happy with that, either. I wanted a real relationship, Lin Su. I always have, since I was a kid. I think underneath it all a lot of people want that.”

  She had wanted that, she recalled. “I fantasized I would have that with my first love,” she said.

  “Yeah, but you were a kid. You’re not a kid anymore. You grew up. Haven’t your expectations grown up, too?” He gave her a kiss. “I think Friday or Saturday night we try a date. Dinner. We can drive over to Bandon or up to North Bend if you like. Tell Charlie I asked you out on a date, and if you feel like inviting him along, that’s fine with me. If you don’t, that’s fine, too.”

  “He’ll think something is going on with us.”

  “Something is,” he said. “Let’s let it. It feels so good. Don’t be afraid—I won’t hurt you. And I won’t abandon you.”

  “You can’t be sure, Blake. Your feelings could change.”

  “And so could yours,” he said. “But I’m willing to risk it. I think this works, you and me, and I don’t feel like giving it up just because something might go wrong someday. And I don’t think it’s good to be deceptive, to have this secret that we’re seeing each other, that we’re romantic, pretending we’re not.”

  “Aren’t we just being private?” she said, reaching for a way out.

  “We can be private without pretending we’re not involved. Lin Su, you’re sitting on my lap. I just had my tongue down your throat and we were talking about sex. Like it or not, we’re a couple.”

  “Ah, jeez. Can’t you tell I have a lot to get used to? That I’ve never had a man in my life?”

  “Well, now you do.” He pulled her closer. He kissed her again. “I think you’re afraid of not having all the control. You like control.”

  “Survival,” she said.

  “Oh, I know,” he said with a laugh. “That’s something I understand.”

  They spent the next hour making out like teenagers. “I have to get back to Winnie,” she finally said. “I promised her I’d be back at three-thirty.”

  “Think about what we talked about. We don’t have to be embarrassed to say we like each other, okay?”

  “Okay. I’ll practice that.”

  As she walked back to Winnie’s house, she was talking to herself, reminding herself that men and women checked each other out, spent quality time together to see if they were compatible, and people around them knew. Sometimes it was a misstep, and they didn’t end up together, but sometimes that was for the best. Yet sometimes... Yes, we’re dating... Blake is such a lovely man... That didn’t sound too scary.

  She’d begin by practicing on Winnie. She entered the house quietly. Mikhail was asleep on the sofa in front of the TV, arms crossed over his chest. All those nights in the chair in Winnie’s bedroom during the night probably left him tired. She tried not to disturb him as she went to Winnie’s bedroom.

  She gasped.

  Winnie sat on the floor. She looked dazed and her lip was bleeding. She hung on to the leg of her walker with one hand.

  “Winnie!” she said, crouching beside her. “Mikhail!”

  Winnie touched her lip, then her cheek. “Damn,” she said.

  Mikhail was in the doorway in an instant. “What happens here?” he demanded.

  “I guess I fell. It was the damnedest thing—my leg just wasn’t there. I was just getting my walker and one leg...”

  “Mikhail, call Dr. Grant and tell him Winnie took a fall.”

  “Help me stand up, Lin Su,” she demanded.

  “Just wait. Is your leg numb? Tingling?”

  “It wasn’t asleep,” Winnie said. “It just wasn’t there.” She began rubbing her leg through her slacks.

  “I’m going to gently move your leg,” Lin Su said. “I want to look at it, see if you’re injured. Do you feel it now?”

  “Barely.”

  Lin Su slid the pant leg up so she could examine the leg and found the ankle to be slightly swollen.

  “It’s happening,” Winnie said, her voice weak. “I’m losing more function.”

  “Try not to worry. We’re prepared. I think you might have injured your ankle. Let’s see what Dr. Grant says.”

  “He’ll be here in half hour, maybe less,” Mikhail said.

  Lin Su gave Winnie’s cheek a soft stroke. “I won’t leave you again,” she said.

  Winnie laughed. “Are you going to give up your entire life for me? We know this is going to get worse.”

  “I’m going to be here when you need me,” Lin Su said. “I won’t have you falling because I’m not here.”

  “I fell because I thought I could stand, not because you were gone. You could have been right beside me when I went down.” She touched her rapidly swelling lip. “I hit my face on the damn walker. Now I’ll look like the wrath of God!”

  “Mikhail, help me lift Winnie to sit on the bed. Then I’ll get ice for your lip. The swelling won’t last long.”

  * * *

  An hour later Scott Grant was examining his handiwork—Winnie’s ankle was wrapped in an Ace bandage. By this time Troy and Grace were back from their doctor’s appointment and Charlie was home from school. It was a small crowd, gathered around Winnie’s bed.

  “I don’t think we need an X-ray,” Scott said. “It’s not very swollen, there is no pain...”

  “There’s also very little feeling,” Winnie said.

  Scott thumped her calf. “Feel that?”

  “I can feel that but I couldn’t feel my leg and went down without warning,” she said.

  “It’s not numbness, Winnie. It’s muscle failure. You’ve experienced fatigue of muscles in your extremities—clumsiness and sometimes twitching. Now, with some progression, there is muscle failure. Your leg wouldn’t hold you up. Other extremities will follow, hopefully as slowly as your condition has p
rogressed to this stage. You’re no longer weight bearing on this leg. I’m afraid your brief freedom with the walker is over. Now it’s the wheelchair.”

  “But if I work on it! Physical therapy. Maybe I can strengthen it!”

  He took her hand in his. “Winnie, the prognosis is not good. There are still a lot of mysteries about ALS, but there’s one thing we know—it’s not reversible. You can no longer depend on this leg. And soon, I’m afraid, it will be both legs. I think we’re going to have to make a few adjustments.”

  “Like what? What more can we do?”

  “For starters, you need to buy or rent the appropriate bed, one you can move up and down so you can be transferred to the wheelchair without a major accident. Grace wisely adjusted your bathroom—higher toilet, assistance bars, the right kind of chair to use in the walk-in shower...”

  “I’m heading toward the end, then?”

  “Winnie, you’ve experienced very slow progression so far. You’ve been dealing with this for years when many ALS patients have very little time. I’m counting on the progression remaining slow, but at this point all we can do is adjust to the symptoms and hope for the best.”

  “What about my physical therapist?”

  “If it brings you comfort, it can’t hurt anything. But I told you when you hired him—there is no rejuvenation of muscle. You’d get as much comfort from a good masseuse. Maybe more.”

  She lowered the ice from her lip. Her eyes watered slightly. “I was counting on seeing my granddaughter take her first steps.

  “Is that you giving up?” Scott asked. “Your ALS hasn’t followed the average progression so far. There’s absolutely no way to predict it. And there’s no medical evidence to support this but I believe your determination and stubbornness has bought you a good deal of time. It’s either that or just plain luck.”

  “Did too much exertion bring this on?” Grace asked. “Was it the trip to the triathlon?”

  “I’m sure that trip caused more than the usual fatigue, but it had nothing to do with her muscles. I’m afraid that’s out of our hands.”